


Living Among Shadows

by SinisterSound



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Changing beliefs, Crimes, Dark Magic, Dark thoughts and actions, Emotional Abuse, Fighting, Helping to cope and heal, His team is Concerned, Hongjoong is pure, Hongjoong just wants to help Seonghwa, M/M, Morally Questionable Character, Physical attacks, Powers and heroes, Seonghwa is angry, Seonghwa just needs someone to understand, Social injustice and prejudice, Superhero!AU, Teams and family, This is based on a prompt I saw, Villains, backstories, its a whole thing, it’s a whole thing, more tags may be added
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:27:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 140,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21676027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinisterSound/pseuds/SinisterSound
Summary: Hongjoong and Seonghwa made a promise when they were young.“I never want to hurt you again.”Life tore them apart. Years have washed them from each other’s memories, but when Hongjoong looks into hateful eyes, he knows who they belong to.Time had not been kind to Seonghwa.Darkness changes a person when they are denied light for so long.
Relationships: Jung Wooyoung/Kang Yeosang, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 270
Kudos: 2198
Collections: Best Ateez Fics





	1. Shadows Are Not Born From Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> (In my true fashion, I bring you an obnoxiously long first chapter lol)  
> Oh my god I’m so excited!!  
> I’ve been sitting on the plot for this one for a while, so I hope you enjoy it!!!  
> In terms of beginnings, I’m scared it’s a little choppy, but please let me know what you think!!  
> Thank you so much to everyone who has been commenting and kudosing all my fics- And those of you who just pop by to read! You guys seriously are unbelievable!  
> I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it, and I’m hoping to have a smooth update schedule despite an increase in work ㅠㅠ  
> BUT please let me know what you think of it, and I hope you all have an amazing day!  
> -SS

Hongjoong had been a hero for four years now, after the grueling journey of training to master his powers. 

However, nothing in those four years, nor the grueling journey before them, prepared him for fighting off a life-given port-o-potty. 

Pieces of it had melted off where Hongjoong whipped lightning strikes at it- electricity crackling through the air and boiling the cheap plastic- but the thing just wouldn’t  _ die _ . 

He could hear the woman responsible cackling somewhere in the distance where a street lamp was walking around, holding her up like a trophy. 

“There’s not gonna be anything inanimate left in the city at this rate!” Yunho snapped, side stepping a mailbox and slapping his hand against it, sending it floating off into the sky. 

“Can someone please stop her from laughing- it’s grating my fucking ears,” Wooyoung ordered, hitting the ground hard from a different street lamp swinging at him like a bat. 

From the ground, he punched the air- bright green rings of energy bursting from his fist like a cannon shot, and completely disintegrating the metal that warped into nothing but particles. 

“Knock her unconscious!” San turned his back on the door ( a fucking  _ door _ ?) that was chasing him, launching a stream of white flames at the woman across the street. 

The door he had ignored slammed into him, sending him to the ground as the woman simply laughed harder, doubling over as slabs of sidewalk leapt into the air, blocking the flames. 

“Yeosang, what the hell are you doing?” San demanded, blasting the glass door at such a high temperature, it shattered. “Do your job!” He snapped, scrambling to his feet as the shards of glass began to scurry after him, like sand blowing over itself. 

“Waiting for a little help!” Came the annoyed response, Hongjoong jumping back from the port-o-potty to see Yeosang standing at the end of the street- a transparent hemisphere of rippling white shield energy blocking him from bricks that were leaping at the barrier. 

He held his hands out on either side of him, like trying to stop a stampede- little versions of similarly colored shields appearing on the ground in scattered bursts. 

“What the hell is Mingi doing?” Hongjoong snapped. 

“Running around as a fucking chipmunk because a sewer grate spooked him- and now he’s dodging rocks, and can’t focus enough to change!” Yeosang yelled, and Hongjoong noticed the little brown rodent being encased in his shields as it scampered around. “Wooyoung- you wanna do your fucking  _ job _ ?” 

Wooyoung yelped as an electric wire suddenly dropped from the telephone pole, snaking after him. “Hongjoong- take care of it!” He yelled, racing off towards the end of the street with Yeosang. 

Hongjoong rolled his eyes, but caught the wire that slapped at him, wrapping it around his wrist tightly- 

Hongjoong created his own electricity. 

And while he could still control outside electricity, it was something like putting the wrong blood type in a body. 

He could feel that this stuff was wrong, was different, and he didn’t like touching it for longer than necessary. But he still felt the surge of power through his veins as the wire’s sparks surged into him, startling him for a moment, but no sooner than it entered was Hongjoong shooting it right back out. 

Fire burst along the overloaded wire- frying it, and burning the wooden pole as well- 

He distantly saw city lights flicker out in the distance, but that was a problem for later. 

“Mingi, if you don’t turn into something useful, I swear-” Yunho yelled, a brick narrowly missing his temple as he ducked. 

Wooyoung stood outside of Yeosang’s shield, obliterating debris with molten energy balls that simply turned them into something smaller that attacked- little chunk of hail that assaulting Wooyoung like annoying kids throwing rocks. 

From a distance, Yeosang threw a shield around San to stop him from getting brained by a fire hydrant. 

Hongjoong turned, the port-o-potty limping back towards him, a curse leaving him as he readjusted his black leather mask over his nose. 

“Where the fuck is-” 

A manhole cover shattered through the window of a nearby shop, Jongho jumping out after it, picking it up with his hands and tearing it in half in annoyance. He threw the pieces to the ground so hard, they embedded in the sidewalk, unable to move. 

“Enough of this,” he muttered, not even feeling the bits of brick and sidewalk that assaulted him as he approached the little shields Yeosang had been protecting Mingi with. 

With a deftness Hongjoong didn’t usually attribute to Jongho, he snatched at the ground, and even from such a distance, Hongjoong could make out the panicked looking chipmunk in his fist that began squeaking furiously. 

“Distract her,” Jongho ordered sharply, drawing his hand back. 

The chipmunk gave a valiant squeak of protest before Jongho launched Mingi through the air. Hongjoong idly zapped the port-o-potty, but his eyes followed the chipmunk through the air. 

The cackling woman didn’t even notice the flying rodent until it hit her face, Mingi immediately clawing himself up her temple and into her hair. 

Her laughter very quickly turned to shrieks- her hands scrambling in her hair for the rodent wreaking havoc. 

The port-o-potty suddenly fell, collapsing into a broken mush of melted, charred plastic. 

The rain of debris fell to the ground, and the fire hydrant chasing San fell still as her concentration broke. 

“Yeosang,” Hongjoong called calmly, shaking out his wrist that tingled with leftover sparks. 

The other dropped the shield around himself, throwing a hand out, and they all watched a little disc of white energy fly through the air as the screaming woman finally lost her balance atop the street lamp. 

She tumbled with another shriek, still clawing at her hair wildly as her feet slipped. 

She only fell for a moment before the disc of energy hit her, expanding into sphere around her as she hit the ground hard, but protected. 

She continued to shriek, even as Yeosang opened a small hole- the chipmunk squeaking indignantly as it exited quickly, leaving her alone. 

The woman stood, tiny scratches covering her face and her hair an absolutely mess- her shoulders heaving with how she breathed through her rage. 

“You think you’ve won?” she hissed, eyes beginning to glow. “ _ Rise, Minions of- _ ”

A small shield appeared over her mouth, the glow in her irses fading as there was a muffled cry, her hands leaping to her mouth and trying to pull the thing off. 

Her screams of rage were ignored as Hongjoong blew out a breath. “San, call Eden to send in the transport.” 

“Already done,” he assured him, his leather coat slightly singed from his own abilities. He tugged his mask up higher, ruffling his ashy hair. “They’ll be here in a minute.” 

“Do not fucking throw me again,” Mingi muttered darkly, straightening his long coat. 

Jongho shrugged, unbothered. “Don’t be useless next time.” 

“You spent half the fight throwing around a single manhole cover!” Ming reminded him, annoyed and dusting off his dark pants. 

“And you were a chipmunk,” Wooyoung sighed, rubbing his face. “You were both useless.” 

“No one was useless,” Hongjoong said sternly. Even without being able to see the others’ mouths, he knew Wooyoung was sticking his tongue out. “It was a bit disorganized, but it all worked out.” 

“Ow,” Yeosang deadpanned, arms still suspended in front of him, expression unamused as the woman beat against the shield, her mouth still covered. “No, really, you’re doing such a job of hurting me. Keep doing it- I’m sure I’ll give out.” 

Her glare was murderous, and Yeosang simply gazed at her impassively. “Unless transport is getting here in the next minute, I need hands,” he reported to them flatly. 

Wooyoung rolled his eyes, but stepped up, placing his hands beneath Yeosang’s extended elbows, supporting his tired arms. 

“The fight barely lasted an hour- you’re already tired?” San posed, dusting bits of rubble from his leather coat. 

“He’s still not over yesterday,” Wooyoung said, in place of Yeosang who continued to glare at the screaming woman. “He basically had them up the whole time. We were out there for- what- six hours?” 

Yeosang rolled his stiff shoulders, and Hongjoong knew he’d probably need to visit Medical for an ice pack or something. 

Hongjoong gazed around, and figured that they… had at least managed to keep damages to one area (minus the power outage he seemed to have caused down the street). The sidewalk was torn up, the lamps were all fucked up, the windows were mostly all broken- 

But no casualties, no Normals injured, and nothing done to his team aside from some grumpy attitudes from the early hour. 

Overall, a success. 

There was the distant wail of sirens, and all of them straightened as the black transport van appeared, racing down the streets like a fire engine after a burning building. It slammed to a stop just before them, a man jumping out from the back of the van. 

“Alright, kids, let’s step back- I’ve got a job to do.” 

Hongjoong (and the rest of them) bit back a groan. 

He fucking hated when Grey (or whatever his real name was) was on duty. 

Bad enough the public saw them as nothing but kids- Grey loved to walk into the nice, safe clean up scene and act as if they were only in his way. 

He stepped up to the sphere, leveling the woman with a disapproving frown. “Now, see what happens when you pick the wrong side, sweetheart?” he asked politely, as if scolding a child (despite looking like he was only a few years older than her). “Are you regretting your life choices, yet? I guess this is a little bit of a bigger deal than dropping out of medical school, huh?” 

She slammed into the sphere, clawing at it fiercely, still screaming- 

He stepped back, turning to Yeosang with an expectant cocked eyebrow. “Well, kid? You gonna let her go so I can do my job?” 

Yeosang simply stared at him, and Hongjoong felt his lips twitch, hidden behind his mask. 

Grey lifted the eyebrow higher. “You turn deaf, kid? You’re gonna do this every time?” he challenged, mocking parental voice turning annoyed. 

Yeosang stared. 

“Kid, I swear to God- let the bitch out of there so I can-” 

“Are you our leader?” Yeosang asked quietly, voice flat as he tilted his head. “I don’t answer to you.” 

Grey’s face darkened. “You’re really going to play this game every-” 

Yeosang looked away from him, eyes sliding back to stare at Hongjoong questioningly. Grey whipped around, glaring at Hongjoong- silently threatening him to control his team. 

Hongjoong bit back the better part of his smile. “Yeosang, let her go,” he requested politely. 

Yeosang merely nodded, as if he was all too happy to. Grey growled in annoyance as Yeosang dropped his arms. 

The sphere fell away, but the disc over her mouth remained as she fell forward, the walls suddenly gone- 

Grey caught her by the wrist, squeezing. 

Hongjoong had gotten used to seeing the people seize under his touch- going as stiff as a board and then collapsing, unconscious. 

Transport were always individuals with muting powers- be it the ability to turn off powers, or (like Grey) the ability to force people unconscious. 

He caught her, swinging her over his shoulder just a little too roughly. 

“Careful,” San warned, eyes narrowing. 

Grey chuckled as he strode back towards the truck. “You kids really want to get mad at me for handling a villain a little roughly?”

“Their treatment isn’t your call,” Jongho said darkly, fists formed at his side. “Your job is only to take them to the holding facility-” 

“I don’t need you to explain my job to me, kid,” he said sternly, tossing her into the back of the truck with another loud noise that made them all glare. 

He grabbed some tape from the toolbox back there, slapping his own shield over her mouth and handcuffing her. “Well, I’ll see you kids later, unfortunately,” He sighed, slamming one of the doors closed. “Try not to be too much a hooligan before then, okay?” 

He smiled at them, something so utterly irritated in it that Hongjoong didn’t bother trying to hide his glare. 

(If Grey happened to get a rather nasty static electric shock when he touched the van next, well, that was probably just the dry weather they’d been having.) 

“I fucking hate that dick,” Mingi muttered, shaking out his head like a dog shaking off unwanted water. 

“I hope he chokes,” Wooyoung said bitterly. 

“We all do,” Hongjoong assured them, trying to move on before things escalated. “I’ll bring it up with Eden again-” 

“Eden can’t do shit about him,” Yunho reminded them needlessly. “He’s not in charge of who works here- he just assigns us what the higher ups tell him to.” 

“He can reprimand Grey,” Hongjoong assured them firmly. “And it just means that when Grey does get in danger of being fired, he’ll have a whole list of things ready.” 

“Incoming,” Mingi said, head tilting to the side, listening. 

“About time,” Yeosang said quietly, rubbing at his shoulders that always ached after he held them up for too long. Wooyoung placed a hand on his other one, squeezing and massaging it gently as they walked away. 

Barely a minute had passed before the sound of a chopper grew louder. They all gathered in the middle of the street (Hongjoong beginning to feel how little sleep he got last night), and when the chopper appeared overhead, no ladder dropped down for them. 

Yunho simply tapped them all lightly on the shoulder, and Hongjoong felt the familiar “dropping on a rollercoaster” sensation in his stomach as his feet left the ground. 

(The first time they had tried this, Yunho’s gravity manipulation had sent half of them the correct distance up, but the other half had begun floating away. Yunho had chased them all down, but several of them hadn’t spoken to him for a few days. He had it under control now, though.) 

They rose up like helium balloons, and just as they began to reach the helicopter, Hongjoong felt a sinking sensation in his gut as he stepped in- his gravity returned to normal by the time his other foot hit. 

He collapsed into the first seat he saw, leaning his head back as the other were also lifted to the chopper. Eight boys grabbed onto their safety handles, and the chopper began its flight back to the base. 

Hongjoong knew he couldn’t fall asleep- he still needed to talk to Eden and give the mission report- but that didn’t stop him from closing his eyes against the slight nausea in his veins. 

“Wooyoung, I’m stealing your good body wash.”

“Why?” he complained before Hongjoong had even finished, glaring at him. “You always want to steal it- buy your own!”

“ _ Because  _ you made me grab that wire, and now I feel all gross and out of balance,” Hongjoong retorted without opening his eyes. “I feel dirty.” 

“Well, sorry your chakras got fucked up or whatev-  _ Ow _ !” 

“The weather’s been really dry,” Hongjoong said flatly. “I’m still using your body wash.” 

“Asshole.” 

The ride back was silent, save for the quiet conversation that they held about what they planned to do once they got back. Hongjoong rested his eyes for as long as he could, but all too quickly he felt the helicopter begin to descend on the base. 

He got out with the others, groaning after spending so long resting and getting comfortable. He hopped down, straightening his jacket and adjusting his mask. 

“Hongjoong- you want to meet in the cafeteria after you talk to Eden?” San offered.

“I’m going to sleep after I finish,” Hongjoong informed them firmly. “And I’m going to stay there until tomorrow morning.” 

“Boring,” Yunho said, bumping his shoulder into Hongjoong’s. 

They entered the base, everyone pulling their masks down in sync and breathing out in relief. 

These outfits were good in terms of protection from basic attacks, and hiding their identities- but they were hell to breathe in. 

The large metal facility they walked through was bustling with life, as it always was. Their team split off in groups- a few of them leaving towards the cafeteria, a few heading to their rooms, and Jongho heading alone to the rec room. 

Hongjoong walked on his own to Eden’s office- bottom floor, third door, knock twice. 

Hongjoong had only gotten through one knock before there was the quiet call to enter. He sighed quietly, pushing the door open, and as he entered, he found Eden already watching the door. 

“I know I ask this every time,” Hongjoong said, closing the door behind him. “But why do you bother having people knock if you already know they’re here?” 

Eden smiled quietly, lips quirking up as he pressed a button on his computer, booting it up. “Now, how would I keep respect around here if I didn’t have an air of mystery?” 

Beside Eden’s desk was one of those couches you might see in a psychiatrist's office- a red leather finish, worn by use. Hongjoong walked straight to it, sitting down heavily. Eden didn’t glance at him as he opened up a program on his desktop. 

“Someone hasn’t been sleeping,” Eden noted curiously, typing quickly. 

Hongjoong hummed, laying down on the couch, his head resting on the armrest. “Training. Reports. Homework,” he listed, settling in. 

Eden hummed. “Well, let’s hope it didn’t affect anyone’s performance,” he said lightly, swiveling his chair to Hongjoong and sliding over until he sat near Hongjoong’s head. 

Hongjoong had almost had a panic attack the first time they had done this, but now the process was almost calming with its familiarity. He closed his eyes without Eden needing to tell him, and relaxed into the couch beneath him, letting it take the weight off his muscles. 

“Relaxed?” Eden asked, fingertips brushing Hongjoong forehead. 

He nodded slowly, already feeling a bit tired. 

“Let’s begin,” he said calmly, finally touching the center of Hongjoong’s forehead. 

The blackness that Hongjoong saw behind his eyelids suddenly exploded into white, and suddenly he was standing in his room, listening to the call over the speakers- “Team ATZ, please report. Team ATZ- report.” 

At least Hongjoong got to rest a bit as the ensuing fight played back in his mind, Eden observing it all like a TV show being played. 

The port-o-potty was no more dignifying the second time around. 

~~~~~~~~

One would think that being charged with protecting people from nefarious individuals would warrant a free pass on homework. 

And yet, here Hongjoong was, sitting in the cafeteria- ignoring his food in front of him- as he tried to figure out how the fuck the answer was supposed to be 34 when he got .296. 

Someone dropped into the seat across the table, making his pencil scratch across the paper, but Hongjoong paid him no mind. 

“I’m stealing your apple slices,” San said without preamble, snagging Hongjoong’s untouched food. 

“I’m going to throw this workbook,” the other sighed, dropping his pencil and rubbing at his eyes. “The fucking exam is tomorrow, and I don’t even know what the hell I’m gonna do- I can’t figure this shit out!” 

San munched on apple slices as he flipped Hongjoong’s notebook around, chewing thoughtfully as he scanned the messy numbers scrawled across the page. “Well, first of all,” he said, swallowing. “Fifteen divided by two is not five.” 

Hongjoong shot up, snatching the notebook back and staring at his work. He threw it down, banging his head against the table. “I want to die.” 

“Well, don’t die just yet- we need you in dodgeball.” 

Hongjoong tilted his head, staring up at San. “Is that why you came?” San nodded, popping the last apple slice in his mouth. Hongjoong stared at his miserable homework in silence. He lifted curious eyes to San. “Powers allowed?” 

San grinned. “Lee’s off duty today, so yeah.” 

Fuck homework- Hongjoong was taking a break. He slapped his notebook closed. “Fine, but I can only stay for a couple hours- I can’t fail this test.” 

“What are they gonna do if you do?” San asked as Hongjoong gathered his things. “Kick you out?” 

Hongjoong snorted as they walked towards the rec hall. 

The people here… weren’t exactly being  _ forced  _ to be here. But it was a “highly recommended program for the superhumanly gifted, to ensure their safety and the safety of those around them.” You didn’t go to jail if you didn’t enroll, but… 

Well, no one learns how to control their powers overnight. And even the most desperate of parents eventually give out under the stress of their child’s abilities that couldn’t be harnessed without the proper tools. 

Hongjoong knew that Wooyoung’s parents had been the most hesitant to let go, out of all of them. But there was only so much you could teach in your backyard when your child was making desks and walls explode in school, melting playground equipment and setting fires in the grass. 

Eventually, the school said don’t come back after a narrow miss with another student, and Wooyoung’s desperate mother had finally released her baby into the system. 

None of them could really understand their abilities without outside aid. And Normals just didn’t have that ability to help. They couldn’t understand the feeling of a power swelling in your stomach, making you feel like you were going to be sick. 

They didn’t understand the toll it took on someone when they struggled to keep a power greater than themselves locked up, struggling until their will failed and everything came bursting out like a broken dam. 

That’s how people got hurt. That’s how people were forced into the system. 

Wooyoung had never accidentally hurt anyone, thank God. (They likely wouldn’t have survived.) He had come of his parents’ will. 

Hongjoong, on the other hand, had been ten when he accidentally discharged a bolt of lightning into his friend when they jumped out to scare him. The boy survived, but the sight of the teacher frantically giving CPR while the boy’s clothing smouldered, his skin scarred and burned- 

By that afternoon, Hongjoong was being escorted into the base, his mother kissing him goodbye and promising to visit as often as they could. 

Technically, after you passed all your control training, you were free to go out into society on probation and surveillance to ensure you didn’t go off the deep end. 

However, they still faced the same problem they had faced during their youths: they were still Different. 

Maybe you could get away with hiding your powers, now that you had been trained. But eventually, people always found out. And you were Different. 

They were Normal. 

But not everyone had invisible powers. Sometimes, when Mingi turned back, he kept an ear or a tail for a while until it went away. It would be hard to hide something like that. 

And Hongjoong would certainly draw questions with the violent, stark scars that raked down his arms in the shape of lightning in the sky- painless, but a very visible reminder of the consequences of the first uses of his powers. 

So, really, the system was the best place for them. It wasn’t that bad- their parents visited every month (if they remembered), and they made friends with the other teams, and their own team sort of replaced the family they missed. 

And they had dodgeball. 

The others were already occupying a rec room- a basketball court without the hoops set up, a dark red line down the center, and the others already divided- Yeosang, Wooyoung, Jongho on one side- and Mingi and Yunho on the other. 

“Who gets the extra player?” Hongjoong asked as San stood with Mingi. 

“They have Yeosang, so you get over here,” Yunho said firmly, ignoring the other teams grumbling. 

The balls were all laid out in the middle of the court, along the line- all of them made of various materials from regular rubber to pure steel. 

Yeosang held a whistle around his neck (being the only person you could trust to make a fair call, even being on a team). Once everyone had backed away to different walls, they waited for his signal. 

Yeosang brought the whistle to his lips as they all tensed, Hongjoong grinned as Wooyoung made a “You’re going down” gesture. 

The whistle shrieked, and everyone surged forward. 

Learning how to use their powers effectively without killing a teammate was one of their first lessons they had been taught. 

Jongho didn’t even bother picking up a ball- simply kicking a steel ball across the court, right at San was still running. The other fell back- knees hitting the ground as he bent back, letting it fly over his head and crash into the wall (which didn’t break, designed for such rough treatment). 

San didn’t even stop as he got to his feet, placing his hand against a thick wooden ball and discharging a blast of flames that sent it flying as it burned. 

Yeosang was the only one who hadn’t moved, standing in the back of the court and simply throwing a shield in front of Wooyoung and stopping the flaming ball in its tracks. He flicked a hand, and another disc appeared in front of him, stopping the regular ball Mingi had thrown. 

“Can we implement the rule that makes Yeosang actually move?” Yunho asked, picking up a ball made of rubber, but when it hit Yeosang’s shield, it made a sound as if it had been made of dense metal thanks to his powers. 

“You didn’t say it before we started,” Wooyoung said, pitching a ball covered in green energy. Hongjoong barely had time to see the projectile rocketing towards him fast enough to break bones before he threw a hand out- lightning halting the ball and making it fall into his hands. 

A donkey suddenly kicked its hind legs, sending a ball shooting dangerously past Jongho’s head- 

The youngest’s hand shot out, catching it without a thought and sending it flying back at its sender. There was a panicked braying before the ball connected with Mingi’s stomach, sending him flying into a wall and forcing him to change back. 

He lay there for a moment, winded. 

Dodgeball would leave you smarting and bruised, but they were skilled enough to make sure no one died. 

“Mingi’s out,” Yeosang called calmly, throwing up another shield to block himself. 

“Stop it with the shields!” San yelled in annoyance, throwing a fireball at Yeosang, who just blocked it. 

“The only permanent rule we established was that I couldn’t block myself completely, and I could only use one shield at a time,” he said calmly. “Should have thought of that before the game started.” 

“You’re a dick!” 

Yeosang smiled quietly. “I’d be watching your own dick.” 

San frowned, but was too occupied with questioning Yeosang’s sanity to see Wooyoung launch a rubber ball right at him. 

The fire wielder was curled around his stomach on the ground, cursing Wooyoung violently (who was practically on the ground laughing). Yeosang simply smiled wider. “San’s out.” 

“ _ Asshole _ .” 

Yunho and Hongjoong both threw their balls at Yeosang while he was distracted calling the score. 

Hongjoong grinned, knowing Yeosang wouldn’t be able to block both without breaking a rule- 

A blast of green energy shot Hongjoong’s ball, turning it into a pile of goo on the floor as Yeosang blocked Yunho’s. 

“Breakage!” Yunho yelled at Wooyoung, outraged as Jongho pegged him with a regular ball in the hip, sending him to the ground. 

Yeosang grinned, even as Wooyoung stuck his tongue out at Yunho. “He’s right, though, Wooyoung. You destroyed the ball completely. You’re out.” 

Wooyoung face dropped. “ _ You traitor- _ ” 

“ _ Team ATZ, please report. Team ATZ- emergency dispatch in Hangar 3. I repeat-”  _

Hongjoong straightened at the message coming over the loudspeaker. “Up, guys,” he ordered, as they all dropped the balls. 

“Emergency dispatch?” Yunho repeated, eyes widening a bit. 

“Let’s go,” Hongjoong ordered- everyone stumbling to their feet (San still glaring at Wooyoung), and running down the hall together. 

“What do you think happened?” Wooyoung questioned, frowning. “We aren’t a natural disasters team.” 

“It might be someone already causing damage,” Hongjoong said as they all raced around a corner. “Or their abilities might be making it urgent.” 

“We haven’t had one in a while, though,” Jongho noted, something concerned in his voice. 

If they were calling an emergency, there was something serious going on. Something beyond just a rogue person with powers wreaking havoc. 

They reached the hangar where helicopters and jets waited. They saw a facility operator standing by one chopper that was running. “In, boys,” she ordered. “Other teams have already been dispatched to deal with this threat, but in a different area. Use whatever means necessary to restrain the target.” 

Hongjoong nodded sternly, hopping in behind the others as the chopper suddenly took off, the hangar opening into the sky. 

“Get dressed,” Hongjoong ordered. He frowned deeper as the others began pulling on their leather jackets and sliding masks into place. “There was no file, so I suppose we don’t know anything about the person we’re after…” 

“Nothing?” San asked pointedly, pulling his mask up to conceal his face. 

Hongjoong shook his head as he pulled on his own jacket, letting the heavy weight of it settle on his shoulders. “But if we’re going in blind, our number one goal is to keep Normals out of it- Mingi, I want you to immediately start searching the area. We’ll focus on clearing it, if it’s not already.” 

Hongjoong shoved his mask up over his nose. 

It was always unsettling to go into a mission without knowing anything. And it was even more concerning that it was a single person they knew nothing about. Usually, the facility was watching people- even if they couldn’t find much on them, they had  _ something _ . 

“We’ll just have to be ready for anything,” Yunho said seriously, settling back in his seat. 

Hongjoong nodded, feeling his stomach churn a little. He didn’t like not knowing things. He didn’t like failing to give his team the best chance to survive as possible.

“Reaching the drop point,” the pilot said over the speaker. 

They all stood. “Eyes peeled,” Hongjoong ordered. “We don’t know what we’re getting into.” 

Wooyoung saluted sarcastically, even though his expression was as serious as any of them. 

“Drop point,” the pilot said, voice crackling. 

They all let themselves fall from the chopper, Hongjoong’s stomach flipping at the familiar sensation of free fall. He saw Yeosang pass him up, everyone calm and collected as the ground rushed at them. 

There was that drop in the pit of his stomach as all of them suddenly began to slow, Yunho’s eyes cold with concentration as the seven of them landed firmly, but harmlessly on the ground in the middle of the warehouse district. 

“Great, abandoned warehouses,” San muttered, turning in a circle to scan the area. 

Hongjoong hummed. “Mingi, search the area for anyone, and do it fast.” 

Hongjoong only just finished speaking before a hawk was racing off into the sky in a blur. 

The rest of them stood for a moment, the silence of the area creeping up their spines. “You’d think an emergency dispatch would bring us somewhere filled with more… carnage,” Jongho muttered as they began walking down the street. The warehouses were untouched, and nothing but empty crates and shipping containers lined their vision. 

“Lots of places to hide,” Hongjoong said darkly, feeling a spark at his fingers, nervous energy forming in little lightning bolts that fizzled out as soon as they left his skin. 

“Should we split up?” Wooyoung suggested. 

“Not if we don’t know what we’re dealing with,” Hongjoong said sharply. “Just keep an eye out, and be ready.” 

They walked between warehouses- Wooyoung’s hands glowing green, while San’s entire arm flickered in deep red flames that licked at his skin. 

Each of Yeosang’s fingers glowed a gentle white with the discs that rested there, ready to be thrown in aid. 

“Yunho,” Hongjoong said after too long without a single sound being heard. “Go up and see if you see Ming-” 

_ Caw! _

All of them jumped, Hongjoong whipping around and looking up at the hawk shriek- 

Atop one of the warehouses stood a figure dressed startling like them- a black coat that covered to his ankles, a mask pulled over his mouth, but he had the addition of a wide-brimmed hat pulled low over his eyes. 

He saw Mingi diving at the man, shrieking in warning- 

Wooyoung was already launching a boom of green energy, watching it blast through the air it resonated in- 

The figure seemed to melt into darkness, disappearing before the attack could even touch him. 

It dissipated into a ripple of dispersed energy, but Yunho was already soaring into the air to check with Mingi, Yeosang tensing with a disc sitting in his palm prepared to throw. 

“He’s gone!” Yunho called, eyes scanning the area. “I don’t-” 

“ _ Gah _ !” 

Hongjoong whipped around at San’s sudden cry, only seeing the other jerk forward, slamming into the ground with a black mass the size of a fist on his back. 

It looked like someone had managed to liquify shadows, something dark and viscous flattened against him- 

Behind him stood the man- Hongjoong unable to make out any feature on his face as he threw out his own hand, a bolt of raging electric purple lightning arcing through the air- 

The figure was gone again, shadows wrapping around it and swallowing it into nothing. 

Hongjoong spun in a circle frantically, but saw no one- 

San’s hands were curled into fists, his head ducked as a weak cry tore from his throat- 

“Yeosang, help him,” Hongjoong ordered, his arms charging up as lightning wrapped around them like vines, crackling and making his hair stand on end. 

This man had been around for thirty seconds, and Hongjoong officially wanted him dead.

Yeosang dropped to his knees beside San who was gasping into the concrete, his hands shaking- Hongjoong didn’t know if that thing was feeding from him or just hurting him, the sight of it made his stomach churn. 

The disc in Yeosang’s hand grew as Yeosang flicked it forward, trying to push it between San and whatever it was on his back. 

Hongjoong watched as the white disc touched the black mass- the pure silvery color of it turning an ashy grey, hardening into something brittle, and crumbling before it even got beneath it. 

Everyone stared at Yeosang turned pale, his hands shaking where they hovered beside San. “It- It just-”’ 

“Try again,” Hongjoong ordered. “If you can’t- Wooyoung, I’m gonna need something small from you.” 

Yeosang created another disc, and Jongho stepped up. “I could try and pull it-” 

“No one touch it,” Hongjoong snapped, turning around to ensure the figure was gone. His heart slowly rose to this throat. 

It was never good when someone got hurt in the first minute. 

“We should be looking for him,” Wooyoung said quietly, biting his nail as Yeosang tried to scoop the black form up with a sphere of light- 

No sooner than it touched it, did his shield crumble away. 

Yeosang’s eyes were wide, turning to stare at Hongjoong with something too close to fear. 

They had never known something to be strong enough to break through Yeosang’s shields, much less do  _ that  _ to them. 

“Dark magic,” Hongjoong muttered under his breath. His fists clenched. “Wooyoung- give him something small.” 

It was something truly dangerous to attempt, but Hongjoong didn’t know what the hell that thing was doing to San. 

The other stepped up readily, a mass of energy gathering at his finger tip. “I’m gonna try and aim away from you,” he said quietly, flicking his finger. 

The energy shot forward with a tiny  _ foom  _ and Hongjoong watched the green blast skim along the edge of the black form, passing right through it as if nothing was there. 

San hissed, curling tighter on the ground, nails digging into his palms as his teeth clenched- 

“Fuck,” Jongho cursed. “What the hell-” 

The hairs on the back of Hongjoong’s neck stood up, and he hadn’t even fully turned before both of his arms discharged the entirety of the pent up electricity outwards, his fingertips burning with the amount being expelled- 

Hongjoong saw the figure standing there, but he was somehow quicker than lightning, and dissolved into darkness. 

A black mass like the one on San suddenly flew past Hongjoong’s face- 

“Wooyoung!” 

Yeosang threw a shield- instinct, rather than thinking it might help- and the black form slammed into it, the disc turning grey and then shattering- 

But it had stopped the form’s momentum, making it fall to the ground where it sat like a regular shadow, slowly disappearing. 

Hongjoong’s mind raced as Yunho called from above- “We can’t see him- he just keep appearing!” 

What the hell was he supposed to do? 

San suddenly coughed, a splatter of blood hitting the pavement. 

“ _ Fuck it _ ,” Hongjoong hissed under his breath, dropping to his knees beside San, gritting his teeth in preparation. 

“ _ Hongjoong, don’t- _ ” 

He ignored Yeosang, plunging his hands into the dark mass and trying to grab it. It felt like cold fog. 

Cold and wet and shivering, but it was something  _ solid _ , and Hongjoong dug his fingers in as he yanked as hard as he could. 

Like a suction cup being released- there was a disgusting noise before Hongjoong fell back, the thing laying limp in his hands like the one that had fallen on the ground. 

“Hongjoong-” 

He tossed the thing away hurriedly, disgusted as he leapt to his feet, but it dissolved into nothing before it even hit the ground. 

“How- Did it hurt you?” Wooyoung demanded, eyes wide. 

“No, I didn’t feel anything, I-” Hongjoong’s eyes fell on San’s back- a hole seemingly burned through his jacket and clothing- leaving exposed a red, irritated area of skin. 

But the veins running through that area where dark and black, sickly looking. 

“There’s something in his system,” Yeosang whispered, horrified. “I- What do we-” 

“You shouldn’t touch it.” 

Hongjoong jerked forward, the voice practically brushing his ear, head whipping around- 

A hand grabbed his shoulder, the figure’s features still obscured by a mask and hat- but even Hongjoong could feel the anger radiating from it. Hongjoong cried out, not even jerking away before his fists clenched and purple lightning raced across his entire body, like a human lightning rod. 

Hongjoong very clearly felt the electricity pass from him to the figure- who pulled away quickly- but Hongjoong didn’t hear any sort of pained cry before he was disappearing once more. 

“Fuck,” he hissed. They were fucking sitting ducks. “Jongho- take San and get him to a medic,” he ordered. “I don’t think physical strength is going to help much with this guy.” 

Jongho looked ready to protest being sent away, but San took a breath that rattled his chest, and the youngest grit his teeth grimly as he scooped him up quickly, running off with him like he weighed nothing- San’s head hanging limp in his arms. 

Hongjoong could only hope this guy was more interested in those remaining here. 

“He must have some sort of shield,” Hongjoong muttered, gesturing for Mingi and Yunho to return to the ground. “I know I got him with that last blast- but he didn’t even  _ flinch _ .”

“How the fuck do we fight him if he’s going to run around like a fucking weasel?” Wooyoung demanded, fingers glowing an agitated green. 

“He’s using dark magic,” Hongjoong told them. “I don’t know how the fuck to stop it- all users are different.” 

“Dark magic?” Yunho demanded, limbs stiff and anxious. “Have we ever fought a dark magic user before?” 

“Don’t think so,” Hongjoong muttered, eyes flickering in paranoia around them. “I think the last time one was fought was a few years ago, but he wound up being killed by his own power,” Hongjoong recited, remembering the file he had read on it. “No one could actually fight his magic.” 

That… did not bode well for them, but Hongjoong refused to feel fear in his chest. 

Mingi shifted back into a human, wincing. “This’ll be fun- no wonder they have multiple teams sent out.” 

“What’s he doing out here, though?” Yunho murmured, narrowed eyes scanning the area. “There’s no one around- and it’s the warehouses, which means there probably weren’t people around to begin with. Is this his hideout?”

“What villain is creating havoc at a safe distance from any major population?” Mingi demanded. “What the hell is he doing out here, if not threatening people?” 

Hongjoong didn’t like this- they were exposed, they were outmatched, two of his people were gone, and he didn’t have a single goddamn idea as far as a plan- 

_ Fucking think, Hongjoon- _

“Unless there’s already people here,” Yeosang suddenly whispered, stricken. 

“The fuck does that mean?” Mingi demanded, looking ill. 

“I highly doubt he’s just fucking around out here,” Yeosang said, scanning the building closest to them. “The only reason I can think of to put him out here is that he’s hiding something out here. There might be hostages.” 

Hongjoong’s stomach swooped, his head dropping until his chin hit his chest, fists clenching. 

Fucking damn it. 

“Okay,” he said quickly, head snapping up. “Start searching the warehouses- if hostages are involved, we no longer have time to be careful- Mingi and Yunho go together, Yeosang and Wooyoung take the other side.” 

“And what the hell do you think you’re going to do?” Yunho demanded, staring disapprovingly. 

“I’m starting at the far end,” Hongjoong said, lightning wrapping around his arms like vines. “We don’t have time-  _ go _ !”

That was the hardest part about this gig. 

Sometimes, it didn’t matter what you wanted, or what you thought was the best idea. You followed what the leader said, and you hoped to God you didn’t get anybody killed. 

Hongjoong was already running without waiting for the others, eyes flickering around. 

There were dozens of warehouses in this area, and they were five people trying to look through them all. 

Hongjoong ran until the end of the row, throwing an arm out and watching lightning blast a door off its hinges. 

Subtlety clearly wasn’t going to work against this guy, so Hongjoong didn’t bother. He rushed inside, the purple charge wrapped around his arms providing enough light to see by as he ran through the warehouse full of shipping containers stacked against the walls- forklifts and heavy machinery scattered around. 

Seconds passed like hours as he looked around frantically, but found no one. 

He ran to the next warehouse, breaking a window to leap through, boots crunching against the broken glass as he caught himself, lifting his eyes to- 

A tendril of what looked like black smoke sharpened into a spike shot from the dim lighting of the warehouse, Hongjoong crying out in alarm as he shot bolts from hands. 

He very clearly saw them break through black smoke, lighting up the darkness and revealing the figure standing in the shadows, bright charges of deadly electricity striking him in the chest- 

He was gone again. 

Hongjoong cursed, power crackling over his hands as he whipped around, backing into the warehouse slowly. 

“Stop running!” he called, despite not having a single way to really defend himself against this guy. “Come out and face m-” 

Another tendril of darkness, Hongjoong flinching away- 

It slammed towards his chest before dispersing into wisps of harmless smoke, even as Hongjoong stumbled away, adrenaline spiking. 

“Stop playing with me!” Hongjoong yelled, sparks flying off his hands. “Enough games-” 

What felt like a cold hand wrapped around Hongjoong neck, lifting him off his feet and swinging him through the air- slamming him into a wall. 

The breath was knocked from him as Hongjoong tried to discharge another bolt with a breathless wheeze against the darkness wrapped around his neck- 

More shadows appeared, wrapping around his arms and hands like a lid being placed over a flame- snuffing out his charge. 

Hongjoong struggled where his feet dangled high off the ground, but it was like steel pinning him in place, not budging an inch. 

He tried to flex his fingers, to build a charge, to feel that crackle of power- 

It was like trying to strike a wet match, and Hongjoong felt panic beginning to build as the darkness tightened. 

“You fucking-” he grit out. 

His mind registered another spike of dark smoke flying at him, and Hongjoong was hit with the fact he was unable to do anything to stop it. 

“No!” 

He flinched away, uselessly, heart leaping in fear- 

The tip touched his chest before dissolving into wisps once more. 

Hongjoong released a harsh breath, beginning to feel fear chill his blood. “Stop it!” he cried, thrashing in the darkness’ grip. “Stop toying with-” 

What Hongjoong could only describe as black lightning arc through the air at him, and he cried out in fear, flinching away- 

It passed through Hongjoong like he was nothing more than air. 

He looked up quickly, eyes wide, and the next thing that flew at him from the darkness was a figure- a real hand slamming into his throat and cold, murderous eyes boring into him only inches from his own. 

Over the man’s left eyelid, there was a dark tattoo of curling symbols, forming the shape of a thin diamond. 

More lines of dark ink ran down his cheeks, and Hongjoong saw the tips of even more along his neck. 

Hongjoong sucked in a breath that choked in his throat as the figure suddenly crowded against him on the wall- Hongjoong pinned in every way, and unable to even twitch to defend himself as he stared fearfully. 

He had never been this powerless against someone, his blood cold as the figure stared at him like ice pressing against his skin. 

“ _ Why won’t you die _ ?” he hissed, low and angry, leather gloved fingers twitching against Hongjoong’s throat like he wanted to crush it. 

Hongjoong was supposed to their fearless leader, but in the face of someone who had him at their mercy so wholly, he stared with wide eyes that shook. 

“I- What-” 

Black smoke creeped down the man’s arm, like fog rolling across a plain, spreading to his hand that held Hongjoong- 

He tried to shift away, but there was nowhere to go, a pathetic whimper choking off in his throat as the smoke touched his throat- 

Hongjoong waited for the burn like San had experienced, or for his skin to crumble like Yeosang’s shields- 

Nothing happened as Hongjoong released a breath, mind racing, adrenaline pumping and making him shake. 

“ _ What are you doing _ ?” the figure demanded, low enough that Hongjoong barely heard him over the roar of his ears. “ _ What power do you have _ ?”

Hongjoong realized that the man was  _ trying  _ to hurt him. 

But for some reason, he couldn’t. 

That didn’t necessarily make him any less afraid. “I- Who are you?” he demanded, voice struggling not to shake. “What do you  _ want _ ? Why-”

The figure roared, a blast of inky blackness swallowing Hongjoong completely- 

He tried to scream, the icy feeling pressing harder against his skin, like it was trying to suck something out of him- 

It fell away after a few seconds, leaving Hongjoong gasping, but with no actual injury that he could find. 

It was fear, more than anything the figure was actually doing, that made him shiver. 

“ _ Why won’t you- _ ” 

The hand fisted his jacket, tearing him away from the wall, though the blackness still covered his hands. 

The man floated in a mass of tangible shadows keeping him off the ground, Hongjoong’s feet dangling freely twenty feet up. He drew Hongjoong in close, ice and fire dancing in his murderous eyes. 

“Who are you?” he hissed, the fabric twisting around Hongjoong’s neck. “What do you-” 

Hongjoong never claimed to be smart. 

So he jerked his arms around, aiming a black-covered fist at the man’s head- 

It felt like two like poles of a magnet being shoved together- an invisible force shoving his hand back. Hongjoong stared in shock as the man blinked, and then his eyes darkened, black ink seeping into the whites and turning them pitch black. 

Hongjoong cried out, legs swinging wildly- 

The figure threw him, a hundred needles of shadow flying at Hongjoong as he fell through the air. 

Each one touched him, and dissolved into smoke. 

Hongjoong hit the ground as if he had landed on something softer, but he barely noticed as he stared up in shock, his heart pounding out of his chest- 

The figure was on him again, limbs pinning Hongjoong physically to the ground, a hand pressed against his chest firmly, just above his heart. 

“ _ You insolent- _ ” 

Hongjoong’s chest suddenly burned, and the man blinked- the inky blackness fading from his eyes that stared down at Hongjoong as if he had just slapped him. 

Hongjoong stared up at him, chest heaving above his immobile limbs, eyes wide as the man stared at him. 

“You…” He whispered it like Hongjoong was a ghost, Hongjoong’s breath bursting against the inside of his mask. 

The hand pressed against his chest turned into fingertips digging in through the leather- 

Hongjoong cried out as the leather began to burn away, the heat of it warming his chest but not burning it- 

What was going on- What was happening- 

The man tore his hand away, leaving a hole the size of his palm just above Hongjoong’s chest. 

Hongjoong flinched away, his eyes falling to see, expecting to see the same black veins running, like he had on San- 

Instead, he saw a little black mark, only a couple of inches tall, a delicate diamond of lines and squiggles. 

Identical to the one on the figure’s eye. 

Hongjoong’s pulse leapt as he almost screamed- “ _ What did you do to me? _ ”- but it caught in his throat. 

The man stared at the mark in near horror, something twisted and vicious in his eyes, his lips curling into a murderous sneer. 

“How did you,” he hissed, dangerous eyes flickering to Hongjoong, who lay there helplessly. “How did you get-” 

Hongjoong couldn’t breathe, almost like the mark on his chest was a stone crushing his ribs. 

But, in the back of Hongjoong’s mind, he knew that mark. 

Recognized it, like the vaguest memory of scent- triggering something that drove you insane trying to place it. 

The man’s eyes bored into Hongjoong’s like he intended to rip the mark off of him with his bare hands. 

Hongjoong’s throat finally closed up as he stared at the man, icy eyes turning almost familiar. 

His blood stood still inside his veins. 

His lungs stalled. 

Hongjoong stared at the man who glared at him with hate in his heart. 

“ _ Seonghwa _ ...” 

~~~~~~~~

Hongjoong was five when he saw a boy crying on the sidewalk. 

He paused where he had been running outside of his house, tiny fists clenching two toy dinosaurs, and he stared at the boy curiously for a moment. 

The boy wasn’t crying loudly, but he was curled up into a ball, like Hongjoong did when he hid beneath his covers at night. 

Hongjoong walked over to the boy. He was a sociable person, but he didn’t have many friends at school (they said he was weird, but his mom said he wasn’t). He stood beside him for a moment before crouching down. 

“Hey.” 

Hongjoong really didn’t mean to startle him, but the boy flinched away- crying out loudly and shoving Hongjoong away. 

Hongjoong fell on his back, his elbows scraping against the sidewalk- 

He whimpered, sitting up quickly, and holding his elbow, tears prickling- 

“Stay away from me!” the boy said, staring at Hongjoong with wide eyes that were all red and dripping tears. 

Hongjoong scrubbed at his eyes, trying not to actually cry over such a small scrape (no matter how much it stung).

“Why did you push me?” he demanded, picking up his dinosaurs where they fell. He glared at the other boy. “I was just tryin’ to be nice.” 

The boy stared at Hongjoong as he stood up, still wincing over his scraped elbow. “S-Stay away,” the boy snapped, but he didn’t look angry. 

He looked scared. 

Hongjoong’s glare turned into a frown. “Why were you crying?” he asked, taking a step forward. “Did you fall dow-” 

“Stay back!” The boy took a stumbling step backwards, hands throwing out to stop Hongjoong- 

Hongjoong screamed as something black flew at him- something small and fast, like a bug. 

Hongjoong did not like bugs. 

He dropped to the ground, waving his hands frantically to make it go away- 

“I’m sorry!” The boy cried, and suddenly he was in front of Hongjoong. “I’m sorry- I- I didn’t mean to- I- I can’t stop it-” 

Hongjoong lifted his head slowly, checking for the bug again. He didn’t see it, but he saw little wisps of black smoke curling from the boy’s fingers. 

Hongjoong straightened slowly, his eyes widening as he stared at the boy’s hands. “You-” The boy winced, shoving his hands behind his back. “You’re like me,” Hongjoong said in awe, looking the boy in the face. 

The fear in the boy’s eyes melted as Hongjoong stared at him, and behind the parts of his face that were nasty from crying, Hongjoong could see something alighting in the boy’s eyes. 

“W-What do you-” 

“Watch,” Hongjoong said, dropping his dinosaurs excitedly. He held his tiny hands out, and he felt that weird flip in his tummy as a tiny spark leapt from one hand into the other, disappearing into his skin. “You’re Different, like me!” 

Hongjoong had never met another person who wasn’t Normal. There weren’t any at his school- but this boy was clearly Different. 

He stared at Hongjoong, mouth falling open, and Hongjoong felt excitement build in his chest. “Wanna play dinos?” he offered, holding out one of the toys (not the T-Rex, though, that one was his favorite). 

He stared longer, eyes wide and tears still clinging to his skin. “I… I don’t wanna hurt you…” 

Hongjoong just pushed his dinosaur towards him again. “I accidentally shock my mom and dad all the time- they always say it’s okay after I say sorry. I don’t mean to…” He smiled. “So, if you say sorry for pushing me, it’s okay.” 

He watched the boy expectantly, watching as his eyes slowly got less wide, and his lips twitched as he rubbed his eyes with his sleeve, wiping off the tears and snot. 

“I’m sorry for pushing you,” he said quietly. “And for… almost hitting you with my… thing.” 

Hongjoong beamed, bouncing on his toes. “It’s okay,” he said eagerly, shoving the dino into his hands. “I’m Hongjoong.” 

He stared at the toy like he had just been handed a juice box, looking at Hongjoong with a tiny smile. “I’m Seonghwa.” 

“I have a sandbox in my backyard,” Hongjoong told him brightly. “Wanna play arche- archalolo-” He shook his head. “Wanna play dinos in it?” 

Seonghwa nodded, brightening by the moment as Hongjoong lead him around his house. 

They played until Seonghwa said he needed to go home, and Hongjoong said they should play together again tomorrow. 

When he told his mom he made a friend today, she practically laughed with delight, telling him he should invite them in next time, so they could share a snack. 

Hongjoong sat on the steps outside the entire following day, his trucks at the ready for when Seonghwa would show up. He bounced his knee as he made vrooming noises, making the cars jump each other and crash together- 

“Hongjoong, come in for dinner,” his dad said, opening the door behind him. 

Hongjoong stared at the empty street, looking up at his dad. “Seonghwa didn’t come,” he said, expression falling. “Can I wait a little longer?” 

His dad’s mouth fell into a thin line, clearly torn. “I don’t think he got permission from his parents to come out today. Maybe you’ll see him tomorrow.” 

Hongjoong’s face fell further as he nodded, picking up his toys and heading inside where his mom was ready with a quiet smile and a firm hug, promising that Seonghwa might come by tomorrow. 

The next day, Hongjoong sat in the front yard with his soccer ball, kicking it back and forth and running after it. He kicked it a little too hard, and it went rolling down the sidewalk, away from his house. 

Hongjoong cried out, scared to lose it, and ran after it- down the street a few houses before finally pouncing on it, breathing a sigh of- 

Hongjoong paused where he clutched his ball, seeing a familiar boy curled up on the sidewalk across the street. 

“Seonghwa!” 

The boy jumped, looking up, and Hongjoong realized he was crying again. He looked both ways carefully before running across the street as Seonghwa stood up quickly, taking a step back for every step Hongjoong approached with. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked, frowning in worry. “Why are you crying again? Why didn’t you come by yesterday?” 

Seonghwa still hiccupped on his tears, wiping at his face quickly. “I- I’m not supposed to-” He hiccupped again, shaking his head. “My- My mom says I can’t play with you.” 

“Why not?” Hongjoong demanded, holding his ball tightly. “I’m Different, like you…”

“It’s not ‘cause of you,” Seonghwa said quickly. “She- I might hurt you…” 

Hongjoong shook his head, thinking that was pretty dumb. “You said sorry! And pushing people isn’t so bad- the kids at school do it all the time and don’t get in trouble! It’s fun, sometimes, too- like when you play tag.” 

Seonghwa just shrugged helplessly. “I’m not supposed to… I can’t… I can’t stop my powers very good…” 

“I zap my mom all the time!” Hongjoong explained again. He turned his gaze pleading. “Please? I don’t have anyone else to play with- And you should play with someone when you feel sad! You can’t be sad if you play soccer!” He held his ball up hopefully. 

Seonghwa looked conflicted, glancing behind him at a house a few driveways down. “I…” Hongjoong saw him waver, like his mom did before finally letting him get a piece of candy. “I guess… it’s okay for a little while… as long as nothing happens…” 

Hongjoong beamed. “Even if something does happen, if you say sorry, it’s okay!” 

Seonghwa’s lips twitched slightly. “Yeah… I guess so,” he admitted, looking brighter. He wiped at his tears again. “Do you know how to punt the ball?”

Hongjoong did not know what that was, but he was willing and eager to learn. 

Seonghwa couldn’t come by everyday- and sometimes, he didn’t really feel like playing, so they just sat on the sidewalk and played with the grass and rocks while they talked about cartoons and their favorite toys. 

Most of the time, Seonghwa was either crying or looking like he had been when he arrived at Hongjoong’s. 

For a long time, Hongjoong was too busy trying to cheer him up to ask why he was crying. Until one day, they were sitting on the sidewalk, Seonghwa with wet cheeks and red eyes, but they were talking, and Seonghwa laughed when Hongjoong told him he could squirt milk out of his nose- 

And then suddenly, Seonghwa was crying again. Hongjoong stopped what he was saying, his hands falling into his lap. 

“Why are you so sad all the time?” he asked quietly, scooting closer until he was sitting right beside Seonghwa. “Why… Why are you crying again?” 

Seonghwa shook his head, curling around his knees like Hongjoong always found him, and Hongjoong sat quietly for a moment before reaching out, wrapping his fingers around Seonghwa’s fist, holding it gently. 

Seonghwa flinched, but Hongjoong kept holding it, like his mom did when he got upset. 

“I- I’m not sad right now,” Seonghwa said, his voice all messed up from crying. “I’m h-happy- I’m happy, Hongjoong, you’re-” He rubbed his face against his knees roughly. “You’re my friend.” 

Hongjoong frowned. “Of course, I’m your friend.” 

Seonghwa didn’t seem to think it so obvious, though, and Hongjoong stood suddenly. “Wait a second- I’ll be right back.” 

He sprinted inside, leaving Seonghwa on the sidewalk for a moment as he rushed into the kitchen where his mom was doing the dishes. 

“Mom- I need two juice boxes. Seonghwa’s upset,” he said a rush as he skidded to a stop. 

His mom frowned as he stared down at him. “He’s upset- Why, what happened?” 

Hongjoong shrugged. “I dunno, he’s just always crying- I need a juice box to cheer him up!” 

“Is he okay?” his mom asked seriously. 

“He says he’s happy, but he’s crying,” Hongjoong said, throwing his hands up in the air. “I don’t know- but I need a juice box.” 

Another moment of contemplation from his mother, but he nodded, opening the fridge and grabbing two drinks. “If your friend needs help… you can bring him in, Hongjoong,” she said seriously as she handed him the juice boxes. 

He nodded quickly, running back outside without a word. 

Seonghwa had stopped crying, wiping at his eyes like he always did, and Hongjoong plopped down next to him, sitting the drink in front of him. 

“Here,” he ordered. “Drink it.” 

Seonghwa sniffed loudly, but picked it up, taking a careful sip. He drank for a moment before lowering it. “I like apple juice,” he whispered, taking another long sip. 

Well, that was good because that was the only kind Hongjoong’s mom got. 

Hongjoong didn’t see Seonghwa everyday, but they always had fun when they did see each other. 

And it didn’t take long for Seonghwa to stop being so upset every time Hongjoong played with him. Pretty soon, Hongjoong would see Seonghwa walking along, and when he called out to him, Seonghwa would smile. 

Sometimes, it was small and quiet- like he was feeling shy. 

And sometimes, it was bright and eager as Seonghwa took off running over to Hongjoong. 

One day (the day after Hongjoong brought out the cookies and milk his mom had given him for them both), Seonghwa took off running when he saw Hongjoong waiting for him. 

Hongjoong stood at the ready, bouncing on his feet, but Seonghwa didn’t slow down as he raced towards him, body colliding with Hongjoong’s roughly. 

Seonghwa hugged him tightly, smooshing Hongjoong’s face a little, but Hongjoong just laughed, hugging him back as Seonghwa squeezed him. 

“I’m glad you’re my friend,” Seonghwa told him quietly, voice tense with how hard he squeezed. 

Hongjoong laughed, pushing the other off with a bright grin. “You’re my only friend- so I like you, too.” 

Seonghwa looked happier that day then Hongjoong ever remembered seeing him. 

And it was a week after that day that it all came crashing down. 

Hongjoong had never accidentally shocked Seonghwa- he had put little scorch marks on their soccer ball, and there were a few on the fence. But never Seonghwa. 

And Hongjoong hadn’t meant to. 

But he scored a goal, and Seonghwa ran at him, hand raised for a high-five, and when Hongjoong slapped his hand excitedly against his, he felt a spark at his palm. 

Seonghwa cried out in pain, dropping to his knees as he cradled his hand to his chest, crying in fear and pain as he clutched his hand tightly. 

Hongjoong screamed a little, dropping down beside him- 

“I’m sorry! Let me see- Let me-” 

The screaming and crying attracted his mother, who opened the door quickly, finding Hongjoong trying to pull Seonghwa’s hand away while the other cried loud tears of pain. 

When his mother finally managed to coax Seonghwa’s hand away with quiet urges of “Let me see, sweetheart- It’s okay, let me see-” Hongjoong felt like a soccer ball had just hit him in the stomach. 

Seonghwa’s hand was shiny and red, covered in welts and a jagged break in his skin that was bleeding- 

Hongjoong stared, eyes widening in confusion. 

He had never done that to someone before. Anytime he shocked his mom, it was just a little zap- never… he had never… 

His mom carried Seonghwa inside, and his dad sat Hongjoong on the couch while she took out their first aid kit to help him in the bathroom. 

Hongjoong explained to his dad what happened in a rage of tears and stuttered horror, staring at his hands with a new light. 

He had never hurt someone like that before. 

In the end, his dad hugged him tightly, Hongjoong still crying in grief, as he rubbed his back, assuring him that it had been an accident. “It’s not your fault, Hongjoong,” he told him firmly. “It’s not something you can control- it was an accident.” 

Hongjoong had barely stopped crying by the time his mom came back out with Seonghwa whose hand had been bandaged tightly. Hongjoong leapt off the couch, going to hug him- 

He stopped himself before he got far, too afraid to touch him as he stared at Seonghwa, feeling more tears well in his eyes. “I-I’m sorry,” he cried as Seonghwa watched him sadly. 

“It’s okay,” Seonghwa said quietly, stepping forward and hugging Hongjoong fearlessly, even though Hongjoong had just hurt him. 

Hongjoong rubbed his leaking nose on Seonghwa’s shoulder, but the other didn’t seem to mind. 

“Hongjoong… I think it’s best if I take Seonghwa home,” his mom said gently, petting a gentle hand through his hair. “Stay with your dad, okay?” 

They parted slowly, Seonghwa giving him a small smile that Hongjoong tried to return, but his lips quivered and couldn’t hold it. 

Hongjoong’s mom disappeared out the front door with his friend, and Hongjoong sat back on the couch with his dad. 

“I… I hurt him,” Hongjoong murmured, his chest hurting. “He- It looked really bad, Dad-” 

“Your mom fixed him up- it was just a bad burn, he’ll be okay,” he promised Hongjoong, petting his hair. “We’ll just have to be a bit more careful, okay?” 

Hongjoong nodded quickly, wringing his hands together, watching a little flicker of electricity pass through them, his dad smiling tightly at him. 

Hongjoong had finally managed to calm himself down when his mother came back, opening and closing the door slowly. Hongjoong sat up quickly, mouth opening to ask all sorts of questions about Seonghwa, but he stopped at his mom’s face. 

He stared at Hongjoong- not quite angry, but something stricken and pale in her face. “Hongjoong,” she said, voice a little hoarse. “Why… Why did you not tell us that your friend was new to the neighborhood?” 

Her hands flexed at her sides, and Hongjoong stared before frowning. “I- I didn’t know-” 

“Why did you not tell me he was the son of the people who just moved in?” she questioned sharply, lips thinning. “That he was that boy that everyone’s been talking about?” 

Hongjoong opened his mouth and closed it, not entirely sure what his mom was talking about. “I- I don’t know where he lives-” 

“I should have known,” she muttered to herself, covering her eyes with her palms. “I should have known that no other sort of child would befriend him, I should have suspected something when he suddenly had a friend after so long-” 

“Mom…” Hongjoong’s expression pinched as she finally looked at him- something hard in her eyes, seeming more like anger. “I- What happened to Seonghwa? Is he okay?” 

His mother pressed her lips together, his dad standing as she crouched in front of Hongjoong, pulling him forward and holding him firmly. “Listen to me, sweetheart,” she said sternly. “You can’t play with Seonghwa anymore.” 

“ _ What _ ?” Hongjoong yelled, stomach hurting. “ _ Why _ ? I promise I won’t hurt him- I- I’ll get better, I won’t get excited like that-” 

“Hongjoong, he’s different,” she said, shaking her head sharply. 

“So am I!” Hongjoong tried to shake off his mom’s hands, but she held him firmly. 

“Hongjoong- he’s dangerous,” she said firmly. “He can do so much worse to you than you could ever dream to do to him- He could hurt you very badly, sweetheart-” 

“I hurt him bad, too!” he fought, stomping his foot. “He said it was okay!” 

“He’s not like you!” she snapped. “He’s dangerous, Hongjoong- He’s barely even human!” 

“You’re being mean to him!” Hongjoong shouted, feeling his eyes prickle, but he tried not to try. “You’re like the people who make him cry-” 

“Hongjoong.” 

He turned his head to stare at his dad, whose expression was almost disappointed as he stared down on his son. 

“You’re Different, yes,” he said seriously, voice deep and stern. “But… People are saying that the child of that new family is someone… who is a very dangerous Different. He’s not good, Hongjoong. Or, at least, he won’t be for very long.” 

Hongjoong shook his head. “He’s nice!” he fought, finally feeling himself cry. “He- He never takes my toys without asking, and he just likes hugs, and- and he’s funny-” 

“Hongjoong, you can’t quite understand this,” his mom said flatly. “But… Seonghwa’s power isn’t good. It’s dark magic, Hongjoong. It’s rare, and the people who do get it, aren’t  _ good _ people. It… It changes them, sweetheart,” she said, voice turning sad. “He may be good now, but… there’s something inside of him that’s going to change him- that’s already changing him.” 

“But he-” 

“Listen to your mother,” his dad said sharply. “Hongjoong, you’re a child- you can’t understand. But that boy is dangerous, and you aren’t allowed to play with him. You’re not allowed to go outside alone anymore, either.” 

“But-” 

“That’s the end of this discussion.” His father crossed his arms. “Now, go wash up for dinner.” 

Hongjoong stared, tears burning his skin, his mother releasing him and slowly standing. 

He… He couldn’t play with Seonghwa anymore? 

Then who was he supposed to play with? 

What about Seonghwa’s parents- who told him not to play with Hongjoong? Couldn’t Hongjoong ignore them, like Seonghwa had? 

_ I might hurt you…  _

Hongjoong was Seonghwa’s only friend. Who would he play with? 

“Hongjoong, go-” 

Hongjoong turned on his heel and ran down the hall to his bedroom, closing the door angrily and laying on his floor, his chest hurting again. 

Hongjoong could hurt people, too. 

It was Hongjoong who had hurt Seonghwa. Seonghwa had never done anything to Hongjoong. 

He didn’t answer when his mom stuck her head in, apologizing and saying that this was for his own good. Hongjoong didn’t like his parents at the moment. Normally, he might hug his stuffed lion to make himself feel better, but he shoved it off his bed. 

He felt… very alone. 

The next day, his mom watched him like a hawk to make sure he didn’t sneak out of the house without asking. It was three days before Hongjoong stopped being mad enough to ask his mom if he could play outside, and she allowed him to stay in the backyard only as she watched from the steps. 

Hongjoong wanted to have fun in the sand, but he just sat there, staring at it and drawing shapes with his finger mindlessly. 

His mom tried to bring him snacks, but he wasn’t hungry (not even for applesauce). 

“Sweetheart,” she said gently, brushing his hair comfortingly. “I know you liked him… but he’s dangerous. He’s got something bad inside of him.” 

Hongjoong shook her hand off stubbornly, feeling anger bubble in his stomach again. 

“He was my only friend,” he muttered, digging his toy soldier into the sand. “Who’s gonna cheer him up, now?” 

“Hongjoong… if he was always upset, it’s probably because of that thing inside of him,” she said quietly. “Dark magic abilities… they take over people. They make them… into very bad people. And he’s dangerous… different from when you accidentally shock us-” 

“I hurt him, too!” Hongjoong yelled, shoving away her hand that tried to touch him again. “He didn’t  _ do _ anything to me-” 

“Hongjoong, do not yell at me,” she scolded sharply. “You can’t understand all this- you’re only five. Understand that I’m doing what’s best, alright?” 

Hongjoong knew Seonghwa better than his parents did. They had never met him. 

Seonghwa wasn’t  _ bad- _ he didn’t even push Hongjoong after he said it was okay. 

Hongjoong remembered that black bug Seonghwa had made… Bugs were pretty bad… 

But Seonghwa wasn’t made of bugs. Maybe he just attracted them? But Hongjoong hadn’t seen any bugs after that first time… 

“I think we’ve played enough today,” his mother said, standing. “Let’s go inside.” 

Another couple of days passed with Hongjoong in a sour mood, brushing off all the attempts his parents made to cheer him up (even the ice cream). 

Hongjoong was playing in his room, alone, while his mom did the dishes. He stared at his toy dinosaurs, wanting to make them chase each other, but he felt tired. 

Hongjoong didn’t remember hearing anything, but he glanced towards his window suddenly, his dinosaurs falling from his grasp. He got to his feet, pulling back the curtains of his window and saw a familiar boy walking down the sidewalk passed his house. 

Hongjoong clapped his hands over his mouth as he realized it was Seonghwa, stumbling out of his room before freezing. 

His mom would be angry if he went outside. But she’d never let him go see Seonghwa. 

Hongjoong remembered the spy movie his dad and he had watched, walking slowly through the living room. He could hear his mother humming as she washed the dishes, her music playing from a speaker. 

Hongjoong rushed to the front door, opening it carefully, closing it behind him as he almost fell down the steps, running down the sidewalk. 

“Seonghwa!” 

The boy whipped around, looking scared for a moment before realizing who was running after him. 

The fear didn’t lessen, though, as he turned and began running faster down the street. 

Hongjoong almost stopped, hurt running through his chest, but he ran faster. “Seonghwa, wait!” 

The other didn’t even bother responding, simply running down the sidewalk as fast as he could, Hongjoong struggling to catch up. 

Hongjoong supposed he was just faster than Seonghwa because he grabbed the back of Seonghwa’s shirt, jerking to a halt that threw both of them off balance. 

They tumbled into the grass lawn they ran beside, Hongjoong wincing as it hurt a little- 

Seonghwa tried to get up and run, but Hongjoong grabbed him again. “Why are you running away?” Hongjoong demanded, eyes wide. “Is- Is it because I hurt you before?” He swallowed as Seonghwa stared at him. “I- I said I was sorry. I- It won’t happen again, I promise-” 

“That’s not why,” Seonghwa said quickly. “But- But I’m not supposed to play with you anymore, Hongjoong. My mom got really mad when she found out I was before-” 

“My mom said I couldn’t play with you anymore,” Hongjoong said, scrubbing at his eyes. “But- But I don’t have anyone else to play with. You’re my friend- You didn’t hurt me, you’re not  _ bad _ !” He glared at Seonghwa, as if daring him to disagree. 

Seonghwa’s eyes widened, staring at Hongjoong like… 

Hongjoong didn’t know. No one had ever looked at him like that before. 

“Hongjoong, I… I am bad,” Seonghwa said quietly, though. “I… I do really bad things when I can’t control it- I almost hurt you one time.” 

“You said sorry!” Hongjoong fought, fisting the grass in his hands. “Bad people don’t say sorry! Mom and Dad don’t know you- you’re not a bad guy!” 

Seonghwa’s lips trembled as he stood suddenly. “I can’t, Hongjoong,” he said firmly. “I- I’m not-” He stared at Hongjoong, eyes filling with tears. “I’m sorry, I can’t-” 

Seonghwa ran. 

Hongjoong scrambled to his feet, running after him and grabbing him again. “Seonghwa, no!” he yelled, jerking him back. “No, you can’t- I’m still your friend! You can’t-” 

Seonghwa turned, his shirt twisting around him as he tried to push Hongjoong off. “Let go,” he said firmly, still trying to run, but Hongjoong was good at holding on. “Hongjoong, stop!” he cried, tears beginning to run down his face. 

“You’re not bad!” Hongjoong yelled, his own tears spilling down as he glared at Seonghwa who frantically tried to pull away. 

“Hongjoong, stop! I have to-” 

“You’re not!”

“Hongjoong-” 

“You share toys, and you’re nice, and you like hugs- You’re my  _ friend- _ ” 

“ _ Let go _ !” 

Seonghwa shoved Hongjoong in the chest, and Hongjoong knew what it felt like to hit your butt on the sidewalk and scrape yourself up. 

This… was not that. 

Seonghwa’s hands hit Hongjoong’s chest, and Hongjoong saw a small explosion of dark stuff slam into him from Seonghwa’s hands. Like that bug he had seen. 

But a lot bigger. 

Hongjoong had never known pain like that. 

He knew he was screaming, laying on the ground and clutching his chest that burned- 

It burned like ice, like when he played in the snow too long and then touched a hot cup of cocoa- 

It burned, and Hongjoong knew he was screaming, but he couldn't even think about what was happening around him- 

“ _ Hongjoong _ !”

“ _ Get away from him _ !” 

Hongjoong was crying, sobbing and twisting around the cold pain tearing its way through his body that had never had to experience something like this. 

When he woke up, he was in a hospital. 

There was a bandage around his chest, and when Hongjoong opened his eyes, his body hurt, like that time he fell off the monkey bars and hit his back on the ground. 

His mom was there. She yelled at him, even as she hugged him tightly, switching between scolding him for going out, for disobeying her- and whispering quiet reliefs into his hair. 

“Do you see what that monster did to you?” she demanded, pulling him away so she could look him in the eyes. She had been crying. “Do you understand, now, Hongjoong, why I told you he was dangerous? Do you see what he- he almost-” 

She started crying again, hugging him tightly, but Hongjoong stared at her shirt quietly. 

“It wasn’t his fault, Mom.” 

She pulled away so quickly, Hongjoong got a little dizzy, but she glared at him. “Hongjoong, do not be ridiculous-” 

“I kept pulling on him,” Hongjoong said, guilt rising in his throat as he lowered his head. “He- I wouldn’t let him run away. I- I think I scared him. It wasn’t his fault, I made his upset-” 

“Hongjoong, do you know what he did to you?” she hissed. “He almost killed you, sweetheart- He-” 

“I hurt him, too,” Hongjoong said quietly, looking up at her. “Mine was an accident, too. Seonghwa didn’t mean to hurt me, Mom. He would never hurt me, he’s my friend. He’s just sad- He doesn’t have any frien-” 

“Stop it.” 

Hongjoong fell silent at her quiet hiss. His mom stared at him angrily. 

“Hongjoong, that monster almost  _ killed _ you- I don’t care what he intended to do are not. That fact that he did it on accident is even worse- he can’t  _ control _ it, Hongjoong. He’s only going to keep hurting people- And I am not going to let you be one of them again.” 

“He’s not-” Hongjoong stared in hurt confusion. “He’s not a  _ monster- _ Not like those things on TV. He’s my friend-” 

“Enough,” she snapped. “I told you before not to see him, I told you he was going to hurt you- This has gone far enough.” She held Hongjoong’s gaze firmly. “I am not letting that monster anywhere near my child, do you understand me?” 

Hongjoong opened his mouth, about to shout something back, but the Healer came in and asked Hongjoong how his day was going. 

The Healer who took care of him smiled at him quietly as Hongjoong cried silently, tears dripping onto his blankets after his mom left to get them food. 

“That was a nasty attack you got, son,” he said lightheartedly. “I’m surprised someone your age got mixed up with someone with dark magic.” 

“He’s my friend,” Hongjoong said stubbornly. “He’s not a monster.” 

“Now, hold on,” he said quickly. “I didn’t say anything about a monster. You just don’t usually see such an intense power manifest in one so young. Even dark magic grows with a person- If this child already has so much power within them…” 

The Healer glanced at the door, looking back at Hongjoong who perked up, intrigued by his response. “This boy… Your friend, is he… happy?” 

Hongjoong frowned, fingers curling in the blankets over his legs. “H-Happy?” he repeated. The man nodded. Hongjoong looked away. “I… I don’t know,” he said quietly. “He cries a lot. He… He’s scared a lot. But he’s happy when we play- he likes soccer the best.” He glanced up at the man. “But he doesn’t have any friends either. He’s upset a lot, but I try and make him feel better!” 

Because Hongjoong was a good friend. 

The Healer nodded, humming. “I see… Well, I think that it probably is not your friend’s fault that he hurt you so badly.” 

“It’s not!” Hongjoong burst, nodding quickly. “He wouldn’t hurt me on purpose! He says sorry every time!” 

He laughed quietly, patting Hongjoong’s knee. “People who are Different are always going to have hard lives,” he said, making Hongjoong frown. “Some of them… just start earlier than others.” 

“W-What do you-” 

His mom came back, and the Healer said that Hongjoong could leave by that evening. 

Hongjoong didn’t talk to his mom, stewing angrily, even when they got home and his dad arrived, hugging Hongjoong tightly (he felt a lot better, only a little achy). 

Hongjoong went to bed without even wanting to eat anything, feeling sick to his stomach. 

That black thing… the thing that Seonghwa accidentally hit him with… That was what made him Different. 

But how was it any different from Hongjoong burning him so badly? Why would his dad be so forgiving of Hongjoong’s accident, but not Seonghwa’s?

Hongjoong’s mom made him stay in his room to rest the next day, bringing Hongjoong little meals that he didn’t say thank you for. 

He was still angry. 

Seonghwa was not like those scary things on TV. Not like those things in Hongjoong’s storybooks. 

Seonghwa was Seonghwa. He was his friend. 

That night, Hongjoong was sleeping when something woke him up. He heard a gentle tapping, and looked at his door but no one was there. 

It continued until he realized it was coming from his window. 

Hongjoong shot up, prepared to scream for his dad, when he saw a face through the window. 

“ _ Seonghwa _ ,” he gasped, crawling over his bed and struggling to open the window, shoving it hard to make it open with a loud squeak. 

Seonghwa stood on a box to see through the window, his eyes wide and scared and already filled with tears. 

“I- I’m sorry,” he cried, expression breaking down. “I- I didn’t mean to h-hurt you-”

Hongjoong had honestly been hoping he would see the boy again, and he found his lips pulling up despite the other’s tears. “It’s okay,” he said, careful not to speak loudly. “Seonghwa, it’s okay, I’m okay-” 

“I  _ hurt _ you,” Seonghwa said firmly. “I- I should have listened to my mom-” 

“You’re not a monster!” Hongjoong winced at his loud voice, hoping his parents didn’t wake up. Seonghwa blinked, taken aback as Hongjoong glared at him. “You’re not! You’re my friend- you didn’t do it on purpose!” 

“B-But I-” 

“I don’t care what my mom says- or yours,” Hongjoong said, crossing his arms. “You’re still my friend. You’re not bad.” 

Seonghwa stared, mouth open and more tears falling as he stared in disbelief. 

Hongjoong remained resolute. 

The other closed his trembling lips, bringing an arm up to rub at his eyes. “I… I don’t want to hurt you again,” Seonghwa said quietly, shaking his head. “C-Can I try something?”

Hongjoong nodded quickly, stepping away from the window, gesturing Seonghwa inside. The other clambered through, his foot hitting the window sill a little loudly, and they both froze as he fell through, listening for Hongjoong’s parents. 

They sat on Hongjoong’s floor, the only light coming from the warm glow of his nightlight in the corner. 

Seonghwa scooted forward, looking scared. “I- I don’t- I don’t know if it’s gonna work- What if I hurt you again?” His hands shook as Hongjoong moved closer firmly. 

“Just be really careful,” Hongjoong comforted him, smiling. 

If he was honest, he was a little scared, too. 

It had hurt a lot, last time. But Seonghwa hadn’t meant to. Seonghwa wouldn’t hurt him on purpose. 

Seonghwa stared at Hongjoong with wide eyes, but he nodded slowly, holding his hands out. “Come here.” 

Hongjoong moved until their knees bumped together, Seonghwa swallowing nervously as he rubbed his hands together. 

“I… I don’t ever want to hurt you again,” Seonghwa said as little flickers of shadows began to wind around his fingers. 

Hongjoong stared at it- a little scared and finding it a little cool. “I- I don’t want to hurt you, either,” he confessed. “After I burnt your hands…” 

Seonghwa winced, as if remembering, and he nodded. 

Hongjoong suddenly felt his eyes burning. “I don’t want either of us to hurt each other,” he whispered. “We’re friends- we shouldn’t… We shouldn’t hurt each other…” He hung his head, staring at Seonghwa’s hands. 

Seonghwa nodded, though. “I don’t want to hurt you,” he whispered, almost to himself, like a comfort or a reminder. The shadows around his fingers grew darker, Hongjoong’s stomach beginning to hurt a little. 

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Hongjoong repeated back, not for any real reason. 

Seonghwa swallowed. 

Hongjoong’s night light went out. 

Neither of them jumped. Hongjoong could still feel Seonghwa’s knees pressed against his, and could hear him whispering to himself- “I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t ever want to hurt you again-” 

Hongjoong felt like something cool was brushing against his skin, like a brisk breeze. “I don’t ever want to hurt you again,” he whispered back to Seonghwa, tears gathering. 

If they hadn’t hurt each other… their parents wouldn’t be telling them they couldn’t be friends. 

If they hadn’t hurt each other… maybe Seonghwa wouldn’t still be so sad. 

“A-Are you ready?” Seonghwa questioned, voice hidden among the darkness. 

Hongjoong nodded. “Yeah,” he whispered. “I don’t want to hurt you…” 

“Take my hand,” Seonghwa said, but his voice was scared, so Hongjoong didn’t think it had anything to do with what he was trying. He groped in the darkness until their fingers found each other, Seonghwa squeezing his hand hard, and Hongjoong returned it. 

“I don’t want to hurt you ever again,” Seonghwa whispered. 

Hongjoong couldn’t bring himself to repeat it, but he felt it in his chest. 

Hongjoong jumped a bit when Seonghwa’s other hand suddenly pressed against his chest- right above his heart. It felt cold, even through Hongjoong’s pajama shirt. 

“It’s okay,” Seonghwa whispered, his voice shaking. “I’m not going to hurt you.” 

Hongjoong swallowed, his heart racing as something cold spread through his chest. “I know,” he whispered back. “You’re my friend.”

He held Seonghwa’s hand a little tighter to comfort himself as his other pressed to Hongjoong’s small chest that still ached just a little. 

Hongjoong suddenly gasped, Seonghwa flinched. “W-What-”

“It’s warm suddenly,” Hongjoong breathed, feeling an odd mixture of scared and excited. “It- It doesn’t feel so cold.” 

Seonghwa suddenly dropped his hand from his chest, and Hongjoong let go of a quick breath, feeling like he had been spinning in circles. 

“Are- Are you okay?” Seonghwa whispered as Hongjoong’s night light suddenly lit back to life, allowing Hongjoong to see Seonghwa’s face pinched in fear. 

Hongjoong dropped his head to stare at his chest. “I… Yeah, I feel fine,” he confessed. “It- It tickled a little.” Hongjoong grabbed the end of his shirt and pushed it up passed his chest. 

He gasped a little at a little black shape just above his heart- almost looking like ink bleeding into his skin. It looked like a diamond- filled in with a bunch of squiggles and filigree, like a maze in a coloring book. 

Hongjoong found himself laughing breathlessly as he stared at it. “T-That so cool! How did you do that?” he gasped, staring up at Seonghwa with wonder in his eyes. 

Seonghwa stared at the mark he had made, lips twitching slightly. “That… should protect you from me.” He swallowed. “I- I didn’t think about trying it until it was too late,” he whispered. “I’m sorry I didn’t do it before I hurt you.” 

“That okay!” Hongjoong assured him, touching it with his fingertip gently. “Now you don’t have to be scared anymore!” Hongjoong’s smile suddenly fell. “W-What about me?” he stammered. “What if I burn you again, like before?” 

Seonghwa’s smile turned wide as he held out his hand that Hongjoong had been holding. It wasn’t until Hongjoong looked at it that he realized it was the one he had burned- a little welt of a scar in the center of his palm. 

Laying over the scar was another mark, almost like a spider-webbing lightning strike through the sky- dark in the center and fading out across his palm. 

“Even if you tried to, it wouldn’t hurt me,” Seonghwa assured him quietly. “At least… it shouldn’t.” 

Hongjoong beamed, staring at his chest and watching as the mark slowly faded into his skin. When he glanced up, Seonghwa’s hand lost its black ink as well. 

“It- Is it gone?” Hongjoong demanded. 

Seonghwa shook his head. “It’s still there, I can feel it,” he assured him. “It’s just hiding.” 

“Test it!” Hongjoong said eagerly, already planning how he could tell his mom that they couldn’t hurt each other anymore. 

Seonghwa shook his head, eyes blowing wide. “I- What if it doesn’t work- What if I hurt you again?” 

Hongjoong frowned in concentration. “Well… maybe I can try and shock you- just a little bit! And then if it works, you can try me!” 

Seonghwa hesitated, but Hongjoong was already holding his finger out, smiling. After a moment, he nodded, holding out his arm. 

It took Hongjoong several taps and a minute of concentration before he could make the spark appear, but eventually, he watched a little arc of purple electricity jump from his skin to Seonghwa’s with a loud  _ zap! _

They both jumped at the noise, and Hongjoong stomach dropped as Seonghwa stared at his hand in wonder. “It didn’t hurt!” he burst. “I didn’t even feel it!” 

Hongjoong felt an excitement like no other grab his heart, holding his hand out to Seonghwa. “Try me!” 

Seonghwa looked decidedly less excited about that. “W-Well if it works for you, then there’s no reason it shouldn’t work for me.” 

“So try it,” Hongjoong pushed. “If it works, there’s no reason our parents would tell us we can’t be friends!” 

It took several moments of Hongjoong’s pleading expression, but Seonghwa held out a hand that swirled with shadows, reaching out and prodding Hongjoong’s hand. 

Hongjoong winced a little at the cold that brushed his skin, but he watched the shadows fall against him like mist against a wall- just slipping right off and disappearing. 

Seonghwa’s expression dropped into something between disbelief and open horror- 

Hongjoong leapt at him, hugging him so tight, Seonghwa squeaked, hugging him back. “There’s no reason we can’t be friends now,” Hongjoong said firmly. “My mom can’t say no if we can’t accidentally hurt each other now.” 

Seonghwa relaxed in Hongjoong’s hold, tightening his arms around him. “I… I can’t believe…” He buried his face in Hongjoong’s neck. “I’m glad you’re my friend.” 

Hongjoong giggled, his chest lighting up like a firework. “Me, too, Seonghwa.” 

Seonghwa… 

Seonghwa was gone by the next afternoon. 

Hongjoong stared out of the front window, watching the street, waiting for Seonghwa to come by so they could talk to their parents together. 

“Hongjoong, it’s- What are you doing?” his mom asked, putting disapproving hands on her hips. 

Hongjoong glanced back at her. “Waiting,” he said firmly, turning back. 

“Waiting for what?” she asked, standing beside him and pushing the curtain aside. 

He hesitated because Seonghwa wasn’t there yet, but… he should be here any second, so Hongjoong could get started without him, right? It might take a while to explain anyway. 

His mom didn’t understand too much. 

Hongjoong stared out the window. “Seonghwa,” he said fearlessly. 

He could feel his mom stiffen up in anger. “Why are you waiting for that boy?” she demanded. “They promised they’d be gone by now.” 

He frowned in confusion, looking up at her. “What… What do you mean?” 

Hongjoong didn’t like the look on his mom’s face. “The only reason I didn’t press charges against that woman and her son was because she promised they were moving out again!” she snapped. “They were supposed to be gone by noon- Did you see that boy walking around?”

Hongjoong stared. 

Somehow… even Seonghwa’s shadows hadn’t ever made him feel this cold. 

“He… He’s gone?” Hongjoong whispered. “T-They’re moving?” 

“After what he did to you?” she said sharply. “I gave her two options- leave or I was getting the police involved. She chose to leave. Taking her son somewhere he couldn’t attack innocent-  _ Hongjoong _ !” 

Hongjoong was already running out the front door, tripping in the grass over his toy truck, but he got up quickly, running down the street. 

Seonghwa couldn’t leave. 

They had just spoke last night- They promised they’d still be friends. 

Seonghwa couldn’t have known they were leaving- he would have told Hongjoong. Why would he have bothered to protect Hongjoong, if he knew he was just going to leave anyway?

Hongjoong ran down the sidewalk a few streets, his heart pounding. He pressed a hand to it, but he didn’t feel anything different. 

When he arrived down the street, he saw Seonghwa’s house- a large truck outside of it and men moving furniture. 

Hongjoong ran across, practically tackling one of the men, hanking on his shirt hard. “Mister!” he practically yelled, choking on his breath. 

He glanced down, frowning at the child practically hanging off of him. “What is it, kid?” he asked, setting down his box. 

Hongjoong swallowed fearfully. “What happened to the boy who lived here?” he demanded. “Where is he?” 

He saw the mover’s eyes soften. “The family that lived here already left, kid,” he said regretfully. “They drove ahead to their new house earlier today.” 

Hongjoong felt something cold settle in his chest. “W-Where’s their new house?” he asked. “Across town?” he asked hopefully. Maybe they could still meet a playground. 

The mover looked torn, but Hongjoong’s desperate eyes made him sigh. “No, kid, they... moved across the country,” he said heavily. “Down south- near the coast.” 

Hongjoong felt his stomach sinking. “H-How far away is that?” 

He winced. “I… I don’t think you’ll be seeing your friend much, kid…” 

His eyes widened as he felt tears pool in his eyes- 

“Hongjoong!” 

He was suddenly being picked up, his mother apologizing to the mover for her son interrupting, walking briskly back to their house. “If you ever run off like that again,” she snapped harshly. “You scared me, Hongjoong- How dare you run off like that-” 

Hongjoong barely even listened. 

Seonghwa… was gone. Somewhere… somewhere far. Somewhere Hongjoong probably couldn’t ever see. He cried, and he didn’t even care what his mom tried to say to comfort him. 

Hongjoong sat on the couch, pulling up his shirt, but the spot above his chest remained blank. He poked and prodded and scratched at it- but nothing could make the mark appear. 

Hongjoong walked around his house like a ghost, sad and empty feeling. Would Seonghwa make new friends? Was he… Was he crying when his mom made him leave? Who was Hongjoong supposed to make laugh now? 

Hongjoong played with his toys, but it was never the same. 

His parents enrolled him in the next level of school, and that helped distract Hongjoong. 

He met a couple more kids who were Different, too. A girl whose hair could move on its own, and a boy who could stretch himself really far. 

They weren’t Seonghwa- the boy was selfish with his toys, and the girl never said sorry when her hair hit Hongjoong’s face. But they were… enough that Hongjoong didn’t feel so lonely. 

Hongjoong moved through school, falling into schoolwork and making a few more friends who invited him places… 

By the time he was ten and that man was escorting Hongjoong into the facility, Seonghwa had faded a bit in his mind. Hongjoong knew he had lost a friend, but it seemed so long ago… 

The facility began training him, and when Hongjoong would stare at his chest in the mirror, he almost wondered if he had imagined that friend who came and left so suddenly. 

Maybe the whole thing had been a dream. 

By the time Hongjoong had been in the facility a year, his friend had faded almost entirely in his mind- like an imaginary friend that you knew you had, but you couldn’t remember what you had called them or what they had looked like or what you did together. 

Hongjoong became so distracted by his present and future, the past began to fade. 

By the time Hongjoong had met Yunho and San, his old friend never crossed his mind, even once. He was someone who had faded, like all childhood friends did, becoming nothing more than a vague impression that Hongjoong didn’t have time or energy to try and remember. 

Training was exhausting, and Yunho was actually fun, and San loved playing games. Hongjoong had no reason to look back. 

Until he was staring at eyes that he had never seen in any way but alight with joy or awash with tears. 

He had never seen them burning with such hate before. 

They were the same eyes, though. Of that, he was certain. 

~~~~~~~~

“ _ Seonghwa… _ ” 

The figure above him flinched, like Hongjoong had yelled it, and burning eyes traced Hongjoong- from the mark to his eyes and back again- 

“ _ You- _ ” 

“Get away from him!” 

There was the sound of more glass shattering, and then a burst of green energy was blasting through the air- 

Seonghwa disappeared into a burst of black smoke, and Hongjoong sat up as the darkness binding him disappeared. 

Wooyoung turned, sending off another blast, anger on his face- 

“ _ Stop _ !” 

Hongjoong’s yell was desperate enough to make Wooyoung aim wide- the energy blast tearing through a wall and breaking into outside. He saw the dark figure melt into shadow again. 

Wooyoung looked at Hongjoong- both demanding if he was okay, and asking if he was crazy for making him miss. 

A mass of pulsing blackness flew from the shadows at Wooyoung- 

“ _ Don’t hurt him _ !” Hongjoong screamed, his heart leaping as he got to his shaking legs that could barely support him. 

Wooyoung turned, too slow- 

A disc of white appeared in front of him, the black slamming into and making it crumble. 

Yeosang stood, panting in the broken glass. “Stop running off!” he snapped, hurrying in, eyes searching. 

“ _ Stop _ ,” Hongjoong ordered, trying to keep his voice strong as it shook. He saw both of those who had arrived turn at him in confusion, but Hongjoong looked up. “Seonghwa- stop it! Don’t-” 

A blast of shadows came so quickly, from so close that Yeosang didn’t even have time to throw up a shield as it pierced into Hongjoong- 

And disappeared. 

“Don’t hurt anyone!” he yelled into the darkness around them, feeling dizzy. “Why-” He moved towards Wooyoung and Yeosang quickly. “Guys,  _ go _ ,” he ordered sternly. 

“Wh- You know him?” Wooyoung demanded, tensed. 

“Who the hell-” 

Dark shadows began creeping along the ground. Wooyoung blasted at them, but it did absolutely nothing to stop the slow fog creeping over the floor towards them. 

Hongjoong felt his heart constrict in fear and overwhelming emotions. “Seonghwa!” he yelled. “Stop- Stop trying to hurt people!” 

Maybe it wasn’t Seonghwa. Maybe Hongjoong was just making a fool of himself. 

“Yeosang, Wooyoung- get out of here!” he snapped, pushing the two of them together as their circle of safety shrunk. 

Yeosang moved to place a shield over all of them, but Hongjoong grabbed his hand firmly. The other started as Hongjoong glared. 

“Go!” he ordered. “ _ Now _ !”

They looked confused and torn and fearful- 

But it didn’t matter what you thought. You listened to the leader and you hoped everyone made it out. 

Yeosang wrapped a shield around the both of them, opening a small hole that Wooyoung charged up energy for. 

He looked at Hongjoong, eyes fearful. “What about you?” he demanded. 

“I’ll catch up- Just make sure the others are safe!” 

Their faces were grim, but Wooyoung discharged the energy through the hole, the blast of it sending them flying backwards, breaking through a wall and rolling out into the street. 

Hongjoong looked down, standing still as shadows licked at his boots. 

“You can’t hurt me,” Hongjoong said, voice shaking in a struggle to remain calm. “You promised.” 

They were memories Hongjoong had visited in decades. He was shocked he remembered them at all. 

He was shocked that this person could be the same one from before. 

The darkness surged up to swallow Hongjoong, like a wave crashing over him and dragging him under- disorienting and sickening, and Hongjoong resisted the urge to cry in fear of it- 

It was cold. Nothing else. No pain. 

Hongjoong swallowed his shaking words as the darkness parted once more, the figure standing in front of him- only his eyes visible under the brim of his hat, peaking over his mask. 

They were so angry. So hateful. 

Hongjoong stared at him, eyes wide and his heart pounding at their silence. “Stop this,” he whispered hoarsely. “Stop hurting people.” He stared on in burning silence. Hongjoong swallowed. “Do you remember me?” he asked weakly. 

Seonghwa was still and silent, his fists clenching at his side, making the leather gloves that covered them creak. 

He glared so hard, the mark over his eye crinkled and warped. 

“You were my first mistake.” 

His voice dropped like poison against Hongjoong’s skin. 

One he was not immune to. 

Hongjoong flinched, opening his mouth to- 

Seonghwa melted into shadows, everything around Hongjoong going eerily quiet as the darkness seemed to retreat. He turned quickly, eyes searching the air- 

Hongjoong could feel it in his chest. 

Seonghwa was gone. 

He ran out into the street, searching frantically for the others- 

They stood in a cluster at the end of the street, and Hongjoong ran to them, waiting for a blast of darkness to take them. But they simply caught sight of him and ran to meet him, all their powers charged and ready to attack- 

“Is anyone hurt?” Hongjoong demanded as they reached each other, his heart racing. 

Mingi shook his head quickly. “The bastard never came near us.” 

“Any hostages?” 

“What happened to that guy?” Wooyoung demanded, searching behind Hongjoong. “Did you-” 

“He left,” he said shortly, his hands still shaking a little. “Did you find anyone?” 

Yunho shook his head. “No, not a single person,” he reported. “And there’s been no reports of anyone missing. I don’t know what he was doing out here, but it wasn’t anything to do with people.” 

Hongjoong’s mind was still reeling too much, he couldn’t think- He was surprised he hadn’t hit the ground at this point- 

“Solitude?” Yeosang guessed. “Maybe he was laying over? Do we know what he did while fighting the other teams?” 

Yunho shook his head. “They sent us in blind.” 

Seonghwa… 

Hongjoong couldn’t do this anymore. 

“He’s gone,” the leader said heavily, rubbing at his face. “And I doubt we have any chance of tracking him. We… We should go back and report. Let’s see what Eden wants us to do next.” 

No one looked thrilled with leaving a loose cannon on the run, but what chance did they stand? None of their powers seemed effective against him. 

“Radio in for pick up,” Hongjoong ordered, his voice losing it authority as Seonghwa’s face kept flashing across his mind. “Let’s go.” 

They walked in solemn silence, knowing that today had not been a victory, and San had been hurt on top of all of it. 

“You knew him.” Hongjoong raised heavy eyes to Wooyoung’s piercing gaze. “You called his name. Even more than that, you didn’t want either of us hurting each other.” His eyes narrowed in deep, confused anger. “Who was he?” 

Hongjoong bit the inside of his cheek hard. He shook his head as echoes of the past still reverberated. 

“Not now,” he said hoarsely. “Not now, Wooyoung.” 

His tone was enough to make the other’s expression soften into sympathy. He looked away, lips twisting regretfully. 

The chopper was waiting by the time they arrived. 

“How did you survive that, hyung?” Yeosang asked quietly, carefully as he sat beside Hongjoong. “We… Our abilities were useless against him. How did you… You’re not injured in the slightest.” 

Hongjoong closed his eyes, leaning his head back, hoping that it might knock back the memories. “Not now, Yeosang,” he said, sounding a little more pleading than he had planned. 

He could feel the others’ gazes burning into him, but Hongjoong could not respond to them right now. 

He remembered Seonghwa, even if it was distant. He was sad and upset and kind… he was a good friend- they had both been so desperate to stay with each other… 

When had he turned into this? 

When had his sadness turned to hate? 

Hongjoong remembered his mother calling him a monster, the anger she had directed at him, the firm disappointment of his father towards him… 

The way Seonghwa’s family had forbid him from playing with others… How Seonghwa always seemed to be coming from home, upset and crying and feeling lost… 

Hongjoong had been too young and ignorant to connect every dot before. His worldview had been too narrow, too carefree, despite everything. 

Hongjoong was directed to Eden’s office the moment they arrived, the others saying they would save him a seat in the infirmary as they went to check on San. Hongjoong hadn’t even reached Eden’s door before it was opening, startling him with his frazzled nerves. 

Hongjoong jumped, stumbling back a step, and Eden stared down at him with gentle eyes. “Come in,” he said, opening it further for Hongjoong. 

Hongjoong didn’t want to do this. 

There was a tray set up beside the little couch, a cup of coffee and some hot soup sitting ready. “First, eat that, and then we’ll talk,” Eden said, sitting at his desk. 

Sometimes Eden was a little too in tune with their minds and thoughts. 

Hongjoong stared at it as he sat, his stomach churning. “Not hungry.” 

“You look ready to pass out,” Eden said firmly. “Eat at least a little.” 

Hongjoong sighed, but picked up the coffee, grateful for at least the heat. He hadn’t realized how chilled his blood was until it held the hot mug. He swallowed, trying to hold everything together. 

“I’d… I think I’d rather just do a verbal mission report,” Hongjoong said quietly, staring at the dark liquid. 

He heard Eden hum gently. “Those… are usually the times when people want to hide something. And usually the times when it would be most beneficial for me to see exactly what’s going on.” 

Hongjoong tightened his grip on the cup, something flowing quicker through his blood. “I… I don’t know if I’m ready to relive certain parts of that again.” 

Even if Hongjoong had forgotten Seonghwa, the memories he had were so… pure. Untouched. Seen through the eyes of a child who had no understanding of the world besides friend and pain. 

Seonghwa had been his friend, and Hongjoong could only remember being so elated- 

It didn’t matter if there was over a decade separating them, it somehow hurt to have those memories blackened with ink and shadows. 

“None of your teammates reported anything particularly alarming, aside from San’s injury,” Eden replied curiously, quietly. He leaned forward slightly, frowning. “What happened, Hongjoong? I can feel your distress from here, and that’s concerning.” 

Hongjoong took a sip of the coffee, just to keep from answering, but it only made his stomach roll. 

Eden wouldn’t- and couldn’t- go rooting around Hongjoong’s head without Hongjoong’s consent. If he pushed to only do a verbal report, Eden would comply until such a point it was a hindrance to their duty. 

Which, from the way Seonghwa’s hate and anger had burned, would likely be a point they reached quickly. 

“I knew the guy we were after,” Hongjoong said hoarsely, the coffee burning his throat. “Distantly.” 

He could hear the creak of Eden’s chair as he shifted. “You knew him? The villain you were sent after?” 

Hongjoong nodded slowly. “His name is Seonghwa, I befriended him when I was five. I knew him for less than a year before his family moved away.” 

There was a long silence, and Hongjoong set the coffee cup down when his hands started shaking a little too much. 

It was just all so  _ jarring _ . 

“I think…it may be easiest on you if you allow me to see,” Eden said gently. “I can just let you rest, without watching it again, if you’d like.” 

Hongjoong was honestly so tired, any sort of break from thinking about this would be a blessing. But… what would happen? 

Seonghwa was a… a villain- he was attacking them, trying to kill them- He had been  _ furious _ when he hadn’t been able to kill Hongjoong. 

But… the only version of Seonghwa that Hongjoong had in his head was the friend he had held so desperately. 

Hongjoong didn’t want him to get hurt- 

He was so  _ angry _ . He was so full of hate- 

“Sure,” Hongjoong agreed, going to lay down- 

“Eat at least a little soup,” Eden instructed briskly, pointing. “And then we’ll get started.” 

Hongjoong ate the hot soup a little too quickly, burning his mouth, but honestly, he just wanted to get this over with. It upset his stomach more than it settled it, but when half of it was gone, he laid down and Eden didn’t scold him for it. 

He moved the tray, rolling his chair until he was beside Hongjoong’s head. Hongjoong closed his eyes. 

Seonghwa’s eyes burned into his, malicious and venomous- 

He felt Eden touch his forehead, and Hongjoong sank into a quiet, dark lake. Still and calm, rather than the turbulent, raging waves that Seonghwa had casted him into. 

Hongjoong just sank into darkness, not thinking about Seonghwa. Not even dreaming. 

He couldn’t say it was a relief. 


	2. They Are Created In The Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly cannot begin to express how genuinely blown away I am with how much attention this got from every platform I have. I never expected this to do so well, but I want to thank all of you who have read and responded to this. You honestly cannot understand how much this means to me!   
> I hope this chapter is just as good! Please let me know what you think, and I hope you all have an amazing day!!   
> -SS

Hongjoong awoke in his own bed, his room dark and quiet. 

He stared at the ceiling blankly for a moment, his chest heavy. 

He remembered everything. 

He rolled over, grabbing his laptop off of the ground and opening it. The bright light from the screen made him flinch, but he saw a few new messages in the corner of his screen. 

The first was from Eden, telling Hongjoong to come see him when he felt up to it. 

The second was from Yunho, giving him an update on San’s condition- nothing life threatening, but he’s going to be sluggish for a couple of days. He hoped Hongjoong was feeling better, and told him to rest up and not worry. 

The third was from the facility- an accumulation of reports from the teams that had been involved in the fight against Seonghwa. Three others in total- most of which had half or more of their team out of commission, and had been forced to retreat. 

Every injury similar or identical to what San had experienced. 

Whatever Seonghwa’s magic was doing to them. 

The Normal casualties- well, there were no actual casualties, but over thirty Normals had been rushed to hospitals and Healers before the teams had managed to clear their areas. Most of them facing worse conditions than the teams that had fought Seonghwa. 

_ Thirty  _ Normals… 

Their first action was always to protect Normals- and if so many had managed to be injured, that meant Seonghwa had struck hard and  _ fast _ . 

The hatred that burned in his eyes must reach deep into his heart. 

Hongjoong winced, his chest beating a dull ache. 

Team 1-US had gotten sent- and Hongjoong winced as he read everyone but their leader’s name on the list of those injured. Ravn was not going to take that well. Hongjoong made a note to potentially go talk to him, knowing the other would likely be sitting by his teammates beds like they were dying. 

Being a leader was hard. 

Team SKZ had also been out there, but they had only lost Chan and Felix- however, having your leader out of commission was almost worse than losing the whole team. It could have been worse, though. 

The team sent right before their own was Team ACE, and every person’s name was on the list of those injured. According to the report, it was only thanks to Jun’s ability to create portals that he was able to get his injured teammates and himself out of there before things got worse. 

Some were already cleared to be walking around, and some would be kept in bed for several weeks until their system was cleared of the poison within it. 

Hongjoong couldn’t remember such high costs from a single villain ever in his entire time in this facility.

Dark magic… 

It was strange, even among those who were Different. It was rare, didn’t show up for long periods of time, and when it did, it was never… good. 

Hongjoong hadn’t known all this when he was five. 

Dark magic was almost guaranteed to always consume its wielder- every case of it had ended or was suspected to have ended as such. It was practically a curse- not a power. Hongjoong had only read two files on individuals with it, and both had died being practically absorbed by their powers. 

The powers lost their power source, and they faded as well. Hongjoong had always found it… sad. 

Like someone being born with a cancer and being told it was their fault. That they were destined for this… 

Like those who were Different faced difficulties among Normals, dark magic users were practically shunned from both communities. 

All of Hongjoong’s mother’s warnings… all the things their parents had done to keep them separate… made  _ sense _ . 

Hongjoong couldn’t see that when he was so young. Dark magic users  _ were  _ dangerous. 

But that didn’t change the fact that Seonghwa, while still dangerous in his youth, had never held this rage before. The darkness that was his abilities had not darkened his soul, at that time. 

Hongjoong rubbed at his eyes, scrolling through the rest of the message sluggishly. 

All teams were being advised against seeking out altercations with him, and he was currently being treated as a highly dangerous individual. They promised to contact them as soon as a course of action was decided. 

Hongjoong’s stomach was heavy. 

A new message popped up as soon as he had finished the last one, from Eden. 

_ I think it would be best if you could meet sooner, rather than later.  _

It was a very Eden message- urging against time, but ultimately leaving it up to Hongjoong to decide. 

But Hongjoong had been a hero for a long time, and he knew how to muscle through things- be it sleepless nights, exams, or a murderous ghost from his past coming back. 

He pushed his laptop off and got dressed into something less disgusting, walking down the hall as quickly as his numb limbs would let him. The meeting that Eden wanted to have was most certainly not going to be a pleasant one, but most things they did were not pleasant. 

Hongjoong played mental acrobatics to keep from thinking about Seonghwa and everything that had happened, that rage, that  _ hatred- _

Hongjoong was so lost in considering what they would talk about, he almost ran into someone walking with their head down. 

“Sorry,” he said quickly when they both stopped. “I wasn’t- Ravn…” he greeted quietly. 

The other looked up, startled by the almost-collision, but he tried to smile. “Hey, Hongjoong. I was glad to hear your team was mostly okay.” There was absolutely nothing malicious in his voice. Just a heavy weight. 

Hongjoong felt guilt prickle at his heart. “I...I’m sorry about your team,” he said heavily. “How are they?” 

Ravn lifted his shoulders helplessly. “They kicked me out of the infirmary for being there too long, but… most of them are okay,” he reassured him, his face dropping. “It’s just Hwanwoong that’s worrying them… He got hit pretty bad. It’s taking longer than they thought to clear the stuff out of his system.” 

Ravn shrugged again, and Hongjoong winced. The worst moment as a leader was when there was nothing you could do. 

San had been declared on the path to recovery so quickly… Hongjoong didn’t know if he could have handled a guessing game with his health. 

“I’m sure he’ll be fine,” Hongjoong said firmly, trying for a confident smile. “The Healers here could bring someone back from the dead, if they tried hard enough.” 

Ravn chuckled weakly, nodding. “Yeah, you’re right. And Hwanwoong’s too stubborn to let it keep him down for long.” There was a brief flicker across his face- torn between keeping up his hope and falling back into fear. He managed to keep smiling. “I should go- I want to see if I can convince them to let me back in.” 

Hongjoong nodded quickly, wishing him and his team all the best, and telling him to pass it on to the others. Ravn nodded gratefully, and Hongjoong continued his walk to Eden’s office. 

Seonghwa… had done this. 

All those people who had been hurt… all those lives in danger… because of  _ him _ .

Because of something he purposefully and  _ happily  _ did. 

The door to Eden’s office was already ajar when Hongjoong arrived, and when he pushed it open, he found Eden sitting at his desk with Hongjoong’s team gathered around- including San, who was laying on the couch- a little pale, but managing a tight smile when Hongjoong entered. 

“I’ve already told them everything necessary,” Eden told Hongjoong as he closed the door. 

Hongjoong hummed as Yunho stood, letting Hongjoong take his seat as he leaned against the wall. “Which was everything, right?” he guessed. Hongjoong knew it, just by the looks on their faces. 

It wasn’t as if Hongjoong cared. It wasn’t as if his affiliation with Seonghwa (if you could call it that) was something embarrassing or damning, but it was… a bit startling. And Hongjoong could see it in their eyes that looked at him. 

Marveling at the fact that Hongjoong was probably the only person in the world who couldn’t be hurt by that man they had barely had a chance to see. 

Eden nodded solemnly. “I think that you and your team are officially our best bet against this.” 

Hongjoong sighed heavily, rubbing at his face- his mind a war of regret, pain, guilt, and grief. “You’re planning on using the fact he can’t hurt me.” 

“Dark magic is tricky to plan for,” Eden said sympathetically, spreading his hands. “His seems to be particularly violent- breaking through others’ powers and making them obsolete at his will. There aren’t many other options for us at this point.” 

And Hongjoong knew this.

He also knew it had to be the lack of sleep that made him feel almost guilty about using something Seonghwa had given him in such pure faith against him. 

“We could send in a  _ bunch  _ of people,” Mingi suggested, but even he knew it was weak. “Overwhelm him- he can’t fight fifty people at once.” 

“He’s too fast,” Hongjoong said before anyone else could speak. 

Just from spending those few minutes alone with Seonghwa, he knew this. Everything Seonghwa had shown him during that time only made something helpless settle in his chest. 

“His powers cover too large an area too quickly- so yes, he likely would be able to fight them all at once- or at the very least, injure or kill a good majority of them before any of us made a difference.” 

The only reason Hongjoong wasn’t dead a million times over in the span of minutes was because of that mark above his chest. 

Eden hummed quietly, nodding agreement. “Is there anything else you remember about him, aside from what I already saw?” 

Hongjoong sighed heavily, pressing hands against his eyes as he wracked his brain to find another memory. 

Everything was blurry- images and half-remembering glances, like a videotape that was all static that disfigured faces and drowned out the audio. 

“I don’t  _ know-  _ I was five and lonely,” he groaned. “I found the person first I saw who was Different, and we were friends- I didn’t know shit about dark magic or abilities. I just knew my mom kept trying to stop us from being friends. And honestly, our relationship didn’t consist of anything other than that.” 

Hongjoong hadn’t been able to look at the world in a way that would be useful to them here. He had been too young. 

The blackness that had swallowed Seonghwa’s eyes suddenly appeared in his mind, making him press against his eyes harder. The marks and tattoos along his skin. Those had definitely not been there in their youth.

“Nothing you didn’t already know,” Hongjoong sighed. “The mark on my chest matches the one on his eye- he’s got other marks, though. He should have a mark in the shape of a scar on his hand from me.” 

There was a heavy silence as Hongjoong lowered his hands. He didn’t know what to do. 

“Sending me in won’t be very effective, though,” he muttered. “I can’t hurt him, either- physically or with my powers.” 

“A distraction may be enough,” Eden reassured him gently. “Or someone to hold him down, that he can’t harm. It’s a loose plan at the moment- we’ll need to look into it more.” 

“You guys really made a blood pact or whatever when you were  _ five _ ?” San’s voice was almost amused, if it hadn’t been so strained. 

Hongjoong shrugged, remembering the darkness of the room- the earnestness with which they had whispered that they didn’t want to hurt each other anymore. 

That, clearly, had gone out the window when Seonghwa pinned Hongjoong to wall and tried to kill him multiple times, becoming increasingly angry when he couldn’t. 

“We were all we had,” Hongjoong said honestly, shrugging. He was not ashamed of this. “We were kids- our worldview was pretty much limited to the next time we would play together.” 

“I mean, it’s kinda sweet if you think about it,” Yunho mused. 

“I don’t… know how he became this,” Hongjoong confessed, staring at Eden with desperate eyes. “I- I never thought he could hurt someone on purpose, he wasn’t that kind of person.” 

Hongjoong spoke with the authority of a  _ five year old _ . 

“Dark magic can change people,” Eden said regretfully, eyes pained. “At his core, Seonghwa may not have been that kind of person. But when someone is exposed to that kind of darkness day after day- when they begin to lose themselves to it- it does not leave a pretty picture behind.” 

Hongjoong wondered if he was being dramatic. 

Why should he be so caught up on someone he knew when he was five?  _ He  _ wasn’t the same person as when he was five, either. Hongjoong had moved on so far from that life… 

So why did he care? 

Seonghwa had not been a part of Hongjoong’s life- he shouldn’t be hesitating to volunteer to distract him while the others attacked to subdue him like any other villain. He shouldn’t feel anything other than satisfaction at the thought of Seonghwa being locked up where he couldn’t hurt people anymore. 

“What was he doing out in the warehouses?” Yeosang asked quietly from the corner of the room, arms crossed over his chest. “There weren’t people around- nothing for him to destroy.” 

“He caused plenty of havoc elsewhere,” Eden reminded them. “We believe he was probably attempting to retreat. Or, perhaps, simply regroup or recharge before releasing another wave of havoc. That desire may have been why he left most of you unharmed.” 

“Or, he wasn’t expecting to see Hongjoong, either,” Wooyoung suggested heavily. “He remembered you, didn’t he?” 

Hongjoong nodded heavily. 

_ You were my first mistake.  _

What had been a mistake? Befriending him? Protecting him? 

“He didn’t seem like he cared very much,” Hongjoong assured them. “He tried plenty hard enough, even after he realized he knew me. It seems as if he doesn’t give a shit if we knew each other before.” 

Another reason Hongjoong should only want to put him behind bars. Seonghwa clearly held no fondness for Hongjoong. Seonghwa had the correct reaction to facing someone you hadn’t known in a decade and a half. 

But Hongjoong still felt that pit in his gut with each scene that replayed in his head. 

“He’s been quiet for now, since you faced him. No other reports or evidence of him attempting to start against immediately,” Eden said quietly. “We aren’t making any moves as of yet. For now, everyone, focus on recovering. We’ll be in contact with you when we decide on a course of action.” 

“How do you plan on tracking him down when you do have a plan?” Jongho asked as they stood. 

Eden’s expression was grim. “For now, we have nothing,” he admitted. “We simply have to wait for him to make another move.” 

For more people to be hurt. For further harm to be done. 

Hongjoong did not stand, the others only casting him a worried glance as Yeosang helped San stand, half-supporting him as they left Hongjoong behind with Eden. 

The door clicked shut behind them, and Hongjoong did not lift his eyes. “Is it stupid that I just feel bad for him?” he murmured, staring at his lap. “Everything I remember about him… He was just so sad all the time. So fucking hurt- and I don’t know how bad it was, or if it was even warranted, but…” 

He couldn’t explain it. 

“I think it admirable and impressive that you feel empathy for him,” Eden assured him. “Not many do or would.” 

“It’s stupid,” Hongjoong huffed. “He’s some kid I knew for a few months when I was five-” 

“You should understand that lasting impressions do not take long to make,” he responded calmly. “You knew your team for a very short time before becoming attached.” 

“I was  _ five _ .” 

“Which may only make it more pitiful, what happened to him.” 

Hongjoong sighed heavily, rubbing at his eyes. “It just feels so  _ wrong _ . Everything from what became of him, to what he’s  _ doing  _ to these people-” 

It seemed like, untreated, it was a slow and unpleasant way to die. Even without death, the pain San had been in, that he was  _ still in- _

“Having dark magic is different from being an inherently evil person,” Eden assured him gently, expression heavy. “Seonghwa, more than anyone you have fought, deserves your pity. However, it is not something that can be fixed. He  _ will  _ have to be detained, Hongjoong,” he said firmly, but with sympathy shining. 

Regardless of Hongjoong’s empathy and connection, Seonghwa had already done unspeakable things. 

Hongjoong had to realize that. 

“I know,” Hongjoong said quickly, nodding firmly. Because he  _ did  _ understand that. “I don’t doubt that- I just… I feel like I want to talk to him,” he murmured. “To find out… what happened to him…” 

What turned him into this? Was it  _ only  _ dark magic that changed him? 

It was a stupid feeling. 

“Will you consent to being put on any teams that are dispatched against him?” Eden questioned carefully. “You may be our greatest asset- be it because he can’t harm you, or that he may feel some hesitation because of your past.” 

Hongjoong still felt too tired, too heavy. “He won’t,” he assured him. “But sure. I’ll go where you need me.” 

Somehow, the meeting had been enlightening and absolutely unproductive. 

And Hongjoong still had an exam. 

Ghosts of his past or not, life pushed on, and they had to keep up. 

He was sure he failed, but he did actually try his best, pushing away his laptop when he was done, and standing, feeling his stomach ache with hunger. Hongjoong washed his face, hoping to wake himself up a bit. 

Living in the facility did not give you the luxury of moping in your room. 

Part of Hongjoong wanted to say fuck it and just go back to bed and stop thinking about everything. 

Part of him was grateful he wasn’t allowed to fall into that darkness that tailed him. 

Seonghwa or not, life moved on. 

It was an odd hour to be eating, so the cafeteria was mostly empty. And despite Hongjoong’s desire to mope and be alone, he went and sat by Yeosang when he saw him in the corner. (Wooyoung must be somewhere nearby.) 

(He didn’t know why Yeosang was here at such an odd hour, either.) 

Yeosang was sitting in the corner with a bag of ice pressed to his shoulder, expression miserable. 

Even if Yeosang’s shields were separate from himself, he still felt some of the abuse against them on himself- especially if it was prolonged and physical. Some days, after particularly grueling battles, he could barely stand for his body’s aftermath of attacks he had shielded them from. 

“Was your practical that rough?” Hongjoong questioned as he sat across from him, frowning. Yeosang had built up a pretty good tolerance to the abuse against his shields. 

“I had Lee as a proctor,” Yeosang muttered, expression dark and miserable. “The fucking bastard.” 

There were good instructors and bad instructors. 

Lee was like Grey- hated by everyone who had to breathe at the same time as him. He was a hardass, and a stickler for stupid rules. He also just liked seeing people fail. 

While being a dick the whole time. 

“I can’t feel anything above my elbow,” he muttered, wincing as he shifted it. 

“The fucker threw a rock slide at him in the simulation room,” Wooyoung said, appearing beside Hongjoong and sitting down. He had his own tray of food, taking the brownie he had for dessert and sliding it across to Yeosang. 

Hongjoong winced. Energy and such types of powers hitting his shields were actually surprisingly well-absorbed into them- strong physical attacks, though, were different and much harsher against Yeosang’s physical body. 

So throwing an entire  _ rock slide  _ at him?

“Lee was switching out with Yoo, and she was pissed when she saw Yeosang leaving.” Wooyoung at least looked a little comforted by this. “She started going off about how he had gone beyond what was required to check up on his progress.” 

“She made me go to the infirmary, and now I’m basically on ‘no powers’ orders for the next couple of days.” 

“The Healers couldn’t just fix you up really quick?” Hongjoong questioned. 

“All non-life threatening injuries are being put on hold,” Wooyoung told him as he picked up his utensils. “Because of the influx of people like San who were injured- the Healers are all being stretched to their limits.” 

Hongjoong winced, having (for a split second) forgotten about that. 

Yeosang’s eyes darkened. “Lee’s a fucking idiot- We’re dealing with someone who’s proving so dangerous, and he put me out of the fucking fight.” 

“We’re going to talk with Eden after this,” Wooyoung said, glaring. “This isn’t the first time Lee’s pushed someone beyond where he should- and we can’t afford anymore people getting sidelined.” 

Yeosang fell back in his seat, pressing the ice angrily to his shoulder. He glared at the brownie, as if it was all its fault, but he finally set the bag down to pick it up and take a slow bite, as if hoping it might make him feel better. 

(It didn’t look like it did.) 

Hongjoong fully supported any action that got Lee fucked over- but his stomach churned with more worries. 

Yeosang was one of the only people that was semi-effective against Seonghwa- even if only for a moment. 

Hongjoong took a bite of food that was suddenly a lot less appealing. “Everything is so fucked up right now,” He murmured, taking another bite to have something to do. 

Wooyoung threw him a pitying glance. “We’ll just have to ride it out,” he said comfortingly. “The sooner his guy- Seonghwa or whatever- sticks his head back out, it’ll be best for us to just try and take him out as quickly as possible.” 

Hongjoong nodded, feeling something solidify in his chest. He could not jeopardize so many people. The moment Seonghwa stuck out his neck, Hongjoong  _ would  _ put a stop to this.

(Easier said than done.)

Except… 

Except they never got a chance. 

By the next day, there was a call going out for Mission 1117. 

Seonghwa. 

A massive attack against Normals in the middle of the goddamn city- 

Hongjoong was racing through hallways, his heart in his throat, with two other teams. They hadn’t even made it to the hangar before the call was dropped. 

Seonghwa had disappeared, and there was nothing left but carnage. 

They were too late to stop anything. 

They sent people anyway- to help clean up and transport people, but they sent out people with powers that were useful for doing so. 

So Hongjoong stayed behind, and distracted himself by helping Jongho study for history. 

Determination turned to guilt. Which turned to something that felt too close to pity for Seonghwa while there were dozens who were hurt by him.

A couple of days later, another call for Mission 1117. Hongjoong and the teams assigned were rushing over so quickly, the chopper almost left without them, Hongjoong practically about to throw up with worry, arriving in the small town outside of the city- 

Hongjoong leapt out of the chopper that landed, and saw Seonghwa standing in the middle of the street- dozens of bodies laying around him with black stains and fog clinging to their skin. 

His eyes met Hongjoong’s, icy and hateful, and then he was gone before the others had even exited the chopper. 

By the end of the week, over a hundred Normals had been hospitalized- 13 of which had died while under care. 

Hongjoong should have felt his pity turn to disgust. 

_ It should have turned to disgust _ . 

Seonghwa had killed people. He showed up with the purpose of hurting as many people as possible in as short an amount of time as possible, and then ran before they could ever fight him. 

That was evil. It was cruel- Hongjoong should be itching to put him behind bars- 

But he still wondered  _ why _ . He hated himself, but he had to wonder  _ why _ . 

He still felt an ache in his chest everytime he thought about what had turned Seonghwa into someone who cared so little. Who only wanted to hurt people. 

Who held such hate in their hearts. So consumed by it… 

Hongjoong wanted to feel hate, but he could only manage anger. Anger that Seonghwa would become this person. Anger that Hongjoong had once called him friend, without knowing what he would turn into. 

But even then, his anger pitied Seonghwa. Pitied whatever part of him might still be like that five year old boy Hongjoong met. 

A part of him that might be looking at these powers that were out of his control- consuming him- and begging for it to stop. 

Maybe such a part didn’t exist. But if it did… if it did, Hongjoong truly could not pity him more. 

By the fourth attack that ended so quickly, without even a battle- another fifteen people injured and rushed to Healers that were already overwhelmed- Hongjoong went to Eden. 

He hadn’t planned on it. But the plane returned them after the mission was called off, after Seonghwa disappeared, and Hongjoong suddenly felt anger blaze in his chest. 

It overpowered the part of him that was sluggish and heavy with regret. It gave him fire in his stomach as he stormed towards Eden’s office. 

Seonghwa had to be stopped. 

Hongjoong shoved the door open without knocking, but Eden (of course) knew he had been coming since they arrived. 

“Let me talk to him,” Hongjoong said urgently the moment he entered. 

Eden was already looking up from the file he was pouring over, straightening and closing the file quietly. 

His gaze was gentle, but stern. “You want to arrange a meeting to speak with Seonghwa,” he surmised back. 

Hongjoong nodded. “This isn’t working,” he snapped. “He’s not interested in fighting us- his grudge clearly isn’t with us. He’s not doing this for attention, he’s doing it for revenge or fun or something else- which means we’re never going to catch him like this.” 

Eden folded his fingers silently as Hongjoong’s words burst from his chest, little sparks of electricity leaping from his skin, scorching his desk just a little. 

“He’s going to keep hurting as many people as he can, and he’s going to keep running before we ever get there- he doesn’t  _ care  _ about us.” Hongjoong’s swallowed, his throat aching. “If we go to him, we might stand a chance. But a crowd of people is only going to make him hurt them, too.” 

“You think you can… what?” Eden questioned- not mocking, but curious. “Convince him to stop? Understand his motives? Apprehend him yourself?” 

Hongjoong’s winced, lips pressing together angrily as his fists clenched as he huffed, a spark leaping from his skin, catching a paper on Eden’s desk on fire. 

Eden calmly placed a hand over the small fire, patting it out without looking away from Hongjoong. 

“I don’t know,” Hongjoong confessed, harried. “I don’t know what I can do- Hell, maybe he’ll find a way to kill me anyway- I don’t  _ know _ , Eden.” He grit his teeth. “But I do know that too many people are getting hurt, we have to try  _ something  _ else.” 

Maybe Normals were less than kind to them. Maybe some of them were berated on TV when Normals reported on the battles they fought. Maybe there was a lot of things wrong with this world. 

But Hongjoong knew that this wasn’t right. 

People were getting hurt. People were  _ dying _ . And that’s why he stayed in the system: to protect those people who were even more defenseless than them. 

Eden gazed at Hongjoong with a solid, stern gaze that would make Hongjoong squirm if he wasn’t so convinced on this. 

If he weren’t so angry. 

Eden lowered his gaze to Hongjoong’s clenched fists, and then back up to his fiery eyes. “How do you plan on finding him?” Eden questioned calmly. 

Hongjoong’s stomach flipped as he shifted. “At the risk of sounding self-centered… I’m hoping that he’ll find me.” 

It was a stupid bet. Seonghwa had shown that he held no connection to Hongjoong- he was as eager to kill him as anyone else. 

But… it clearly angered him that he couldn’t hurt Hongjoong. Maybe that anger would draw him out. 

“And if not… I’ll start walking around the city and looking.” 

Hongjoong wanted to talk with him. And if that failed… well, he was the best person to have around if things went south. 

“Do you want anyone else to accompany you?” Eden questioned, writing something across a page. 

“No,” Hongjoong said quickly. “People are still recovering, and I want to be able to put all my focus on him- not making sure he leaves the other person alone. Everyone is ineffective, anyway.” 

Hongjoong chewed his lips harshly. 

“And I’m hoping to avoid all conflict,” he confessed. “If I can hold a legitimate conversation with him… Maybe I can figure some stuff out.” 

There was a long silence, Eden drawing in a long breath and letting it go as he glanced down at his paper. “It’s probably extremely irresponsible for me to okay this request,” he sighed, spreading his hands. “However, I believe desperate times call for desperate measures.” 

Hongjoong’s fists loosened at his side, but it wasn’t out of relief. “Do you intend to mic me?” 

“I wouldn’t dare risk it,” Eden assured him. “As long as you can have a mission report, that should be sufficient.” 

The office was quiet as Hongjoong nodded, his chest tightening. Was this just him attempting to make a desperate attempt to change Seonghwa back?

No. 

Hongjoong didn’t even know if Seonghwa could be changed back. Hongjoong didn’t even know if there was a ‘ _ back’  _ to Seonghwa. Maybe he  _ had  _ always been like this. 

But Hongjoong… 

Maybe it was unfair that he take such an interest in a villain, simply because he knew them. Surely, every villain had a reason or a motive for why they turned out so twisted, so cruel. 

But… But Seonghwa… Hongjoong kept remembering his eyes. 

He could see it in his eyes. 

Something deeper than just rage, just anger, just hatred. 

There was something else there. Something more desperate, something wilder. Hongjoong didn’t know what it was, but  _ that  _ was the thing that made Seonghwa different. 

The part of him that wouldn’t let him leave Hongjoong’s mind. 

“Permission granted, then,” Eden said heavily. “For now, I’ll remove you from the teams on Mission 1117, and you can focus your energy on attempting to find Seonghwa.” 

Hongjoong thanked him, even though he didn’t think there much to be thankful for. 

For all Hongjoong knew, he had just royally screwed himself over. 

~~~~~~~~

Hongjoong walked the city. 

It was odd, wandering on his own. Because while they were all  _ allowed  _ to leave, they just never  _ did _ , unless it was on a mission. It had probably been a few weeks since he saw a need to come out here. It was just better in the system. 

With your own kind. 

His outfit had been left behind, save for the black mask covering his face as he walked through highly populated areas. He kept his eyes open- scanning alleys and glaring at shadows, waiting for them to jump to life. 

The sun began to sink, and Hongjoong was beginning to realize how foolish he had been. 

Korea was huge- and Seonghwa had been bouncing between towns like he cared nothing for the distance between them. Did Hongjoong really think Seonghwa would somehow sense him among the crowds and come for him? 

Hongjoong stood on the side of the road, his mind rolling as violently as his stomach. 

There were too many populated areas for Hongjoong to ever be able to narrow them down. Seonghwa hadn’t presented any sort of rhyme or reason to where he chose to attack. 

Hongjoong was literally flying blind. And it wasn’t until he got in a taxi, about to tell the man to take him back out of town that he paused. 

The man glanced back, eyebrows raised. “Where to?” he asked briskly. 

Hongjoong’s lips pressed together tightly, fingers curling on his knees. “The warehouse district,” he said suddenly. “Please.” 

The man looked confused by the destination, but he drove off, Hongjoong staring at his hands in silence. 

There was no guarantee that Seonghwa had ever returned to that place since they left. 

But Hongjoong was desperate at this point- so who the fuck knew. Maybe he’d get lucky and at least find a clue. 

“You Different, kid?” 

Hongjoong stiffened in his seat, looking up to meet the driver’s eyes in the rearview mirror. His body tensed as he narrowed his eyes. “What makes you ask?” he asked stiffly. 

The man didn’t look hostile, but his expression was clearly disapproving. “You’re wearing one of those masks they always wear.” 

Hongjoong didn’t flinch away. “Lots of people wear masks.” 

“Not those weird leather ones.” 

Hongjoong’s jaw flexed, but he shrugged. “Are you gonna tell me to get out, if I am?” 

“You planning on paying for this ride?” he demanded. Hongjoong nodded firmly. The man looked away. “Then I don’t have much plan of kicking you out. Just wondering what you’re doing riding in a taxi, instead of one of those helicopters.” 

“Budget cuts,” Hongjoong replied, perhaps a bit too sarcastically than he intended, glaring out the window. 

Honestly, the flippancy was more infuriating than the anger and prejudice. More suffocating. As if they weren’t even worth looking at. 

Like they were some kind of subspecies. Like a bug. 

“You know about that one of yours whose been running around- almost killing people left and right?” he asked, glancing back at Hongjoong. “I heard the number of deaths keeps going up.” 

“He’s not ‘one of ours,’” Hongjoong said, not even looking back at the man, keeping his eyes glued on the scenery flying by. “He’s outside the system- he’s no different than any Normal mass murderer.” 

“Yeah, but I heard he’s got dark magic, and you guys don’t know what the hell you’re doing-” 

“You’ve never had cops who didn’t find a murderer immediately?” Hongjoong replied calmly, voice dull. “We may have abilities, but we’re still human. We can’t just magically find all the answers-” 

“Are you?”

Hongjoong stomach dropped as his fist curled on his knee. “Am I what?” 

“Still human?” 

His nails dug into the palm of his hand painfully, his teeth gritting together as he nearly broke through the skin. 

Was he… 

“I think we’re done with this conversation,” Hongjoong said quietly. 

“So you don’t know?”

“Sir, unless you want this entire car to light up like a fucking lightning rod, I suggest you drop this subject.” He stared passively out the window of the car. 

By all the luck of every god out there, the man fell silent. 

Hongjoong couldn’t call it anger that boiled in his stomach. It was something darker and deeper. Something tired and so very fed up. 

The first time Hongjoong had been hated because he was Different, after he had learned to control his powers, was only months after he had passed his control exam and was allowed outside. 

He had gone to the grocery store to pick up flowers for his mom before they met up for lunch outside the facility for the first time in years. 

And Hongjoong knew… he knew that those scars on his arms- signs of the very first uses of his powers, when he didn’t know how to control it without having it explode in his face- were probably dead giveaways. 

But Hongjoong had been riding the high of going back outside and seeing his mom for the first time, outside, in years. 

A woman had passed by the flower stand, and Hongjoong saw her glance at him before she grabbed her child walking beside her, hoisting her up and hurrying away. 

As he picked out the flowers, another woman had come over to see, and the older lady openly stared at him, until Hongjoong noticed, glancing down at his own arms. 

“You’re one of  _ them _ ,” she hissed, taking a step away. 

Like Hongjoong was someone dangerous. Uncontrollable. 

And Hongjoong had stared, shocked by such open hostility- And suddenly the woman was yelling for the store manager, shrieks of  _ their kind  _ being allowed in here, disturbing people and creating a mess- 

Hongjoong had been buying  _ flowers _ . 

Looking back, he knew that the store manager was just as uncomfortable as Hongjoong- he clearly didn’t believe the woman’s ravings. 

But, even for those who weren’t actually against them, a Normal’s comfort would always be more important than someone Different. 

Hongjoong was politely asked to leave. 

He had stared, angry and hurt and disbelieving- 

“I’m just buying flowers for my mom,” he had pressed, holding up the bouquet as proof. 

“I know, son, but-” 

“ _ Buying _ !” the woman scoffed. “For all we know, you could turn invisible! You could just run off with them! Hold us at gunpoint with your- your freak abilities!” 

“I- I’m not-” 

“Son,” the manager had said, gentle and regretful. “I think it’s best if you leave.” 

Whether the man felt sorry for him or not, Hongjoong was still escorted out. No flowers or any sort of gift to speak of. 

When he showed up and his mom asked him what he had been up to, Hongjoong had smiled and described all the things he had learned in the facility. 

He said nothing of the lady. 

It was just better to stay in the system. 

When the taxi finally stopped after a lifetime, Hongjoong handed the man the fair- plus a large tip that the man stared at for a split second, shocked by it. 

Maybe the man wouldn’t think a thing of it, but to Hongjoong, it was the only kind of revenge he could get. 

Were they even still human... 

Did it fucking  _ matter _ ? 

Killing with kindness was by far the least rewarding, but Hongjoong liked to imagine the man felt bad as he walked away from the taxi briskly, towards the warehouses they had fought amongst before. 

He felt strung out and wired- like he might snap at any sort of sound- as he walked through the road, staring at broken glass and torn off doors. 

It was probably stupid to even suspect, but Hongjoong stopped outside the warehouse he had met Seonghwa in the first time. His tennis shoes crunched on broken glass, and Hongjoong suddenly felt a lot more exposed without his leather coat and boots. 

He adjusted his mask, swallowing. 

He stood in the center, gazing around at the carnage that still scarred the metal. He wet his lips, his heart rate beginning to pick up. 

“Hello?” he called, knowing it was useless. Only his own voice echoed back, and Hongjoong swallowed thickly. 

His hands didn’t shake. 

It wasn’t fear that Hongjoong felt at this moment, it was nerves. He didn’t know what would happen- if anything even  _ would  _ happen. 

Sighing quietly, he dropped his eyes to the ground, chin hitting his chest. 

Absently, his hand came up and pressed over the area above his heart. Hongjoong’s breathing got a little thicker as he took the neck of his t-shirt carefully, dragging it down until he stared at the bare skin just above his chest. 

He poked at it gently- skin he had seen a million times before- but that he knew… he  _ knew  _ now that it held something. Something Seonghwa had given him, something that had followed him since he was a child. 

He walked slowly through the warehouse, wondering if he should check them all before calling it useless. He walked through the shipping crates, the silence eerie around him. 

He paused, turning around quickly as the hair on the back of his neck prickled. 

His hair stood on end as lightning flickered down his arm agitatedly, eyes searching the darkness around him. 

“Seonghwa?” he called, afraid of speaking too loudly. 

The darkness was almost louder than the silence. His fingers sparked. 

“You are truly foolish.” 

Hongjoong ducked on instinct, despite knowing the shadows that burst over his head would not likely be able to harm him. He didn’t want to give Seonghwa that control again. 

He hit the ground, coming back up and searching- 

He dodged another tendril of blackness, moving forward, back towards the better lit section of the warehouse- 

Something cold wrapped around his ankle, and Hongjoong fell forward with a cry. 

But, training had made certain things instinctual. As he fell, he thrusted a hand back, lightning bursting off of his fingertips in sharp waves. Hongjoong didn’t know if it was actually effective or not, but the shadows released him in time for him to catch himself and tuck into a roll. 

When he stood again, he saw that same black fog from before, but instead of rolling over the ground towards him, it was bursting through the air like a tidal wave about to swallow him. 

Hongjoong’s heart dropped as he curled around his center, feeling crackling along his skin that had been begging to be released the entire day, with nerves and anxiety making him spark. 

There was a sound like thunder- like massive beats crashing into each other- as Hongjoong felt static build in his gut before- 

_ ZZZZA-  _

Hongjoong felt the pressure release from his skin, arcing out in every direction, like a bomb going off. 

Or those little electric balls you saw in science museums. 

The surge of power through him was one that he hadn’t had such a large one of in a while. When it finally faded out, Hongjoong breathed heavily, his limbs twitching a bit from the leftover electricity. 

But the shadows were gone- black charring along the floors and walls- eerily similar to the scars along his arm. 

Hongjoong turned in place, mouth dry and tasting of metal- 

Seonghwa stood- as dark and mysterious as the first time- only a few feet away from Hongjoong, his face hidden behind the brim of the hat. 

Hongjoong’s chest heaved silently as the adrenaline faded, and his tongue suddenly stuck to the roof of his mouth. 

What the hell was he even doing here? What could he possibly say? 

Seonghwa lifted his head slowly, icy eyes glaring at Hongjoong- the mark over his eye warped by the anger. 

“Truly foolish,” he muttered. 

Hongjoong was suddenly grabbed from behind- darkness wrapping around his waist and legs and arms- 

He was slammed into the wall- a startlingly similar position to before- and Hongjoong cursed as he struggled against them, trying to catch a spark once more, but it felt muted and  _ wrong _ . 

“I can do a lot more to you with my powers without hurting you,” Seonghwa said from the floor, walking forward- shadows appearing under his feet and lifting him into the air as he walked towards Hongjoong. “A lot more.” 

He was suddenly in front of Hongjoong, a lot closer than he was comfortable with. Hongjoong’s chest seized as Seonghwa leaned in closely. 

“Where do you think the line is drawn?” Seonghwa asked quietly, eyes like ice against Hongjoong’s skin. “How much do you think I could get away with before it stops me? What loopholes do you think I could find?” 

Hongjoong stared at him and refused to feel fear. 

Once again, he only felt pity. And anger. And confusion. 

“You remember me,” Hongjoong said quietly, voice a little unsteady. 

“I remember the only person in the world I ever lifted a finger to try and protect,” Seonghwa assured him, lips twisting. “And I remember how disgusted I became with myself for ever bothering to do so.” 

“Disgusted?” Hongjoong asked, no longer thinking- only focusing on keeping him talking. 

Because he truly did not know what loopholes existed, and he was currently completely at Seonghwa’s mercy yet again. 

“Disgusted because you cared enough to try and stop yourself from hurting someone?”

“ _ Yes _ ,” Seonghwa hissed. 

“What happened to you?” Hongjoong asked quietly, whispered in confusion, not accusation. “After you left- What  _ happened _ ? What happened to the kid who was scared to hurt someone-” 

“I stopped being afraid!” Seonghwa snapped, his voice rising sharply, making Hongjoong flinch. “I stopped fearing myself because they told me to, and I  _ stopped caring _ .” 

He stared, and there was so much anger, so much hatred- 

But there was something else. 

It was shining there- but Hongjoong couldn’t tell  _ what _ . What was he feeling? It was hidden among a thousand other emotions that all clambered for a spot. 

He was surprised that Seonghwa felt so much. 

It almost hurt, how much he could tell Seonghwa felt. 

“You’ve hurt over a hundred people within the last week alone,” Hongjoong said weakly. “ _ Innocent _ people. I don’t know why you have a grudge against the world, but-” 

“Don’t  _ know _ ?” Seonghwa scoffed, actually laughing, pulling away from Hongjoong slightly, a slightly manic cackle that made the hair on his arms raise. 

Hongjoong swallowed as his laugh echoed around the empty space. Getting him to talk seemed to be easy enough- angry people wanted to tell people why they were angry. 

Insane people did not. 

“You say you  _ don’t know  _ when you’re standing before me with things like  _ that _ ?” Seonghwa demanded. 

The darkness around his hand cleared away, turning his palm up forcefully. 

Hongjoong glanced over, confused, and saw the indentations from his nails that had dug into his skin in anger. 

“You spend half an hour in a car with a man who dares ask you if you’re even still  _ human- _ ” The darkness swallowed his hand again as Seonghwa got back in closer. 

Hongjoong’s throat closed up as he glared at him. “Have you been following me?” he demanded. 

“You were coming to  _ my  _ domain,” Seonghwa spat, expression twisted. “And I don’t have to follow you to know- you are  _ hated _ , Hongjoong.” 

The silence that rang afterwards burned Hongjoong’s eardrums, drowning out the distant sound of the warehouse creaking. 

He stared at Seonghwa’s burning eyes, and Hongjoong’s mouth felt dry. 

“By every person in this god forsaken city,” Seonghwa hissed, pointing towards town. “You and everyone like you are hated and loathed and  _ feared- _ ” 

“That’s not true,” Hongjoong snapped sternly, tugging at his restraints that were as firm as steel. “Not everyone hates those who are Different-” 

“What are five people out of a million?” Seonghwa demanded, fists clenched. “You spend your life locked up in a fucking prison-” 

“It’s not a  _ prison- _ ” 

“All because it’s not safe for you out here!” He jerked his hand again. “Somehow-  _ you _ , as someone who could wipe out Normals in seconds,  _ you  _ are the one who isn’t safe out there. They lock you up to make Normals feel better-” 

“That’s not how it works!” Hongjoong snapped, jerking at legs uselessly, something tightening in his chest uncomfortable. “We’re free to leave whenever- they don’t force us to stay there after they teach us control-” 

Seonghwa scoffed harshly, bitterly, foolishly. “They put a gun to your head and said stay inside or get shot- they haven’t forced you to do a  _ thing _ .” His eyes narrowed dangerously. “That doesn’t mean you had a choice.” 

“It’s not as bad as you think, Seonghwa,” he pressed, feeling a little desperate, too out of control. 

Is this what Seonghwa thought the world was? 

Was this what he thought the facility was?

“When was the last time you went into the real world?” he demanded. Hongjoong stared, swallowed. “Months? Years? Why is that, Hongjoong?” 

“It’s not because of that!” Hongjoong burst. “It’s just easier in the facility-” 

“Because you’d be  _ lynched  _ if you left-” 

“Because we  _ understand  _ each other!” Hongjoong yelled over him, shivering as a cold trickle ran down his spine. “ _ Yes _ , Seonghwa, Normals and us are not the same! Yes, we are feared because we are Different- but the reason the system was created was because Normals  _ can’t  _ understand us!” 

“They don’t  _ want  _ to understand us!” Seonghwa shouted, throwing down a hand that shot what looked like black fire at the ground. “If they understood us- they wouldn’t fear us, they wouldn’t brainwash us into fearing  _ ourselves _ !” 

“They  _ can’t _ , Seonghwa,” he pressed, back beginning to ache from being held up. 

Hongjoong was out of control in more ways than one. And he saw the way anger and hatred warred in Seonghwa’s eyes that still shone with  _ something _ . 

“How is a Normal ever supposed to understand what it feels like to have a power bursting under your skin?” Hongjoong demanded, a little too desperate. “How could they ever understand the pain it takes to control that? The fear you have of yourself-” 

“And they  _ hate  _ us for that,” Seonghwa growled, the mark over his eyes warping with how his expression contorted. “They try to shove us into prisons- they make us think we’re freaks, that we’re  _ dangerous- _ ” 

Hongjoong’s eyes widened as Seonghwa’s eyes grew dark, as they had before- shadows swallowing the lights of his eyes until there was nothing but black- 

The marks that Hongjoong had seen just peeking up over his coat suddenly grew- creeping up his skin like ink running through his veins- spider webbing up through his cheek- 

Everything was suddenly ten degrees colder, and Hongjoong felt his first spike of fear. He could barely recognize Seonghwa with the darkness slowly creeping up his skin. 

“They make us  _ hate  _ ourselves, and  _ hide  _ ourselves!” he shouted, voice muted as shadows grew around them like soundproofing walls, Hongjoong glancing away to stare at it, but terrified to take his eyes off Seonghwa. “They call us  _ monsters.  _ They  _ push us aside  _ and shove us to the  _ ground _ , and they  _ beat  _ us back until we fear ourselves so deeply, we don’t dare  _ breathe- _ ” 

“You’re talking about you.” 

The whisper was out of Hongjoong’s mouth the moment the thought came to his mind. 

Fear suddenly faded as his heart wrenched. 

Seonghwa stared at Hongjoong with black pits of icy darkness, and Hongjoong swallowed. 

“You mean our parents,” Hongjoong breathed quietly, gently, even as he stared with eyes blown wide. “Everyone… the reasons you moved into our neighborhood and the reason you left…” 

_ That monster _ . 

It had… never occurred to Hongjoong that… his mother was so eager to label Seonghwa as a monster. And so, it was entirely possible and probable that Seonghwa’s own mother- who sent him away sobbing every day, who forbid him from playing with other children, who made her child’s life so miserable… 

Would also have called him a monster. 

“You’re talking about yourself,” he breathed, heart wrenching painfully the longer Seonghwa stared in silence. 

And Hongjoong imagined, even as Seonghwa drew closer- murder in his twisted expression- hearing your own mother… call you a monster… when you were nothing more than a child… 

“I only became what they spent my  _ entire life  _ telling me I was,” Seonghwa hissed, voice rough and full of detestation, dripping poison and blackness. “I was a  _ kid _ , and they all called me a  _ monster _ , a dangerous  _ thing _ \- They spend my entire life saying I was some  _ demon  _ coming to steal souls-” 

“I didn’t.” 

Seonghwa fell quiet- the marks on his face shifting and curling unsettlingly. 

But Hongjoong stared at him, mouth dry, but his voice was steady. “I never thought you were a monster, Seonghwa,” he breathed. “And I never believed anyone who called you it.” 

Because even through the static haze of old videotapes, Hongjoong was sure of this. 

There was silence, and Hongjoong was almost ignorant enough to feel hope. 

And then Seonghwa laughed- low and sarcastic and  _ angry _ . “You think that  _ matters _ ?” he demanded, pressing so close, Hongjoong felt his breath on his cheek. “You think the opinion of one child makes up for years-” 

“No,” Hongjoong said quickly, staring into the blackness that swallowed his eyes. There was nothing left of Seonghwa there, but Hongjoong could still see him. “No… But your earlier statement was that everyone called you a monster. Everyone told you to fear yourself.” He wet his lips. “I never did.” 

Something built in Seonghwa’s expression. 

And it finally clicked in Hongjoong’s mind what that deeper emotion was, like a train barreling into him as a knife pierced his chest. 

It was agony. 

Pain. 

“Well,  _ congratulations _ ,” Seonghwa snarled, teeth bared. “What do you want for a prize?”

“I want you to stop hurting people,” Hongjoong said quietly, eyes pleading, his chest twisting like lightning was wrapped around his heart. “I want you to  _ talk  _ to me, Seonghwa-” 

“So you can ‘fix me’?” Seonghwa demanded, scoffing, but giving Hongjoong no more room to breathe. “So you can convince me to change? So I’ll stop hurting all those innocent people who would murder us the first chance-” 

“So I can  _ help you, _ ” Hongjoong broke in quietly, gently straining against the bindings keeping him in place. He shivered again as the chill of them went into his veins, swallowing. “You’re  _ hurting _ , Seonghwa-” 

“ _ Not anymore _ ,” he hissed, some spit hitting Hongjoong’s face, lips curling in hatred. “I spent my life being hurt by them until the moment I realized  _ they’re right _ .” 

Hongjoong’s stomach dropped as Seonghwa’s expression fell into a slow smile that stretched his lips. 

Darkness seemed to become denser around them. 

“I am a monster.” 

“ _ You’re not- _ ” 

Darkness suddenly surged up over Hongjoong, covering his entire vision- 

He didn’t know if it was fear or something in the shadows that made him choke, but he suddenly felt like he couldn’t draw in any breath- 

Hongjoong hit the cement ground hard on his hands and knees, the shadows disappearing, and he coughed, sucking in a sharp breath as he looked up quickly, head spinning- 

Seonghwa crouched in front of Hongjoong, staring at him bitterly. “You’re still living with the mentality of a child,” he said quietly, calmly. His eyes were no longer black, but dull and bored. “Still staring at the monsters in your closet and thinking you can befriend them.” 

Hongjoong was breathing heavily, his heart racing as he stared up at Seonghwa. There was so much  _ apathy  _ with his anger. 

“You’re wrong, Seonghwa,” he said firmly, choking on the words a little. “No one is a monster- not even the worst people we’ve put away- they’re not  _ monsters- _ ” 

“They are,” Seonghwa said calmly, nodding. “We all are, Hongjoong. The answer to that man’s question- Are you even still human?” He shook his head sadly. “The answer is no. We’ve never been human. That’s why they’ve called us Different, from the beginning.” 

Hongjoong shook his head, trying to think of something to say, something to dispute with- 

“They hate us,” Seonghwa said quietly, almost comfortingly. “Each and every one of us- and even you can’t deny that, Hongjoong. If you do, you’re lying. Even within your little prison, you can see it. You’re hated… But I am hated  _ so  _ much more.” 

Hongjoong’s head hurt from how hard he shook it as he struggled to find words to combat such assured bitterness. “If they hate you, it’s because you’re hurting them-” 

“Have you hurt anyone, Hongjoong?” Seonghwa questioned calmly, too quiet and slow compared to the rage of moments before. “Then why do they hate you? Because it doesn’t matter. They don’t hate us because we hurt them, they hate us because we  _ could _ .” 

“No-” 

“And if we’re going to be hated either way, I might as well give them a reason.” Seonghwa stood suddenly, towering over Hongjoong, staring from under the brim of his hat. “Let’s have them hate me for something I can control. For something I choose to do.” 

“Seonghwa, that’s not-” Hongjoong tried desperately

“I don’t hate you, Hongjoong,” Seonghwa assured him. “I don’t hate anyone who’s Different, despite the fact that they’ve shunned me. They’re justified. It’s Normals that are going to pay for everything they’ve done to us- to  _ me _ \- without reason or repercussion.” 

Hongjoong couldn’t move his tongue, just staring at Seonghwa in disbelieving horror that couldn’t fade away. 

His voice slowly grew darker, until it was colder than the shadows. “But I’m telling you this,  _ Hongjoong _ , out of solidarity…” His eyes narrowed. “I won’t hesitate to kill anyone Different who tries to protect those people.” 

Hongjoong shoved himself to his unsteady feet, expression dropping into desperate pleading. “Seonghwa,  _ stop _ ,” he begged pathetically. 

This wasn’t a manic person who had been driven insane by a power he couldn’t control. 

This was someone who had been hurt too many times. 

This was still a child coming from home, wiping away tears, but who held onto that hurt. That anger. That fear. 

It was that which had turned him into this. 

Not the shadows. 

“Seonghwa, you’re  _ right _ ,” he said quickly, desperately. “But this isn’t the way to change that- you’re only making it worse, you’re only making them hate you more-” 

“Good.” 

“No!” Hongjoong shouted, chest aching, something in his chest screaming that it wasn’t  _ fair _ . “No, it’s not good, Seonghwa! You’re hurting people- people on my  _ team _ , on other teams- people who are only trying to  _ help- _ ” 

“They got in my way,” he said darkly. 

“They’re trying to  _ protect  _ people!” Hongjoong yelled desperately. “They know they could use their powers to hurt, but they  _ chose  _ to help-” 

“Help those people who turn around and call them freaks of society?” Seonghwa demanded quietly. “Who paint you in your worst light after you save their lives again and again?” he scoffed. “You aren’t heroes, Hongjoong, you’re  _ idiots _ .” 

“All of us have been hurt,” Hongjoong said firmly, afraid to take a step closer, even though he hated the distance between them. “Everyone who’s Different has been hurt- again and again- And-” 

Hongjoong swallowed the memories of pain in his throat. 

“I won’t lie and say I’ve never hated Normals, that I’ve never wished I could just-” He tensed, not even knowing what word to use. “But I… I know that- that this isn’t the way to  _ change  _ anything- This is not going to stop them being afraid of us-” 

“We can’t be feared by them if there are none left,” Seonghwa said flatly. 

Hongjoong’s stomach dropped, nausea racing through his veins, making his head spin. 

Seonghwa stared on blankly. 

“Y-You-” Hongjoong’s felt a chill run down his spine. “Are you really planning on trying to kill every Normal?” 

Seonghwa stared at him impassively, blinking slowly- the diamond over his eyes closing and sealing before opening back up again. 

“It’s easy enough to do,” he said simply. “The only problem is that my powers aren’t actually quick to kill with.” His eyes dragged slowly over Hongjoong’s arms. “Not like you- who could take out a crowd of people with a single attack. Probably killing most of them instantly.” 

Hongjoong recoiled a step, drawing his arms in, like Seonghwa might be able to draw his power out to use against innocent people. He stared at him in shock and horror and disbelief. “You’re-” 

“A monster?” Seonghwa finished, cocking his head. “Do you understand now, why I am a monster, Hongjoong? Why they were right all along?”

“You’re not a  _ monster-  _ you’re  _ angry _ , Seonghwa!” Hongjoong snapped. “You’re- You’re full of hate and you’re directing it at the wrong people-” 

“Then who are the right people, Hongjoong?” he demanded darkly, advancing a step dangerously. “Who am I supposed to direct my anger at?” 

Hongjoong mouth opened, but nothing came out. 

He wanted to say that the answer was “nobody,” but that was too ignorant an answer. 

“You can’t condemn them all because of the people who hurt you- regardless of how vast their numbers might have been,” Hongjoong said firmly. “It’s no different from them hating us for the few who are evil and have hurt them!”

“They hate us regardless,” Seonghwa said, both of them talking in fucking  _ circles _ . 

“Seonghwa, you have to  _ think- _ ” 

“I’ve done a lot of thinking,” Seonghwa snapped, voice sharp and high, making Hongjoong wince. “My entire  _ life  _ I’ve thought I was never meant to be anything but a monster who killed and destroyed and would eventually lose their life to the darkness that lived inside of me.” 

Hongjoong flinched. 

How… How could people have been so cruel- 

How could you  _ say  _ that to someone? 

To a  _ child _ ? To  _ your  _ child?

“I’ve stopped thinking about it,” Seonghwa hissed. “I’ve stopped  _ caring _ . Send out however many people you want out of your prison- I’ll destroy them, too. Maybe, eventually, you will lose whatever illusion has made you believe I might still be human.” 

“Seonghwa, you’re wrong!” Hongjoong burst, taking several steps forward. “You’re angry, you’re hurt- Just  _ listen- _ ” 

Seonghwa hummed. “I think I’ve listened enough. I’m not convinced.” 

Shadows crept up Seonghwa’s legs that began to dissolve into smoke, and Hongjoong’s eyes widened. “Seonghwa, wait!” He dove for him, fingers brushing the very edge of Seonghwa’s coat before it disappeared into wisps of dark smoke. 

Hongjoong’s hand closed around nothing as he hit the ground hard, looking up quickly- 

The warehouse was empty. He could feel warm air returning, pressing against his chilled skin- 

He got to his unsteady feet, turning in a circle- feeling like he might vomit as his head spun. 

No, it’s wasn’t like that- all Normals weren’t bad- they didn’t all deserve to die, even those that spit on them didn’t deserve to  _ die-  _

Seonghwa hadn’t deserved what he got either. 

He didn’t deserve to be called a monster until he finally gave in and accepted it, he didn’t deserve to live with such hate, such hurt- 

Hongjoong swallowed weakly, his hands shaking at his side. 

More than hate… more than anger… more than revenge… Hurt was what held Seonghwa captive so firmly. 

Pain that he refused to let go of…  _ That  _ was what fueled his hate, his anger, his rage… 

He had been hurt too many times, too young, by people too close to him… Hongjoong lowered his shirt collar, and gasped quietly as he caught sight of the mark sitting there. 

Identical to Seonghwa’s eye. Was it his symbol? Did it mean something? Was it some sort of rune? 

Hongjoong traced a finger over it, watching as it faded back into his skin, leaving him feeling off balance. 

Did it only appear in his presence? When it was activated? When it was protecting him? 

Could Seonghwa not remove it? Why would he not just rip it off of Hongjoong, if it was so troublesome? 

Questions bounced around Hongjoong’s mind like a penny falling down a metal chute- clanging and ringing. He felt no better for this conversation. 

He only felt worse. Seonghwa was not crazy- he was not lost to his dark magic. 

Maybe the dark magic escalated things, maybe it kept his hatred going, maybe it fed off it- Hongjoong didn’t know. 

There was so much he still didn’t know. 

He walked back to the facility- over an hour, after it became dark. His only light was the electricity that crackled from his feet with each step he took, lighting his path. 

Seonghwa really wanted to wipe out all the Normals? 

What would it solve? Even if he managed it, there would still be an entire society of Different people waiting to put him behind bars- hell, maybe they’d claim him too dangerous and kill him.

Hongjoong flinched. 

There was too much Hongjoong didn’t know. 

But there was so much he understood. 

Eden was waiting on the other side of the front door as Hongjoong walked in well past dark. 

Hongjoong paused, looking up at him, probably looking completely miserable and pitiful. 

Eden was somber, but there was sympathy in his eyes. “Just because something was fruitless… doesn’t mean it was pointless,” he said quietly. 

Hongjoong lowered his eyes, too drained to keep them up. “There… His reasons aren’t complex, but they’re… they’re so wrong, Eden. And it’s not- I know that we’re all responsible for our lives and our actions, but it’s not his  _ fault- _ ” 

Eden nodded calmly, gesturing Hongjoong forward. “Let’s do this quickly, and then you can get some rest. I’m going to be putting you on break for the next couple of days, unless some sort of emergency breaks that.” 

For once, Hongjoong did not fight, simply nodding as he followed Eden back to his office. 

There was too much. 

And none of it… none of it was fair. No one deserved this. 

It was just  _ sad _ . It was pitiful and unfair, and Hongjoong was powerless to do a goddamn thing about it. 

Hongjoong stared at his memories with new eyes. Each time he would distract Seonghwa from his tears, each time Seonghwa would thank him for being his friend, each time Seonghwa would mention being afraid of hurting him- 

It all held a new weight that threatened to drag Hongjoong under. A weight no five year old should have been expected to bear. 

Seonghwa, perhaps… wasn’t completely  _ wrong _ . Normals were rather vocal about their distaste for people who were Different. They weren’t grabbing them and lynching them in the streets- but things like the taxi driver, that woman with the flowers… 

There was a line there. And both sides had created a peace- more like a ceasefire- by staying on their own side. 

But it wasn’t… it wasn’t fair. Hongjoong shouldn’t have to worry as he walked down the street that he was going to be heckled. He should be free to shop where he wanted without being removed. 

Seonghwa was… correct, in that aspect. 

Those who were Different stayed in the system because it was easier than trying to build a life with such hatred. Maybe they said it was because they had made friends, maybe it was because they wanted to make a difference, maybe it was because they were just happy here. 

But, ultimately, that didn’t change the fact that they were not welcome out in the world. Regardless of their powers or what control they possessed. Normals didn’t care about that. 

They didn’t care about them. 

Not all of them, Hongjoong corrected, shaking his head firmly. Some Normals were kind. Some were completely fine with Different people. Some smiled at them and thanked them when they finished their fights. 

Some of them stared at them with admiration. 

These… kinds of Normals were perhaps few and far between, but they  _ existed _ . And who knew how many of them had gotten caught up in Seonghwa’s revenge?

Regardless of how many good points Seonghwa had made, regardless of how correct his anger was- it did not justify his means. 

This was not a prison. Normals did not deserve to die- even if they did hate them. Seonghwa’s pain did not excuse his actions. But it did… explain them. 

“Well said,” Eden chuckled quietly, making Hongjoong jump as he was laying down on the couch. Eden offered him a gentle smile. “At the very least, Hongjoong, in all of this, you can rest assured that your moral compass is pointing as strong as ever.” 

Sometimes the amount of stuff Eden could hear without trying to was startling. 

Hongjoong’s face heated a bit under the praise. “I just… don’t want…” 

To what? Lose Seonghwa? They were strangers. Hongjoong had no connection to him. 

Seonghwa was a victim, Hongjoong decided. A victim to the attacks of the world that he hadn’t been able to stand up against. He had broken against them, like a wave against sand. And that wasn’t his  _ fault _ . 

“He’s only like this because people convinced him certain things were his fault and inevitable,” Hongjoong finally managed weakly. “I don’t… want him to lose himself over a lie people told him. I don’t want him thinking it’s true- but he’s already convinced himself it is.” 

But it wasn’t. 

Seonghwa was not a monster. He was cruel, hate-filled, and maybe even evil. But he, like Hongjoong- like everyone Different- was still human. 

“I don’t want him to lose himself to that,” he confessed quietly. “Maybe I’m too attached, but it… it’s fucking sad, Eden. It’s all just so fucking  _ sad _ .” 

Eden’s eyes were dull with empathy, nodding quietly. “I don’t doubt it is,” he assured him. “And I’m sorry that this case is so closely related to you, Hongjoong, but you never have to apologize for feeling empathy- for wanting good to come for someone, regardless of how evil they may come across.” 

Hongjoong closed his eyes, chest heavy. 

“It’s that empathy that keeps us human- that keeps us good, and true to ourselves.” 

Hongjoong’s fists curled agitatedly on the couch, but they loosened as Eden touched his forehead with a cool hand. Hongjoong felt the whirlwind of his mind slowly calm, easing into something like a sluggish pull of a stream. 

As Hongjoong watched Seonghwa appear out of shadows, he only saw more clearly the pain that fueled the hatred. 

Like an animal snarling at a hand that got too close to a wound. 

If Seonghwa was operating fueled by pain, then all they had to do was ease it, to fix it. All Seonghwa needed was to be healed. 

Hongjoong just had absolutely no way to accomplish that. 

Especially when the other was so vehemently justified in that pain. 

~~~~~~~

Hongjoong woke up with San on top of him. 

Which wasn’t that unusual, but his elbow was currently buried in Hongjoong’s liver, which wasn’t exactly pleasant. 

Hongjoong groaned, rolling and throwing San off who whined at his sudden removal. 

“You gotta get up,” San urged, taking hold of Hongjoong’s hands and pulling him into a sitting position. “You’ve slept for like fifteen hours- Ow!” 

The static shock he received made him jerk his arms away, allowing Hongjoong to fall back onto his pillow. 

“Hyung, come on,” he whined, tugging on Hongjoong’s shirt to avoid another shock. “We’ve been waiting for you to get up-” 

“I’m not up,” Hongjoong mumbled, burying his face in his pillow. 

“Yes, you are!” San urged, tugging harder. “We want to go into the city- come with us!” 

Hongjoong tilted his head to barely look at San. “With all the shit going down, you’re trying to out in the city? You’re barely healed.” 

San huffed, pressing his lips together. “First of all, I feel fine. Second, we’re basically in as much danger here as anywhere. And third, if something does happen, we’ll be closer to it and can stop it faster, if you think about it.” 

Hongjoong didn’t know why they were crazy enough to want to go walking around with everything going on. 

But San stared at him expectantly, bouncing slightly on his bed. 

Hongjoong stared at the threads of his pillowcase, his heart slowly sinking. “I don’t feel like going back out,” he murmured, sinking further underneath his covers. 

It was just easier in the facility. 

San’s tugging slowly went slack, and Hongjoong knew the other was staring at him with some heartbroken expression. “Hey,” he said quietly. “All this stuff with your friend… it’s not your fault, okay?”

Could they really label Seonghwa as his friend? Hongjoong appreciated the gentle comfort, but it wasn’t very effective against the weight in his chest. 

Hongjoong sighed quietly, not lifting himself from his hole. “It’s not a question of blaming myself,” he murmured. “I’m just… it’s draining, everything that’s happened.” 

San was quiet for a moment- his tugging turning into gently rubbing Hongjoong’s arm comfortingly. “Eden told us about what happened last night,” he confessed. “Don’t let it burden you too much, hyung… It sucks, but…don’t let it hurt you.” 

Hongjoong rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. “He wants to kill off every Normal, and anyone Different who gets in his way.” He glanced at San’s stricken expression. “I think it’s pretty burdensome.” 

“But it’s not  _ your  _ burden,” San assured him. “At least, not yours alone. You aren’t responsible for him, hyung. His actions aren’t your fault-” 

Hongjoong sat up slowly, scrubbing sleep and stress from his face. “I know that,” he said firmly. And he  _ did _ . “I don’t know why I can’t get it all out of my head- It just keeps running in circles, I don’t know what the hell to do-” 

“Come out with us,” San coaxed, gentler than before, smiling quietly. “Just… take a few hours to get yourself back together. There’s been a lot going on, and you don’t usually put things aside long enough to be healthy.” 

Hongjoong didn’t want to go out. He wanted to bury himself in blankets and hopefully sleep enough that he didn’t dream, and he couldn’t think about Seonghwa or his pain or his anger- 

Life moved on, and they had to, as well. 

He pressed his hands to his eyes. “Why the sudden desire to go out?” he questioned, pressing until spots danced beneath his lids. “No one’s gone outside for like… months.” 

“Yunho says he got an email from a video game store in town,” San said, shrugging. “A really big sale- he wants to check it out. We figured there might be something else to do. Maybe eat some food that isn’t cafeteria or delivery.” He offered an enticing smile, eyebrows wiggling in an attempt to appeal. 

The last time Hongjoong had gone out of the facility outside of missions, he had been pinned to a wall and told all about a plot to wipe out all Normals. 

And that stupid taxi driver.

Hongjoong  _ knew  _ the correct action was to get out of bed, shower, and go have social interaction outside of a potential psychopath. But he just wanted to  _ sleep- _

He groaned, pushing San aside so he could swing his legs over. “Fine,” he sighed, ruffling his hair harshly. “Give me time to shower and get my shit together.” 

San stood, eyes bright- but looking glad that Hongjoong was leaving his depressive cave, rather than actually convincing him to come. “We’re meeting in the cafeteria at noon,” San told him sternly, sharp eyes narrowing. “That gives you an hour and a half.” 

Hongjoong nodded, pushing him out and staring around his dimly lit room. Why was it so dark in here? Where was all the  _ natural light _ ? 

Could they  _ blame  _ him for becoming depressed?

Hongjoong showered quickly, the cool water helping to wake him a bit and sharpen his focus. 

He stood in front of the mirror as he got dressed, his eyes drifting over the spot just above his heart. He wet his lips, heavy eyes tracing the blank skin as his finger pressed over it. 

He dropped his hand quickly, shaking his head as he shoved his shirt on. 

Today, he was taking a break from all that. These problems would still be waiting patiently for him after a few hours of freedom. 

Hongjoong reached the cafeteria  _ early, _ but all of his team was already gathered around a table. He appreciated that most of them only looked slightly devastated on his behalf, hiding it behind excited smiles. 

They stood before he could sit, rolling their eyes. “About  _ time _ ,” Wooyoung muttered, just to be an asshole. 

“I was told noon,” Hongjoong said unapologetically. 

“Let’s go,” Yunho urged, forcibly shoving them towards the door. “I don’t want people to clear out all the good games!” 

“Why are we all going, if it’s just Yunho who wants something from the store?” Yeosang asked, hands shoved deep into the pockets of his hoodie. Yeosang, like Hongjoong, preferred staying in bed to any sort of outside adventure. 

They were  _ superheroes  _ for crying out loud, let them sleep in on a Saturday. 

“Team building exercise!” Mingi said, unashamed at his enthusiasm. 

“I already have to spend thirty hours a week in ‘team building exercises’ with you guys,” Jongho muttered, wearing his jacket backwards because that’s just what he did. “Half of which, we spend getting our asses kicked by the instructors.” 

“We operate better in the field,” San said firmly, shaking his head. “We’re practical people- real baddies don’t stand a chance.” 

“Last baddie we faced, you were taken out in the first five minutes,” Yeosang noted under his breath, clicking his tongue. 

It was a bit of a risky joke to make, but everyone snorted as San glared at him. “Everyone else in that fight wound up being just as useless as me,” he reminded them, turning his nose up. “Except Hongjoong, but that’s because that guy has some weird vendetta crush on him.” 

“I think that’s a little insensitive, considering everything that’s happened,” Jongho said, frowning. “Like… pretty sure that’s too soon.” 

Hongjoong found himself smiling quietly, despite how… stark the humor was. If they couldn’t make light of their lives… it got pretty heavy sometimes. 

While his and Seonghwa’s… relationship, he supposed, was complicated- it certainly fell nowhere near a vendetta crush. 

“He wants to wipe out the majority of the population,” Wooyoung said. “I’m pretty sure it’s crude to boil it down to him having a crush on hyung.” 

“Every villain needs a vendetta crush,” Mingi agreed, nodding to San to show he was on his side. 

“He wants to murder people!” Jongho burst. 

The conversation poked fun and was light-hearted. But Hongjoong knew that everyone on his team took those threats and their consequences just as serious as himself. 

But you had to be able to make yourself smile, sometimes. Especially when shit went to hell. 

The conversation continued on the onto the street, on the bus, and throughout the video game store. 

Despite this… Hongjoong let himself have some fun. 

They played some of the demo games, and looked at old video games that had gone out of style, and played with some of the character plushies they had (San wound up buying several Pokemon stuffies, despite never having played or watched it). 

Afterwards, they walked around, trying to find a place to eat. 

If Hongjoong was honest, he kept glancing around, waiting for blackness to burst from around the corner. Kept glancing at the people they passed, waiting to see their faces twist in fear at whatever they were looking at- 

But they found a fast food place they all agreed on, and there were no issues. 

Well, none from Seonghwa. 

They sat at a table, and it was  _ fun _ . It was different from sitting in the cafeteria- it felt different, the air smelled different- 

Being outside with his closest friends- with his  _ family-  _ was fun. Hongjoong just wished it was easier to do it more often. 

_ “They put a gun to your head and said stay inside or get shot- they haven’t forced you to do a thing. That doesn’t mean you had a choice.”  _

Hongjoong shook his head sharply, taking a long sip of soda, watching Wooyoung continually steal Yeosang’s fries- despite the sharp smack to his hand each time. He was not thinking about Seonghwa right now. 

Perhaps they were a bit loud with each other, but so were every other group of teens in the restaurant. 

“These aren’t crispy,” Yunho bemoaned, holding up a fry that fell like a sad, limp noodle. He stared at it woefully. 

San grinned, leaning over the table to poke the fry. There was a small puff of flame- Yunho yelping and dropping it on the table. The fire went out- little ends of the fry blackened and burnt. 

San cackled, leaning back. “There,” he snickered. “Crispy.” 

Yunho glared at him, Hongjoong opening his mouth to scold San- 

Yeosang finally sighed in frustration, flicking a hand as a white disc appeared in front of his fries- Wooyoung’s hand smacking into it. “Hey!” he glared as Yeosang chuckled, dropping it and eating one of his fries pointedly- 

“I’m going to have to ask you guys to leave.” 

Hongjoong’s stomach dropped as he turned, seeing a man in manager’s uniform standing there, arms crossed. “Ah- I’m sorry, sir,” he said quickly, everyone’s hands dropping to their laps. “We won’t-” 

“You’re disturbing other customers,” he said, no trace of remorse in his eyes. “You kids need to leave, if you’re going to be doing… that stuff.” His lips curled in distaste. 

“We-” 

“Of course, sir,” Hongjoong said, already standing, staring pointedly at the others until they all stood as well. “We’re sorry, we didn’t realize-”

He died off as the man glared harder, and Hongjoong understood that he wasn’t looking to talk. “Come on, guys,” He said, grabbing his drink. They began to gather their trash- 

“Leave it,” the man snapped. “Just get out.” 

“We were just trying to clean,” Yunho explained calmly. 

“Are we going to have problems?” the man demanded. “If you kids don’t leave-” 

“We’re going,” Yeosang assured him, expression a little sour, grabbing their arms and pushing them towards the door, Hongjoong herding them as well. 

He could feel the eyes of the entire establishment on them as they left, moving down the street- away from the restaurant, stopping on the sidewalk a couple of shops down. 

“Sorry,” San muttered, kicking at the ground. “That was dumb of me, to light it on fire-” 

“It’s not your fault, we weren’t disturbing anything,” Yunho assured him quietly, his shoulders weighed down a bit. “The teens on the other side of the restaurant threw their cup at a lady.” 

“We should have known better than to use our powers,” Yeosang huffed, running an agitated hand through his hair. 

“We didn’t do anything wrong,” Wooyoung said sternly, glaring at the restaurant. “I always forget how sensitive they are to everything we do… You always figure it’s gotten better when you don’t leave for a while.” 

_ “When was the last time you went into the real world? Months? Years? Why is that, Hongjoong? Because you’d be lynched if you left-”  _

“It could have been worse,” Hongjoong comforted quickly, feeling antsy. 

“At least he didn’t yell at us,” Jongho muttered, crossing his arms- more out of embarrassment than anger. 

“He didn’t even let us clean up,” Mingi sid frowning. “He wanted us gone that badly?”

“It’s in their nature,” Yeosang said, shrugging to show their helplessness in it. “They can’t help the way they see us. I mean, if you think about it, you’d get nervous about someone throwing fire around your restaurant, too-” 

“Don’t make excuses for their hatred.” 

It would be almost comical to watch how all seven of them moved in sync at the voice. 

Seven bodies pushed away from the sound, hands shoving into their pockets and grabbing their masks that they shoved over their mouths. 

Seonghwa stood behind them, expression bitter. 

Hongjoong felt like breathing through his mask was a little harder than it usually was. 

“I’m not anywhere near your domain,” Hongjoong said lowly, tense and feeling a charge building over his skin. “So it looks like you followed me this time.” 

Hongjoong was vaguely aware of the people around them beginning to notice the flames and crackling energy waiting to be thrown- cries and screams echoing as they put as much distance between them as possible. 

Hongjoong didn’t take his eyes off Seonghwa- his eyes narrowed in anger. 

The mark over his eye warped. 

“I simply followed the sound of bitter anger and hateful injustice,” Seonghwa said simply. He was too calm. 

Hongjoong’s stomach dropped. “ _ The restaurant _ !” 

It came out like an order, rather than a statement- but Yeosang, Wooyoung, San, and Jongho were already running back towards the establishment. 

Seonghwa hummed. “You think they’re not already too late?” 

Hongjoong’s stomach twisted. “They didn’t do anything-” 

“They kicked you out for  _ existing _ .” 

“That doesn’t mean they deserve to die!” Yunho snapped, fists clenched as he stood beside a garden snake (small and quick). “That’s not your decision!”

Seonghwa turned cold eyes onto the remaining two, and Hongjoong moved between them. “Do not touch them,” he warned, feeling that anger boil in his stomach again. 

Seonghwa’s eyes creased with a smile. “You remember those loopholes we talked about?” he asked casually. 

A bolt of lightning struck between Seonghwa’s feet- scarring and cracking the cement. Hongjoong felt his hair raise as sparks crackled along his skin. 

“I am giving you chances, Seonghwa,” he said darkly. “Touch them, and I will find my own loophole.”

Seonghwa laughed, looking delighted. “You’re becoming a nuisance, Hongjoong.” 

“You sought me out this time,” Hongjoong snapped lowly. 

“I got you revenge after you were wronged,” Seonghwa said sharply. “I thought I would give you a chance to change your mind and thank me.” 

“You’re hurting innocent people!” Yunho shouted, advancing a step. 

Hongjoong turned to tell him not to speak. Seonghwa glared. 

“I have no interest in speaking to  _ you _ ,” he said coldly as Hongjoong turned back to him quickly. 

“ _ Seonghwa- _ ”

Cold shadows blasted past Hongjoong, racing towards Yunho and Mingi- 

They slammed into something large and white, dispersing as the shield crumbled. 

Another barrier replaced it just as fast. 

Hongjoong whipped around, finding Yeosang standing down the street outside the restaurant- one hand extended towards the establishment and the other aimed at them. 

Hongjoong saw the strain in his eyes as he glared darkly at Seonghwa. 

Seonghwa, however, stared passively at the little bubble Yeosang had placed around Yunho and Mingi. He stepped forward, and Hongjoong moved quickly into his path- 

Shadows wrapped around his legs, yanking them out from under him. Hongjoong hit the ground hard with a shout as he was dragged out of the way, struggling against the darkness binding his legs- 

“Seonghwa, stop it!” he yelled, blasting lightning that hit Seonghwa, but did nothing to him. 

Panic grabbed his chest. 

He strode up to the shield purposefully, expression twisted. He looked further down the street at Yeosang’s dark anger that didn’t waver or flinch in fear. 

“ _ You _ are becoming even more of a nuisance,” he sighed, lifting a hand and touching the white shield. 

Hongjoong lunged forward, but the cold darkness held him in place, a cry on his lips- 

The shield didn’t crumble, though. He touched it, shadows dripping from his finger tip like ink dripping from a quill. It sank into the shield- not making it crumble, but staining it a deep blackness that spread like ink across paper. 

“ _ Seonghwa _ !” It was begging at this point as Hongjoong watched black dye the pure white. 

Yunho stared from within the shield, eyes widening- 

Hongjoong turned eyes away from the shield that had darkness soaking through it like poison- 

Down the street, he saw Yeosang fall. 

Like slow motion, he saw the darkness seep into the shield that fell away as Yeosang collapsed, both of his arms drawing into his chest that he clutched at it- 

Mingi struck, lunging forward- suddenly a cobra that lunged to sink its fangs-

Hongjoong threw a small bolt into Mingi’s path, making him jerk back with an angry hiss before he could reach Seonghwa- 

“Go!” Hongjoong screamed, too desperate, too out of control once more. “Leave him, just go- Yeosang!” 

It didn’t make sense, but Yunho grabbed Mingi and ran. 

Seonghwa took a step forward, after them- 

Hongjoong twisted his bound legs as hard as he could- 

Seconds before he would have felt something in his knee pop, the darkness fell away before the pain could come. 

Hongjoong tackled Seonghwa. Maybe from behind he didn’t see it coming, but Hongjoong’s didn’t particularly care- he grabbed onto Seonghwa and he dragged him down, lightning leaping from him as anger and fear took over- 

Maybe it was shock that kept him from melting into darkness, but Hongjoong pinned him to the ground, anger and rage in his eyes as he held his wrists to the ground- 

Seonghwa’s hat was gone, revealing unkempt dark hair and making his eyes clearer. 

Rather than blasting Hongjoong off of him, Seonghwa stared- not shocked, but something disbelieving in his eyes. 

Something hurt. 

“Really, Hongjoong?” he said, voice low and quiet. “You’ll turn such anger on me, but not them?”

“You attacked my team,” Hongjoong hissed. 

“So did they!” Seonghwa snapped. “They treat them like dirt-” 

“You’ve tried to kill them!” Hongjoong yelled. “I don’t care what you’ve done or who you were to me- keep the fuck away from me team-” 

“I warned you I would remove those who got in my way,” Seonghwa snarled. “You should have kept them away.” 

Hongjoong could barely speak through the rage coursing through him. 

He glanced up- just for a moment- seeing Wooyoung and Yunho gathered around Yeasang- 

Seonghwa surged up, practically snarling as he tore his hand free of Hongjoong- 

Hongjoong flattened himself against Seonghwa, shoving him back down. One hand still wrapped around his wrist- 

Hongjoong surged forward, his other hand grabbing the glove that covered Seonghwa’s hand and tearing it off- 

Darkness suddenly covered Hongjoong’s vision, but Hongjoong- 

It was the left hand, hadn’t it been? 

Well, he didn’t think. He placed his hand over Seonghwa’s and discharged a bolt of electricity against what he hoped was the dark mark in the shape of a scar. 

Why did he do this? He didn’t know. But he was out of options, he couldn’t think of anything else- 

Seonghwa screamed, and Hongjoong felt his body constrict under his violently- 

The darkness cleared and when Hongjoong opened his eyes (he hadn’t realized they were closed), he was breathing heavily, shaking violently. 

Seonghwa lay beneath him- still and silent, eyes closed and the edges of his clothing smouldering. 

Hongjoong could see burn marks against the dark marks that covered his skin, matching the size of the electricity he had administered. 

His stomach dropped in fear as he pressed fingers to the pulsepoint at Seonghwa’s neck. His other hand pressed to his nose- 

Hongjoong didn’t feel a pulse or breath coming from the man. 

“ _ Shit _ ,” Hongjoong hissed, climbing off of him frantically, turning Seonghwa completely onto his back, his hands shaking so violently, he almost didn’t have the strength to place his hands over Seonghwa’s chest. 

One of the first things they had forced him to learn when he entered the system was how to keep someone alive when he lost control. 

“ _ Fuck _ ,” Hongjoong breathed, counting the compressions, feeling his eyes beginning to sting, trying not to lose the beat- 

_ Do not fucking die-  _

How the hell had he hurt him- 

Yeosang-

The Normals- 

How did he hurt him- 

_ Do not die-  _

I don’t want to kill anyone, please- 

_ Do not die-  _

Hongjoong’s attention was focused entirely on his desperate CPR- pressing breaths to Seonghwa’s mouth that tasted like blood- 

_ Do not fucking die-  _

It was a good thing he didn’t need to see for CPR, because tears dripped from his eyes onto Seonghwa’s chest that  _ still wouldn’t move-  _

Hongjoong was suddenly being shoved away- a hand striking him hard in the stomach and pushing him back. He saw Seonghwa flip over, coughing violently, gagging- 

Dark, hate-filled, wild eyes glared at Hongjoong from under Seonghwa’s dark hair that smouldered over his eyes- 

Shadows suddenly swarmed over Seonghwa’s burned skin and shouldering clothing, melting into nothing. 

And he was gone. 

Hongjoong sat there, staring at the spot Seonghwa had been laying in, his blood too cold in his veins. 

He was shaking, his breathing uneven and too fast, his arms aching. 

Everything hurt a little too much. 

“Hyung!” 

Suddenly, Yunho was at his side, a firm grip on Hongjoong’s arm, pulling him away as if Seonghwa was still laying there, a threat. 

“He’s gone?” It sounded more like a disappointed note than a question. “Come on, hyung,” Yunho coaxed quietly, helping Hongjoong to his feet. “We have to go- they want to look at you, too.” 

“He- I- I didn’t mean to-” 

He hadn’t meant for such a large amount to hit Seonghwa, but he hadn’t been thinking, he’d been scared, he’d been angry and desperate- 

He hadn’t actually thought it would hurt him. 

“I know,” Yunho comforted, guiding Hongjoong away, Hongjoong unable to fight him as he stared in shocked confusion. 

Seonghwa had been laying there, as good as dead, and now he was gone- 

“I know, hyung,” Yunho assured him quickly. “He’s not dead, hyung, you didn’t kill him.” 

Hongjoong’s stomach suddenly hit his stomach, a spike of guilt piercing his heart. 

“Y-Yeosang,” he stammered, legs feeling weak as they tried to help support his weight. 

Had he spent so long fearing for Seonghwa, attempting to save a man who might have just killed Yeosang? 

“H-He’s okay?”

Yunho was quiet for a moment, Hongjoong’s legs losing that much more strength. “He was alive when they arrived and rushed him back to the facility.” 

He was alive. 

What had Seonghwa done to him- 

Why had Hongjoong saved him- 

Why had he felt anything for that- 

Yunho sighed, and lifted Hongjoong- not even needing to change his gravity to be able to carry him effortlessly. “It’s okay, hyung,” he practically lied. “Let’s… Let’s just get everyone back. Everyone’s… alive.” 

Not okay. Alive. 

Hongjoong shook even worse- adrenaline surging and fading randomly as Yunho and he climbed into a chopper with no one else but a Healer who examined him for injuries. 

Hongjoong kept wishing for unconsciousness to come, but he was never granted such a relief. 

He was forced to remain awake and aware as he remembered all the ways he had royally fucked up today. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not sure when the next chapter will come, but I want to genuinely thank each of you again who have looked at this!   
> Everyday I check my email to find kudos and comments on almost all of my fics and I honestly cannot be genuine enough to express how honored and shocked I am- but thank you all for so much support and motivation! The only way I can think to thank you is to keep trying to write my best and providing these things for you guys to read!  
> So thank you so much, and I’ll see you next chapter!   
> -SS


	3. They Grow During the Daytime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m getting more and more nervous with each chapter lol~~  
> I’m having a lot of fun, and I promise more actual progress will take place beginning next chapter!  
> Thank you so much for all the wonderful response to this, you guys are honestly so amazing!  
> Please let me know what you think, and have an amazing day, lovelies~  
> -SS  
> (Also some talk of death and dying in this chapter)

“This… isn’t going to be an easy recovery for him.” 

Hongjoong stood at the end of Yeosang’s bed, the Healer standing beside him too grim and pitying. His stomach tied in knots that squeezed too painfully. 

It was never good when a Healer started to lose hope. 

“We’re short handed as it is, and our Healers aren’t having time to recover after so many extensive healings they’re performing on this man’s attacks. Yeosang is currently our priority, but we’re struggling to find Healers with enough energy left to give him the help he needs.” 

“It’s bad,” Hongjoong said- stating what the Healer had been dancing around. 

There was a pause and then a quiet sigh. “It's… bad,” he admitted. “This is a much more violent, more determined dose. We’re struggling just to get it out of him, much less fix the damage it's causing. It's… it's slowly eating away at him much faster than any other case we've seen.” 

Hongjoong felt like he was watching the world through a fog. 

“He’ll live?” he practically whispered, something numb grabbing his chest. 

“He’ll live for now,” the Healer assured him firmly. “However… the condition of that life, at this point, is rocky. We’re working on removing the magic from his system, but this…” He hesitated. “This is a more dangerously concentrated dose that was delivered at Yeosang’s most vital weak point.” 

Other attacks had been Seonghwa attempting to spread his power as wide as possible- sacrificing potency for a wide range. 

This had been a direct, purposeful attack against one person- entering him through Yeosang’s  _ shields _ , not just his body. 

It was messing with more than just physical bodily functions- twisted up in parts of him that couldn't just be messed around with- like a cancer too close to a vital organ.

Hongjoong almost couldn’t look at the form on the bed. 

Yeosang slept on, like a peaceful sleep, but all of his veins ran black. 

It traced over his gentle face, across the pale skin of his arms, through his hands and stomach- black darkness, like poison staining his blood and making him… making him… 

He looked worse than any corpse could, each peaceful breath coming out a hollow wheeze. 

Hongjoong glanced away again. 

He wasn’t like Wooyoung, who couldn’t seem to take his eyes off of the boy in the bed- one hand clasped around Yeosang’s so tightly, Hongjoong was surprised the Healer hadn’t told him to back off. 

(The others had come and gone, but Hongjoong had only just been cleared to visit after his own health was checked. Wooyoung remained, though.)

Wooyoung ran gentle fingers over Yeosang’s poisoned hand, like he might help clear the blackness there himself. 

Yeosang was unconscious with no signs of waking up. 

Seonghwa had run off somewhere, now left to continue wreaking havoc because Hongjoong had acted on instinct and tried to save him- 

No.

Hongjoong couldn’t regret that. 

He couldn’t stand the thought of what kind of person it would make him if he did regret it. He didn’t like the darker part of himself that wondered if it would have been better to just leave him. 

But it wouldn’t fix anything. Yeosang would still be in this exact same position. 

So no matter how he hated himself for it, Hongjoong couldn’t regret that. 

His intention had never been to kill Seonghwa. 

And he didn’t want… Seonghwa to die. And Hongjoong felt like the worst kind of person to sit here and think that, when he was standing before a person whose life hung on a thread. 

“How long until it’s… until it does something irreparable?” Hongjoong croaked, biting the nail of his thumb. 

Wooyoung’s head bowed quickly, like he was trying to block out the answer. 

“Dark magic is different with each dosage and person,” the Healer said heavily. “We won’t promise any of you anything. We’ll let you know when we start getting desperate. That could be tomorrow or a week from now.” 

Everything was so unknown. So uncertain. 

Wooyoung rubbed a thumb across Yeosang’s hand, expression dark. 

The Healer excused himself quietly, letting them have their time before the next round of treatment. Wooyoung didn’t even look at Hongjoong- not in anger, but as if he thought something would get worse if he looked away. 

Misty eyes refused to look away from Yeosang, and desperate hands refused to let go of him. 

Hongjoong had always been… a bit suspicious of the two of them. Never really anything to make it concrete, but time had made all of them very familiar with each other. 

And he knew that the two of them could just have a very close friendship- they had known each other since before they entered the program (Yeosang came here first, early on after he sneezed and accidentally got himself stuck inside a shield he couldn’t put down). 

Hongjoong distinctly remembered Yeosang making almost daily phone calls to a friend he had back home. He would find Yeosang just sitting around the cafeteria, the rec room, the hallways- talking for hours during the evening when they were off duty. 

Yeosang was quiet on the best of days, but Hongjoong never saw him talk more than when he had his phone pressed to his ear (that was also the first time he heard Yeosang laugh- which had been a bit startling). 

It had been a sight truly heartwarming when Wooyoung showed up and Yeosang had made all kinds of jokes about stalking him, rolling his eyes and telling him to go back home, but they had embraced each other for just a little too long for anyone to believe his apathy. 

They were comfortable with each other, and with a more familiar face present, Yeosang, in turn, became more comfortable with the rest of them. It helped blend their team together, and so Hongjoong didn’t necessarily care what the two of them were to each other. 

Wooyoung sort of made it his job to watch Yeosang while they were in battles- shielding Yeosang while he shielded them (which wasn’t always necessary, but the few times it had been… Hongjoong always thanked his foresight not to yell at Wooyoung to join the actual fight and leave Yeosang’s side). 

He knew that Wooyoung and Yeosang took it particularly hard when one of them was injured in a fight, as rarely as it happened. 

He knew that Wooyoung was always the first to help out Yeosang when his arms were too sore to lift, and he knew that somehow Yeosang, out of all of them, was most equipped to corral and control Wooyoung’s nature that was as volatile as his energy blasts. 

And Hongjoong had never seen any  _ real  _ evidence that the two were anything more than friends, but… sometimes things began to creep up to crossing a line. 

Like Wooyoung’s expression as he stared at the black staining beneath Yeosang’s skin- like a bruise, but no bruise had ever looked so angry and dark. 

Now was not the time for that conversation, though. Hongjoong stared at the two of them a little longer. 

“He told me to go,” Wooyoung said, voice thick and croaky as he stared at Yeosang, expression alarmingly stoic. “He told me to go take care of the Normals… so I left him. I listened to him.” There was a brief, bitter laugh as Wooyoung lowered his head. “Why the fuck did I listen to him?” 

Hongjoong closed his eyes for a moment, not sure if he could handle Wooyoung’s guilt along with his own. “You’ve left Yeosang plenty of times in the middle of a fight,” Hongjoong said thickly. “Neither of you could know something like this would happen. And even if you were there, your powers are useless against Seonghwa. You wouldn’t have been able to help.” 

That was what Hongjoong hated. 

All this helplessness. 

He swallowed a stone in his throat. “I’m sorry I saved him,” Hongjoong murmured, staring at the end of the bed. “At least… I’m sorry I saved him first, instead of going to Yeosang.” 

Wooyoung’s expression darkened for a moment before clearing into pain. “The rest of us were already there,” he whispered. “Having you there, we still wouldn’t have been able to do anything.” He shook his head slowly. “And it isn’t our job to kill people. It would have been worse if you’d left him to go to Yeosang.” 

Hongjoong knew that, but… 

“I’m going to try and sleep,” Hongjoong said, turning away. “Don’t kill yourself staying here, okay? Actually sleep.” 

“Who says I can’t do that here?” Wooyoung murmured as Hongjoong walked away. 

San’s injury hadn’t been so severe- they had cleared it out of his system, and he just had to deal with the aftereffects. 

Yeosang’s was not so superficial. It ran deep- like a splinter you couldn’t get out from the surface. 

Hongjoong didn’t know what that magic would do to someone if you didn’t clear it out, but just what he could see of it taking over Yeosang’s body now was enough to make him ill. 

He didn’t know if he could go through his friend experiencing that. 

He didn't want to know what Yeosang would look like in a day, a week with that shit eating at him. 

Hongjoong didn’t go to his room. He knew he’d never sleep. 

He went to the gym on the ground floor, and got on a treadmill, running until his legs felt like they were going to give out and his lungs burned. 

But as fast as his legs moved, his mind whirled faster and more violently. 

He had managed to hurt Seonghwa. 

He pressed a hand absently to the invisible mark on his chest. Were these their weak spots? Those loopholes? 

Did it have to be a direct attack? Did it have to be aimed there? 

Did it have to be skin on skin? How had Hongjoong even managed to do that?

What were the consequences of this action going to be? Had he ruined any chance of getting Seonghwa to listen to him? 

Was this just proof that he should stop trying?

Eventually, his legs did give out, and Hongjoong fell- hitting the ground hard enough to bruise his side and make his elbow bleed. 

Yeosang had to be okay. 

Everything would work out. It always did. Even when it got bad. 

He laid there on the ground, staring at the lights on the ceiling. His chest heaved as his mind raced faster than the treadmill he had run on. Hongjoong still didn’t know what to do as he closed his eyes against the exhaustion that wouldn’t let him sleep. 

He just knew it had to stop. 

Seonghwa had to be stopped. 

~~~~~~~~~

“ _ Hyung _ !” 

Hongjoong jerked awake, his knee slamming into the side of the treadmill he had fallen asleep beside, sitting up so fast his vision darkened as blood rushed to his head- 

It cleared enough for him to make out Yunho standing in the doorway, face pale and panicked. He vaguely registered light filtering through the windows that showed it must be later in the next day, but his vision tunneled to Yunho’s ashen skin. 

“It’s Yeosang,” was all Yunho managed to pant out, swallowing thickly before running off again. 

Hongjoong’s blood ran cold as he stumbled to his feet, sprinting down the hall before he even caught his balance. He wound up running into several people, but no one yelled at him. 

If someone was going someplace in a hurry around here, you knew it was important. 

In the back of his mind, Hongjoong knew that Yeosang was not dead. Yunho would not have delivered such news like that. 

But as he turned the corner into the hall of the infirmary, all he saw was San physically holding back Wooyoung who was struggling to reach the door that was firmly closed. 

“- me go!” Wooyoung yelled, trying to tear his arms away from San who held him tightly, expression hardened and stony. “Let me  _ go _ , they can’t-” 

“They’re  _ helping  _ him, Wooyoung,” San snapped, leaning and yanking Wooyoung away, managing to place himself between Wooyoung and the door. “You can’t help him! You have to let them-” 

“I’m not going to be out here if he winds up dead-” Wooyoung’s voice caught, but that only seemed to redouble his fight, hands shoving at San who stood fast. “I need to see him,” Wooyoung spat, but it wasn’t angry. 

It was desperate. 

“Wooyoung.” 

The two of them looked to Hongjoong sharply, and he noticed Jongho and Yunho running up behind him. Hongjoong stared at Wooyoung, who almost looked as bad as Yeosang, confirming the fact he hadn’t slept at all. 

Skin pale, hair a mess, and eyes darkened with insomnia stared at Hongjoong, silently and subtly begging him to take Wooyoung’s side. 

For now, he stopped struggling, and Hongjoong walked forward, trying to look confident, but he could tell by San’s pitying expression that he hadn’t succeeded. 

“What happened?” he asked quietly, Wooyoung distracted for a moment. 

The younger swallowed hard, eyes stricken and hard. “He- I fell asleep,” Wooyoung said, voice thick and angry. “I woke up to one of the Healers shoving me out of the door- they wouldn’t let me see him.” His fists clenched, the anger bleeding into something raw and painful. “I only caught a glimpse of him, but he-” 

Hongjoong’s stomach dropped as Wooyoung’s jaw tightened, eyes battling between bitter and scared. 

“It was all black,” he whispered weakly. “All his skin- you couldn’t even see him-” He didn’t go on, glaring murderously at the door. “They won’t let any of us see him.” 

Hongjoong didn’t let himself imagine what Yeosang might look like. He didn’t think he could handle that. 

But Seonghwa’s magic worked so violently, Yeosang could be dead before any of them ever found anything out. 

Why  _ Yeosang _ ? It wasn’t as if any member of his team would have been better- no one should have been hurt like this to begin with- but any time something like this happened you just had to shake your fucking fist and demand  _ why _ .

Hongjoong didn’t want to show fear. He didn’t want to show uncertainty- 

But fuck it all, he was so far out of his depth and control, it seemed laughable to try and act like he knew what he was doing. 

How could he stand here and try to comfort them when he had no guarantee? How could he stand here and lie to them, trying to assure them Yeosang would be okay? 

Yeosang was in there, potentially dying, and Hongjoong was out here with people who were looking to him, and they were all just as helpless and confused. Hongjoong couldn’t even think of an encouraging word to say. 

It would all be lies. 

“Wooyoung, stop trying to break in,” he said, voice too rough and hoarse. “They’re helping Yeosang in there- it’s dangerous stuff, so just… wait a minute.” 

Wooyoung turned anger onto Hongjoong, but Hongjoong knew it was meaningless. Hongjoong was just the door in that moment- something keeping Wooyoung from knowing what was happening. 

And Hongjoong knew that there was nothing worse than having to sit there and wait. 

But what else could they do? 

San released Wooyoung when he shrugged him off, slamming his back against the wall and sliding down to the floor, glaring at his knees. No one tried to comfort him. 

San ran a rough hand through his hair. “It wasn’t this bad- It’s only been a few  _ hours _ . Why is it so much more aggressive in him?” he demanded. 

“It was a direct attack,” Yunho muttered helplessly, shrugging. “Not something intended to cover a large area- it was meant specifically for him.” 

Seonghwa had touched Yeosang’s shield with the express purpose of getting him out of Seonghwa’s way. 

_ “I won’t hesitate to kill anyone Different who tries to protect those people.” _

_ “The only problem is that my powers aren’t actually quick to kill with.” _

Seonghwa was trying to kill Yeosang. As quickly as his powers would allow. Hongjoong’s felt something dark beginning to bubble in his stomach as he took a breath that burned his chest. 

Only hours later… and Yeosang was already hanging by a thread?

“Where’s Mingi?” Jongho questioned, just noticing his absence, glancing around. 

“He has an exam,” San said, leaning against the wall agitatedly. “He’s probably still in there.” 

Hongjoong continued to stare in silence, more darkness creeping over his heart- colder than anything Seonghwa had ever made. Fear began to war with hope. 

What if it was all already too late?

“This is fucking bullshit,” Jongho muttered, torn between anger and fear, as well. “I hate this  _ waiting- _ ” 

The door opened suddenly, shocking all of them a little too much- no one expecting anything so soon. 

Hongjoong felt fear grab his heart and squeeze, not wanting to know what so quick a response would mean. 

A Healer stuck her head out of the door, not allowing them to see in, San grabbing Wooyoung’s arm to hold him back from storming it, his eyes torn between darkening and pleading. 

“We have things under control for the moment,” she reassured them. “The flare up of magic has been depleted and calmed for the moment.” 

“So he’s okay now?” Jongho questioned, ignorant in his hope. 

Her expression did not change as she shook her head. “We stopped the immediate attack, but the damage it inflicted has stayed.” She straightened slightly. “At this point, it’s a question of how long his body can hold up against the attacks against it. We’re still struggling to get the magic to come out of his system-” 

“Is he going to die?” Wooyoung demanded harshly, fists clenched and expression locking down in preparation.

The Healer glanced at him, and Hongjoong saw her expression twitch in pity. “We’ve slowed the increase in magic for the moment, but the damage-” 

“ _ Is he going to die? _ ” Wooyoung snapped, taking a step forward. Hongjoong held out a hand to stop him, his skin turning numb as he saw angry, helpless tears gathering in Wooyoung’s eyes. 

The Healer stared for another moment before sighing quietly. “He is not going to die immediately.” 

Immediately. 

“But things have… almost certainly taken a permanent turn for the worst.” 

Hongjoong’s arm fell by his side, a mantra beginning to ring in his mind of  _ No, no, no, no-  _

“The magic has become more aggressive,” she said, voice soaked with pity as she stared at these  _ children _ . “Even with us working round the clock- which we don’t have the means to do- the magic is damaging him faster than we can repair him.” 

He saw Yunho glance at Wooyoung, his mouth open as if he wanted to speak. He said nothing. 

It was… Already? Already- it was hopeless?

The Healer’s lips pressed together in a grim line that barely gave them time to prepare themselves. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, “unless we can get more forces, unless this magic tames itself- he may only have a couple of days, best case scenario- if he’s strong enough. It’s too aggressive, too deep- We simply can’t heal him fast enough-” 

When Wooyoung shoved the door open the rest of the way, storming past the lady and slamming his shoulder into hers as he passed, she said nothing. 

She simply stepped aside, gesturing for the others to enter. Like the moment you let the family into a terminally ill patient’s room, knowing that no harm they could cause would make things worse than they already were. 

That was it?

Everyone rushed passed Hongjoong, who felt like his body had turned to stone. 

There was nothing more?

Yeosang… He was just going to die? They were just supposed to sit here and wait for that to happen when Yeosang had done nothing more than protect his  _ team _ ?

The darkness in his heart thickened, like a dark molasses trickling through his veins. Hongjoong felt like he was going to be sick. 

Through the doors, past the others, Hongjoong saw Yeosang’s form laying beneath the white sheets of the hospital bed. It only made the sickeningly dark poison in his veins stand out- all of his skin stained a dark grey that made it seem like it was already dead. 

Even from here, Hongjoong could see the way his chest stuttered with labored breathing that probably sounded like glass rattling his lungs. 

“You can see him,” the Healer assured him gently. “We will continue to work around you.” 

Yeosang continued to lay there, silent and helpless against himself. 

Hongjoong stared. 

And he was helpless. 

Hongjoong refused to be helpless. He didn’t like being helpless. 

Yeosang was dying. His team, his  _ friend-  _

Seonghwa had done this. 

Yeosang only had a couple of days, maximum, all because Seonghwa had hurt him for simply  _ protecting  _ people, for  _ protecting his teammates-  _

Hongjoong should have protected him. 

Hongjoong turned on his heel, sprinting back down the hallway, ignoring the Healer calling to him. 

Seonghwa’s darkness had taken Hongjoong’s first friend from him. 

He would not let it take another. 

People didn’t stop him as he ran through, his sneakers squeaking loudly against the floor as he turned corners so quickly, people had to jump out of his way. 

Hongjoong was their leader- It was  _ his  _ job to keep them safe. He had failed Yeosang, he couldn’t let Yeosang- 

He couldn’t lose  _ any  _ of them. He couldn’t handle that. 

Couldn’t handle that loss. 

“ _ Hongjoong _ .” 

He jerked to a halt, like snapping out of a trance, his heart rate beginning to pick up at the sharp word that echoed in his mind. He swallowed, staring at the front door of the facility he was set to run through. He was shaking. 

Everything was happening so fast, Hongjoong didn’t have time to catch up with it- he  _ had  _ to keep going, or everything was going to spiral out of control. 

But he stopped at Eden’s voice in his mind. 

“ _ I’d like a word _ ,” the echo said, gentler. Kinder. “ _ Just for a moment _ .” 

He wanted to run. 

Hongjoong stared at the door he had been ready to run through, and turned numbly, walking stiffly down the hallway to Eden’s office. 

Eden’s door was open as he entered, the other already staring at the doorway, locking onto Hongjoong the moment he appeared. 

“So, you’re planning on confronting him.” 

Hongjoong couldn’t even bring himself to feel surprised, closing the door behind him quietly. Even if he hadn’t actually thought of a plan, he knew what he needed to do. 

“I thought you didn’t like reading our thoughts outside of mission reports,” he murmured quietly, taking a seat. He felt too heavy. 

Everything was too heavy. 

“It’s hard to miss when you run through the facility screaming your unconscious intent,” Eden said, spreading his hands helplessly. His expression stiffened into something more serious. “Hongjoong, I do not think interacting with Seonghwa is the best idea for now.” 

“He hurt my team,” Hongjoong said too calmly, feeling his blood warm. “Yeosang is going to d-” It barely caught on his throat, making a pathetic sound. 

He couldn’t face that loss. 

“I know of Yeosang’s condition,” Eden assured him, saving Hongjoong from trying to say it. 

“Then why the hell are you trying to stop me?” Hongjoong demanded, fists clenched at his own inability to just  _ do  _ something. He grit his teeth- not in anger at Eden, but in a general storm inside of him that needed him to  _ move _ . 

To  _ help _ . 

“The Healers are attempting to manage it-” 

“They already know it’s going to be too late unless a miracle happens, and you always said not to count on those,” he said stiffly, lips pressing together tightly. 

“You can’t be rash, Hongjoong,” Eden urged. “You think to take a moment to think-” 

“They all agree they have no idea what’ll happen minute to minute,” Hongjoong said desperately, feeling his heart rate pick up. “It’s gotten so much worse in so short a time- I  _ can’t  _ sit by, Eden,” he breathed, shaking his head slowly. “I can’t let Yeosang die-” 

He didn’t expect his voice to break, and he dropped his head when it did, nails digging into his palm. 

His team. 

His family. 

“I can’t wait and be too late,” Hongjoong hissed quietly. “I won’t let that happen- I’m sorry, Eden. Smart or not, I’m not taking a gamble on his life. You  _ know  _ that’s not what leaders do.” 

You listened to the leader and you hoped to God everyone made it out alive. 

And the leader did everything in and beyond their powers to ensure their team made it out alive. Even at the cost of themselves. 

Eden laced his fingers together, resting his chin on top of them, eyes dark with concern. “So you think Seonghwa will heal him?” he asked skeptically. “Even after your… counterattack to him only a day ago?”

Eden was always infuriatingly calm as he poked all the holes he could find in your plan. But he never did it to call them stupid- he simply ensured that you understood the odds you were facing. 

For a moment, Hongjoong had forgotten that only hours ago, he had nearly killed Seonghwa. He was sure Seonghwa wouldn’t forget that anytime soon. 

And here he was about to either beg or demand for the life of his friend. 

“Probably not,” Hongjoong confessed, stomach flipping anxiously. “In fact, he’ll probably just try and kill me on sight. But that’s a gamble I  _ am  _ willing to take, to say that I did something. That I tried every option.” 

Could Seonghwa kill him now? Did Seonghwa know about that weak point? Was it even a weak point? 

“What is your plan if he does agree? If he doesn’t?” Eden posed quietly. “Will you bring him back here, if he says he needs to be close to Yeosang to reverse it?” 

He dropped his head. 

Hongjoong didn’t answer because he didn’t know. At Eden’s prolonged silence, he sighed, feeling that part of him that just wanted to run off without answering anymore questions that held him accountable for his actions. 

“Seonghwa has expressed that he has no grudge against anyone Different,” Hongjoong said stiffly, guilt seeping into his veins. “But he sees us as a roadblock to his goal, and he’s demonstrated that he will not hesitate to kill us along with the Normals he hates, if we get in his way.” 

Eden nodded slowly, eyes expectant. 

Hongjoong sighed, his shoulders falling weakly, finally too tired. “So, no,” he whispered, numb and quiet. “I wouldn’t risk the entire facility by bringing him back here. Not… Not just to save Yeosang…” 

It killed Hongjoong to say it, but he knew it was the right answer. The answer he had to listen to. 

The answer he had to  _ stick  _ to. 

“Alright… That’s all I need to hear,” Eden replied gently. Hongjoong glanced up, and Eden nodded. “I just need to know that you won’t risk so many people… over one person, however precious that person may be to you…” 

Because that’s what heroes did. They saved as many people as possible- they didn’t sacrifice a city to save one person. 

The only question was how well he could honor that answer when the time came. 

Hongjoong nodded, his chest constricting with guilt. 

He pointedly did not think of Wooyoung beside Yeosang’s bed- the others gathered around, probably wondering where the hell Hongjoong had gone, all of them fearing together… 

The clock ticking down. 

What would they say if Hongjoong returned, telling them he had passed up a chance to save Yeosang in order to protect the other people here?

_ “At the very least, Hongjoong, in all of this, you can rest assured that your moral compass is pointing as strong as ever.” _

Hongjoong almost found himself wishing he could just get rid of his moral compass and do whatever he liked- save and protect whomever he liked, however he liked. 

But that would make him Seonghwa: understandable, but ultimately wrong. 

“If you go to the garage, someone will take you to the warehouse district so you won’t have to deal with Normals along the way,” Eden told him, gesturing that he was free to leave. 

Technically, Eden couldn’t  _ force  _ them to stay here. No one could. That was what Hongjoong wished Seonghwa understood. 

They could leave the facility and the system completely, whenever they desired, and no one could stop them- regardless of what they knew or suspected them of doing once they were out. 

They  _ chose  _ to stay here. If they were miserable, they chose to stay. If they enjoyed it, they chose to stay. 

Maybe that choice was because it was easier than dealing with Normals who scorned them, but it was still a  _ choice _ . 

Normals weren’t going around and lynching them- they weren’t in any  _ danger _ . It was purely convenience’s sake that kept them within these walls. And it was people like Seonghwa that kept them returning to outside of them. 

Hongjoong thanked Eden quietly, and sure enough a woman was waiting to take Hongjoong over in a little sleek black car. 

He was grateful that no conversation was held. She dropped him off, wished him luck, and then drove back towards the facility, leaving Hongjoong on his own. 

The facility liked to keep them independent like that. 

Did Hongjoong have a plan? No. In fact, he might just be fucking things up worse by going here- after almost killing Seonghwa.

He didn’t seem to be the forgive and forget type. 

He twisted his hands as he slid his mask over his face, wondering if it would make things better or worse to try and explain things to Seonghwa- that he hadn’t meant to hurt him, he had just been protecting his teammate. 

Seonghwa had already shown he didn’t really care why someone did something. He cared only for his own goals. 

Seonghwa had called these warehouses his domain. Hongjoong glanced around them warily. Did he live here? Was this just a point he had chosen as his base? 

Hongjoong made for the one warehouse they kept meeting in, walking quickly with his tennis shoes crunching the gravel beneath them. He probably should have worn his uniform out, but today wasn’t about good decisions. 

Today was filled with rash and dumbass decisions that would likely come back to haunt him. 

Despite the knowledge that he likely had a weak spot- a  _ loophole-  _ that Seonghwa could exploit, Hongjoong didn’t feel any fear as he entered the warehouse boldly. 

He wasn’t here to fight someone. He was here to fight  _ for  _ someone. 

This was not  _ his  _ life on the line. Which meant failure wasn’t an option. 

Hongjoong stopped in the center of the chilly warehouse, glancing around with eyes that slowly hardened. 

The man he was trying to speak with was killing Yeosang. 

“ _ Seonghwa _ !” 

His voice echoed back at him, Hongjoong’s fists clenching at his sides, a spark leaping from his skin agitatedly. 

“Seonghwa, I know you’re either here or can hear me!” he called, turning in a slow circle. “I am not here to fight you!” 

There was a gentle noise behind him, and Hongjoong whipped around, but found nothing. 

“I don’t care if you’re not interested in talking,” he called. “Stop hiding!” 

“Come to try and kill me again?”

Hongjoong spun around quickly, arms raised in defense- 

No darkness swallowed him. No black lightning or formless shadows consumed him. When Hongjoong turned, he saw nothing more than Seonghwa standing a few feet away, his hands hanging at his sides. 

His eyes a piercing anger beneath his hat. 

He stared at Hongjoong with a bitter impassiveness. But Hongjoong’s eyes traced over the parts of his coat and clothing that were torn and singed. He stared at the still-shiny red burns on his neck and knew that worse ones must be covering his arm and hand. 

And Hongjoong’s mouth suddenly felt dry. His hands fell to his side, losing their defensiveness. Guilt mingled with anger. 

“I’m sorry,” he found himself whispering. 

Seonghwa took a harsh step forward. “Begging won’t save you.” 

“I’m not begging.” 

The other halted, his eyes unreadable, but Hongjoong saw them flickering across his face, like he was trying to read Hongjoong as well. 

“I panicked, before,” Hongjoong confessed, just going with hit gut. “I never meant to hurt you like that, Seonghwa- I need you to understand that.” 

Seonghwa scoffed, loud and bitter, but Hongjoong spoke over him. 

“It was a last ditch effort,” he assured him. “I never expected it to work, so I attacked with too large a bolt- I’m sorry, Seonghwa. I never meant to- I never wanted to hurt you.” 

Even after everything… 

Hongjoong felt like the two of them were hanging in some weird stasis- neither able to move, and neither willing to back down. 

Seonghwa stared at Hongjoong as he if he had spoken another language, the almost-confusion melting back into hatred. 

“You saved me,” Seonghwa spat. “That was your first mistake.” 

“It wasn’t a mistake,” Hongjoong replied without missing a beat. 

Seonghwa’s fists curled at his side, his eyes warping with how hard he glared. 

“It’s never a mistake to save someone,” Hongjoong whispered, lungs suddenly seeming too tight. “I could never regret saving someone’s life- enemy or not.” 

There was a beat of silence before Seonghwa took a step forward. “Then I’ll make sure that I’m your first.” 

“Yeosang is dying,” Hongjoong blurted, his throat beginning to close up. 

The clear statement of it slammed into Hongjoong’s chest, reality settling on him so heavily, he couldn’t breathe. 

Yeosang was dying. 

It was abrupt enough that Seonghwa halted, eyes focused on Hongjoong with murderous ice. “I know,” he replied simply. “I can feel it leeching away his life as we speak.” 

He sounded so apathetic about it. 

Hongjoong’s stomach dropped sickeningly, and he was sure his face turned pale. 

Yeosang was dying. Seonghwa could feel it. 

“ _ Save him. _ ” 

Hongjoong didn’t know how Seonghwa heard the breathless whisper that fell from Hongjoong’s desperate lips, but his head tilted, as if he was trying to make sure he had heard correctly. 

Hongjoong didn’t realize his hands were shaking until he reached up to brush his hair back. He stared at Seonghwa, rolling his lips. 

Yeosang was dying. 

He could not fail him. 

“ _ Please _ ,” Hongjoong whispered desperately, Seonghwa’s eyes boring into him like ice pressed to his skin. “I won’t beg for my own life, but I’ll beg for his.  _ Save him _ , Seonghwa,” he begged quietly. “Please, just… heal him.” 

“Ha!” 

The laugh was sharp and cruel enough to make Hongjoong flinch- Seonghwa’s eyes scrunched in a mixture of amusement and rage. 

“Is  _ that  _ why you came?” he taunted, grinning at Hongjoong like he was just the cutest little bug he had seen walking the sidewalk. “To beg for that boy’s life? You actually thought coming here would make a  _ difference _ ?”

Hongjoong had known from the beginning it was pointless- this was not news to him. 

Seonghwa’s words did not crush the hope that flickered like a dull flame inside of him. Because it didn’t matter if Seonghwa said no- failure was not an option. 

“Please,” Hongjoong repeated hoarsely. “ _ Please- _ Seonghwa, I know you’re angry, I know you think you’re doing the right thing, but I am  _ begging  _ you-” 

“You’re wasting my time,” he spat, turning and beginning to walk away. “ _ Leave,  _ before I decide that you’re in my way again.” 

“ _ Seonghwa- _ ” Hongjoong tried desperately, taking a stumbling step after him. 

A burst of black smoke hit Hongjoong’s chest, making him leap back in reaction. Seonghwa glared at him, one hand outstretched, black wisps curling from his fingers. 

Hate and rage burned Hongjoong’s skin as Seonghwa glared murderously. 

“You were a fool to keep me alive, Hongjoong,” he hissed. “I will not make the same mistake.” 

“He’s  _ dying _ !” Hongjoong suddenly burst, desperation and fear getting the better of him for a moment as he took several steps forward that still left too much space between them. “My teammate- My  _ friend- _ ” 

Something scared began to creep up Hongjoong’s neck as he realized… this was truly their only option. 

If Seonghwa didn’t heal Yeosang, he had no second option to save him. 

Hongjoong might be wasting his time here, losing the last few hours he might have been able to spend with his friend… his team… 

“He’s my family,” Hongjoong breathed hoarsely, Seonghwa’s eye twitching. Fear finally began to override the part of him that wanted to appeal to whatever part of Seonghwa’s humanity was left. “Seonghwa,  _ please _ ,” he begged in a quiet whisper, his eyes beginning to burn. “Please, he’s my  _ family-  _ He didn’t do anything  _ wrong- _ ” 

“He got in my way,” Seonghwa snapped. “I  _ warned  _ you, Hongjoong- I’ve given you every opportunity to avoid my wrath, and you  _ didn’t listen _ .” 

“He was protecting his team!” Hongjoong yelled, anger trying to overtake fear. His hands shook as his voice echoed back at him from around the warehouse. “He was protecting  _ innocent people-  _ He doesn’t deserve to die for that!” 

Not Yeosang. Sweet, shy, sometimes-an-asshole Yeosang- who was so fucking gentle, even his own body couldn’t give him a harsher power than something meant to  _ protect people- _

“You apparently don’t think anyone deserves to die, regardless of what crimes they’ve committed,” Seonghwa said flatly. “How can I trust that this boy doesn’t deserve it any more than Normals do?”

Hongjoong stared, his blood racing sickeningly fast. 

His hands shook with helplessness. 

The clock ticked down like another centimeter of a trigger about to be pulled. 

“He can’t die,” Hongjoong whispered numbly, staring blankly, pleadingly. “Seonghwa… Seonghwa, what do I have to say to you?” he demanded weakly. “What… What do I have to do for you to save him?” 

Desperate. Hopeless. His options running out the longer Seonghwa stared with such angry apathy. 

The list of things that Seonghwa could demand was endless, and even as he said it, Hongjoong knew it was pointless because he would never be able to actually comply with anything Seonghwa asked for. 

He couldn’t help him, couldn’t aid him, couldn’t promise anything to him without betraying the cause he fought for. 

He could not risk so many people for only one. 

Regardless of how important that person was. 

“ _ Nothing _ .” 

Hongjoong jerked, like his body was physically rejecting the words it heard. Hongjoong stared, his eyes widening as Seonghwa’s eyes grew black- dark ink taking over every centimeter as he glared with such hate… such hate…. 

It was as if his gaze was a hot match being pressed to Hongjoong’s chest. 

“There’s  _ nothing  _ you can do,” Seonghwa hissed, expression warped with darkness that stretched through his veins. “That’s the best  _ part _ , Hongjoong. There’s nothing  _ anyone  _ can do. You could offer to help me kill every Normal, and I’d  _ still  _ let your friend rot away- let you  _ watch him  _ fade.” 

His stomach slowly shriveled up, bile burning the back of his throat as horror and fear chilled his racing blood. 

He… 

“Because it’s not about you, Hongjoong,” Seonghwa said darkly. “It’s not about revenge- I’m not killing him because he’s your friend- your  _ family _ ,” he spat, like poison. “I’m killing him because he  _ got in my way  _ and I  _ warned you _ .” 

Hongjoong felt the first hot drop of tears hit his face as he stared helplessly at Seonghwa. 

Something dark and painful latched onto his heart, sinking its claws in and gnawing violently. 

His hands shook, a weak fizzle of electricity popping at his fingertips. 

“ _ Seonghwa _ ,” he breathed, out of options, out of time, out of arguments, out of strength. “Please…  _ Please _ , I can’t fail my team, I  _ can’t  _ let him die-” 

Seonghwa’s black eyes simply stared, uncaring and cold as ice. 

Hongjoong felt another tear. Another. Another. 

He couldn’t even see Seonghwa anymore, but he kept whispering. 

“I’m in charge of them,” he hissed desperately, one hand coming up and fisting the fabric of his shirt over his heart. “I- I can’t- Don’t let him die, Seonghwa,  _ please _ , I have to protect them, they’re my  _ responsibility- _ ” 

He was supposed to protect them. 

He was supposed to fix the problem. 

He was supposed to walk in here, apologize, he was supposed to make Seonghwa reconsider, to make him feel something, he was supposed to save Yeosang- 

What could he do, now, but beg a person who didn’t even hear him?

Hongjoong should run. He should call it quits, return to Yeosang and spend whatever time might be left before… 

Before… 

He thought of Wooyoung, oddly. 

What if they were together? Even if they weren’t, what would happen to Wooyoung if Yeosang died? Hongjoong didn’t think, even now, Wooyoung truly knew what it would mean for Yeosang to die. 

To actually lose him. 

The rest of his team… They relied so heavily on Yeosang… They had built a friendship from the ground up, and from that they had built teamwork and trust…. 

They had become for each other everything they needed… 

What were they going to do if Yeosang…? 

“Seonghwa… Please…” 

You listened to the leader and you hoped to God you didn’t get anyone killed. 

And as the leader… 

Seonghwa merely chuckled darkly, uncaring. 

Hongjoong swallowed, his throat dry. 

As the leader… you did whatever it took to make sure your team made it out alive. 

He stared at Seonghwa, his stomach clenching. 

Even at the cost of yourself. 

“Take me instead.” 

Even with the darkness obscuring his eyes, Hongjoong could see the break in anger to make way for confusion. Hongjoong blinked hard, clearing his vision as he took a step closer. 

“What the hell are you saying?” Seonghwa demanded, scoffing. 

“I’m asking for a trade,” Hongjoong pressed, clearing his throat, making it a little firmer. “Yeosang’s life for mine.” 

There was another moment of blatant shock from Seonghwa, neither of them even breathing. But it was hesitation. It was more than Hongjoong got before, and hope swelled in his chest. 

And with hope came bravery. 

“Are you honestly telling me to kill you right now?” Seonghwa scoffed, confusion twisting back into rage. 

Seonghwa was contemplating. There was a chance. Hongjoong grabbed it, letting it fuel him with something too dark to be called hope. 

“There are ways,” Hongjoong said, shoulders straightening, voice hardening. “You know we’ve found our loophole.” 

He saw Seonghwa’s left hand clench into a fist, the leather of the glove creaking. Hongjoong grit his teeth. 

This… This was really going to kill him, wasn’t it? 

“You think I won’t just kill you  _ anyway _ ?” Seonghwa snarled, expression warping. “You think I would bother with a  _ trade  _ when I could just end you both? What  _ power  _ do you think you hold?”

“But you’ve attacked me before so many times, all over my body, and never hurt me,” Hongjoong pressed, pointing to his left hand. “And I’ve shot you in that area before.” The spot above his heart seemed to warm. “I’m pretty sure there has to be skin on skin contact. And I’m pretty sure you know that by now, as well.” 

They had been touching each other when the pact was made. They had to touch each other to break through it. 

It was only a half-guess. Hongjoong hadn’t had a chance to think about it, but the logic of it seemed pretty clear when he said it in desperation. 

“You think you could  _ stop me  _ from pinning you down and killing you anyway?” he spat. 

“I think that I’ve been here an awful long time, and you haven’t done more than throw some smoke at me,” Hongjoong said, a sudden burst of confidence, despite the nerves bundled in his stomach. 

Seonghwa was hesitating. 

Maybe Hongjoong  _ could  _ save Yeosang. 

“You’re still recovering from my attack on you, aren’t you?” Hongjoong said heavily. “Maybe you’re still plenty dangerous, but you’re not powerful enough to throw your power around recklessly right now. Are you? Especially against someone who can fight it.” 

Seonghwa snarled, rushing forward, the markings along his skin growing thickening as they crept up his cheek-

Hongjoong let him go as far as grabbing the front of his shirt before he wrapped his hands around Seonghwa’s wrists, holding them in place as Seonghwa’s glare burned like fire against his skin. 

None of his power blasted against Hongjoong. 

They stood there, a sort of impasse or ceasefire floating in Seonghwa’s anger and Hongjoong’s outward calm. 

Inside, he felt his blood growing cold. 

Outside, he stared at Seonghwa’s black eyes calmly. 

“I won’t fight you,” Hongjoong promised. “If you swear that you’ll heal Yeosang… I’ll let you kill me without even a fight.” 

Hongjoong… wondered if it would be quicker for him. He wondered if it would hurt for long. 

He stopped thinking about that, because if he thought about it, he might hesitate. 

For the sake of his team, he could not hesitate. 

Was offering his own life any better? No. But his team… 

He couldn’t risk everyone for one person. 

But he could risk himself for one person. 

“I told you before,” Seonghwa hissed, his hands shaking with rage. “I have no grudge against people who are Different.  _ He  _ got in my way-” 

“I’ve gotten in your way, too,” Hongjoong snapped, tightening his grip on Seonghwa’s wrists almost painfully. “And guess what,  _ Seonghwa _ ?” he spat. “I’m going to  _ keep  _ getting in your way- At every turn I can, at every point I can  _ possibly  _ manage, I swear to you, I am never going to stop until I succeed in  _ stopping you _ .” 

The dark markings covered half his face now, and Hongjoong felt his stomach twist unpleasantly at the sight of it taking him over. 

Was this… really the best decision? 

If Hongjoong let him kill him… Would anyone try and save Seonghwa? Would they just try and get revenge? 

Would they officially label him as beyond their help, and just… give up on him? 

Hongjoong shook his head sharply. 

Those were hypothetical situations. Yeosang’s situation was real and happening now. Seonghwa might be given up on, but Yeosang would die. 

Hongjoong had to prioritize. 

He didn’t want to die, he thought in the back of his mind. 

But he shoved the thought away, teeth clenching painfully as he forced himself not to think about it. If he thought, he might hesitate. He might get scared. 

“You said I made a mistake by sparing you,” Hongjoong snapped. “You said you wouldn’t make that mistake. I’ve been more of a nuisance to you than Yeosang could ever  _ dream-  _ Are you really going to pass up the opportunity to get rid of me once and for all?”

“I could kill you without healing him,” Seonghwa spat, twisting his hands, almost choking Hongjoong with his collar. “You’ve already let me get too close- Do you  _ honestly  _ think you could stop me now, if I tried?”

Hongjoong used his grip to tug Seonghwa closer, clearly startling the other though the rage that continued to burn as Hongjoong put himself in Seonghwa’s space. 

“You’re doing an awful lot of threatening for something who claims it would be so  _ easy _ ,” Hongjoong hissed, knowing in his heart he could not let Seonghwa refuse or negotiate. “So either you don’t have the  _ guts  _ to actually kill me, or you know you’re too  _ weak  _ to actually do it if I chose to fight back.” 

It was a shot in the dark. And a dangerous game to play. 

When Seonghwa screamed in rage, throwing Hongjoong back until his back slammed into a shipping container, fisting his shirt again as the crash echoed around the warehouse. 

No pain. 

Seonghwa jerked Hongjoong forward by his shirt- the markings seeming to dance across his skin sickeningly, the pure black of his eyes boring into Hongjoong’s that struggled to remain calm. 

Like staring into some demon’s soul. 

He wasn’t a demon. He was human- A thought for another time. 

Hongjoong winced, grabbing his wrists tightly again, glaring up at Seonghwa. “You’re still only fighting me with fists,” he snapped. “I guess that means you’re too weak.” 

When Seonghwa’s fist went to strike across Hongjoong’s cheek, it never connected, flying off and missing him. 

When Seonghwa slammed Hongjoong back against the container, it smarted but there was no sensation of his head cracking against metal. 

Hongjoong kept one hold on Seonghwa’s wrist and the other fisted in the collar of his jacket, pulling him down closer, his entire body seething with rage. 

“You can get rid of me once and for all,” Hongjoong hissed. “Heal Yeosang, and I’ll let you kill me without a fight.” 

He didn’t want to die.

His hand began shaking slightly where it held onto Seonghwa, Hongjoong’s teeth ready to snap under the pressure he clenched them with to keep fear as far from his mind as possible. 

“Well?” Hongjoong demanded when Seonghwa said nothing. “Either prove you can kill me on your own, or take the fucking deal.” 

He didn’t want to die. 

Fear did not show in his eyes, but he felt it in his blood. 

Seconds ticked by like hours, and Seonghwa’s body continued to practically thrum, pulse with rage and Hongjoong couldn’t even see the pain with his eyes covered in darkness. 

It almost seemed like the ink stains of his eyes were pulsing- waxing and waning like a pulse of hatred that was waiting for Hongjoong to break, to give in, to show fear. 

Hongjoong, for the sake of the life he was trying to save, could do none of those things. 

Slowly… 

So slowly, Hongjoong almost missed it… He was so focused on Seonghwa’s eyes that tried to burn him without touching. 

One of Seonghwa’s hands released Hongjoong’s shirt slowly, but the other held tight. He held it out, no change in his expression or position, but Hongjoong watched as small particles of smoke and darkness began to gather above his palm- flying in from the air- condensing and tightening until he held a black sphere no bigger than a golf ball. 

“Such a miracle, that your friend is now miraculously healed,” Seonghwa sneered bitterly, voice dripping poison. “Now, they just have to see another die.” 

Hongjoong felt relief so powerful, it made his legs weak. 

Followed quickly by icy fear. 

“You realize that once you’re gone, I’ll just eventually kill them anyway,” Seonghwa snarled. “You aren’t doing anything, in the end.” 

“I’m not doing it to succeed in anything,” Hongjoong whispered. “I’m doing it because I have a chance to save a life.” 

“By wasting your own,” Seonghwa tsked, lips curling. “You’re useless to them.” 

“I’m buying them time,” Hongjoong said, voice shaking as he stared at the inky sphere. “I’m giving him another chance.” His grip tightened around Seonghwa’s wrist. “And I think it’s very sweet that you assume they won’t eventually finish what we started.” 

Seonghwa growled, drawing Hongjoong in closer, until he could see himself in the dark pools of anger in his eyes. 

“You are the most idiotic person who has ever lived- even since you were  _ five _ ,” he hissed, releasing Hongjoong’s shirt. “The deal,” he snapped, yanking off a glove. 

It was shiny and red with burns that hadn’t had a chance to heal. 

Hongjoong had to lean slightly against the shipping container as he glared defiantly at Seonghwa, one shaking hand creeping up to pull down the collar of his shirt. 

Would he last as long as Yeosang had? Hours or maybe days before his body gave out? Or would Seonghwa find a way to make it quicker?

He didn’t want to die. His blood itself seemed to tremble. There had been… a lot of things he still meant to do. 

The mark stood there, stark and obvious on his chest, as Seonghwa stared at it. 

Trying to find a way out of it was useless. For all Hongjoong knew, Seonghwa could just put the darkness back into Yeosang. 

He might do that, regardless. 

Maybe Hongjoong was being stupid. Maybe he was making no difference. 

It was probably a useless sacrifice that ultimately would mean nothing. 

But he had to take a chance. 

He couldn’t fail his team again- he couldn’t fail to protect them a second time. Even if he was making nothing better. 

He had to save Yeosang. For as long as possible, he had to make sure his team survived. That’s what he had sworn when he became leader. 

This was his job. 

“Maybe I am an idiot,” Hongjoong whispered as Seonghwa glared at the mark, lowering his hand to place the sphere against it, lips curled in a bitter sneer. 

Seonghwa didn’t even glance at him. 

“But I’ve always believed in having the moral high ground, even if it makes you hate yourself.” 

Hongjoong’s skin prickled with cold as the sphere approached, his legs beginning to shake under his weight, his eyes beginning to sting. 

He didn’t want to die. 

He was scared to die. 

“So, even if you kill me… even if you kill my team… even if you kill off every single Normal who exists… I like to think that I’m still dying with the moral high ground, after everything.” 

It felt like ice being pressed against the dark mark, making Hongjoong flinch as Seonghwa stared at it with sickening fascination. 

“Because you know what, Seonghwa?” he breathed, voice shaking and trembling. “Even after everything you’re doing? Everything I know you’ve done?” 

The sphere sank into Hongjoong’s skin like an icicle being slowly pressed into his chest. 

“I still don’t think you’re a monster.” 

Hongjoong saw Seonghwa’s head snap up like a lightning strike- 

Hongjoong fell, clutching at his chest like felt like it was being burned and frozen, torn and shredded, poison and burning- 

He was surprised. What he remembered of the last time he had experienced Seonghwa’s magic, he remembered screaming and screaming and thrashing and panic- 

Now… it was like his mind was disconnected from his body. 

Like he could feel every ounce of the same pain he remembered, but his mind would allow his body to do nothing in response. Like Yeosang, who had fallen silently and wordlessly, Hongjoong felt his knees hit the ground. 

After that, there was only darkness. 

It felt like he had fallen unconscious, but he couldn’t ever remember feeling such pain while being unconscious. 

Hell, maybe Hongjoong was screaming, but only in his mind. 

In his mind, Hongjoong thrashed and screaming and clawed at a chest he didn’t have- 

Behind it all, he wondered if this is what Yeosang had been feeling the whole time… the whole time he lay there peacefully, was this the hell he had experienced for hours and days- 

Or had Seonghwa created this hell specially for Hongjoong?

Even if it was useless… if Hongjoong had spared him this, it was worth it. 

He was crying. Sobbing. Begging. 

All of it silent, all of it consumed by a darkness that was so cold, so empty- 

Hongjoong was so alone. So abandoned by everything. 

He clawed at his chest, and he cried, pleading to the darkness to stop. In the back of his mind, he knew that this would likely continue until he died. 

Hongjoong suddenly hoped it was quick as he writhed in the darkness, almost unable to breathe enough to scream again, just laying on the ground, mouth open and skin searing- 

He tried to breathe, but it was all just pain. As if the air itself had become daggers against his skin. 

Hongjoong couldn’t breathe through the darkness seeping into his lungs. It filled them like oil, it stained his skin, it dyed his vision, it clogged his throat- 

Suddenly, he breathed so deep, he choked, flipping over and immediately vomiting onto the concrete. 

Hongjoong tried to breathe, cough, and vomit at once- an ugly, twisted sound coming out as he gagged, his limbs shaking and weak- 

His arms gave out from under him, and Hongjoong fell onto his side, shaking, his hands and legs spasming violently- 

His vision was blurry, his entire body trembling with chills, but his muscles aching as if they were being burned. 

He felt hands being removed from himself, and when he blinked heavily, he saw Seonghwa stumbling away from him- 

He blinked again, everything echoing in his head. 

He saw Seonghwa standing from a crouch, a ball of inky blackness held in the palm of his hand as he stared down at Hongjoong- 

His eyes were not black. His skin was not stained so viciously. He stared at Hongjoong with an expression that warped together horror, pain, agony, fear- 

Hongjoong vomited again, barely able to even avoid throwing up on himself as his muscles spasmed uncontrollably, like a fever had suddenly grabbed him. 

Hongjoong breathed too heavily, his lungs taking in as much oxygen as possible- broken and ragged gasps that seemed to be too weak. He couldn’t hear anything above the rattling breaths being pulled weakly into his chest. 

His hand twitched as he saw Seonghwa suddenly take several more steps back, shaking his head numbly, and before Hongjoong could even force enough coherency to begin thinking of saying something, Seonghwa’s horrified expression melted into shadows. 

And he was gone. 

Hongjoong stared blankly at the spot he had stood at, shivering uncontrollably as his leg twitched, the stench of vomit making him gag again- 

He curled around himself as much as he could, his veins like ice, his skin like stone, his breathing like shattered glass- 

Hongjoong didn’t remember passing out, but everything went dark. 

For a moment, he almost thought it might be Seonghwa. 

Seonghwa… who had saved him, in the end. 

Who had not let him die. 

~~~~~~~~

Hongjoong woke up to a hand pressing against his forehead. 

It felt like the first day after you were over a cold- everything warm and achy and sluggish as he realized he was wrapped under a thick blanket that covered everything up to his nose. 

The lighting of the room was warm, and didn’t make him flinch when he opened his eyes. 

“Ah, here we go,” a gentle woman’s voice cooed. “See, he’s all awake, now. If you’re gentle, you can get closer now.” 

Hongjoong blinked slowly, almost wanting to just close his eyes again, but San’s face suddenly appeared above him. 

“ _ Asshole _ !” 

Hongjoong was not prepared for, nor did he have any way of blocking again, the fist that struck him in the chest. 

He wheeze, jerking in pain as someone yelled, and suddenly Yunho was there, holding San back as he glared at Hongjoong, trying to throw Yunho off. 

“You scared the shit out of us!” he yelled, voice cracking as tears flooded his eyes. “You just disappeared and next we see, you’re being rushed in by a fucking evac team- You fucking met with him-  _ alone  _ and with a  _ stupid ass  _ plan!” 

It was accusational. 

It was hurt. 

“San, stop it,” Mingi’s voice snapped from somewhere. 

Hongjoong continued to stare at San who glared through his tears, no longer trying to free himself from Yunho, but the taller didn’t let go. 

“You were going to kill yourself!” San accused, voice echoing in Hongjoong’s ears. “I don’t care if it was for Yeosang- You were just going to let him kill you, you were just going to  _ leave us  _ like that- I fucking  _ hate you _ !”

Hongjoong winced, and not just because his chest ached horrendously. 

He knew what he had been signing up for. He knew what it was going to do to his team to lose him. Hongjoong had chosen to do it anyway. 

It still hurt as San glared at him, seething and huffing with a different rage than Seonghwa. 

San straightened suddenly. “Now, let me go,” he said thickly, rubbing at his eyes. 

Yunho looked uncertain, but when San jerked his arms away, Yunho let him go. San approached the bed again, sighing roughly as he bent over, hugging Hongjoong tightly. 

It made his chest ache more, but Hongjoong said nothing as San buried his head in his chest. 

“If you  _ ever  _ do something so stupid- so  _ selfish-  _ again,” San muttered wetly into his blankets, “I am going to roast you alive, and steal your laptop.” 

Hongjoong’s throat closed up as he nodded. “Yeah,” he managed roughly. “I got it.” 

“That was fucked up, hyung,” Jongho said from somewhere outside of his vision. “You scared the crap out of us- and right after everything with Yeosang.” 

“He’s okay?” Hongjoong suddenly demanded weakly, this throat aching and burning. 

Please. 

Please just say he was okay. 

Say that Hongjoong hadn’t fucked up for nothing. 

San sat up, eyes red. “See for yourself,” he muttered, sitting on the edge of the bed and pointing in the other direction. 

Hongjoong turned slowly, his neck stiff, but beyond Mingi standing at his other side, Hongjoong saw Yeosang laying quietly in the bed next to his. 

His skin was pale again- not a single vein of darkness, a healthy color to his cheeks, and his breathing was quiet and peaceful. 

Almost more startling than that, though, was Wooyoung laying beside him in the bed, an arm thrown over Yeosang’s waist and his face buried in Yeosang’s neck- sleeping just as peacefully. 

“They’ve been like that since last night,” Jongho told him quietly as Hongjoong felt his chest tighten painfully. “Ever since Yeosang woke up for a little while.” 

It had worked. 

Hongjoong wanted to cry with relief and fear and horror- he was okay. 

They were all okay, somehow. 

“He was only awake for a second, and the Healer’s say that because he was exposed for so long, he’ll probably sleep it off for a while, but… but he’s gonna be okay. They’ve already healed his body from the damages the magic caused.” 

He was okay. 

“Now, he’s just recovering from the stress of it.” 

Hongjoong could only half listen as he was given a rundown of events. 

Apparently, Hongjoong’s mental cries had reached all the way to Eden, who sent out a team in response. (Rightfully and vehemently freaked out by the sudden anguish that managed to reach across the city.) 

They found Hongjoong alone, passed out in the warehouse, with his body seeming alarmingly similar to Yeosang’s. 

Right before the team was sent out, Yeosang suddenly woke up. 

“Woke up” seeming to mean- his skin cleared out suddenly, and then he was vomiting over the side of the bed so violently, the others were shoved out of the room as Healers swarmed him. 

By the time they were allowed back in (Jongho holding Wooyoung back easily, all of them fearing the worst), Yeosang was sleeping peacefully, just shivering under the blankets as Healers stood in shock. 

“We don’t understand,” they said quietly. “He’s… He’s fine? All of it is gone from his system.” 

They’d been waiting around Yeosang, waiting for him to wake up, when the infirmary doors had burst open and Hongjoong was rushed in. 

“Your body temperature was all fucked up,” Yunho reported. “That’s what concerned them the most. You got back to normal, but we’re still waiting for Yeosang to get to a safe level- I think that’s why they’re okay with Wooyoung staying there, to warm him up.” 

Hongjoong finally tore his eyes away from Yeosang, staring up at the ceiling. 

“Oh, and when you’re feeling up to it, you need to sign a post-consent form,” Jongho reminded him. 

“Why?” he rasped, frowning deeply. 

“Eden took a mission report while you were out,” San said, playing with the blanket’s edge. “He was going to wait, but given everything that we didn’t know… We didn’t know what happened, so he checked superficially, just to make sure we weren’t gonna get bombed or something by Seonghwa.” 

“He left the form and all the other stuff, in case you want to press charges- blah blah,” Mingi said, waving a hand. 

“It’s a legal issue,” Yunho scolded. “He didn’t have Hongjoong’s consent before he went into his mind.” 

“We know Hongjoong doesn’t care-” 

“The government doesn’t care Hongjoong doesn’t care-” 

“Anyway,” Jongho broke in sharply. “Eden told us… about what you did with Seonghwa.” His tone was flat and heavy. 

Hongjoong nodded slowly. “It… I had to do what I could.” 

“We’re not going to talk about the issue of you trying to trade lives,” San said firmly. “Because I’m only just restraining myself from not beating you again. Instead… we’ll just say we appreciate what you were willing to do for us.” 

“He was seriously going to kill you?” Mingi questioned, wincing. “I mean- I know he would have, like- he hates us, but… I don’t know, it’s just fucked up.” 

“He didn’t.” 

Hongjoong stared at the ceiling as they all glanced at him. He could still see his face, as clear as day, in his mind. “Seonghwa… he hit me with his magic… but… he stopped it. He didn’t let it kill me.” 

Why hadn’t he let it kill him? 

Was… Was there really a part of him that empathized? That didn’t want to kill?

That face… the way he had stared at Hongjoong, as if he was horrified with his own actions… 

“He could have… but he didn’t.” 

“What is this guy’s issue?” San muttered, not anger but a bitter confusion. “First, he doesn’t hesitate, and then he does, and then he doesn’t- What’s his goal?”

“His goal is clear,” Yunho murmured, crossing his arms tightly. “It’s what he’s willing to do to reach it that’s getting confusing.” 

Hongjoong tried to reconcile the black eyes that stared at him coldly with the fearful human eyes that had stared at him in horror. 

Almost like two different persons. 

Hongjoong didn’t doubt that Seonghwa would have let Yeosang die- he had let it go on too long for Hongjoong to think he would stop at the last second. 

What he didn’t understand was why Seonghwa hadn’t let it take Hongjoong. 

_ “I still don’t think you’re a monster.”  _

And he didn’t. His chest hurt. 

“Okay,” Hongjoong said, closing his eyes quietly. “I… I’m gonna take a nap. I…” 

_ There was nothing but pain.  _

Hongjoong swallowed. “I’m… tired.” 

They all nodded, expressions sobering. “We’ll be quiet, but we want to stay close in case Yeosang wakes up,” Jongho said, San standing from the edge of the bed. 

“We’re glad you’re okay, hyung,” Mingi murmured. 

“Just don’t ever try something so stupid ever again,” San threatened, glaring with such intensity, that Hongjoong took the threat seriously. He knew it hadn’t been a good choice. 

But it had been his only one. 

Hongjoong hadn’t actually thought he would be able to go to sleep, but when he closed his eyes, he seemed to lose track of time. The warmth and quiet chatter of the others beside him made him feel like he was floating- calm and disconnected from the world that kept hurting. 

Yeosang was okay. Hongjoong was alive. 

At some point, he let himself cry- just a little bit- hiding beneath the covers and letting silent tears run down his cheeks. 

He had been scared. Without even actually feeling it, he had been so fucking scared to die- 

“Don’t let it consume you.” 

Hongjoong’s eyes flew open, his breath choking off in his throat as he gasped, eyes flying around the dim room. 

He saw Eden standing beside his bed, expression softened with sadness and regret. 

“Evening,” he greeted quietly, sitting in one of the chairs. “I only meant to come check on you, but I noticed a bit of distress.” He folded his hands in his lap. “I understand… you made some decisions that weren’t easy, but you should try and focus on the fact you’re alive. At least for now.” 

Hongjoong nodded, relaxing back into the bed he was bundled in. His mental capacity was reaching its limit in terms of what he could handle, and he didn’t have time to necessarily work through it all completely. 

He just needed to compartmentalize until things slowed down. 

“We never encourage self sacrifice from our heroes,” Eden murmured quietly, calmly- aiding in calming Hongjoong’s racing heart. “A life lost is a life lost- it doesn’t matter whose it was. But… you found a solution- perhaps the only solution- and it wound up working out. So, I will tentatively tell you- good work.” 

He nodded silently, a little too tired and frazzled to really formulate a response to the praise. 

The infirmary was darkened- it was probably late at night, and when Hongjoong glanced over, he could see two lumps in the bed next to his, sleeping peacefully. 

“He let you live.” 

Hongjoong fell still as he continued to stare, something almost accepting falling over himself. He sighed quietly, staring at Yeosang with Wooyoung wrapped around him tightly, and comforted himself to know it was worth it. 

“He did.” 

“Do you know why?”

Hongjoong turned back slowly, shaking his head numbly. “Not a clue,” he confessed weakly. “I… gave him every opportunity he needed. He did the deed. I don’t know why he took it back- especially after explicitly talking about not making my mistake.” 

He wiggled a hand out from under the warm blanket, rubbing at his eyes as Eden hummed, resting his chin on his laced fingers. 

So much anger. So much darkness. 

“According to your memory… Seonghwa looked regretful of what he had done?” Eden probed gently. 

“I think regret is a weird word,” Hongjoong confessed, staring at the dark ceiling. “Almost like… he hadn’t meant to? Or he couldn’t believe he had actually done it? He looked… almost surprised. Maybe shocked? Or… more horrified?” 

“As if he hadn’t been the one to do it?” Eden filled in without making Hongjoong say it. 

“I don’t think he’s under some mind control,” he said heavily, shaking his tired head. “But… I know that his powers grow as he gets angrier or more emotional. Maybe they make things worse- exacerbating an already stressful problem.” 

“We don’t know much about dark magic users,” Eden lemented. 

Hongjoong hummed, blinking tiredly. “I don’t know… Maybe it’s just me he doesn’t want to kill. Maybe he just never bothered to stick around and see the aftermath of what he does. I don’t know- but something made him change his mind. If we can figure out what… maybe we can help him.” 

There was an almost pointed pause, and Hongjoong sighed, closing his eyes in preparation. 

“Hongjoong… He nearly kill you and another member of your team-” 

“I know.” 

“He’s injured hundreds, and forced us to stretch resources too thin to help-” 

“I know.” 

“I understand that we try our hardest, but at some point, you have to draw a line-” 

“I know that,” Hongjoong said sternly, turning sharp eyes to Eden. “And I am never going to stand in the way of villains being put in their place, but Eden you don’t  _ see him _ ,” he hissed. 

Eden stared darkly, impassively, silently. 

“There’s  _ something  _ in him,” Hongjoong pressed weakly. “I can see it now more than ever- something that isn’t evil, something that isn’t angry-” 

“And I’m sure we will find it,” Eden assured him. “But our time is running out- we need to stop the threat, we need to stop dancing around him and put a stop to all of this  _ swiftly _ . Even if we find it too difficult to capture him- though it hasn’t come to that, yet.” 

Hongjoong’s lips pressed together tightly. 

He should hate Seonghwa. He should curse him and step aside to let the others end his life, if they found that the proper course of action to stop his anger that had hurt hundreds. 

But… 

“He’s more than that,” Hongjoong pressed in a whisper. “There’s more to him than that- I can’t let him lose himself to that. Not when I’ve seen that there’s a part of him that feels  _ something _ .” 

“Hongjoong, our duty is to protect Normals-” 

“Our duty is to protect  _ people _ !” Hongjoong corrected swiftly, a little shocked by his own daring. “Seonghwa is still a person, he’s still  _ human _ !”

He hadn’t meant to raise his voice, the sharp words echoing in the silent infirmary, making Hongjoong wince, his face heating. 

Eden stared- looking both startled and like he expected this. 

“He’s hurting people, Hongjoong.” Nothing Eden said was malicious. It was statements of fact. 

“He’s hurting, too,” Hongjoong said desperately, shifting beneath the blankets agitatedly. “I can’t just let him-” 

“Hongjoong-” 

“I’ll leave, if I have to,” Hongjoong finally hissed, fingers fisting the blanket weakly. Eden blinked, taken aback. “The facility can’t force us to stay here- You can’t tell me to keep away from him. So, you can hunt him down, but if I have to- I’ll go out on my own. There’s  _ something  _ left inside of him, Eden.” 

Eden sat up slowly, making Hongjoong wince, but he continued to meet his calm eyes heatedly. 

“Can you imagine it, Eden?” he posed quietly, his chest aching. “If you weren’t the kind of person who wanted to kill… but there was something inside of you that made you? That pushed you over a line you never wanted to cross?” 

Hongjoong couldn’t let Seonghwa be killed for that. 

Eden held Hongjoong’s gaze for several moments more, impassive and hiding his every thought. 

He stood, Hongjoong following him with his eyes. “We’ll save that for another time,” he said gently. “Focus on resting up, Hongjoong. I’ll keep you updated on our decisions.” 

~~~~~~~~~

Hongjoong was cleared to leave by the next day at noon. 

No sooner than he left the infirmary, heading to the cafeteria for some food, did he run into Wooyoung coming back towards the infirmary. 

They both jerked to a halt as they nearly ran into each other. Wooyoung stared at Hongjoong with wide eyes as Hongjoong felt his stomach flip with something like guilt. 

He opened his mouth, about to apologize (for any number of things), but Wooyoung suddenly closed the distance between them, hugging Hongjoong tight enough to make him wince as he almost tried to crush Hongjoong’s ribs. 

Hongjoong returned the hug gently, Wooyoung shaking a little in his hold. 

“Thank you,” Wooyoung whispered weakly into Hongjoong’s shoulder, squeezing him harder. 

Hongjoong’s heart clenched. “No problem.” 

Wooyoung pulled away, rubbing at his eyes that were red but dry as he went to move on. Hongjoong caught him by the arm before he got far. 

“Wooyoung.” The other stopped, glancing at him carefully. Hongjoong hesitated, almost chickening out, but he jerked his head towards the infirmary. “You and Yeosang,” he said carefully. “Are you two…?” 

He watched Wooyoung’s eyes widen, almost panicked, before they softened as he lowered them to the ground helplessly. 

“Yeah,” he admitted roughly. “Yeah… we are.” 

Hongjoong nodded slowly. “How long?”

“Since before we came to the facility,” he whispered. 

His stomach dropped. “Since…” 

Wooyoung shrugged as Hongjoong’s mouth dropped. “I mean… I’d known him for years- how long do you think you can stand up to someone like that before you fall, you know?” 

Part of him thought that was incredibly sweet, and he was sure to tease them about it later, but the larger part of him was still in shock. “You hid it this  _ whole time _ ?” he demanded, not sure if that thought saddened or impressed him. 

“We didn’t…  _ hide _ ,” Wooyoung said carefully. “But, I mean… Yeosang’s not a very open person, and I- I mean, we sort of took a break once Yeosang went to the facility, and we took a longer break after I got here and tried to control my powers, but then we sort of fell back together afterwards… And then it just never came up. We figured it wasn’t important.” 

Hongjoong hummed pointedly, feeling like he should have noticed before. 

“Which is why…” Wooyoung swallowed, expression cracking. “I… I don’t want to lose you, hyung,” he said thickly. “But you- you did that for him.You were willing to- to-” He looked at Hongjoong with misty eyes. “Thank you,” he whispered hoarsely. 

Hongjoong found himself able to smile as he nodded. “I look out for my team, alright? Yeosang almost died protecting us, it was only fair I almost died to protect him.” 

Wooyoung managed a weak smile. “You’d skin us alive if one of us tried to almost die while protecting you.” 

Hongjoong managed to laugh. “Yeah, I would.” 

Yeosang woke up the next day- a little groggy and pretty out of it, but after a few rounds with the Healers, they were allowed in if they were gentle. 

Apparently, Hongjoong would have found out, even if he hadn’t asked. 

And really, even if Hongjoong already knew, it was a little startling to everyone when Wooyoung tackled Yeosang in a hug that definitely did not fall under “gentle,” and proceeded to kiss him full on the mouth. 

He heard San choke as Yunho paled slightly, Jongho crying out and covering his eyes. Mingi just glanced at Hongjoong, as if asking if they should look away. 

Hongjoong gave them thirty seconds to get it out of their system before he was going to step in. 

So much for not being an open person, he supposed. 

After 25 seconds, they parted, Wooyoung framing Yeosang’s face a little too gently to make fun of, everyone glancing at each other awkwardly, trying to figure out if they should say anything. 

Wooyoung whispered something to Yeosang that Hongjoong couldn’t quite catch, but he definitely heard the L word being uttered, and that made his chest lurch. 

Yeah. It was worth it. 

“Enough!” San swatted Wooyoung’s back harshly, glaring. “Stop it- That’s apparently a thing, but stop doing it!” 

When Wooyoung stuck his tongue out, Jongho took matters into his own hands and grabbed Wooyoung, dragging him off of Yeosang kicking and screaming. 

“That’s not gentle,” he said monotonously, placing Wooyoung on the ground. 

Yeosang’s face was a little red as he looked at the others, offering a half-smile. 

“We’ll discuss that development later,” Yunho promised, hugging Yeosang gently. 

When it was Hongjoong’s turn to clap him on the shoulder and tell him “Welcome back,” Yeosang stared at him sternly. 

“The Healers told me what you did,” he said quietly. Hongjoong shrugged. Yeosang’s lips trembled slightly. “Thanks, hyung,” he whispered weakly. 

Hongjoong squeezed his shoulder firmly. “I look out for my team, Yeosang.” 

Yeosang nodded slowly, pulling Hongjoong into a real hug that was too weak for his usually firmer embraces. 

Nothing was back to normal. 

Absolutely nothing. 

The entire facility was on high alert, and Hongjoong’s entire team spent their days clustered together, like there was some sort of safety in numbers. 

Wooyoung was permanently glued to Yeosang’s side, and once the secret had been let out, they suddenly had no issue keeping their fingers interlocked, or sitting just a hair too close to be platonic. 

The others crowded Yeosang and Hongjoong, too, as if afraid that going too far might bring back their illness. 

They spent their time discussing useless theories that never went anywhere and trying to figure out what the hell Seonghwa might want. 

For nearly a week, Seonghwa was silent- not a single attack or breath to speak of. Hongjoong wanted to go back, to talk to him, to figure out what was happening. His team wouldn’t hear it- threatening to follow him the next time he tried to go after Seonghwa. 

Hongjoong focused on getting his strength back and not letting his mind wander to anywhere but trying to decipher what it was Seonghwa might be after. 

He had been hurt so many times. 

And even now, Hongjoong could only feel sorry for him. For what had happened to him. For what he had become. 

He let him live. 

Seonghwa reappeared. 

And wiped out an entire street- over a hundred people being rushed to hospitals that barely had room to accommodate them. 

Hongjoong stood before the TV in the cafeteria, watching the ambulances and police cars sprint around with group after group of those who had been hit. The reporter talked about how the Different person behind it had disappeared before any sort of hero could arrive. 

Hongjoong felt something clench in his stomach. 

This couldn’t go on. He couldn’t keep letting this happen, he couldn’t let Seonghwa keep hurting these people- 

Hongjoong sat in his room, curled around his knees, afraid to even think. 

Where did he draw the line? How many deaths were too many? At what point would Hongjoong step aside and allow people to decide it had gone too far? 

How many people was Hongjoong willing to let go to try and save a man who might not be able to be saved? 

His chest felt too dark, too tight, too heavy. He felt too guilty, too horrified, too fucking  _ sad _ . 

Had Hongjoong gotten too used to saving people?

Had he gotten too used to it being easy? 

Or was he just obsessive? 

But why… 

He wanted to rip his hair out-  _ Why had Seonghwa looked at him like that? _

If… If Seonghwa  _ could  _ be saved… Hongjoong had to do it. No one else was willing. No one else was going to put the effort Seonghwa needed. 

Maybe Hongjoong had gotten too used to playing hero. 

But if Seonghwa could be saved… he  _ had  _ to save him. Who else would?

_ Slam! _

Hongjoong jumped violently at the crash against his bedroom door, a spark leaping from his skin that hit his sheets (that were fireproof, so they didn’t burn), as the door was shoved open. 

Wooyoung stood in the doorway, expression grim. 

Hongjoong’s throat closed up as he dropped his feet to the ground, half standing as his stomach churned, fearing the worst out of anything Wooyoung might say. 

His face was grim- like there was some nasty business happening. 

“I don’t know what the hell you’re gonna do, hyung,” he panted, clearing having run here. “But they just released a kill order on Seonghwa.” 

A… A kill order… 

On Seonghwa. 

Hongjoong left Wooyoung in the dust, his bare feet slapping against the hallway floor, making people look at him in confusion, but Hongjoong didn’t really care. 

He didn’t knock, shoving open Eden’s door and practically stumbling inside- barely catching himself on Eden’s desk, straightening as Eden simply stared, probably having known Hongjoong was coming for a while. 

“Hongjoong-” 

“A  _ kill order _ ?” he snapped, his heart rising into his throat. “They’ve  _ never  _ released one so quickly! For so few casualties!” 

“Hongjoong, I don’t make these orders-” he tried to calm.

“Less than thirty people total have died- and I know it sounds horrible, but they’ve never put out a kill order for such a small number!” he yelled, slamming a fist into Eden’s desk roughly. 

“I don’t make these orders, I only give them,” Eden said firmly, eyes narrowing sternly. “I can’t do anything about this, Hongjoong. The higher ups aren’t going to wait until it gets worse when it’s clear he has no intention of stopping.” 

“So they’re just going to  _ kill him _ ?” Hongjoong shouted, nails digging into his palm. 

Hongjoong had never been around to witness a kill order. Those were reserved for only the most dangerous, psychotic, unobtainable villains. 

Their goal was to catch, to hold, to rehabilitate if they could. Not to kill, not to play God. 

Seonghwa was not psychotic. He could be reasoned with- he could be  _ changed-  _

“Hongjoong, it doesn’t matter my opinion on this- I can’t stop this order anymore than I can stop Grey from being an ass and Lee from almost killing kids,” Eden said sharply. “I understand you’re upset, but there’s nothing I can  _ do _ , Hongjoong.” 

“They put out a  _ kill order _ !” Hongjoong yelled desperately, his chest burning. “Seonghwa hasn’t been around long enough, he hasn’t done enough to qualify! Why would they- they- He’s a fucking kid! He’s our age, and they’re not even going to try a different tactic? They won’t even  _ try- _ ” 

Hongjoong stopped, staring at Eden in horror. 

Eden’s expression tightened as he steepled his fingers grimly. 

Hongjoong felt his stomach drop. 

“It’s because he has dark magic.” 

Eden’s lips thinned, and Hongjoong’s chest twisted. 

“It’s because he’s a dark magic user,” he whispered hoarsely. “They’re not even going to try to give second chances, they’re not interested in rehabilitating him… They don’t think there’s hope for him…” 

They were making an exception. Speeding up the process. Killing him. 

Just because he had dark magic- a choice that  _ he  _ hadn’t made. 

“Hongjoong, if you look logically, they have the evidence to back up those claims-” 

“Because no one’s ever  _ tried _ !” Hongjoong shouted, making his ears hurt at the volume. He didn’t know if it was fear or anger coursing through his blood, but he didn’t like the feeling. “He spent his entire life being told he was a ticking bomb! He’s convinced himself that he’s a  _ monster _ , and no one has ever thought to tell him differently!” 

_ “I still don’t think you’re a monster.”  _

Seonghwa reacted to those statements. When Hongjoong said he wasn’t a monster… 

“What did they  _ think  _ was going to happen?” he cried, slamming his fist into the desk again. “And now that they created a villain out of their own fear and hate, they want to kill him like it was Seonghwa’s fault for being born this way!” 

“Hongjoong-” 

“This isn’t about childhood friends or some other shit!” he yelled angrily. “He’s  _ human _ , he’s  _ scared _ , he’s  _ hurting-  _ And the penalty for that is  _ death _ ?”

“ _ Hongjoong _ !” 

He winced as Eden raised his voice over him, glaring at Hongjoong sternly, annoyed at being continually ignored. 

The facility leader stood, bracing his hands against the desk. “As much as I believe Seonghwa must be stopped, and as much as I believe that- at some point- killing him may be the only answer, I also believe it is leagues too soon to put out such an order.” 

Hongjoong swallowed, breathing a little heavily as Eden stared down at him. “They’re using the same bullshit prejudice against him that the Normals use against us,” Hongjoong said darkly. “All they’re doing is proving Seonghwa right- that he’s nothing more than a monster- Some animal to be put down!” 

“I agree with you completely,” Eden said calmly. 

“Then what the hell are you trying to say?” Hongjoong snapped, his body shaking with every emotion it had been continually assaulted with. 

Eden gave Hongjoong a stern warning look, but he gestured to the door pointedly. “I am trying to say that the kill order has only just be given. Most heroes around the facility and city likely haven’t even received it yet.” 

Hongjoong stared blankly, waiting. 

Eden sighed in exasperation, gesturing firmer. “I’m saying that if you were serious about acting outside of the facility, now is the time to do so.” 

His stomach dropped. 

Eden rolled his eyes. “You have maybe a couple of hours- maybe less- before the warning bells start going off- If you think you can change something in Seonghwa, you have that long before you start meeting resistance.” 

Infuriatingly, Hongjoong just continued to stare, something inside of him building and threatening to break. 

“Hongjoong, you’re like a son to me, but if you don’t make a decision right now, I’m going to have to shove you off a building- After the official order spreads, you’re going to have to operate outside of the facility if you want to continue helping Seonghwa.” 

It was like a kick to the gut, Hongjoong physically jerking and nodding quickly, feeling like the floor was spinning underneath him. 

“I- Yes, I’m going to help him,” he managed, nodding quickly. “I- I’m going to change him, Eden- I swear.” 

He hummed, nodding firmly. “I know I don’t have to tell you this, but…” His eyes softened dangerously. “Don’t lose yourself in this, Hongjoong. Getting too close to the other side can be dangerous. Make sure you draw a line.” 

Don’t become like Seonghwa. 

There was no danger of that, but Hongjoong nodded anyway. 

Eden jerked his head. “I’d get to Seonghwa on your own- don’t use facility means. And I would start with getting Seonghwa out of the area we know he stays in.” 

A to-do list suddenly flooded Hongjoong’s mind, like a surge of adrenaline shoving through his limbs as he nodded one last time, sprinting back towards his room without even saying a thing to Eden. 

First in his list: get to Seonghwa. 

Second: get Seonghwa out of the line of fire. 

Third: find a way to help Seonghwa. 

Fourth… Well, he needed to get through number one and two before he could worry about that. 

In the back of his mind, he thought about bringing part of his team, but… he knew he couldn’t. Seonghwa was dangerous and volatile, and Hongjoong wouldn’t risk them again until he knew Seonghwa wouldn’t take out his grudges on them. 

Hongjoong reached his room, stripping and throwing on one of his spare uniforms, mask shoved over his mouth as he yanked on his boots. 

He sprinted down the hallway, boots pounding and forcing people out of his way. 

He had a time limit. 

He had to get to the warehouses (assuming Seonghwa had returned there), and he had to do it on his own. 

Fifteen minutes to town, another thirty to the warehouses after he managed to get a cab. 

Too slow, all of it- too slow, he had to get there faster. Convincing Seonghwa was going to take a long time, he  _ needed  _ all the time he could get. 

What if people were already there? Some heroes were a little too… eager with their kill orders. 

Seonghwa was acting against a clock, too. 

Hongjoong stopped suddenly, in the middle of the hallway, his eyes widening as he saw a group of five walking at the other end. 

Hongjoong suddenly sprinted forward. “Jun!” He yelled so loudly, everyone in the hall glanced at him. 

Team ACE glanced back at the call, frowning in confusion and straightening when they saw Hongjoong running at them. 

Their leader stepped forward slowly but confidently. “Hongjoong,” He greeted, taking in his uniform. “What’s wrong? Is there a mission?”

“Not for you,” he said quickly, not enough air in his lungs. “Have you healed? Can you make a long distance portal?”

“Long distance?” Byeongkwan questioned, frowning. “Are we being sent on a mission?”

“Not you,” Hongjoong panted painfully. 

“How long distance?” Jun questioned. “Why are you- They don’t usually use me for other missions unless it’s serious.” 

“It is serious, but I can’t tell you anything about it,” Hongjoong begged. “I need a portal to the warehouse district- as close as you can get me. I don’t have time to explain- just please. It’s important- someone’s life is on the line.” 

All five of them exchanged glances, Jun’s expression turning grim. “Is this… a personal mission? Or is it official?” 

Hongjoong cursed internally, but he nodded helplessly, too little time to lie. “It’s personal,” he panted. “Please, Jun. Just once, and I’ll owe you a favor forever.” 

Using powers for personal gain was usually frowned upon- especially by certain individuals. But maybe Hongjoong just looked that desperate. 

Jun glanced at Donghun who simply shrugged. “Alright,” he agreed quickly. “But if I get in trouble for this, your team is getting slaughtered in the rec room, got it?” 

“I will take any punishment anyone tried to give any of you,” Hongjoong swore. “This is personal- Just tell them I threatened one of your teammates or something.” 

Jun’s eyes widened. “ _ Threatened-  _ Hongjoong, that’s gonna get you kicked out of the fucking system!”

“I’ll take all the blame,” Hongjoong swore. “Just tell whatever story you need to. Now, hurry- Please.” 

Jun responded to his pleas much easier than Seonghwa, and though he looked immensely concerned, he spread his fingers, a glowing purple portal opening on the wall beside Hongjoong, large enough to walk through. 

“This’ll get you within a block,” Jun said, eyes dark. “Hongjoong… if there’s something you’re too deep into… We’re not your team, but we’re still on your side. Alright?” 

Hongjoong nodded, in too much of a rush to show the genuine rush of emotion that came with the offer. “Thanks, but it’s not me who might be in trouble. I owe you one,” he promised, running through the portal without giving him a chance to respond. 

It closed as soon as Hongjoong was through it. He looked around quickly, and he was right around the gates to the warehouses. They were closed tightly, and that gave him hope. 

Getting here had been relatively easy. 

Now he just had to find a way to locate, talk to, and convince Seonghwa when the last time they met, he had almost killed him but hadn’t. 

Hongjoong shoved the gate open, too afraid to hesitate. 

But it wasn’t fear that fueled his legs sprinting through the warehouses. 

It was determination. 

It was not  _ his  _ life on the line. 

Seonghwa and he had once made a promise to never hurt each other again. 

Seonghwa had protected Hongjoong. 

Now, Hongjoong had to protect Seonghwa from himself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think!  
> I’m having so much fun with this, but then again I have too much fun writing emotional journeys~  
> Next chapter is going to be a doozy!  
> Thank you so much for reading, and have an amazing day!!  
> -SS


	4. Fueled By Good Intentions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this chapter is either a hit or a miss so please let me know which one it ends up being >_<  
> It was super fun to write though!!  
> Thank you everyone so much for all the kind words, it’s truly unbelievable to me!!  
> Please let me know what you think of this and have an amazing day, lovelies~  
> -SS  
> TW: this chapter deals heavily with some things that resemble panic attacks as well as something almost like multiple personalities (it’s not that, but it’s a close descriptor)  
> Please read safe!

Gravel crunched beneath Hongjoong’s feet. 

The warehouse was empty when Hongjoong entered. 

“Seonghwa?” he called, trying not to look at the shipping container Seonghwa had pinned him to earlier. 

In truth, a chill ran down his spine in memory of what had almost happened here. He shoved it away. 

The warehouse was as dark and silent as it was every time Hongjoong entered, and he swallowed, realizing he didn’t have time to play with Seonghwa this time. 

“Seonghwa!” he yelled, the echo so loud, it made his ears ring. 

He spun in a quick circle as only silence met him, his heart in his throat as he felt like each pump of his heart was the ticking of a clock. 

“Seonghwa, come out!” he called desperately. “You need to leave- You’re in danger!” 

Still, only darkness and silence. 

“They’ve put out a kill order on you!” Hongjoong shouted, fists clenched. “Within a couple of hours, most heroes in the city are going to be coming for you! They’re going to kill you!”

Hongjoong was sure he was sounding pretty deranged, but he continued to run through the warehouse, spinning to try and catch a glimpse of moving shadows. 

In truth, he had no way of knowing when heroes would start showing up- it could be minutes or hours or days, if no one felt like hunting down a villain today. 

But Hongjoong couldn’t take that gamble. 

“I can help you!” he yelled to the empty space. “Seonghwa- I can get you somewhere else, somewhere they can’t find you easily!”

The temperature suddenly dropped. 

“Let them come.” 

Hongjoong whipped around, heart leaping at the scare, but he saw nothing behind him, the voice seeming to echo from the darkness. 

“Seonghwa, you can’t fight them,” he snapped. “They know how powerful you are- they’re going to come prepared! They have license to kill!”

How forgiving was Hongjoong?

Seonghwa had almost killed Yeosang. He had tried to kill Hongjoong, and he had killed dozens of innocence. 

And somehow, Hongjoong seemed to forget that- 

No, not forget. 

He hadn’t forgotten a single thing Seonghwa had done. But Hongjoong knew that those were crimes he could answer for later. 

“They’ve already tried,” his voice said calmly, seeming to come from everywhere as Hongjoong continued to search up on the shipping containers, in the darkness that was disembodied. “They’ve been useless against me before.” 

“They didn’t have kill orders before!” Hongjoong fought desperately, his voice almost breaking. “It’s a lot fucking easier to attack to kill, than it is when trying to keep someone alive- There are no more rules for them to follow, Seonghwa- They are going to _kill you_!”

“They’ve grown tired of me so soon?”

Hongjoong’s eyes flickered around, but saw nothing- no sign of Seonghwa, just his voice calling from everywhere. It made his chest squeeze with anxiety. They didn’t have time for this. 

“Your people must be so eager to have me gone,” Seonghwa’s voice almost purred. “How would they feel, knowing that you’re here, trying to warn me?” 

“They-” 

“Are you abandoning them, Hongjoong?” Seonghwa asked quietly, Hongjoong whipping around as the voice sounded closer. “Or are you still so hung up on someone who’s already left you behind?” 

It was so condescending and mocking. 

“We don’t have time for games, Seonghwa!” Hongjoong shouted, finally standing still. “You can taunt me all you want, but let me help you! They’re were looking for you before, but with the kill order, they’re going to be _hunting_ you! Let me _help_ you-” 

“I don’t want your help.” 

“ _Seonghwa-_ ” 

His voice was just a little too desperate as every creak of the warehouse made him twitch. 

“You just can’t let go of me, can you?” he tutted. “You should have left me to die, before. You should have stayed away now and let the men come for me.” 

“You didn’t let me die, either!” Hongjoong yelled so loudly, dust fell from the ceiling. “Why is that?” he demanded, voice almost breaking for how high he shouted. “Maybe I’m caught up on someone who’s left me behind, but you’re caught up on the one person who _refuses_ to leave you behind! It’s almost as if you don’t _want_ me to give up on you!” 

Only silence met him, Hongjoong’s chest heaving, and his blood chilling the longer the quiet of the warehouse went unbroken. 

He turned slowly, his throat burning. 

They didn’t have time for this. 

“You-” His voice broke from the strain, but Hongjoong only winced, fists clenching as he looked up at the darkness. “I said it before, and I’ll say it again, Seonghwa- You aren’t a monster!” 

Silence. 

“You aren’t a _demon_ , you aren’t _evil-_ you aren’t anything else people have called you your entire life!” he called, heart clenching. “You’re _human_ , Seonghwa! You’re still human, even if you convinced yourself you’re not! Even if you’ve done the most despicable things, you’re not a monster! You don’t deserve to die!” 

Silence. But unless Hongjoong’s eyes were playing tricks, the darkness and shadows seemed to be growing thicker, the temperature dropping. 

Seonghwa was listening. 

“You don’t deserve to die for these things that weren’t your fault!” 

Was it Seonghwa’s fault he had been feared? Was it his fault people had never thought to comfort him, instead of shoving him further and further away?

Was Hongjoong making a difference? He didn’t know. Maybe he was just wasting his breath, but maybe Seonghwa was hesitating again. 

“Being born with dark magic, being unable to control it, being caught in its power- that isn’t your _fault_ !” he called, just rambling in hopes to have something make a difference. “You aren’t to blame- You were _twisted_ , Seonghwa!” 

When Hongjoong turned this time, he jumped violently as he saw Seonghwa standing there, a few feet away. 

His eyes weren’t black. They weren’t warped. 

His expression was apathetic- but like a riptide current, anger and rage still rippled beneath his calm eyes. His jaw was tight enough to break, and Hongjoong could have thought him made of stone for how stiffly he stood. 

Hongjoong didn’t move- both of them staring like a hunter waiting to pounce and a prey waiting to sprint. 

But he was here. 

Hongjoong felt hope swell as he stared at Seonghwa carefully, no longer moving- afraid of spooking him. 

“They twisted you, Seonghwa,” he said, much quieter, his voice hoarse. “Everyone in your life- from your family to those around you- They twisted you. They made you afraid, and they hurt you- when you were nothing but a _child._ ” 

Seonghwa’s jaw twitched stiffly. 

Hongjoong paused, taking every miniscule movement as a warning. But he swallowed. “They just… kept… hurting you, didn’t they?” he questioned weakly. “The boy I knew was full of laughter and life that had been almost snuffed out by that pain, but it was _there_ . You _had_ that, Seonghwa… And they took that from you,” he whispered, pained. “Because of their own fear.” 

It wasn’t ramblings. Not really. 

It was the truth. 

Everything Hongjoong had been realizing and gathering about Seonghwa- all the little things he had started gathering closer to his heart, letting it hurt just a little too much. 

Seonghwa deserved to have someone hurting with him. 

Maybe his mother had loved him. Maybe she mourned the fate her child had been handed. 

But she had done nothing to try and preserve his life. She had ruined him- with or without her realization. 

Hongjoong’s foot slid forward only a couple of inches- not even a step, but a shift towards Seonghwa who somehow stiffened further. 

He had yet to speak, move, or even breathe, though. 

“None of it is your fault, Seonghwa,” he coaxed in a whisper. “You aren’t a monster… You aren’t _evil_ .” Another tiny, tiny shift towards him, Hongjoong feeling like he was approaching a wild animal, trying to keep calm. “You’ve been hurt… You’ve been hurt _so many times_ , by so many people you thought you could trust.” 

_“People who are Different are always going to have hard lives. Some of them… just start earlier than others.”_

Hongjoong let the words hurt himself just a little. 

Trying to imagine… being so alone… for so long… when you were nothing but a child, who couldn’t even try to dispute what others had labeled you as. 

When you were nothing but a child, being scorned by your mother, and left in your own darkness without a soul to try and pierce through it. 

Who _wouldn’t_ go a little insane?

Another step, a little bigger, and he saw Seonghwa’s foot shift backwards- but he did not take a step away, his eyes stormy. 

Hongjoong wasn’t breathing either at this point as he paused for a moment to calm Seonghwa. 

Maybe he could fucking do this. 

Maybe there was real hope. 

Hongjoong took a slow breath as he waited for Seonghwa’s flightiness to fade. 

“You don’t deserve to die for that, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong breathed weakly, sure that he looked a little too desperate. Another tentative step. Seonghwa twitched, but didn’t move. “Not for anything you’ve done. People have been hurting you for so long…” 

One more step. 

Had Seonghwa ever met someone who hadn’t shied away from him?

Hongjoong had closed half the distance between them. 

Seonghwa hadn’t shifted at all. 

He was little more than an arm’s length away. 

Hongjoong began to slowly… slowly… _so_ fucking slowly… lift his arm. 

“The facility is sending people after you, Seonghwa,” he breathed quietly, hand shaking as it raised. “Because of the people you’ve killed- they’re sending out heroes.” 

Seonghwa’s eyes snapped to his hand, like it held a weapon, but he didn’t move. Hongjoong froze for a moment, not continuing his movement. 

“A lot of heroes… Some of which are probably worse people than you, if we’re honest.” 

Being a hero did not make you a good person. 

Just like being against them did not make Seonghwa a bad one. 

And the people first responding to this kill order would not likely be the most well meaning. 

“There’s a kill order out for you,” Hongjoong repeated gently, his arm continuing to raise. “And they are going to _hunt_ you, Seonghwa, for things outside of your control…” His hand shook a little too much. “I don’t want you to die, Seonghwa… I need you to _listen_ to me.” 

“Why…” 

Hongjoong froze where he had almost touched Seonghwa’s arm, his quiet whisper rocketing through Hongjoong like a bolt of his own electricity. 

Hongjoong took a deep, slow breath to make sure his voice didn’t shake. “Why what?” 

Seonghwa finally lifted eyes that rolled with hatred to Hongjoong’s face. 

His eyes burned, but his expression was… was something different. Something tighter. 

“Why wouldn’t you want me to die?” he demanded, so low in his chest that Hongjoong could feel the vibrations of his voice. 

The question… hurt a little more than Hongjoong expected it to. 

“I’ve told you from the beginning I didn’t want that,” Hongjoong said slowly. “No one deserves to die, Seonghwa, _regardless_ of what they do- and even if they did, you wouldn’t fall into that category anyway.” 

“I want to kill you.” 

It was spoken so firmly, like such a harsh, visceral desire that Seonghwa held within his heart. 

Hongjoong’s heart skipped painfully, but even as he said it, Hongjoong saw Seonghwa’s expression twitch. 

Almost like a crack appearing. 

“I want to kill you so _badly_ , Hongjoong,” he hissed, his hands finally curling into fists at his side, mask shifting as his lips curled. 

But his voice… 

Hongjoong stared numbly as Seonghwa grit his teeth- as if he wanted nothing more than to end Hongjoong’s existence… 

But he couldn’t. 

Like an itch you couldn’t scratch. A hair you couldn’t put back into place. A smudge you couldn’t erase. The smallest inconvenience that tormented you, making your skill crawl with the compulsive urge to just _get rid of it-_

“Maybe you want to,” Hongjoong said lowly, lifted his hand just that much further, his fingertips brushing the barest touch to Seonghwa’s sleeve. “But you didn’t, Seonghwa.” 

Seonghwa made a dark noise in the back of his throat- like a snarl or a warning- but he didn’t move. 

Like an animal growling at all who tried to approach, too weak to actually defend itself. 

Hongjoong had stopped understanding what they were saying. 

For a moment, the ticking clock in the background was silenced as he stared at Seonghwa. 

“You aren’t a monster, Seonghwa, you’re just a human being who’s been hurt too many times,” Hongjoong whispered, finally- _finally-_ wrapping gentle fingers around Seonghwa’s forearm, barely applying any pressure. 

He felt Seonghwa’s muscles tense into stone under his touch. 

Idly, he noted that this was the first time he or Seonghwa had touched without an intent to hurt or restrain. 

(His frantic CPR, not included.) 

But Seonghwa did nothing, glaring at Hongjoong- but it looked like it was harder to keep up the anger. 

He didn’t shake him off, simply narrowing his eyes as if silently commanding Hongjoong to release him before Seonghwa broke his arm. 

“Time is limited, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong begged quietly, thumb brushing over his sleeve. “I’m not asking you to change, I’m not asking you to let go of everything- I just need you to _listen_ to me,” he pleaded. “You just need to _leave_ here- they know this is where you lurk. You _have_ to get out of here.” 

Something swarmed and warped within his eyes- the diamond mark over his eye twisting and curling-

Something in his expression locked down, turning ice cold as he began to pull back. 

“ _Leave me al-_ ” 

Before Seonghwa could even shove Hongjoong away, there was the distant sound of the metal gate being torn open. 

They both tensed, Hongjoong glancing over his shoulder with wide eyes. 

“ _Seonghwa_ ,” he hissed, whipping back around, pleading. “Go!” 

He could see the hesitancy in Seonghwa’s eyes dying- locking down back into anger that would want to fight. 

Hongjoong suddenly grabbed Seonghwa’s collar, fisting it tightly and pulling him closer. “I am not going to let you die because of your anger,” Hongjoong hissed, Seonghwa’s expression turning stunned. “You need to _run_ , Seonghwa, _please_.” 

Distantly, he heard someone calling to another. 

“Where would you have me go?” Seonghwa snarled, anger returning. 

Hongjoong glanced over his shoulder, his stomach curling. “I don’t- I can distract them, just get out of here, Seonghwa- _anywhere_!” 

“What will they do to you?”

“Why the hell do you care?” Hongjoong suddenly snapped, glaring at Seonghwa sharply, fear and the clock starting up finally bursting out. “I’m trying to give you a fucking chance, Seonghwa- _Go!_ ” 

He just needed Seonghwa to leave- they could fix things if Seonghwa would just _leave-_

“I hear voices!” A woman yelled outside. 

“Shit,” Hongjoong cursed, releasing Seonghwa’s jacket to turn, a spark at his hand as Seonghwa continued to stand still, refusing to leave. 

Could he fight these heroes? Was that crossing a line? What should he _do-_

If Seonghwa would just go, Hongjoong could act like he was trying to fight him before they arrived and he got away. 

_Where would you have me go?_

Did Seonghwa have anywhere else? Wandering the streets wouldn’t be any more protection than this place.

Where in the city could he go without the heroes tracking him down? Somewhere no one would look-

“Seoul Apartments,” Hongjoong suddenly burst, turning to Seonghwa, eyes wide with fear at their ticking clock. “In the center of the city, near the main road- _Seoul Apartments_ ,” he hissed. “Apartment 456- _Go,_ Seonghwa! Now!” 

He heard the sound of a wall of the warehouse being torn open, and Hongjoong turned, a vine of lightning wrapping around his arm, prepared to attack or defend or buy time- 

A hand suddenly grabbed his shoulder painfully tight, making him flinch- 

Darkness covered his eyes like a hood, throwing Hongjoong off as it felt like there was some sort of vortex sucking him backwards. 

The world flipped, and Hongjoong closed his mouth to keep from vomiting at the vertigo that surged through his body, like he was caught in a whirlpool tossing him around. 

It stopped so suddenly, it almost made Hongjoong vomit. 

He gasped as his vision cleared, breaths coming in heaving sucks that seemed too thick. 

He was staring at a carpet, on his shaking hands and knees. 

“You look pathetic,” he heard Seonghwa’s dark voice mutter, black shoes passing through Hongjoong’s vision. 

He pushed himself to his knees, glancing around the room quickly. 

It was a fancy apartment- shades of grey and white mixing tastefully, everything pristine and untouched, as it had been for several months, probably. 

The living area and kitchen were one large area, and he saw Seonghwa wander over, running a hand over the marble island stiffly. 

Hongjoong stood, his legs feeling a little unsteady after whatever trip they had just taken. 

“I didn’t mean for you to take me _with_ you,” he huffed, brushing out his outfit, readjusting his mask, his leather jacket suddenly seeming too heavy. “God, I think I’m going to throw up.” 

“You are increasingly bad at showing gratitude,” Seonghwa muttered bitterly, picking up a tiny potted cactus sitting on the counter for decoration. Hongjoong waited for him to smash it. 

“You pick all the wrong things to demand gratitude for,” Hongjoong said, a little too sharp for now being stuck in such close quarters. “I won’t thank you for harming innocents, and I won’t thank you for kidnapping me.” 

“You think they’d let you go after seeing you with me?” Seonghwa scoffed, turning to Hongjoong with dark eyes that held a dangerous warning. “I suppose this makes you as much of a villain as me.” 

The gentle confusion, the hesitation, the part of Seonghwa Hongjoong had seen before, were gone. 

There was only anger and rage and pain left. 

“I’m on their side, Seonghwa- _do not_ mistake me there,” Hongjoong warned firmly. “They don’t have kill orders on me- And the only reason I went to warn you was because I believed those orders to be wrong.” 

“Impressive,” Seonghwa said, eyes scrunching in a sarcastic smile. “You’re capable of thoughts other than the butterflies and rainbows that they shove down your throat.” 

“What the hell does that mean?” Hongjoong demanded, stiffening when Seonghwa suddenly turned his attention fully on Hongjoong, slamming the cactus down. 

“I’m talking about the obvious brainwashing going on that keeps you sated and happy within a prison while your preached _‘responsibilities’_ wander around cursing your very _existence_ !” He drew up to his full height. “About your utter _ignorance_ in continually preaching about their protection!”

Hongjoong’s jaw tightened as Seonghwa looked ready to spit in disgust. 

It was strange to see Seonghwa in such clear lighting, though- making the darkness against his pale skin all the more startling. 

“Not all Normals curse us.” 

“We’ve had this conversation, Hongjoong,” he spat. “If you truly don’t think I can convince you, I hope you are not stupid enough to think you can convince me.” 

“I am not convincing you of anything,” Hongjoong said flatly. “I’m stating a fact, Seonghwa. Not all Normals hate us. The facility isn’t a prison. And there is no brainwashing going on.” 

“ _Please,_ ” Seonghwa muttered, scoffing and glaring at Hongjoong. “They’ve turned you so backwards, your own sense of heroism won’t even let you watch a _monster_ be killed.” 

“You aren’t a monster,” Hongjoong said reflectively, and he watched the way Seonghwa’s jaw tightened as he rolled his eyes. 

“So you keep preaching.” 

“And you keep listening.” 

Seonghwa took a harsh step forward. “ _I will-_ ” 

“What?” Hongjoong asked, an odd sense of calm washing over him, voice low as Seonghwa froze. “You’ll kill me?” he asked. “I already gave you that chance. You didn’t take it.” 

His knuckles cracked as he clenched his fists. Hongjoong held Seonghwa’s eyes firmly, eyes hard. 

He went as still as stone while Hongjoong stared back at him, like a physical hand holding him in place. 

“You said you wouldn’t make my mistake,” Hongjoong reminded him darkly. “But you did. It would have been nothing for you to walk away and leave me there. But you stopped it. You regretted it-” 

“The only thing I regret is _ever_ coming to know you!” Seonghwa yelled, so sharp it rang in Hongjoong’s ears. 

He didn’t flinch, though. 

“I don’t regret knowing you,” Hongjoong said matter-of-factly. “You were probably one of the forces that turned me into who I am today.” 

Even if Hongjoong had forgotten him… _Knowing_ that child, knowing what it was to protect him in the little ways Hongjoong could… feeling his utter delight when he could make Seonghwa feel better… 

It became a feeling Hongjoong sought out. 

“You regretted almost killing me,” Hongjoong said firmly, Seonghwa’s chest rising and falling quickly as he breathed angrily. “I saw your eyes, Seonghwa- and they were _horrified_. They looked at me, and they were afraid of what you had done.”

Seonghwa flinched. 

Hongjoong too a sharp step forward, glaring heatedly. “Are monsters _afraid_ of themselves, Seonghwa?” 

Hongjoong broke off as something in Seonghwa’s eyes shattered. 

It all happened too fast. 

One moment, there was anger- and then suddenly Seonghwa’s expression crumbled like weak stone, and his eyes broke into something agonized. 

For a moment, his eyes were terrified. 

It was barely a glimpse, Hongjoong’s breath stalling in his chest- 

Seonghwa’s eyes suddenly flooded with black, the dark marks on his neck surging upward until his entire face was almost obscured- 

The speed of it made Hongjoong’s stomach flip, and he had no warning before Seonghwa’s hand was around his throat. 

There was a choked cry as Seonghwa swept his leg, slamming Hongjoong into the ground- 

He hit the ground hard, but felt like something cushioned him from most of the pain. 

Seonghwa’s expression twisted beyond recognition, his hat gone without a care. One hand held Hongjoong around the throat- Hongjoong’s hands gripping the wrist tightly, despite the fact that his breathing was only labored, not blocked. 

His chest still tightened anxiously- more to do with the poison pulsing through Seonghwa’s veins than the hand around his throat. 

His heart leapt to his throat as Seonghwa grabbed the collar of his coat, tearing it downward, exposing just enough of Hongjoong’s chest to make a spark of panic pop in his chest as he watched darkness begin to gather above the mark on his chest that appeared. 

Hongjoong stared up at Seonghwa who wasn’t looking at the diamond on his chest that matched his eye. 

Seonghwa’s black eyes bored into Hongjoong’s as if he could kill him with only his thoughts- his breathing heavy and wild, as if he had been sprinting and struggling. 

And Hongjoong took yet another stupid gamble. 

Today was not about good decisions.

He stared at Seonghwa calmly, the darkness above his chest growing thicker. “You couldn’t kill me when I offered you everything,” He said quietly. “Why should I think you could do it this time?” 

Seonghwa snarled, the hand on Hongjoong’s throat tightening, but never cutting off completely- either by Seonghwa’s choice or not. 

“I don’t doubt you want to kill me,” Hongjoong murmured, never looking away, feeling the icy presence of Seonghwa’s magic hovering over his most vulnerable spot. “But you can’t… Something is stopping you, isn’t it? Something in you won’t let you.” 

Seonghwa kept not responding- the dark marks on his skin rippling angrily, the black smoke hovering but never touching Hongjoong. 

He was still hesitating. 

Hongjoong felt something loosen in his chest. 

Something that felt like hope. 

Maybe he could get through to Seonghwa. 

“Is it just me you can’t bring yourself to kill?” he pondered aloud, quietly. “Or was it because you stopped to watch? Maybe both?” 

Hongjoong winced as the chill turned painful, the smoke pressing against his mark, but not entering- the echo of the pain making him tense. 

Even if Seonghwa fought and resisted every step of the way, Hongjoong knew he was doing something. Affecting something. 

Reaching Seonghwa in some sort of way. 

“You felt something, Seonghwa.” 

“Stop talking,” Seonghwa hissed, his voice as dark as his eyes. 

“Monsters don’t hesitate, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong said, voice stiff with the prickling pain of ice. “And they don’t look relieved when someone tells them they’re only human- that they’re right to be hurt.” 

“I am not _relieved_ ,” he spat, the hand falling from Hongjoong’s throat and grabbing his shirt, twisting it as he yanked Hongjoong up. “I am quite frankly getting _pissed off_ at your interference-” 

“You had a chance to get rid of me,” Hongjoong bit out, one hand wrapping around Seonghwa’s fist tightly to keep it from twisting further. “You couldn’t do it.” 

“ _You-_ ” 

“Stop playing, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong snapped, gritting his teeth as the icy sensation started to spread across his shoulder. “We both know you’re not going to actually hurt me- so stop the smoke and lights show, and just _let go_.” 

For a moment, Hongjoong thought that had been the final line he had crossed, sure that Seonghwa was going to snap in a moment. 

“Why can’t you accept that you’re human?” Hongjoong suddenly whispered, frowning. 

The ice at his shoulder flared, making Hongjoong wince, but then he was falling back, his head hitting the ground roughly as Seonghwa was suddenly off of him. 

Hongjoong got to his feet quickly, rubbing at his neck gingerly as Seonghwa walked swiftly to the kitchen, stopping at the counter and slamming his fist into so hard, Hongjoong saw it crack. 

He pressed his lips together tightly. “Please do not destroy my parents’ kitchen.” 

Seonghwa whipped his head around, black pools beating against Hongjoong, as if daring him to speak. 

But he saw his brow twitch, almost in confusion. 

Hongjoong swallowed, hand falling from his neck to rub at his shoulder gently. 

“The same _parents_ who called me a monster- throwing me back at my mother with the threat of what would happen if they ever saw my face again?” Seonghwa spat, poison dripping and burning as more pain blooded his black eyes. 

Anger and agony mixing in a sickening yin and yang. 

Hongjoong flinched, his fist curling at his side. 

“Yes,” he replied quietly. “The parents who hurt you, and who I spent a good portion of my life cursing because of what they had done and said to my only friend.” 

Seonghwa took an aggressive step forward, snarling as the black veins of his face grew thicker, his body looking ready to surge forward. 

He didn’t move. 

“This is my parents’ old place,” Hongjoong said quietly, more as a way of distraction than conversation. “Well, I think the term they used was ‘summer home’ but they’re not even here during the summer, so…” He shrugged slowly. 

Seonghwa growled darkly, turning away and pressing his fists to the counter. 

“It’s the only place I could think of that you could hide in,” Hongjoong went on calmly, thinking he might have gained Seonghwa’s attention enough. “No one ever comes here, but they keep it- just in case. You shouldn’t be disturbed here.” 

Seonghwa suddenly turned completely, his stature almost seeming to grow as the dark marks writhed across his skin. 

“There is absolutely _nothing_ stopping me from blowing this building up from the inside out,” he hissed, his voice almost unrecognizable for the acid in it. “You’ve provided a safe haven for a fucking _criminal_ , and any deaths I cause from _this moment_ on will be on _your_ head!” 

Hongjoong was silent, jaw twitching, eyes hardening. 

“I could run through this city so quickly, your people would never have a chance to _see_ me- and maybe I wouldn’t kill them all, but I would take out such a _vast_ amount of the people you try to protect, they’ll never be able to even _look_ at you again!” Seonghwa shouted, twisted and sharp. 

Hongjoong dropped his hand to his side, his gaze calm once more, and clashing with Seonghwa’s poisonous glare that thrashed around like a sea monster- hell bent on killing and destroying as much as possible. 

“You’ve saved me _twice_ , and I am going to ensure you regret it with every city block I _wipe out_!”

Hongjoong’s stony expression didn’t twitch. 

“Go on, then,” Hongjoong said calmly. 

The darkness in Seonghwa’s eyes visibly flickered for a moment- brown eyes showing through for a moment, so taken aback by Hongjoong’s quiet statement. 

He gestured quietly out of the large windows in the living room. “It would be so easy,” Hongjoong said quietly, shrugging. “You could make me regret so much. You could take such revenge on the people you’ve set out to destroy.” 

Seonghwa’s figure swayed slightly, like he was trying to decide between backing away and surging forward. 

Hongjoong lifted one shoulder casually. “And yet you’re still here, throwing around nothing but threats and empty anger. You’ve destroyed nothing more than a kitchen counter. What are you waiting for, Seonghwa?” he questioned, brows pulling down deeply.

Hongjoong really needed to stop taunting him, but there was nothing else he could think to do. 

And part of him… part of him knew that his confidence was not founded on blind hope. 

He could see it- he didn’t know _where_ , but he could _see it_. 

Even through Seonghwa’s anger, there was a hesitation. Something was different about his hatred, his rage. 

Hongjoong knew that the thing that would keep Seonghwa from leaving and killing, was to challenge him to do just that. 

Like his innate reaction was to do the opposite of what Hongjoong said. 

Like being confronted with a push to go destroy messed with his head. 

“Did it not feel as good as you imagined?” he asked genuinely, watching how Seonghwa began to shake and tremble, obvious even behind his mask. “All the deaths? All the pain? Did it not fill the hole you hoped it would?”

“It’s not _filled_ because there are _still_ Normals out there, cursing and fearing and _hating me-_ ” 

“Me.” Not “us.” 

Seonghwa, despite the harsh words, took a step away from Hongjoong. 

He was breaking through something inside of Seonghwa. What retaliation Seonghwa would bring against that, Hongjoong didn’t know. 

Hongjoong took a slow step forward, still cautious, still careful- torn between harsh and pitying. 

Harsh, because it seemed to be the only language Seonghwa understood, and pitying, because Seonghwa only seemed to understand one language. 

“You wiped out an entire street- that’s why they gave the kill order,” Hongjoong said firmly. “Why are you still here? Why aren’t you out doing that again? I saved you- why aren’t you out there, making me regret it?” 

Seonghwa’s breathing came in short bursts that began to quicken- almost beginning to sound panicked. 

Hongjoong was breaking through to something- just like he had in the warehouse- that flicker of humanity before the blackness had swarmed him. 

“You don’t get to tell me how to get my revenge,” Seonghwa snarled. “You don’t get to act like you understand-” 

“I’ve never _once_ told you I understood,” Hongjoong said sharply. “How could I ever know what you’ve gone through, Seonghwa? My mother never called me a monster-” 

Seonghwa physically flinched, his back hitting the counter hard as he took another step back. 

Whether it was him being overwhelmed or cornered, Hongjoong continued. 

“I was never treated like an outcast, only a freak,” Hongjoong said truthfully, taking another step. “I was never hated, only cautioned. I was never threatened, only scorned.” Hongjoong’s chest tightened, expression pinching. “No one ever look at me…when I was only a _child…_ and told me that I was evil- that I was destined to be nothing more than my power that would consume me.” 

It ended in a quiet whisper.

Seonghwa’s expression twitched. 

Anger began to be overtaken by something that almost looked like fear. 

Hongjoong took another step. 

“I was never betrayed by someone I loved,” He confessed quietly. “I was never beaten back until I stop trying. I was never so lost in hatred, I doubted my own _humanity…_ So, no, I do not understand you, Seonghwa. There’s no way I possibly could.” 

Seonghwa swallowed, and there was definitely something afraid in his eyes, even with the darkness covering most of his expression. 

“Stop,” Seonghwa whispered harshly, his hand twitching at his side as his eyes were a little too wide, a little too panicked. 

“I can’t understand you,” Hongjoong said, feeling like his breath was slowly being sucked away the closer to this terrified Seonghwa he got. “But I know… I know what it is to be hurt. I know what it is to feel alone. We’re not the same, but… I know what it is to hate someone, to want revenge so badly, you can’t even _breathe-_ ” 

Every hero went through dark times- especially when they realized the people they were protecting didn’t exactly care for them, or what they had gone through.

“Stop talking,” Seonghwa breathed frantically, his fists curling and shaking violently, like he didn’t know what to do, staring blankly at Hongjoong. 

“I was able to let go of that part of myself,” he whispered. “And it was the hardest thing I have ever experienced, Seonghwa- And I hated _every_ person who told me I should. But I was able to let go.” 

“I will _never let it go_ ,” Seonghwa hissed, trying to jerk away again, but the counter stopped him. Trapped him. 

“I know,” Hongjoong said, because up until the exact moment you did let it go, you swore you never would. “And I’m not asking you to let it go, Seonghwa. I’m not asking you to change-” 

“ _Stop,_ ” he hissed, one hand jerking up, as if he physically wanted to halt Hongjoong’s slow approach. 

“I’m only asking you something very simple, Seonghwa,” he whispered, coming to a halt just before Seonghwa’s hand that was outstretched and shaking, as if daring Hongjoong to touch it, but not knowing what he would do if Hongjoong did. 

Seonghwa’s darkness shifted and flowed agitatedly. 

“I just want to know, Seonghwa… What makes you a monster?”

Soulless pools of black stared back at Hongjoong- a million things hiding within the fear that had finally overtaken rage. 

“Is it your dark magic?” Hongjoong coaxed. “Your intentions? Your anger?” 

“I am going to kill you,” he hissed, jerking away when Hongjoong’s hand got too close. 

“Killing doesn’t make you a monster, Seonghwa,” he murmured quietly, carefully watching Seonghwa’s hand that continued to float between them. “Hating people doesn’t make you a monster- Feeling that rage inside of you doesn’t make you a _monster_.” 

Hongjoong’s fingers almost brushed Seonghwa’s, but he stopped them at the last second, Seonghwa’s breathing going completely silent, as if holding his breath, his eyes- 

“You were hurt, Seonghwa,” he whispered, heart aching when Seonghwa’s eyes snapped to stare at his hand that barely brushed his. “You were hurt so badly, for so long, Seonghwa- thinking you were alone, for so long-” 

“ _Stop it_ ,” he breathed fearfully, but Hongjoong’s saw the black of his eyes begin to shine, and it was with terrifying realization that he realized it was tears gathering in Seonghwa’s eyes. 

“-And I’m _sorry_ , Seonghwa,” he pressed on gently. “I am _so sorry_ you went through your life like that, that these people turned you into this-” 

“I did this to _myself_ ,” He hissed weakly. 

“- But your pain doesn’t make you a monster,” Hongjoong whispered, shaking his head slowly. “It makes you more human than a lot of us. You _feel_ things, Seonghwa, and you have every right to feel them- no one has a right to tell you you don’t- that you’re evil for being betrayed.” 

So… very… gently… Hongjoong’s fingers brushing against Seonghwa’s. 

Seonghwa flinched, but there was no physical attack, his eyes staring wide-eyed at Hongjoong’s gloved hand that carefully wrapped around his own so gently, he barely felt it. 

Hongjoong felt his eyes begin to burn as Seonghwa blinked- the inky blackness clearing for only a moment to show brown irises, flickering like a fluttering eyelid trying to remain open. 

Like it was trying to hold on when Seonghwa tried to let go. 

“I want to help you, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong breathed weakly, lowering his hand and bringing Seonghwa’s arm down so very slowly from where it tried to separate them. 

Every movement felt like holding a match to a fuse- so scared to accidentally light it and set something off. 

But something was breaking. Something had been breaking for a while, now. 

“You’ve been hurt so much, Seonghwa… More than any person deserves.” 

He risked a gentle squeeze of Seonghwa’s hand- still so weak and careful. 

“But I don’t want you to lose yourself,” he breathed weakly, Seonghwa’s flickering eyes snapping up to Hongjoong- brown and then black, brown and back to black- 

The whites of his eyes blacked out once more, more solid this time- 

Hongjoong didn’t have a clue what was happening, but he kept going- hoping to God that he didn’t fuck this up. 

Hongjoong squeezed his hand, swallowing. “I don’t want to lose anyone, Seonghwa. Not my team, and not you. Not when there’s still part of you that’s… that’s fighting something-” 

The markings along Seonghwa’s face spiked violently- climbing higher before shrinking back, making a sickening dance. 

“I guess my real question is even easier than the other one I asked you,” Hongjoong whispered, taking a slow step forward, until he stood directly before Seonghwa, his free hand coming to join his other hand around Seonghwa’s. 

Seonghwa tensed, looking ready to bolt, to snap, to break- 

The hand Hongjoong held suddenly relaxed within his hold- as if he couldn’t hold it any longer. 

Hongjoong’s chest felt like it was being torn in two. 

Seonghwa was fighting something. 

In his eyes, in his skin, in his stance- Hongjoong could see a subtle back-and-forth, never quite able to keep in one direction. 

Seonghwa was fighting something, and Hongjoong didn’t know which side was stronger. But he knew that at the moment, the side of Seonghwa that Hongjoong had once known was struggling to push forward. 

He squeezed Seonghwa’s lax hand gently. “Seonghwa,” he said, lifting his eyes to stare into darkness he could see his own reflection in. 

“Stop-” 

“Do you _want_ to be a monster?” 

Hongjoong expected some sort of violent answer as he finally crossed a line. 

He expected Seonghwa’s hand to tense and tear away from him, for Seonghwa to shove him away and disappear in a puff of smoke, for Hongjoong to be made to regret ever pitying Seonghwa- 

He didn’t expect Seonghwa to freeze, as if someone had struck him in the gut and winded him. 

He didn’t expect Seonghwa to stare at him, visible expression twisting into something like horrific disbelief- his eyes widening slightly. 

He didn’t expect Seonghwa to blinked slowly- for his eyes to close, releasing a streak of tears down his cheek, and for them to open- the whites of his eyes shining through gentle brown. 

He didn’t expect to lose sight of anger. 

“ _Hongjoong-_ ” 

He didn’t expect for Seonghwa to stare at him, tears on his cheek, and to clearly see the pain he had only caught glimpses of. He didn’t expect Seonghwa to stare at Hongjoong as if he had he had just stabbed his chest, as if Hongjoong was threatening him with the highest degree of pain- 

He didn’t expect for Seonghwa to look so lost. So overwhelmed- tearing his eyes away from Hongjoong to look around the apartment wildly, as if searching for an escape or an answer- 

There was so much pain. So much fear. 

Hongjoong shifted forward, mouth open to try and give some sort of comfort, one of his hands releasing Seonghwa’s to touch somewhere else, trying to offer some sort of desperate comfort- 

He didn’t expect the hands suddenly shoving him in the chest, sending his unsuspecting body to the ground as Seonghwa was suddenly stumbling away, shaking his head so sharply, he stumbled, off balance. 

He yanked his mask off, lips parting to suck in deep breaths that wheezed too much- his full expression frantic and wild. 

“Seonghwa,” Hongjoong tried gently, getting to his feet quickly, hands outstretched, but not touching him. “ _Seonghwa,_ calm down- I can help you-” 

Seonghwa fingers plunged into his unkempt hair, twisting it sharply, shaking his head as he stood half-hunched- 

As if he was fighting against something. 

His back hit the edge of the refrigerator, and he stumbled away from it wildly, something almost like a cry tearing from his throat he almost threw himself into the edge of the counter- 

Seonghwa doubled over, flinching away from the violent hit, his knees buckling- 

“ _Seonghwa-_ ” 

Hongjoong barely caught him by the arms before he fell too far (or tried to stand again), holding him firmly, but not tightly. 

He could almost feel the magic inside of Seonghwa thrumming, coursing, pulsing- 

“Seonghwa,” he said sharply, firmly, holding on when Seonghwa jerked away from him with his eyes clenched shut. Hongjoong pulled him down, forcing him to kneel on the ground with Hongjoong to stop him from hurting himself. “ _Seonghwa,_ look at me-” 

“ _I hate them!_ ” 

Darkness suddenly exploded into Hongjoong’s eyes, startling him, but he didn’t let go of Seonghwa, despite how he felt the other thrash in his grip. 

Hongjoong held on tight, clenching his eyes shut over the sudden chill. 

Seonghwa… was hurting. 

So badly, so deeply, Hongjoong suddenly doubted that anyone would be able to reach him. 

Like a vacuum, the darkness was sucked away, leaving Hongjoong face to face with Seonghwa who snarled at him, disgust and anger wrapped around his every microexpression- 

Hongjoong still had his hands wrapped around Seonghwa’s wrists, and the other yanked and jerked his hands to shake Hongjoong off- 

The sight wasn’t frightening. It was pitiful. 

“I _hate them_!” Seonghwa screamed- and Hongjoong watched his expression flicker as weakly as a TV with bad static, his twisted sneer turning into a pained, pleading stare. 

Without the mask, Hongjoong could see all the dark lines of his veins running down his neck sickeningly, running across his lips and nose that were so ordinary to be covered in such anger. 

“I hate them- I _hate them_ for what they did!” 

He jerked Hongjoong’s arm so hard, his shoulder cracked, but Hongjoong still held on, his mouth too dry to speak, and his heart wedged firmly in his throat as with each cry, Seonghwa’s expression seemed to flicker. 

Hatred. 

Pleading. 

Rage. 

Fear. 

Disgust. 

_Agony-_

“I h-hate-” 

His voice wavered, almost giving out, and Seonghwa grit his teeth, remaining silent as he clenched his eyes shut, thrashing in Hongjoong’s grip wildly, without even the will to make a calculated attempt to escape- 

He could have picked Hongjoong up with his shadows and thrown him. He could have pinned him down. He could have swallowed Hongjoong up until he had no choice but to let him go- 

Seonghwa’s struggles weakened, his thin lips twisted into something- like he was bracing himself for a blow. 

“ _I hate them_ ,” He hissed weakly. One of his arms gave out, only one of them continuing to struggle weakly against Hongjoong’s firm hold. 

“I _hate-_ ”

The rage stopped appearing, his face stuck on some sort of pleading, desperate expression- weak and fragile, ready to break at any moment- twisted with agony and pain that stained his eyes worse than his magic. 

“I _hate_ them-” he sobbed without tears. 

“I hate them for what they did-” 

“I _hate them_ for what they did to me-” 

“I hate them all-” 

Hongjoong didn’t realize he was crying until he tried to breathe in and choked on the thickness of his throat. He blinked, hot tears racing down his cheeks, his eyes burning at the desperate attempts that slowly fizzled out as Seonghwa’s strength gave out. 

Seonghwa’s head dropped forward, his chin resting on his chest as he continued to yank so weakly, a child could have held him in place. 

The hand not thrashing was clenched in a trembling fists.

“I…” 

Hongjoong watched several tears drop into Seonghwa’s lap. 

“I _hate…_ them… I hate them all _so much-_ ” he whispered brokenly. 

“I know,” Hongjoong managed to croak, so insignificant and useless and horrible to say. It was all he could manage, his own vision obscured by tears. “I know, Seonghwa-” 

Seonghwa took a breath that shook, his head whipping back and forth weakly as if he was afraid to stop moving- 

Both his hands stopped struggling, hanging limply in Hongjoong’s grip, his head hanging low, hiding his expression. 

Hongjoong could feel his body tremble, shaking violently, like a shiver he couldn’t warm himself from. 

“I _hate_ them,” he whispered brokenly, voice breaking. His fists clenched weakly. “I hate them, _I hate them-_ ” 

As if he were reminding himself. 

“I hate them- They hate me, they hate me, they want me _dead-_ ” His voice suddenly twisted, a weak snarl- 

“I don’t,” Hongjoong said automatically, lowering their hands until they rested in his lap. Seonghwa stiffened. “I don’t hate you, Seonghwa,” he whispered desperately. “I don’t want you dead-” 

Seonghwa’s head half-lifted, still hiding his expression. 

Hongjoong swallowed thickly. “I don’t want you dead- I would… I would be very… very sad if you died, Seonghwa. If you got hurt…” 

He felt like he was five years old again, their hands intertwined (well, this time he held onto Seonghwa, who stayed limp), with them on their knees, staring at each other. 

Seonghwa looked at him. 

Clear, brown eyes stared at Hongjoong as if he was another species Seonghwa had not been prepared to meet. 

As if he was something coming down from the sky- a little too bright to look at. 

He swallowed, shifting under Seonghwa’s open gaze. “I- I’m glad we made that promise when we were five,” Hongjoong whispered hoarsely, squeezing his hands gently. “Because even now… Even now, I don’t want to hurt you, Seonghwa. You’ve been… hurt enough.” 

Seonghwa didn’t move- as if even shifting might break something. 

It felt like being five years old again, sitting on the sidewalk, staring at Seonghwa with tears still clinging to his lashes… 

He didn’t think a juice box would solve this, though. 

Hongjoong felt another tear fall off his cheek, but he didn’t bother to notice. Seonghwa stared- 

The lines along his face began to retreat- shrinking further back into his neck, leaving his face a smooth pale. Hongjoong had never noticed before, with the mask in place, how normal his face was. 

He still looked scared, like he was waiting for Hongjoong to strike him. 

Like he was begging Hongjoong to do something, but Hongjoong did not for the life of him know what he needed. 

“Seonghwa,” Hongjoong whispered, shifting forward, closer- his hand shaking where he released one of Seonghwa’s, creeping forward- but jerking back at the last second, unsure where to touch, how to comfort, what to do- 

Seonghwa glanced at his hand, as if he had just noticed it, and drew back- shrinking away from the reach. 

Hongjoong quickly dropped it, his throat stuck, refusing to even let him breathe, much less speak. “Seonghwa, I- I want to help you,” he pressed. “Not hurt people, but… but to make you feel better.” 

He didn’t want to say “fix yourself.” 

Seonghwa’s expression twitched, a flicker of anger passing over. “I would feel better with them all gone,” He hissed. “Everyone who _ever_ told me-” 

“I know,” Hongjoong agreed quickly, hand floating uselessly in the air. “I know, Seonghwa, and your anger is justified- you’re right, but-” 

“No buts,” Seonghwa said heavily, his body beginning to shift away from Hongjoong. “You can’t change what hap-” 

“You’re _good_ , Seonghwa,” he burst. “Think about it- Why didn’t you kill me?” Hongjoong blurted, something inside of him just trying to keep Seonghwa distracted, keep him from getting angry, keep him from losing himself. 

But in his panic, he still should have realized that it was the wrong thing to say. 

Seonghwa looked stunned for only a moment. And when his expression began to twist, it didn’t go into anger, as Hongjoong expected. 

Something dark and viscerally afraid lit up in Seonghwa’s eyes as he suddenly wrenched his hand away from Hongjoong- 

Hongjoong tried to catch his hand again, an apology on his lips- 

The hand he tried to grab dissolved into wisps of smoke- 

“Seonghwa, no!” he yelled, scrambling forward as Seonghwa was swallowed in shadows. “Seonghwa, you’re safe here! You’re-” 

His hand passed through smoke that dispersed into nothingness, not even letting him see Seonghwa’s face once more. 

And Hongjoong knelt, alone, in his parents’ old apartment. 

His hands hit the ground, his muscles shaking with the effort to keep them up. Regret and guilt almost made him vomit- 

How could he be so _stupid_?

There was something there. Inside of Seonghwa… even if Hongjoong sucked royally at being able to comfort and understand him… 

There was _hope_ for Seonghwa. 

A part of him that hadn’t rejected his touch, his offer, his comfort, his understanding- 

Hongjoong just didn’t know how to begin helping him. 

Seonghwa was trapped. Be it by his magic, his anger, his station, his thoughts- something was shoving and pushing him into that rage that fueled him, and _something_ was fighting back. 

Some part of him was reacting to Hongjoong’s statements, his comforts, his outreach… Even if some part of him wanted Hongjoong dead. 

Hongjoong couldn’t imagine being torn in two like that, at war with yourself so violently, so helplessly… 

He picked himself back up slowly, everything a little unsteady. 

His phone rang, startling him so violently, a spark leapt from his skin and struck the ground- charring the tile as he fished out his phone quickly. 

Yeosang’s name lit up his screen. 

Hongjoong took a moment to breathe before answering. “Yeosang,” he greeted, a little breathless. 

“ _Why the fuck did you just run off again_?”

Hongjoong flinched away from San’s voice that yelled in his ear, jerking the phone away as he sighed heavily. “San, why do you have Yeosang’s phone?” he demanded, a little sharp. 

“His was closer than mine,” San said off-handedly. “That’s not the fucking point! Where the hell are you? Why the fuck are you running off after Wooyoung told you-” 

“I’m heading back,” Hongjoong said heavily, scrubbing at his face. “I’ll explain everything-” 

“You went to see him, didn’t you?” San accused sharply. “Alone- _again_!”

“San,” Hongjoong sighed, pressing a hand to his eyes. “I will explain everything to you guys when I get back- just meet me in Eden’s office because he’s going to want to hear it as well.” 

“This conversation is not over,” San hissed threateningly, and Hongjoong could imagine his hair catching on fire. 

“Hence, why I said we would talk with Eden,” Hongjoong replied, just a touch too snarky. 

“Hyung, do not get sassy,” San warned. “You are in such deep shit with me-” 

“Goodbye, San,” he huffed, pulling the phone away and hanging up. He’d deal with that later. 

Well, “later” being however long it took him to get back to the facility. 

Hongjoong hung his head heavily for a moment. 

He didn’t know what to _do_. 

So, for now, all he could do was pocket his phone and glance around the empty apartment. Idly, he wondered how long it had been since his parents had even thought about this place… They’d stayed down South for the passed months- maybe stretching years- and hadn’t mentioned any plans of coming back to Seoul anytime soon. 

Not that Hongjoong really needed them to come back here- he wouldn’t really see them, even if they did come back. 

He _could_ see them. 

But between being more comfortable within the facility, and his parents’ busy lifestyle that left very little room for lunch meetups, it didn’t really matter if they were on the other side of the country. 

Hongjoong left the apartment silently, leaving it unlocked (not that Seonghwa probably needed the door to get in, if he ever came back here, but he did it more for his own mind). 

Thankfully, there was no one in the halls or elevator as he went down, beginning the process of trying to get a taxi while in his hero uniform. 

Eventually, he just took the bus, watching people conveniently not sit beside him as he stared at the ground. 

He was so afraid…. 

What was Seonghwa afraid of? Was it regret that he felt? Was it horror? Was it fear? There was too much of it- every emotion inside of Seonghwa was much too strong, too quick to flare. 

Maybe his magic did exacerbate things… maybe it turned a little frustration into full-blown rage, and maybe it turned an inkling of discomfort into manic fear. 

Hongjoong wouldn’t be able to find out anything until he was able to speak to Seonghwa in a rational manner. 

Without watching the man break down over his own pain that had followed him for too long to be borne. 

Hongjoong just had to find Seonghwa again. 

~~~~~~~~

San didn’t speak to Hongjoong for two days and demanded all of his desserts at meals to keep him from strangling him in his sleep. 

Hongjoong went along with it because it really was a shitty move to keep them in the dark all the time. 

Hongjoong’s unofficial mission report (which was not yet put on official record) was passed around, and there were… mixed reactions. 

Everything from pity to anger at those who had caused this, to quiet contemplation, to pitying glanced at Hongjoong for bearing all of this. 

(Yeosang gave Hongjoong his desserts to make up for San stealing his.) 

(Well, Yeosang gave him Wooyoung’s desserts since Wooyoung always gave his dessert to Yeosang so he could have two.) 

Eden told Hongjoong to rest, and he passed out for 24 hours after he got back. He couldn’t tell whether it was just the emotional and physical tax catching up to him or if Eden had enlisted someone with sleep powers to help him, but Hongjoong felt a little better after finally sleeping. 

It gave him the presence of mind to call Seoul Apartments and request access to his parents’ apartment’s security feed. 

All it took was a quick text to his mom to get the access code- she didn’t even ask what he needed it for. 

Hongjoong never thought he could be grateful for their recent apathy. 

He downloaded an app, putting in the password he had been given- 

“What’re you doing?”

Hongjoong jumped so violently, his phone went clattering to the ground, his hands pressing to his heart as Yeosang leaned over his shoulder, frowning in curiosity and suspicion. 

“Don’t scare me like that,” Hongjoong groaned, bending over and picking up his- 

Yeosang’s hand shot out, snatching it before Hongjoong could grab it. 

“ _Hey-_ ” 

“A security app?” Yeosang questioned, handing the phone back now that he had gotten a look. “Where are you spying on?”

“I’m not spying,” Hongjoong said, holding his phone close to his chest as he stared at the ground. “I just-” 

“It’s for Seonghwa, isn’t it?”

Hongjoong looked at Yeosang sharply who sighed and sat beside Hongjoong at the cafeteria bench. “What makes you say that?” he asked, even though he didn’t really have a reason to hide it. 

Yeosang gave him an unimpressed look. “You only look like a kicked puppy when he’s involved.” 

“I don’t-” 

“You do,” Yeosang assured him. “I’m not saying it’s not warranted, he’s…” Yeosang paused, lips pressing together. 

Hongjoong winced, knowing that Yeosang was put in a difficult position. 

On one hand, he probably wasn’t entirely over Seonghwa nearly killing him, and all the other threats he had made. 

And on the other hand, it was hard not to feel pity when you were faced with whatever… whatever sort of breakdown Seonghwa had experienced. 

“It’s warranted,” Yeosang said finally, shrugging. “He’s gone through some shit…. Some pretty fucked up things that no one…” His expression hardened. “No one deserves to hear that sort of shit- especially as a child.” 

Hongjoong stared, startled by the confidence of the statement- no bitterness tainting his words. “Yeah,” he said quietly, turning back to his phone. “It is fucked up.” 

“What’s the security feed to?” Yeosang asked, leaning to see again. 

“Seoul Apartments.” 

Yeosang’s eyebrows leapt up. “You think he’s still there?” 

“Probably not,” he assured Yeosang. He was under no illusion that Seonghwa ever wanted to go anywhere near where Hongjoong had offered him. “But… I want to be able to keep an eye on it, just… just in case.” 

If Seonghwa never showed up, he wanted to know that he was somewhere else. If he did… 

That would be a miracle. 

“Is he there?” Yeosang asked curiously, pressing closer, something apprehensive in his eyes as he stared in worry. 

Hongjoong stared at the little button that would show him the feed, and he sighed, muscles tensing. “Let’s find out,” he murmured, pressing the camera labeled Living Room 1. 

It was pretty grainy, but it was a higher class apartment, so it gave a very visible view of the whole living area, facing towards the window. 

It was empty. 

Hongjoong didn’t know if he felt relief or not. 

“This is live?” Yeosang asked, peering closer as if he might see Seonghwa hiding in a corner. Hongjoong nodded. 

He exited out of the camera and chose Bedroom 3. It was empty, too. 

“I guess… he didn’t come back,” Yeosang murmured as Hongjoong went back to the main menu. “Where would he go, though? You said he didn’t have anywhere else?”

Hongjoong sighed quietly, randomly picking a camera- going for Kitchen 1. “I guess if you’re pissed enough, you’ll find somewhere-” 

He choked off as the feed was brought up. 

In the very corner, pressed into the angle created by the lower cabinets, was Seonghwa curled over his knees. 

Hongjoong nearly dropped his phone as they both straightened suddenly, his eyes widening.

Seonghwa’s mask and hat were gone, his fingers wrapped through his hair as he hunched over in a ball- 

Hongjoong was suddenly five years old again, watching a boy curled up on the sidewalk, crying quietly. 

He couldn’t tell if Seonghwa was crying or not- there was no audio. But he was staying alarmingly motionless, almost like a still frame. 

“Holy-” Yeosang touched Hongjoong’s phone, but didn’t take it. “Is he injured?” 

Hongjoong had assumed it was some sort of mental break, similar to what he had seen- it hadn’t even crossed his mind that Seonghwa might have returned there after being injured by someone hunting him. 

“We have to-” 

Hongjoong went to stand, Yeosang’s hand grabbing his arm swiftly, holding him in place. “Hongjoong, wait,” Yeosang said firmly, making Hongjoong look at him, startled by the action. 

He almost jerked away from Yeosang, but he remained still as he stared almost pleadingly at Hongjoong. 

“Hongjoong, you need to stop and think for a second,” he urged gently, quietly. “You keep running off, getting into trouble, and you’re draining yourself.” 

“He might be injured,” Hongjoong said sharply. “I promised I would help him-” 

“I know that,” Yeosang assured him, standing with him fully. “But you can’t keep pushing yourself beyond what you can handle-” 

“I can’t just leave him there!” Hongjoong came out louder than he wanted, wincing apologetically as Yeosang stared at him disapprovingly. 

“I’m not telling you to leave him,” Yeosang said calmly, slowly- making Hongjoong feel like a child. “But I’m saying you keep dropping everything to search him out, and you need to start _thinking_ , Hongjoong- about yourself, because you have to give a lot of yourself to Seonghwa if you want to help him, and you can’t let yourself give too much.” 

Hongjoong blinked. Yeosang stared firmly. 

“You can’t turn yourself into someone who’s going to give all of you away, just to save him- you need to save some for yourself, alright?” he said seriously. 

Hongjoong… was a little stunned. 

If he looked back… Hongjoong had been throwing himself rather fully into helping Seonghwa. And he had been exhausted… but Seonghwa needed that help- 

But what was Hongjoong going to do if he broke while trying to help?

“You… speak with an awful lot of authority about that,” Hongjoong said quietly. 

Yeosang’s serious expression cracked into something almost amused. “My best friend as a child made things blow up when he lost concentration,” he chuckled quietly. “I helped him deal with that.” 

And somehow… 

Yeah, Hongjoong stared in shock, feeling like Yeosang had just slapped him. 

Really, Hongjoong hadn’t even known there were dots to connect, and so that simple statement- given so lightly and without bitterness- was possibly the most jarring reality check Hongjoong had ever experienced. 

That Wooyoung… 

Hongjoong had never seen a Wooyoung who was torn over his powers- only one who lacked some control, and was determined to gain it. 

He had never seen Wooyoung hate his destructive powers that would randomly discharge and melt a cafeteria table. 

He had never seen Wooyoung look at his hands in horror for the destruction they produced. 

And it seemed like… Yeosang was the reason for that. 

“Don’t tell him I told you that,” Yeosang huffed, quietly. “He’ll never let me hear the end of it- just…” He sighed. “Just be careful, Hongjoong. Don’t…. Don’t go too far. Think about yourself from time to time, okay?” 

It felt a little hollow, a little warning. 

But Hongjoong nodded slowly. “I will.” 

Yeosang held his gaze for a moment longer before nodding and releasing his arm. “I suppose it’s too much to ask you to take one of us with you?”

Hongjoong winced. “Yeosang, he might hurt you-” 

“I know,” he replied easily, nodding and waving Hongjoong. “Just don’t think you’re gonna keep getting my desserts if you keep pissing San off like this.” 

Hongjoong felt his lips twitch. “I’ll take that hit.” He went to run off, bringing the phone up to look once more- 

Seonghwa was gone. 

Hongjoong almost fell as he stopped, drawing the phone in closer, switching between cameras frantically. 

He was gone. 

Yeosang came up beside him, helping him check. The apartment was empty, nothing left out of place. 

Hongjoong shoulders fell as Yeosang squeezed his arm. “I guess he’ll be harder to pin down than we thought,” he muttered. He glanced at Hongjoong. “Just keep an eye on him, I guess…” 

Hongjoong felt something heavy settle on his shoulders, but he tried to take comfort in the fact that Seonghwa was at least using the apartment as a place to tide over- even if he had no idea if it was a hiding spot against himself or the people hunting him. 

“I think…” Hongjoong murmured, staring at the empty living room. “I think I need to go there.” 

“Go there?” Yeosang demanded. “Like wait there for him?”

Hongjoong nodded quietly. “I… I can’t help him if I keep missing him.” 

“Hongjoong, it might be hours before he goes back,” Yeosang reasoned calmly. “He might not even go back until tomorrow-” 

“It’s a house, Yeosang, not the middle of the woods,” Hongjoong said, offering a quiet smile. 

In truth, he didn’t know what the hell he was doing, but he was going to do it anyway. 

“I’ll be okay there,” Hongjoong promised. “And look- I’ll give you guys the app and password. You can keep tabs on me, alright?”

“I don’t think I want to watch while you get your ass handed to you,” Yeosang muttered. “You seem to let him do that a lot.” 

“Not fighting back-” 

“Yeah, I know it’s the right choice,” Yeosang huffed, crossing his arms. “I’m still not keen on seeing all the stuff from your mission report in live time.” 

Hongjoong offered a small grimace. “Well, you can ignore it if you want, but I’ll give it to you anyway, okay?” He held out his hand. 

Yeosang stared at it before sighing and handing over his own phone. 

Hongjoong began putting in the name and password for the app. “Just promise me you won’t let anyone come running in if things get nasty,” Hongjoong said seriously. He didn’t need San bursting in the first time Seonghwa raised a hand against him. “I’ll signal if I need help, but… trust me, okay? Even if it gets hairy.” 

Yeosang’s lips pressed together tightly, eyes sharpening with disapproval. “We always trust you,” he said stiffly. “It’s him we can’t trust- even if he does have some sort of vendetta crush on you.” 

Despite the knot in his chest, Hongjoong laughed, the sensation feeling really fucking good. “I thought you were against calling it that,” he muttered. 

Yeosang shrugged. “With the way he reacts to you, I wouldn’t be surprised if most of his anger came from emotions he’s unable to properly process- like the process of a gay awakening.” 

Hongjoong snorted, swatting Yeosang harshly, who smacked his hand away, both of them wearing temporarily easy smiles that didn’t carry too much heaviness. 

You had to be able to joke about it. 

“When will you come back?” Yeosang asked carefully. 

Hongjoong took a slow breath. “I’m gonna pack a bag,” he said quietly. “Just in case. I’ll call you guys when I get a chance. Just...” His lips twitched. “You’re in charge while I’m gone, okay?”

“I’ll have this place burned down within the day,” Yeosang promised, his voice light enough to comfort Hongjoong’s heart that felt too heavy. 

And just because he felt like it, Hongjoong hugged Yeosang gently, surprising the other, but he returned it quickly. “Don’t get all sappy, hyung,” Yeosang begged. 

Hongjoong shoved him away, giving him a small static shock that made him yelp. “Keep an eye on things. Don’t spend all day staring at Wooyoung’s ass.” 

Yeosang’s face went red. “I _do not-_ ” 

“I honestly don’t know how I missed the two of you being together, when I can count on one hand the number of times your eyes have been above his waist,” Hongjoong tutted, flicking Yeosang who shoved at him. 

“As if you wouldn’t!” Yeosang huffed. “You’re just mad because your only interested party is almost a psychopath!” 

Hongjoong snorted, and it really did feel so fucking good to grin at Yeosang. “Just keep your blood running towards your head, okay?” 

Hongjoong turned to walk away, running directly into the shield that appeared in the doorway. He stumbled back, clutching at his nose that had hit it, glaring at Yeosang- 

He simply smiled back at Hongjoong- eyes bright and playful- 

Hongjoong could have lost that. 

He could have cost their team that. 

He managed a genuine smile as he comforted himself. He had saved him. Everything was okay now. 

Now, he just had to go pack a bag for the lion’s den. 

~~~~~~~~~

_“You’re leaving.”_

Hongjoong paused, just outside the facility. _“You can’t stop me, Eden,”_ he huffed in his mind.

_“No, but I can advise you.”_

_“I’ve never followed that to begin with,”_ Hongjoong reminded him, watching grass blow around. 

_“Hongjoong-”_

_“I’m not going to get myself or anyone else killed,”_ He promised. _“I’m just going to be there. In case he’s injured, in case he needs someone.”_

_“For how long?”_

Hongjoong hoisted his backpack a little higher. _“Until I think I should leave.”_

There was a long silence, but Hongjoong knew he wasn’t done yet. 

A quiet mental sigh. _“Your team is going to kill you.”_

_“Yeosang will take care of them.”_

_“Yeosang will kill your team.”_

_“He’s good at that,”_ Hongjoong assured him. 

Another sigh. _“Be careful, Hongjoong. Remember what we talked about.”_

Hongjoong gave a wistful smile. _“I will.”_

The bus ride was a lot easier without his uniform on. His jacket hid the scars on his arms, and nobody was any the wiser that he was anything more than a Normal boy. 

Seoul Apartments seemed bigger coming in than they had going out. 

Hongjoong nodded to the doorman and tried to look like he belonged there, getting in the elevator with an elderly woman, and a young man in his 20s. They both got off on the next floor, but Hongjoong kept going to the 4th floor, stepping off into the hallway. 

As he walked down the hall, he pulled his phone out, checking the cameras, just to make sure he wasn’t walking into anything. 

All were devoid of any human life. Hongjoong stood before the door, staring at the numbers, before sighing and pushing it open. 

Seonghwa hadn’t locked it (Hongjoong didn’t even know if he used the door), and it opened easily for him. 

The apartment was empty, as if was every other time Hongjoong had ever come into it. He’d only been here about five times in his life (not counting with Seonghwa), and it was always empty, even when they promised they would be off of work to greet him. 

He walked around the place slowly, now that he wasn’t in a panic with Seonghwa running after him. 

The crack in the counter still shone, and the little cactus was now on its side. Other than that, there was no sign Seonghwa had ever been here. 

Hongjoong stared at the comfy couch he always enjoyed sleeping on when he would watch a movie while waiting for his parents to get off work. 

He walked into the hallway which only held three doors- a bathroom and two bedrooms. None of it looked like it had been touched in a while. 

Hongjoong always thought it was funny (as he tossed his bag onto the couch, sitting on it heavily, the light streaming through the windows), how quickly your life could change. 

One day, he was playing with his blocks, and the next he was crying and shooting lightning from his skin. 

One day, he had a best friend, and the next he didn’t. 

One day, his parents had time for him, and the next… they didn’t. 

Hongjoong knew it had started when he was younger, after his father lost his job and debts came in quickly. But even after they both began working again, after Hongjoong was in the facility and was taken care of-

Even after the debts were paid off, they just kept working. Hongjoong figured it was some sort of lifestyle at this point, because he always sent them as much of his paycheck as he could (heroism was its own job) to help them out, if they needed it. 

Still, they worked and promised to visit. 

One month they were visiting and telling him they’d see him soon, and the next… they didn’t. 

Hongjoong leaned back, letting go of a long breath, closing his eyes. The sun was warm against his skin, and despite how little he had been here, he knew this place was familiar. 

Hongjoong couldn’t wait for the day his parents had enough money to take a break. When he was confident enough to leave the system. When he could finally catch up with the family he had been separated from since he was ten… 

He knew it was a long time coming, though. 

One day, he might be hoping to see his parents again… and the next, he might. 

Despite sleeping quite well the past few days, Hongjoong felt the comfortable material of the couch and the warm light against his skin making his body sink into a relaxed mush. 

Seonghwa or not… it had been a while since Hongjoong had been anywhere he might consider home, outside the facility. 

He really didn’t mean to fall asleep. It was one of those moments, you know? 

One moment, he was thinking about what the hell he was going to do if Seonghwa came back, and the next… he was asleep. 

And Hongjoong really couldn’t say what it was that woke him up, but consciousness returned suddenly, and opened his eyes. 

He was laying down, he realized, staring at the threads of the sofa, no light coming from the windows near him, but the gentle glow of a lamp giving him something to see by. 

Why had he woken up? 

Hongjoong groaned, the soft couch comfortable, but he turned onto his back, facing up- 

Seonghwa stared down at him. 

And really, it had nothing to do with _Seonghwa-_ Hongjoong never liked it when people woke him up in weird ways (Mingi had a burn scar that attested to that). 

So when he practically screamed, flipping himself off the couch with bolts of lightning flying a little too violently off of him, it really wasn’t _Seonghwa_ himself that caused it. 

Hongjoong hit the floor hard, the tile slapping against his skin as he sat up quickly, eyes widening- 

Seonghwa stood a few feet away, his expression completely blank. 

No anger. 

No fear. 

Nothing. 

Hongjoong stared at him, his heart racing, until he realized the couch was on fire. 

Sucking in a sharp breath, he risked looking away from Seonghwa to put out the fire he had caused, frantically beating it out and noticing the scorch marks on the floor from him as well. 

When he finished, he looked back at Seonghwa quickly. 

He continued to stare without a single emotion. 

And honestly? That was more unnerving than any of his twisted anger had been. But he wasn’t attacking at the moment, which was good. 

Hongjoong swallowed thickly as he got to his feet slowly. “Seongh-” 

“I am tired, Hongjoong,” he said, voice dull and lifeless, like he was talking in his sleep as he stared. “So, really… I am going to give you one chance… Without fighting you…” He slowly shook his head. “Just go,” he muttered. 

Hongjoong wet his lips, shocked and almost frightened by Seonghwa’s colorless appearance. 

“Seonghwa,” he said, careful to keep his voice calm and smooth and level. 

As if speaking to a frightened child. 

“I want to help-” 

Hongjoong broke off suddenly, biting his lip. 

Seonghwa continued to stare. 

Hongjoong’s mind frantically whirled through any number of options he had. He picked one. “Are you injured?” he asked quietly, eyes trailing over Seonghwa’s body. 

There was no blood- he just looked exhausted. 

Something in Seonghwa’s expressionless eyes pinched. “Hongjoong,” he said flatly. “I am giving you one chance. Leave.”

Hongjoong nodded slowly. “I was going to order a pizza,” he murmured. “Do you like pizza?” 

Something more built in Seonghwa’s eyes, that Hongjoong rushed to placate before it could build. 

“This is my home, Seonghwa,” he said firmly. “I have a right to be here- as do you, since I invited you.” He gestured around. “You’re welcome to the whole space, but so am I. If you’d like to avoid me, you can stick to a bedroom,” he offered. 

It was nothing ideal- and Hongjoong still waited for Seonghwa to fly off in a raging huff after Hongjoong firmly inserted his foot into his mouth. 

But Seonghwa still just stared at Hongjoong, as if waiting for him to break. 

He looked so fucking tired. 

“I also don’t know if you have any other clothes,” Hongjoong went on, gesturing to his bag that was beside the couch. “But I have an extra set and some extra pajamas.” 

Seonghwa stared blankly, dully. 

“I know sleeping in leathers isn’t comfortable,” Hongjoong assured him gently. “You can-” 

Seonghwa turned away, and Hongjoong’s mouth clicked shut at the robotic movement. He walked silently down the hallway as Hongjoong bit his own tongue to keep from calling out to him. 

He heard the master bedroom’s door open and close almost silently. 

All at once, his breath left him as Hongjoong stared at the dark hallway. 

Holy shit, Seonghwa had _stayed_. 

Hongjoong didn’t know if he was too tired to run, or if he truly didn’t have anywhere else to go but here, but in his chest, it flared like a victory. 

He jumped when his phone dinged with a new text message. 

He dug it out of his pocket quickly, staring at the screen. He was surprised to see that there were numerous messages before this most recent one from Yeosang. 

_Yeosang: Well, that was tense_

Hongjoong almost laughed, glancing around the room. The cameras must have been small, because he saw no obvious ones in the corners of the room. 

_Hongjoong: How long have you been watching me?_

_Yeosang: Long enough to send you ten texts about being a dumbass and falling asleep while waiting for your psycho boyfriend to show up_

_Hongjoong: Shut up, it all worked out_

_Hongjoong: How long was he actually here?_

_Yeosang: I got distracted for the first time. Didn’t see. Came in while the two of you were talking_

A differently pitched ding sounded, taking over Yeosang’s message. 

_Wooyoung: You look like a princess when you sleep, no wonder he was staring_

Hongjoong groaned, rubbing at his eyes. 

_Wooyoung: Don’t you take that attitude with me- I complimented you_

_Hongjoong: Just tell me how many of the others are all gathered around watching me like a goddamn sitcom._

_Yeosang: All of them._

Another ding. 

_Yunho: Hi hyung ;)_

_San: I’M GOING TO KILL YOU WHEN YOU GET BACK HERE YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE_

_Hongjoong: Okay, I’m going to go now and order pizza_

_Jongho: Dibs on a piece_

Hongjoong didn’t even bother responding, closing out of his messaging app and pulling up his phone. 

It felt extremely weird, calling and ordering a pizza (he got a plain cheese and one with everything). 

It felt even more weird to wander the living room and kitchen, waiting for the food to arrive, knowing that somewhere, Seonghwa was sitting around. In this apartment. 

Not killing Hongjoong. 

He stared at his phone, wondering if he should pull the security feed up to make sure Seonghwa was actually still here- 

But it felt wrong. Like spying or something… 

His phone suddenly lit up with a message he could see without approaching. 

_Wooyoung: He’s still there- he’s sitting on the bed, staring off. We’ll let you know if he goes anywhere._

Hongjoong was half tempted to tell them not to, but… he needed to keep tabs on Seonghwa. As someone who was a potential danger to himself and others… it was important to at least know if he had left. 

Hongjoong nodded, glancing at the corner that held the camera. 

_Mingi: you look handsome, hyung_

He picked up his phone to respond, but there was a knock at the door. 

Pizza in hand, Hongjoong stood in the empty kitchen and found that they had actually left a few plates and cups in the cabinets. 

One one plate, he put the plain pizza (the one he liked) and on the other, he put a couple of slices of both kinds, just in case. He also grabbed his extra pair of pajamas. 

Ding. 

_Wooyoung: That’s cute, you’re getting him food :)_

Hongjoong ignored it and walked carefully down the hall. The master bedroom door was closed, and Hongjoong stood outside of it. He set the plate and clothes on the floor. 

He straightened, his heart slowly climbing to his throat. “Seonghwa,” he called, tapping the door gently. “I put some pizza and the clothes out here,” he said gently. “Feel free to grab them whenever you feel like it, okay?”

Hongjoong didn’t expect a response, so he didn’t wait around for one- turning around and eating his food on the couch. 

It felt very big and lonely, even with Seonghwa there and the others watching in. 

After he ate, Hongjoong scrolled through his phone, ignoring the occasional text from the others, commentating on the decore or the fact he left the pizza on the counter. 

It wasn’t until he received a text from Yeosang telling him to go to sleep, that he realized it was 2 AM. 

_Wooyoung: And don’t worry- he took your food and stuff._

Hongjoong let go of his hundredth breath that evening. 

This evening had been deceptively peaceful, and he was waiting for the storm the next morning would bring. He should have probably gone into the spare bedroom and slept, but he simply laid down on his side, staring at the black TV. 

He saw in it Seonghwa’s eyes for a moment, and closed his eyes quickly. 

He slept on the couch, and that sleep, too was deceptively peaceful. 

~~~~~~~~~

Hongjoong woke up to a text from San. 

_San: He left around 5 AM- disappeared in smoke_

Hongjoong looked into the master bedroom. 

The pajamas were still folded on the end of the bed, and the plate was sitting on the nightstand, devoid of any pizza. 

Hongjoong sat on the couch and pulled out his laptop to search through messages. Some from the facility, still talking about the kill order. 

Sightings had been had, but no contact was made with the target. 

(Seonghwa was a “target” now.) 

Location of the target was still unknown, to Hongjoong’s shaking relief. No more Normals had been injured at the hands of the target. 

The sun rose higher, and Hongjoong ate leftover pizza when he got hungry. He put on a movie that he didn’t really watch. He wandered the apartment, wondering if his mother would have hung her favorite door decoration on the front door or the bedroom door. 

Part of him almost wanted to call them. 

But he knew he couldn’t risk them coming here, sending someone here, or even thinking about this place more than they already were. It was too dangerous. 

Hongjoong stared at the last text from his mom that he had received three months ago. 

_Mom: Love you_

Three months was a pretty long time. 

Hongjoong heard the sound of footsteps, deeper in the apartment. 

He stood up quickly, whipping around to face the hallway, prepared for whoever might come out (even though there was really only one person who would be back there without using the door). 

“Seonghwa?” Hongjoong called carefully. 

Slowly and quietly, his figure appeared in the doorway, staring at Hongjoong. 

He looked annoyed- turbulent and uneasy as he glared at Hongjoong, his apathy of last night gone. 

Hongjoong took a slow breath and braced himself for what sort of conversation might happen here. “You look better than you did yesterday,” Hongjoong told him honestly. 

His mask was gone, and Hongjoong watched his lips curl in disgust. 

“There’s still leftover pizza, if you’re hungry,” he went on, still slow and gentle in his tone. “You can pick what we order tonight, if you-” 

A cold hand suddenly slapped over his mouth, and Hongjoong let out a muffled cry of surprise that was silenced by a band of shadows across his mouth. 

“Stop talking,” Seonghwa snapped. “All you fucking do is talk, and it’s grating on my fucking ears.” 

Hongjoong narrowed his eyes at him (probably unwise, but Seonghwa was the one who kept coming back and listening). 

Hongjoong crossed his arms over his chest. The only part of Seonghwa’s magic around him was covering his mouth- nothing touching the rest of his body. 

And Hongjoong knew that Seonghwa had to be recovered enough to at least restrain him, if he wanted. 

Maybe he didn’t want to. 

Seonghwa continued to stare in dark silence, and Hongjoong lifted an eyebrow, silently asking _“Well, what the fuck are you gonna say, if you don’t want me to talk?”_

Seonghwa’s glare darkened, as if he understood what Hongjoong was trying to say. “I should crush your bones into powder,” he hissed. 

Again- probably not smart- but Hongjoong rolled his eyes. 

Again with the threats that weren’t going to go anywhere. 

Hongjoong opened his mouth, inhaling sharply. He felt part of the black smoke being sucked into his lungs- 

It was gone before he could choke, shrinking away as Hongjoong stretched out his mouth, Seonghwa staring with an obvious shock. 

“Let me talk before you try and gag me again,” Hongjoong said firmly. “I’ll make it worth your while,” he promised. 

Seonghwa’s teeth grit together, wisps of shadows clinging to his fingers, but not moving. 

“I’m not your enemy, Seonghwa,” he stated clearly. 

“You said you were on their side,” He snapped back poisonously. 

“That doesn’t make me your enemy,” Hongjoong assured him sternly. “It just means that I want to be able to help you-” 

“I don’t want or need your help-” 

“Then why did you cry?” 

Hongjoong wanted to curse his stupid fucking tongue because shit like that was what made Seonghwa run the first time. 

But rather than exploding, Seonghwa narrowed his eyes, as if daring Hongjoong to go on. 

So Hongjoong obviously did. 

“Who was that man I saw before?” he asked gently, frowning. “The one behind all the darkness inside of you? The one who said my name, like he was begging for my help-” 

“Shut up,” Seonghwa snapped, taking a jerking step forward- 

Hongjoong took one forward, too. “I want to help you, Seonghwa- I want to prove to you that you aren’t alone, that the world isn’t your enemy, that you aren’t evil-” 

“Can you prove someone’s morality?” Seonghwa scoffed, the darkness beginning to creep up his veins. “That’s a fool’s errand, Hongjoong.” 

“But it’s an errand you want me to undertake,”Hongjoong pressed. 

“I want you to _leave_ ,” he hissed. 

“You could make me, if you really wanted,” Hongjoong snapped. “You could do so many things to me, Seonghwa, but you _don’t_. You took the things I offered, you reacted when I told you that you weren’t a monster, that I believed in the part of you from our childhood-” 

“You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about!” Seonghwa yelled, fists clenching through his gloves. He took another step forward, only a couple paces between them. 

Hongjoong had to tilt his head slightly to look up. 

Seonghwa looked so angry. 

But his eyes were not black. They looked nervous. 

Like he was stepping too close to the truth.

“I care about you, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong suddenly said quietly, shocking even himself. He swallowed. “I do- I don’t want you to be hurt, I don’t want you to be alone, I don’t want you to have to face your demons without anyone at your side-” 

“I _am_ my demons,” Seonghwa snarled.

Hongjoong stared at him sadly. “Then I’ll stand with you against yourself, too.” 

Seonghwa went still, staring for a moment, unreadable- 

He took another aggressive step forward, and Hongjoong closed the final step between them. 

His arms wrapped around Seonghwa, his head tucking against Seonghwa’s chest as their bodies were pushed flushed together. 

Seonghwa jerked back, his hands bracing on Hongjoong’s shoulder and head- 

There was a sound like he was being burned, something catching in his throat as he stumbled back, but Hongjoong went with him, never breaking the firm embrace he held Seonghwa in. 

Okay, so hugging was not the best decision he had ever made, but his track record wasn’t great to begin with, so no harm done, right? 

One of Seonghwa’s hands wrapped around Hongjoong’s arm, squeezing almost painfully. 

Hongjoong remained still- neither pulling away or pushing forward. 

Seonghwa body was shockingly warm, despite the chill that followed his magic, and he was… more solid than Hongjoong expected. He had expected him to be thin and wispy like his magic, but he was solid and sturdy under Hongjoong’s hands. 

He didn’t shove Hongjoong off. 

Hongjoong could hear, beneath his ear, the racing of Seonghwa’s heart, and he could feel the rapid, short rise and fall of his chest. 

He could feel his muscles turn to stone under Hongjoong’s touch. 

The last time he had hugged Seonghwa, they had been five years old and Hongjoong had let Seonghwa finally play with the T-Rex dinosaur. 

But he had yet to push Hongjoong away. 

Hongjoong swallowed, pressing his forehead more firmly to Seonghwa’s chest. “I want to help you, Seonghwa,” he whispered, throat a little too tight. “ _Please…_ Just let me help you- Just let me talk to you, _listen_ to you… I don’t know what you’re protecting inside your heart, but just… _let me in_.” 

That was what Hongjoong needed more than anything. 

A way in. 

Once he was in, he knew he could find his way around, but until Seonghwa let him… it would be too constant of an uphill battle. 

“I hate them,” He heard Seonghwa murmured darkly, his voice vibrating against Hongjoong’s ear. “That’s all you need to know.” 

Hongjoong closed his eyes. “I know you do,” he agreed gently. “And right now, I’m not telling you you shouldn’t. All I want to know is why. I just want… your story, Seonghwa. Has anyone ever tried to know your story?” 

Hongjoong already knew the answer, even without the bitter laughter in his chest. 

“You’re a fucking idiot, Hongjoong.” 

“So you’ve said,” he whispered, opening his eyes and staring at the threads of Seonghwa’s shirt. “But I’m an idiot who isn’t going to leave you alone, Seonghwa. You’ve been alone long enough.” 

Hongjoong didn’t say the words with the intent of having them have an effect. 

But Seonghwa’s breath stalled, and when Hongjoong’s head looked up sharply, waiting for that breaking point, he stared up into Seonghwa’s eyes that were almost closed with how they pinched with anguish. 

Hongjoong felt something in his chest break. 

“Seonghwa,” he whispered gently, releasing him with one hand that slowly reached towards his cheek- 

Seonghwa grabbed the hand sharply, pulling it away and glaring, shoving down his pain- 

Hongjoong let him remove his touch, but his saddened expression didn’t shift as he Seonghwa took three steps back quickly. 

Like he was afraid of touching Hongjoong. 

Somehow, the fact that they hadn’t known each other since they were five was inconsequential. If anything, the time and distance only made Hongjoong’s heart clench tighter because he should have _been there_. 

He should have been there for Seonghwa- like he disobeyed his mom to play with him, he should have run away from home, he should have followed him- 

He should have given Seonghwa at least one person who wouldn’t turn their back on him. 

He should have followed him- he should have protected him. 

He should never have forgotten him. 

“Seonghwa, I’m sor-” 

Seonghwa turned, suddenly- sharp and quick- practically running back to the master bedroom, slamming the door shut. 

Hongjoong distinctly heard something shatter, wincing. 

But he stayed there, waiting, and the only thing that followed after that was silence. 

It wasn’t a hopeless silence, despite the pain it carried. 

It was tentative- like waiting for something with bated breath. 

Hongjoong held his breath. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry if this chapter was too heavy and I’m sorry for all the cliffhangers lol~  
> But I hope that you enjoyed it, and I promise to have the next chapter up as soon as possible!!  
> Thank you so much for reading- I appreciate you all so much!  
> Please let me know what you thought, and have an amazing day!!!  
> -SS


	5. And Fed By Sunlight That Casts Darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> I will never be satisfied by this chapter, but I am finished!  
> Unfortunately, I am going to be taking a bit of a break after this for Christmas, but I’m hoping that after Christmas, I should get back on schedule!  
> But thank you so much for reading, and please let me know what you think of this!  
> I hope you have an amazing day, lovelies!  
> -SS

Seonghwa did not return to the apartment at all the next day- leaving early in the morning (he found out via text) and returning only late, late in the evening after Hongjoong had accidentally fallen asleep once again. 

Hongjoong spent the day talking to the others- getting updates on what he was missing and what was going on within the facility. 

According to his team, Seonghwa’s name was everywhere, but Hongjoong’s wasn’t associated with it at all- and definitely not with accusations of aiding him in avoiding the law. 

It seemed like most heroes were also a little shocked by the swiftness of the kill order- some opting to leave it to the more vengeful heroes, and some only half-heartedly participating in the hunt. 

Hongjoong was relieved nothing concrete had gotten out about Seonghwa- letting go of a stiff breath as he glanced down the hallway towards the bedroom. If nothing else, Seonghwa was safe here. 

Out there? Another story. 

Hongjoong had to be content with offering Seonghwa somewhere safe to go, even if he couldn’t force him to remain in that safety. 

What did he do if they found Seonghwa while he was out there? 

The thought drove a knife through his chest, so Hongjoong didn’t think about that. He forced himself to believe that Seonghwa wasn’t out there causing havoc- he was just walking around. Maybe grabbing food. 

Somewhere in a park. Somewhere that wouldn’t create more anger. 

Somewhere safe enough that no one would target him. 

There were no reports from the others that Seonghwa was creating chaos, so Hongjoong didn’t know what he did when he left the apartment. 

He just waited for him to come back. 

~~~~~~~~

Hongjoong woke up, almost delirious with how tired he was as he dragged himself into a sitting position. He’d stayed up most of the night, waiting for Seonghwa to return, waiting to get a text that he was back. 

He fell asleep without any sort of message from the others, and Hongjoong hesitantly wondered if he just wasn’t going to come back. 

Rather than sitting in depressed exhaustion, Hongjoong forced himself to his feet, going into the bathroom and splashing his face with icy water. 

He stared at the two bedroom doors, and he sighed quietly, shoulders falling. 

He just… wanted Seonghwa safe. 

He walked towards the master bedroom, planning on getting the pajamas he had lent Seonghwa. Maybe he’d walk down to a laundromat and wash their clothes, just as a quick way to get out of this little space. 

Hongjoong sighed heavily as he shoved the door open, once again crushed by his own helplessness- 

Hongjoong had opened the door and taken three steps into the bedroom before noticing the body in the bed. 

He cursed in shock, jumping away in the dim room with its blinds drawn- 

Seonghwa laid in the bed, the covers pulled up to his neck, eyes closed in a gentle sleep, his arms curled around the pillow- 

Hongjoong stared, afraid to even move for a moment- The others hadn’t reported that Seonghwa had come  _ back. _

Leave, he hissed at himself. Leave now, before he gets pissed- 

Seonghwa slept quietly, lips parted gently in small breaths. 

It was different from the time Hongjoong had knocked him unconscious- his face a similar expression of lax, but there was a peace on Seonghwa’s face here that Hongjoong had never seen before. 

Hongjoong began to slowly shuffle his way back towards the door, eyes staring at Seonghwa. 

He almost looked normal, which created a painful twist in Hongjoong’s chest. 

Like there was no war inside of himself, no darkness vying for a place- 

Hongjoong’s foot caught on Seonghwa’s boots that blended in with the darkness. 

He yelped as he tripped- sending the heavy shoes thumping across the floor as he caught himself with a loud hand slapping against the wall. 

When he cursed quietly, looking up- 

Seonghwa’s eyes were open. 

That peace was gone. 

Seonghwa sat up- one hand holding the blankets to his chest, like he was indecent as the darkness around his eyes grew, his mouth opening in a glaring snarl- 

Hongjoong was already straightening, rushing out of the door. “I’m sorry,” he said in a rush, slamming the door shut and backing away from it quickly until he stood in the living room. 

“Shit,” Hongjoong cursed, running shaking hands through his hair. 

He waited for the door to break open and for Seonghwa to storm out with shadows covering the walls- 

Hongjoong counted to thirty, but there was no noise from Seonghwa’s room. 

Against his judgement, Hongjoong snatched his phone up, opening up the app and pulling up the cameras. 

He watched the grainy feed of Seonghwa. 

He wasn’t pacing the room, he wasn’t destroying anything. 

He sat with the blankets gathered around his waist, his head resting in his hands- fingers curled through the strands tightly. 

Hongjoong stomach dropped, and he almost dropped his phone to go back in. 

But he stopped himself because… because Seonghwa… needed space as much as he needed help. Shoving himself into Seonghwa’s space constantly was only going to break the wrong thing. 

So Hongjoong forced himself to sit on the couch with shaky legs, staring at the feed. 

After a few minutes of staring at a statue, Hongjoong watched Seonghwa lift his head sharply, shaking it so hard, his balance was upset- 

Darkness blotted out the camera, and when it cleared, Seonghwa was gone. 

His clothing on the floor was gone, and the pajamas were folded neatly on the end of the bed that was made. 

Hongjoong released a harsh breath, covering his eyes with his hands. 

He didn’t know what to do. 

He didn’t know how to help. 

Barely an hour later, Hongjoong’s phone dinged, startling him. 

_ Yeosang: Went on a mission. What did we miss?  _

Hongjoong almost wanted to laugh at the question. At least Yeosang had moved the conversation to their group chat, instead of making Hongjoong switch between five different people. 

_ Hongjoong: Just me making an idiot out of myself and fucking up even more.  _

_ Yeosang: Ominous. Give us a second.  _

Hongjoong huffed a humorless laugh as he laid down, staring at the ceiling, all motivation to leave this place going out the window. 

He picked his phone up at the new message. 

_ Yeosang: San checked the recordings.  _

_ Hongjoong: Yeah. I fucked up.  _

_ Yeosang: You thought he was gone?  _

_ Hongjoong: No, I entered his room to spy on him while I thought he was sleeping. _

Ding. 

_ Wooyoung: You’re getting more sarcastic the longer you’re away from us  _

_ Hongjoong: I’m just lucky he didn’t fucking rip my head off as soon as he saw me.  _

_ Yeosang: What do you think he was doing after you left?  _

Seonghwa had been in a startlingly similar position to what Hongjoong had seen the first time he opened the cameras- hunched over himself as he backed into a corner, like he was trying to hide away. 

_ Hongjoong: I think he’s fighting himself. Not sure about much beyond that.  _

Ding. 

_ San: You think he regrets getting mad? _

Hongjoong sighed, sitting his phone on his chest for a moment as he scrubbed at his eyes tiredly. 

_ Hongjoong: I think that whether he regrets it or not, he has a reaction.  _

_ Yeosang: Is that good or bad?  _

_ Hongjoong: I guess it depends on what my ultimate goal is.  _

_ Mingi: Grey was an asshole.  _

Hongjoong stared at the text for a moment, trying to figure out what he had missed. 

_ Hongjoong: How is that relevant?  _

_ Mingi: He yelled at San.  _

_ Yeosang: He came for pick up today after our mission. Made some comments about you since you weren’t there. San tried to attack him just a little bit.  _

_ Wooyoung: There was a fireball. Grey wasn’t happy.  _

Hongjoong stared at the texts for several seconds, trying to sort through the multitude of emotions this brought out. 

Annoyance, because Grey wasn’t even brave enough to talk to Hongjoong’s face. Pride, because he would have paid to see San blast Grey. And fear, because if Grey decided to seek disciplinary action against San… 

_ Jongho: Grey just made a big speech out of it. But he can’t go to Eden without someone bringing up the fact that he was shit talking another member of the facility.  _

_ San: I wanted to bring up the shit he was saying anyway, but Yeosang says Eden would have to punish me, too, and it wouldn’t do anything.  _

_ Wooyoung: And Yeosang would get in shit too because he’s acting as leader.  _

_ San: So we’re letting it stew, now.  _

Hongjoong stared at the texts and genuinely wished he could be anywhere but here. 

Specifically, he wished he could be back with his team. Back when things were easy, and their greatest enemies were Grey and Lee. 

_ Hongjoong: Thanks for the defense, but don’t start too much shit. Things are already crazy enough without us drawing attention to ourselves.  _

_ Wooyoung: Grey’s so fucking sick. The way he fucking talks about Seonghwa, like he always talks about villains- I just want to fucking hit him.  _

_ Yunho: Makes me wish Yeosang had just let the fireball hit him.  _

_ Yeosang: Eden would never let us live it down, Grey would have moral high ground, and Hongjoong would yell at me really loudly.  _

_ Hongjoong: I would do that. Just let things die for now. We can all shit on Grey once Seonghwa is taken care of.  _

_ Yunho: Sorry we weren’t there to report to you, hyung. We’ll be around tonight, so we’ll keep you updated.  _

Hongjoong closed his eyes, breathing out slowly. 

_ Hongjoong: Thanks, guys _

_ Yeosang: Just focus on Seonghwa. We’ve got things taken care of over here, hyung _

And Hongjoong did believe them. His team was capable, and not just because he was heading them. 

_ Hongjoong: Take care, guys _

He mindlessly distracted himself for the following hours that stretched up until the darkness of night had set in. 

Still no sign of Seonghwa. 

Hongjoong had fucked up, hadn’t he? In some ways, this seemed to be a bigger mess than anything else. 

Like he had invaded where he shouldn't have. 

How could he help if Seonghwa wouldn’t talk to him? Could barely look at him? Couldn’t stand still without being overtaken by rage and hatred? 

Hongjoong fell asleep without Seonghwa returning. 

And he wasn’t there when he woke up, either. 

Where was he staying? Did they just keep missing them? The others slept at some point, so he must show up at some time during the night, right? 

Hongjoong could only hope. He kept his ears out for reports of Seonghwa- specifically, his sightings and capture. No sightings, no capture that he had heard about, thankfully.

Silence was relieving, he supposed. 

That relief was very short lived. 

~~~~~~~~~

“You missed a wild mission today, though,” Yunho told him when Hongjoong actually called them. “Some chick with fire powers-” 

“San ate her for breakfast,” Mingi snorted, and he heard a pleased, triumphant noise from San in the background. “I don’t think she realized who she was up against.” 

“It was weird without you there, though,” he heard Jongho mutter. 

“Pretty sure these are the first missions we’ve gone on without you when you weren’t deadly injured or something,” Wooyoung noted. 

Hongjoong wouldn’t call the emotion those words sparked “guilt,” but there was a stone in his chest. He was supposed to be there for his team, to help guide and protect- 

“We can see you getting depressed from here,” Yeosang snapped. “We aren’t lost without you, hyung- Just get Seonghwa stable and then we can talk about all the picture perfect moments you’re missing, alright?” 

Blunt, a little on the asshole side, and with a sprinkle of genuine concern and worry. 

Hongjoong really fucking loved his team. 

“We should meet up for lunch somewhere,” San decided. 

Hongjoong sighed, sinking lower into the couch. “I don’t want to leave here…” He glanced around the empty apartment, lit up with afternoon sunlight. “I… I don’t want him to reach a point where he might open up, and then I’m not here.” 

“So what you’re saying is, you need an outing before you get too obsessed,” Yeosang said, tactful and brisk. 

_ Think about yourself from time to time, okay? _

Hongjoong sighed heavily, rubbing at his eyes. “I’ll think about it,” he said honestly. “But I don’t think it’s gonna-” 

There was a sudden burst of black smoke that covered the living room, making Hongjoong yelp in surprise as he leapt to his feet, his phone clattering out of his hand- 

The smoke cleared enough to Hongjoong to make out a figure standing. 

Seonghwa stood just inside the kitchen area- the smoke clearing rapidly- breathing heavily, with one hand crossed over his chest to clutch at his opposite shoulder. 

Hongjoong stared in shock, taking a jerking step forward. 

Seonghwa’s mask was gone- his face pale and ashen and covered in sweat as he panted with labored breaths- 

It took that long for Hongjoong to notice the dark red blood that almost blended in with the black of his coat- coating his gloved fingers that pressed against his shoulder. 

Hongjoong’s body froze as Seonghwa turned eyes that were hazy with pain to him- no darkness or anger inside of them. 

Seonghwa’s knees suddenly buckled, sending him to the ground without even trying to catch himself. 

Hongjoong’s body reacted a moment too late to save him from hitting the white tile floor which showed the bright red blood a lot more clearly than his clothing. He cried out, curling around his injured shoulder as Hongjoong snapped out of his shock and dropped to his knees beside the prone body. 

“Seonghwa!” 

Seonghwa sucked in tight breaths through gritted teeth- his face turning another shade of ashen. 

Hongjoong stared at him, afraid for a moment, shaking a little too badly to touch, not knowing where the hell- 

He heard the tinny sound of someone yelling through a phone, and he looked back- the call on his phone still going, the others probably yelling at him- 

Hongjoong suddenly snapped into a rhythm he had followed for four years of fighting and learning. 

This was not anything new to him. 

“Shit,” he cursed darkly, bracing his hands on Seonghwa’s arms. “Hate me later,” he apologized, turning Seonghwa onto his back in one swift motion. 

Seonghwa choked on a cry, looking ready to break his teeth- 

Hongjoong placed his hands on Seonghwa’s blood covered one that was pressing and hiding the wound. 

“Let me see,” he urged- quiet and firm as he pried Seonghwa’s hand away. “Seonghwa- I can help you, but let me see- I know it fucking hurts, but I need to-” 

He managed to dislodge his grip on his shoulder, pushing his hand down- 

He was stunned for a moment when that hand grasped the edge Hongjoong’s shirt painfully tight- soaking the fabric in Seonghwa’s blood- as Seonghwa clenched his eyes shut, using Hongjoong as a grounding hold. 

He could hold on as much as he fucking liked. 

There was a deep tear through his thick leather coat, and Hongjoong tried to push the jacket off of his shoulder as much as he could, to expose the wound. Seonghwa kept jerking and twitching, but Hongjoong just kept apologizing under his breath as he worked. 

There was a deep gash- from the curve of his shoulder to his collarbone- and for a moment, Hongjoong didn’t understand why such a superficial wound would be causing- 

Seonghwa muffled another cry, his leg jerking violently as his body tensed up again, Hongjoong absently hushing him gently and squeezing his arm comfortingly as he used his sleeve to wipe away the excess blood- 

The wound itself came into fuller view, and Hongjoong saw an irritated redness around the gash- dark along the edge, and fading into a gentle pink further away from the wound. 

Tell him that was not fucking poison. 

Hongjoong stared at it closer- the pink of it almost fluorescent. 

His stomach dropped. 

“Seonghwa,” he said sharply. “The person who gave you this- was it a girl?” 

Seonghwa continued to breathe harshly, every other breath seeming to stick in his throat. He didn’t answer, as if focused on trying to ignore the pain- 

Hongjoong took Seonghwa’s face (in a mixture of gentle and firm) and turned it towards him. 

“ _ Seonghwa, _ ” he repeated, louder and sharper, holding him in place until Seonghwa’s eyes cracked open to stare at him- unfocused and almost feverish. “The person who attacked you- was she female? On a team of four?” 

Seonghwa’s eyes fell closed again, teeth baring as he clenched his teeth- 

But Hongjoong saw him nod. 

“Fucking hell,” he breathed, mind racing. 

It looked like a wound from someone on Team BPK- Hongjoong couldn’t remember which members had this power- maybe it was Jennie? 

It didn’t matter. 

“Okay,” he said in a rush. “Seonghwa, listen to me.” 

He took Seonghwa’s face again- a little bit gentler this time- until Seonghwa barely cracked open his eyes, breath whistling through teeth grinding together- 

He cried out suddenly, muffled, as his hand leapt to grab at his wound again- 

Hongjoong caught it before it could latch on, pulling it away- 

He was stunned yet again for a moment when Seonghwa flipped his hand and wrapped his fingers so tightly around Hongjoong’s hand, he thought it might break. 

More blood coated his hand, but Hongjoong let Seonghwa squeeze it- waxing and waning with each wave of pain that rushed through him. 

“Listen, Seonghwa,” he said clearly, firmly. “The woman who attacked you- she has a pain poison attack,” he explained carefully. “It’s not deadly- especially not a wound this size- but it’s…” 

Hongjoong looked at Seonghwa ashen face that dripped with perspiration and his body that was shaking with muscles clenched and ready to snap- 

“There’s nothing we can do but let it run its course,” he said, noticing the way Seonghwa’s hand squeezed his that much tighter. “I- I don’t know exactly how long it’ll last, but it might be a couple of hours-” 

Seonghwa released a sharp breath that sounded desperate. 

Afraid. 

“It won’t kill you,” Hongjoong assured him, squeezing his hand back tightly. “But-” He stared at the wound still oozing blood. “We have to clean up the wound- that might speed up the processing, but I don’t think we have anything here-” 

_ “What do you mean you don’t have first aid?” _

_ “What would we need with a first aid kit, dear?” _

_ “Mom- what if something were to happen? An attack?”  _

_ “Well, that’s what you and your friends are for, sweetheart. To protect us from that.”  _

_ “I’m getting you a first aid kit- are you insane, Mom?”  _

Hongjoong tried to stand, only to realize Seonghwa was still holding his hand in a death grip. 

“Seonghwa, I need to go check if we have anything to treat it with,” he said firmly, taking Seonghwa’s hand in his other. “I need you to let go- just for a second, Seonghwa.” 

Hongjoong saw the first tear slip out of the corner of Seonghwa’s eye as his chest moved- struggling to draw breath around the pain- 

His hand released Hongjoong’s stiffly, as if it took everything he had to let him go. 

“I’ll be right back,” Hongjoong whispered, chest tightened as he leapt over Seonghwa, racing to the bathroom. 

If they still had plates, and his mom had always dismissed the kit to begin with- they must have left it here, right? 

He sprinted into the bathroom, tearing open the cabinet beneath the sink and finding nothing. He tore open the drawers- shoving aside towels and travel sized toothpaste bottles- 

He ripped open the doors of the cabinet set in the wall, pushing aside hair products and toilet paper- 

In the back, there was a red box and Hongjoong almost cried with relief as he grabbed it and a towel, running back to Seonghwa. 

“Okay,” he whispered hurriedly, dropping back on his knees. “Okay, okay, I-” 

He opened the box, and it had a little more than a regular kit (because Hongjoong’s parents didn’t understand the threats out there, and he wanted to make sure they had things that would actually be useful). 

He grabbed a small bottle of disinfectant, a long strip of bandage, and the towel. 

“I’m trying to help you, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong promised as Seonghwa’s fists clenched at his sides. “This might hurt, okay?” 

Actually, the sting of disinfectant against his wound was probably just lost in the poison in his blood, and Seonghwa didn’t even flinch as Hongjoong dumped out the clear liquid. 

He wiped around the wound to clear away more blood and extra liquid before grabbing the bandage strip and the wrap to go with it. 

Placing it firmly against the wound, Hongjoong held it in place as he wrapped the white elastic around his arm to hold it in place, pinning it when it was secured. 

Peeling away his blood-covered hands, Hongjoong knew that cleaning the wound did nothing to dull the pain. But he could only hope that it was able to speed up the clearing of his system.

Seonghwa’s upper body twitched- like trying to swat at an insect stinging you. 

Hongjoong winced with every twitch and labored breath and broken cry that he tried to muffle through his teeth- 

“Seonghwa,” Hongjoong said carefully, wincing at Seonghwa’s white-knuckled hands. “I- There are bottles of painkillers and stuff, but they’re not going to be much help against this kind of pain.” 

Seonghwa’s hand suddenly gripped Hongjoong’s arms, nearly bruising the skin as another tear slipped out from his eyes that clenched shut painfully tight. 

Hongjoong had never actually seen someone hit with this pain poison- only heard stories about how painful it was, incapacitating an enemy in seconds without killing them. 

He felt ill. 

“If I had someone else, they could knock you out or or something,” Hongjoong explained. “But- it’s just me, and I can’t get anyone else-” 

He winced as Seonghwa’s hand spasmed, the pain making him lose a little of his muscle control. 

“I can knock you out, if you want,” Hongjoong offered quietly. “I- I don’t have any other way to do it, aside from shocking you- But I can administer a small enough one that it won’t hurt you like it did before,” he swore quickly, laying his hand over Seonghwa’s. “But I can knock you unconscious so you don’t feel-” 

Seonghwa nodded jerkily, wordlessly, his other hand reaching to grab his shoulder- 

Hongjoong stopped it quickly, holding that hand, too. 

“Okay,” he promised quietly. 

He didn’t like using his powers like this, no matter how much control he knew he had. It was always a little unsettling- that part of him that was always going to be afraid of accidentally going too far. 

But Hongjoong carefully released Seonghwa’s hand, grabbing his left one that was clenched around his arm. 

He dislodged the grip that was almost frozen, carefully pulling off the glove. 

Seonghwa’s hand seemed smaller without it on, but Hongjoong’s eyes stared at the spider-webbing mark in the center of his palm. He hadn’t seen it the last time he had done this. 

The scar itself was gone, but just looking at the dark mark sent Hongjoong back to when he was five and hurting his friend for the first time. 

Hongjoong laid his hand over quickly, trying to stop the pain as soon as possible, and closed his eyes as he focused on giving the right amount of shock. 

A tiny spark appeared between their hands, and he felt Seonghwa’s body seize for a moment.

Hongjoong very carefully directed the current away from his heart, feeling it moving through his body- 

The tension left Seonghwa’s body all out once, leaving him limp on the floor, unconscious. 

The stress left his face that rested at a lax state, as if he were just sleeping, despite the pallor and the sweat clinging to his skin. 

Hongjoong quickly pressed his fingers to the pulsepoint beneath his neck, and found a strong, steady pulse- and his chest rose and fell with quiet breathing. 

Hongjoong felt himself go a little limp as relief hit hard and fast. 

“Okay,” he whispered to himself, only shaking a little. “This- Okay, this isn’t going to be easy.” 

It took Hongjoong longer than it should have to manage to get Seonghwa into his arms and carry him back to the bedroom. (This had more to do with the fact that carrying a limp body is fucking hard, and nothing to do with the fact that Hongjoong’s prowess had never been physical strength.) 

Hongjoong wanted to get him out of the bloody clothes, but that was an issue for another time as he put Seonghwa in the bed (he did pull his shoes off though, because to leave them on just seemed cruel). 

His hands shook the whole time with leftover adrenaline.

Hongjoong left the door open, even if he left, wanting to pull up the video feed on his phone- 

Oh, yeah, his phone. 

Hongjoong ignored it for another moment, cleaning up the blood and spill with the towel and getting everything in order (washing Seonghwa’s blood off of himself), before going over to pick up the call that was still going. 

He expected an outburst of screaming, but there was a heavy silence on the other end. 

“Nice going, hyung,” Yunho said genuinely, quietly. “That was… something, huh?” 

Hongjoong hummed, sitting down on the couch shakily. 

“Well, we were trying to tell you,” Wooyoung said- sarcastic, but still solemn- “that we just got an alert that Team BPK got a hit on Seonghwa, and they’re reporting him as injured and likely stationary because of the attack.” 

“They don’t know where he is,” Yeosang assured him gently. “You did good, hyung.” 

“I like keeping secrets,” San said casually. “I feel like a secret agent.” 

“You’re literally a superhero,” Jongho said flatly. 

“Yeah, but recon is different than busting into places and burning shit down.” 

Hongjoong rubbed at his eyes. “I doubt they’ll be able to, but let me know if anyone says anything about him getting away or tracking him, okay?”

“We’ve got it, hyung, don’t worry,” Yeosang assured him, bless his soul. “I’d say take a nap, but it might be best to try and stay awake for now until it calms down.” 

“Order some food!” Mingi suggested loudly. “That’ll make you feel better!” 

While eating junk food might improve his overall mood, it would not help the sinking hole in his chest that was only getting bigger by the day. 

So, Hongjoong ordered fried chicken and tried not to let himself think too much. 

(He’d never tell Yeosang, but even fried chicken didn’t ease the sympathy pains in his chest.) 

(He watched Seonghwa resting through the cameras silently, almost waiting for the moment he would disappear. Maybe even without meaning to…) 

~~~~~~~~

Hongjoong woke up without ever meaning to fall asleep. 

It wasn’t to Seonghwa standing over him this time, but Hongjoong sat up, rubbing sleep from his eyes and trying not to get his still-greasy fingers in them. 

Groaning in disgust, Hongjoong realized that he had not taken in shower in approximately three days, and without even passing a thought to Seonghwa who was most likely still here, nor giving notice to the fact that it was nearly midnight- Hongjoong grabbed a change of clothes. 

The bathroom still had everything he needed to shower, and though Hongjoong was loathed to admit it… 

He did feel a lot better after washing himself and sitting back on the couch to clean up his food. 

He checked his phone and found no message pertaining to Seonghwa (just ones about a rice ball San had that looked like China). 

Even as he scrolled through his phone, Hongjoong tensed, turning around as the hairs on the back of his neck prickled. 

It was almost too quiet within the apartment. 

Seonghwa stood in the doorway. 

“Stood” being a gentle term for “slouched against the wall, looking ready to let himself fall.” 

Hongjoong stood slowly, careful not to startle him, but Seonghwa didn’t look at him- staring at the ground as he breathed a little heavily, though that was probably from the leftover strain. 

“Seonghwa?” Hongjoong asked carefully, taking a slow step towards him. “Are you alright?”

The fact that he was moving and standing was proof enough that the poison was out of his system (even if the leftover strain from such pain probably made him ache terribly). 

Seonghwa wasn’t wearing his regular clothes- but the pajamas that Hongjoong had given him, which were too short for his legs (the shirt was too big on Hongjoong, so it fit Seonghwa well). His hair was rumpled, and his face a little swollen from sleep. 

Overall, it might have been an endearing picture- one Hongjoong might have made fun of him for, for looking normal instead of like a killer, but… 

But Hongjoong just felt his gut twist painfully. 

Because this is what Seonghwa might have been. If things had turned out differently. 

When Seonghwa’s shoulder began to slide down the wall, like he was about to let himself fall, Hongjoong quickly moved forward- 

Sharp eyes snapped to Hongjoong, making him halt, but they weren’t angry. 

They were tired and dull- like he had seen that one night. No fear, no rage, just exhaustion that ran too deep to ever be fixed with sleep. 

Like he was too tired to fight, but didn’t know how to stop. 

“I think you should sit down,” Hongjoong said gently, showing that he meant Seonghwa no harm. “There’s some chicken if you want… and I’m pretty sure I can find you something hot to drink around here…” 

He looked ready to collapse. 

Rather than waiting for Seonghwa to willingly break (which could take days), Hongjoong took another slow step forward- giving Seonghwa time to yell at him- but Seonghwa simply tracked him with eyes that were red and bloodshot. 

When Hongjoong grabbed his arm gently, Seonghwa didn’t hiss or snap at him, but he felt him stiffen as Hongjoong tugged him gently away from the wall. 

He was surprised at how much Seonghwa leaned on him, but he was more surprised by how willingly he followed him to the couch- letting Hongjoong help him sit. 

“Let me see if we have some tea,” Hongjoong said quietly, feeling the way Seongwa’s muscles shook with strain just during the short walk to the sofa. 

Hongjoong left his side quickly, rushing to the kitchen and opening the cabinets rapidly- finding most empty or only holding pasta and flour. 

In the second to last cabinet, though, he found a large box of cereal- but behind it was a carton of tea bags. 

Gasping in triumph, Hongjoong snatched them up, rushing to the electric kettle on the counter and turning it on. 

He searched for cups and sugar (finding both at length), and took out the little bit of leftover chicken he had. 

“Do you like a lot of sugar?” Hongjoong asked, hesitating before pouring in the sweetness, glancing over his shoulder. 

Seonghwa was already staring at him- startling Hongjoong- his eyes flat and blank, as if he were staring at nothing but happened to follow Hongjoong. 

Hongjoong waited several seconds, but it was clear Seonghwa had no interest in responding. “We’ll just put a little,” he decided quietly, dumping some in. 

It was the strangest sensation in the world to carry the cup and food over to Seonghwa, sitting them on the coffee table before the sofa carefully as Seonghwa’s eyes tracked his every movement- but remained distant, as if staring into the past. 

It was unsettling and a little unnerving, but mostly Hongjoong just begged to know what the hell was going through Seonghwa’s head. 

He seemed almost dormant. Like that volcano that always threatened to blow, but was finally taking a break- never knowing when it would crest again. 

Hongjoong didn’t sit with Seonghwa- instead, standing on the other side of the coffee table and settling on the ground quietly. “The tea might be too hot,” he warned gently as Seonghwa finally looked at the little meal. “But the chicken should still taste okay, even if it’s room temperature.” 

Seonghwa stared silently at the food, the arm of his injured shoulder held close to his body. 

He blinked slowly. 

Hongjoong watched him reach out slowly- so very, very slowly with hands that trembled slightly- until his fingers touched the outside of the steaming mug. 

Hongjoong’s mouth opened to warn him again, but it caught in his throat as Seonghwa’s thin fingers danced along the outside of the mug- brushing against it before laying his palm over it. 

Seonghwa’s eyes fell closed, a long, slow breath leaving him quietly as his palm pressed to the warm mug- as if soaking in that warmth. 

Hongjoong’s heart stuttered. 

Because for the first time, he might consider Seonghwa to be… peaceful. 

Wincing slightly, he brought his other hand forward (eyes still closed- not shut tightly, but just resting calmly) and wrapped it around the other side of the mug. 

Hongjoong watched his shoulders visible relax, and he wondered if Seonghwa was even aware of the changes. 

The dark marks of his veins were still visible along his collar and the bottom of his neck, but they sat still- like ordinary tattoos, without growing and writhing against him. The mark over his eye was dark and silent. 

Slowly, he lifted the mug, another slow breath leaving. 

Seonghwa pressed his lips to the rim without sipping it- taking slow, deep breaths like he meditating, almost curling around the mug. 

Hongjoong swallowed thickly, shifting forward. “Seonghwa,” he whispered gently. “Are you cold?” 

Seonghwa jerked- nearly spilling the cup, which made Hongjoong leap to his feet- but no hot liquid spilled on him as his eyes were suddenly staring at Hongjoong- 

Apathy was gone, and something almost betrayed and guilty stared back at him as Seonghwa went to set the steaming mug down- 

“No,” Hongjoong said quickly, catching the bottom of the mug before he could place it down, pushing it gently back towards Seonghwa- who stared as if waiting for Hongjoong to dump it on him. “Drink it,” Hongjoong urged quietly, withdrawing his hands. “It’s hot- It’ll make you feel better, just… drink it, please.” 

Seonghwa’s lip almost curled, but he tore his eyes away from Hongjoong, as if ignoring him, as he slowly brought the cup back up to his lips. 

He still didn’t drink- as if just wanting to soak up the warmth. 

Hongjoong didn’t have the luxury of trying to understand why Seonghwa chose a particular emotion- he just had to acknowledge them and react. 

Hongjoong frowned deeper. When he had embraced Seonghwa earlier, his body had felt warm. Solid. 

But Seonghwa curled around the hot mug like someone just coming in from the snow. 

Hongjoong glanced at the hallway. “I’ll be back,” he promised, rushing down it quickly. He didn’t see if Seonghwa looked at him or not. 

He went into the spare bedroom that he had yet to use, opening the closet quickly. 

It held a few boxes- everything from old Christmas decorations to clothing and even a toaster in there. 

Hongjoong knew his parents liked to leave a few essentials, in case they ever decided to stop over at one of their places for a night or two. 

And it was crazy to think they might have one, but Hongjoong didn’t want to risk meddling with the thermostat and having his parents notice something. He remembered them having one, though… He remembered it, it was just a matter of if they left it behind.

He tore through the boxes, shoving aside clothes and a random shoe box before finding a little white square. 

He grabbed it quickly, gathering its chord, and running back out to the living room. 

Seonghwa held the cup in his lap, and it seemed like he might have taken a few sips as Hongjoong plugged the cord in as he set the little personal heater beside Seonghwa’s socked feet. 

“Here,” He said quietly, flicking it on. 

There was a quiet whir as warm air began to blow, and he saw Seonghwa tense- almost shifting away from it before he realized what it was doing. 

“Do you want a blanket, too?” Hongjoong offered. “I might be able to find a thicker one from winter time-”

“Why...?”

It was a near silent whisper, but Hongjoong choked off as if he had been punched in the throat. 

Seonghwa’s head was bowed, staring at the little heater that had already warmed up the air around them. 

But Hongjoong held his breath, prepared for the shadows and the anger and the fighting. 

“ _ Why? _ ” Seonghwa hissed in a whisper that Hongjoong could barely hear, forcing him to take a step forward. 

His knuckles were white on the steaming mug. 

“Why do you do this shit?” he demanded quietly through gritted teeth. “Why do you bandage me and care that I’m in pain?” he spat. “Why don’t you just let me fucing  _ suffer _ ? Why do you follow me around and speak to me as if I were your  _ friend _ ?” 

His hands shook, making the dark tea ripple. 

“Why do you offer me a place to stay after I killed-” He lifted his eyes to Hongjoong. 

They were angry. 

But they were confused. 

And desperate. 

“Why do you bring me food and clothes, and bring me things like  _ this _ ?” he demanded, jerking the cup dangerously, but spilling nothing. “Why would you hug me and willingly touch me? Why do you act as if this changes anything?” he hissed. “Why do you do so much useless shit that I’ll only wind up killing you for?” 

Hongjoong stood in quiet silence. 

It wasn’t stunned. Or shocked. 

It was just sad as he stared at Seonghwa’s bitterness. 

“Why can't you just leave me alone like the monster they all believe I am?” He hissed darkly. “Why won't you just  _ hate me _ ?” 

At this person who was only moments from breaking apart and breaking down. 

This person that Hongjoong had known once. 

That he knew now. 

This person whose entire existence was coated in a thick layer of prejudice and injustice and hatred. 

Hongjoong could barely stand to look at it. 

Because he was still nothing more than a five year old boy watching someone cry on the sidewalk. 

“Because…” Hongjoong glanced down at the personal heater. 

Why did he continue to do it? 

Why didn’t he just give up? 

Why did he keep going back to Seonghwa, why couldn’t he give up on him?

“Because… I can’t…” He pressed his lips together something welling in his chest. “I can’t see you… how you see yourself, Seonghwa,” he whispered. “I can’t see… the person everyone else seems to see.” 

He glanced up, something in Seonghwa’s expression cracking when his eyes met Hongjoong’s sincere ones. 

“I… Yeah, maybe I’m delusional,” Hongjoong admitted quietly. “But I can only see everything that you  _ were _ … That kid I used to play with? The one who was nice and fair and laughed so loud, I even knew it was special as a kid? The one I regretted ever letting go?” 

Seonghwa’s hands were shaking so badly, Hongjoong reached out carefully- taking the hot mug from him slowly and setting in on the table. 

Seonghwa stared at Hongjoong as if they were falling in a plane together, and Hongjoong had somehow promised he could get them out alive. 

“And I can only see…” His eyes traced over Seonghwa’s terse expression that still was not marred with darkness. “I can only see what you could have been,” He whispered hoarsely. 

Seonghwa’s eyes twitched- like a flinch. 

“The person you could have been, if they hadn’t hurt you,” he breathed, needing to take a seat- sitting on the sofa, angled towards Seonghwa. “Someone who could have grown up… knowing what it was to be loved, to be happy… to be  _ safe _ . Someone who might have had such a  _ beautiful fucking life _ , Seonghwa,” he hissed regretfully. “If they hadn’t robbed you of that.” 

Because that was what it all boiled down to- Hongjoong realized. 

This entire time- even if Hongjoong hadn’t really viewed Seonghwa in the light of a five year old friend he played trucks with- he could never see the anger, the hatred, the destruction, the vengeance… 

All he could see that the happiness those emotions had stolen and killed. The kindness, the peace, the opportunity, the liveliness, the laughter- 

Hongjoong could only see the blank spaces that those emotions usually sat in, and he could only mourn them. 

He couldn't see a monster. 

Just a crying child. 

“What do you know about what I could have been?” Seonghwa asked brokenly, something in his expression breaking down. 

It wasn’t a hiss. 

Not a bitter spat or a growl. 

Just a quiet, torn whisper- as if he were begging to know the answer to a legitimate question. 

“How do you know I could have been more?” he whispered, hands shaking where they clenched each other so tightly, his skin was white. “How do you know I wasn’t only ever destined to become this monster?” 

He was asking. 

Begging Hongjoong for an answer he could understand. 

He wanted to understand how Hongjoong could believe it. 

“Because…” Hongjoong searched his terrified face. 

His hands gripped Seonghwa’s almost unconsciously- his skin icy, despite the heater. Hongjoong squeezed them tightly, feeling the way they shook. 

“Because when you hurt me for the first time… you said sorry,” Hongjoong whispered thickly. 

The entire building could have blown up, and Hongjoong still didn’t think he’d be brave enough to look away from the heart-wrenching expression in Seonghwa’s eyes. 

“And after you hurt me for the first time… you made it so that you could never hurt me… ever again,” he breathed. 

Hongjoong held his hands like they were five years old and whispering their only wish to each other. 

“Because this person that I’m looking at right now?” he whispered, inclining his head towards Seonghwa’s raw, broken expression. “This person doesn’t want to hurt anybody… do you, Seonghwa?” 

Seonghwa’s hands spasmed in Hongjoong’s, but he held them tighter as Seonghwa’s lips parted, as if he was trying to speak- 

His eyes begged Hongjoong to understand without needing him to speak. 

“I think,” Hongjoong whispered, feeling for the first time that Seonghwa was fully hearing him. “I think that you don’t want to hurt anyone, Seonghwa.” 

He rubbed Seonghwa’s hands between his, trying to warm them. 

This was it, he realized. 

This is where he broke through. 

Seonghwa’s eyes glistened as something in them grew. 

“I  _ can’t _ understand you, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong admitted. “But I can  _ try _ … And I think that you don’t want to hurt… but you’re angry, aren’t you?” he whispered hoarsely. “You’re angry, and you’re hurt, and you just want payment, Seonghwa. You just want to feel like you were able to get something back after they took so much from you…” 

Seonghwa stared at Hongjoong as if he were slowly twisting his heart. 

Begging him stop. 

Begging him to help. 

Hongjoong moved closer, holding his hands tighter, almost pleading. 

Begging that he was making the right call. 

“But I think… you’re angry. And sometimes, you just can’t help how  _ angry  _ you get,” he breathed. “And you want justice, but sometimes you can’t see any way of feeling better other than making them pay in the most painful way possible…” 

Seonghwa flinched, the mark over his eye pulsing. 

They watched each other with eyes that held too much. 

“And I think… you can’t control that,” Hongjoong breathed, so close to Seonghwa, their thighs pressed together. “I think that you’ve spent  _ so long  _ being  _ so angry-  _ outside of your own real control- that you’ve forgotten what it feels like to feel anything else…” 

Hongjoong removed one hand from Seonghwa’s, fingers curling slightly as he lifted it so very carefully into the air. 

Seonghwa's eyes shimmered. 

Hongjoong truly believed that Seonghwa hated Normals, wanted revenge for the pain he had been forced to endure. 

But he also truly believed that the killing, the vengeance, the blind rage that made him want to hurt and twist and destroy-

He believed that was fueled by an outside source. Most probably his powers agitating his already present emotions. 

“I think you don't even know what's happening to you,” Hongjoong murmured. “You can't even remember why you're so angry anymore.” 

Seonghwa blinked, and a single tear fell as he shook so hard, Hongjoong almost stopped just to get him a hundred blankets to wrap him in. 

Because  _ this _ was Seonghwa. 

This raw, aching, vulnerable person who didn’t even know what to do with themselves… this is what Seonghwa had truly become. 

“I think… that you’ve only ever known this rage and hatred- escalated outside of your control- for  _ so long…  _ that you’re afraid to feel anything else. Anything else feels like they’re robbing you of your right to be angry, to be vengeful, to get justice.” 

Hongjoong gently wiped away the streak of tears with his knuckle. 

Instead of flinching away, Seonghwa shut his eyes. 

Tightly. 

“I'm not trying to deny you that, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong promised quietly. “I just want you to be able to feel peace. I want you to know that there's more to your life than that anger and hurt. You're more than that pain you've harbored for so long.” 

Hongjoong swallowed as he slowly, finally cupped Seonghwa’s cheek, his thumb brushing over the creases around his eyes- like his mom had when she was trying to tell him something important. 

And this  _ was _ important. 

“I think you have been hurt so badly by those around you…” Hongjoong murmured thickly, “and you have been torn apart so horribly by yourself, by your own power… I think that you’ve been seen as a monster and a demon long enough, Seonghwa.” 

“You don’t know me,” Seonghwa whispered weakly, eyes twitching as they shut tighter. He tried to duck his head, but it only ended with him pressing harder against Hongjoong’s hand. 

He couldn't hide here.

“I do,” Hongjoong whispered firmly. “I can’t know  _ all _ of you, Seonghwa, but I can see- I can see your past in you, Seonghwa.”

Seonghwa winced, and when he turned his head slightly, Hongjoong could almost believe he was actually pressing more firmly into his touch. 

It made his chest hurt so fucking badly. 

Hongjoong stroked over the swell of his cheek gently. Comfortingly. “I can still see that boy I would find crying on the sidewalk- the one who shoved me to the ground so that I’d stay away.” 

Another tear fell, slipping beneath Hongjoong’s thumb. 

It felt like acid against his skin. 

“The one who nearly threatened me to stay away, all because he was scared to hurt me…” Hongjoong’s heart was wedged firmly onto the blade of a knife as Seonghwa took a suffering breath. “The one that I always ignored, even at the behest of those closest to me… I ignored all your smoke and mirrors, all your threats, all the pain you inflicted one me-” 

Seonghwa flinched weakly, like an animal shying from a whip. 

Hongjoong flinched with him. “You’re still that kid, Seonghwa,” he breathed. “You’re still trying to scare me away- with smoke and mirrors and threats and pain… but just like back then, you don’t mean it. You don’t really want it. You couldn’t actually hurt me back then, and you can’t actually kill me now.” 

“I want to,” Seonghwa whispered brokenly- but it sounded like the most desperate of apologies. 

“I know you do,” Hongjoong breathed calmly like forgiveness, brushing along the damp skin of his cheek. “Because that’s the only thing your anger can tell you to do. That’s the only way you can think of to stop the pain- but it hasn’t stopped, Seonghwa, has it?” 

When Seonghwa’s head dipped further- the very edge of a cry in his throat- Hongjoong’s other hand came up to gently catch his other cheek until he was frame his face, holding it steady. 

Seonghwa’s icy hands came up and wrapped around Hongjoong’s wrists gently- not crushing, just touching. 

Like he didn’t want Hongjoong to let go. 

“Seonghwa, you want to kill me, but there’s more of you that doesn’t want that,” he whispered, moving closer to whisper hoarsely, his throat closing up. “There are times that your anger wins, and times when that little boy wins. All those people you hurt- you anger won those times. But all those times you let me go? That day you couldn’t kill me?” 

“You were screaming,” Seonghwa whispered desperately, shaking his head slowly, his grip tightening on Hongjoong’s wrists, as if afraid he would pull away. “You were screaming, and I- I didn’t- I didn’t know what to  _ do _ ,” he hissed. “I didn’t-” 

Hongjoong hushed him quietly, his heart sinking lower and lower and lower as he wiped uselessly at Seonghwa’s bitter tears that hadn’t been allowed to flow for too long. 

It all hurt too fucking much. 

“I think… I think you’ve gone too long without someone by your side, Seonghwa,” he whispered. “I think that it’s time that someone did this for you-” He nodded his head at the tea and food on the table. 

The comfort. 

The touch. 

The food. 

The reassurances. 

He deserved them all after so long. 

Seonghwa’s chest rattled with each breath as his head dropped lower, like he was losing strength to hold himself up. 

As if he was asking Hongjoong to catch him. 

When Hongjoong let him fall forward, he was pushed back slightly by Seonghwa’s head bumping into his shoulder gently. 

When Hongjoong released his face, his chest exploded in shock as Seonghwa leaned into him- his hands still resting in his lap, but his upper body pressing to Hongjoong’s. Like an embrace with no arms. 

It was instinct and pity and pain that brought Hongjoong’s hands up until one laid against his back, and the other cradled the back of Seonghwa’s head gently. 

One of Seonghwa’s hands curled into the hem of Hongjoong’s shirt tightly. 

Hongjoong stared down at the top of his head as he slowly stroked the back of his hair- a soothing gesture he performed after a botched mission. 

When someone had messed up, and needed to know that they were forgiven, that they had done nothing wrong. 

Seonghwa’s shoulder shook with something like a sob as Hongjoong ran a hand along his back gingerly, his back spasming with gasps and chokes. 

When was the last time someone had touched Seonghwa humanely?

Had his mother ever been brave enough to hug her child? 

Had anyone in his life ever thought to ruffle his hair? To hug him, even briefly? 

Had he ever had something to break through the chill of his own powers? 

Hongjoong suddenly pulled Seonghwa in tighter, his head resting on top of Seonghwa’s. “I’m sorry,” he breathed, fingers carding through Seonghwa’s hair. 

It was unkempt and unwashed, but Hongjoong didn’t even notice. 

“I’m so sorry, Seonghwa,” he breathed into his hair quietly. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry-” 

There was any multitude of things Hongjoong could be apologizing for, and every single reason was another needle slowly being pushed into his chest. 

Seonghwa’s other hand came and rested at Hongjoong’s hip- squeezing but not painful. 

Seonghwa clung like Hongjoong was the thing keeping him from drifting. 

Hongjoong didn’t realize he was crying until he saw the drip of it disappear into the dark strands of Seonghwa’s hair. 

He sucked in a breath that shook as much as Seonghwa’s- a choked breath out as he shook his head slowly. 

Was this all it had taken? 

Never backing down, seeing inside, calling his bluffs, treating him like a human fucking being- 

And this is where you could end up? 

“I’m so sorry, Seonghwa,” he cried quietly. 

Maybe there was a chance. 

(Hongjoong’s shoulder was wet with tears.) 

Maybe there was still time for Seonghwa to make things right and still have a life for himself. 

Maybe they could salvage something out of all of this. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be there,” Hongjoong cried weakly, fingers twisting in the back of Seonghwa’s shirt, pulling him closer- their bodies warm where they pressed together. 

It wasn’t Hongjoong’s fault that he lost track of Seonghwa. 

And it wasn’t Hongjoong’s fault that Seonghwa had become this. 

But he had now made Seonghwa his responsibility. Which meant he would fight and protect and comfort him as viciously as any member of his team. 

Hongjoong wouldn’t let him go. 

He couldn’t bring himself to. 

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Seonghwa cried weakly into Hongjoong’s shoulder, his grip on his hip tightening greatly. “I don’t ever want to hurt you, Hongjoong- Not you, I don’t want-” 

He broke off on a choked cry, sinking against Hongjoong further, more strength leaving as Hongjoong’s arms wrapped around him tighter. 

“You won’t,” Hongjoong promised, a little too quick, a little too desperate. “You won’t, Seonghwa- You promised. Remember?” he comforted, a firm hand drawing a warm line down his spine. “You won’t hurt me, Seonghwa, you promised.”

“I’m sorry,” Seonghwa cried weakly, shaking his head against Hongjoong’s shoulder. “I-I’m sorry, Hongjoon-” 

_ So, if you say sorry for pushing me, it’s okay. _

_ Even if something does happen, if you say sorry, it’s okay!  _

He broke off, the name catching in his throat as both of them cried a little bit more- Hongjoong barely holding it together enough to keep holding onto Seonghwa. 

They were still nothing but kids, weren't they? 

Hongjoong felt himself breaking apart with Seonghwa- like standing too close to a whirlpool and getting caught in the current. Hongjoong felt the riptide grab him and pull him under. 

But he still held onto Seonghwa- not wanting either of them to get separated in the chaos. 

Not after they had struggled so much to latch onto each other. 

He stopped stroking and carding his fingers- instead just embracing him and burying his face in Seonghwa’s hair, his tears wetting the strands as he held Seonghwa tightly. 

And God, the seconds passed like hours, until neither of them could ever guess how long they had been there. 

There was just crying- gentle and violent- as time became irrelevant to them. 

Hongjoong’s eyes closed when they became too scratchy to keep open, both of them still shaking in each other’s arms silently. 

And at some point, the darkness under his eyelids got too thick, and he lost track of Seonghwa as he fell asleep. 

Hongjoong was really beginning to hate the need to sleep, even if it did come while warm and leaned against something solid. 

Seonghwa was there. 

~~~~~~~~

When Hongjoong woke, the first thing he noticed was he was warm. 

The second, was that he was laying down. 

The third, was that he was in a bed. 

And fourth, was that Seonghwa was sleeping six inches from his face. 

Hongjoong felt his pulse jump, but he couldn’t bring his body to move for a moment- warm and comfortable wrapped in the blankets. He could hear the personal heater blowing quietly. 

Hongjoong didn’t remember moving… 

His stomach dropped. 

Someone had moved them here. 

Hongjoong held his breath as he stared at Seonghwa’s face- 

It was calm in its sleep. He could see the swollen area of his eyes from the tears. 

Hongjoong found himself immobile as he stared silently, shocked by how… how young Seonghwa actually looked… 

He was their age, Hongjoong reminded himself as he slowly slid backwards, to the edge of the bed. Just a kid- no matter what responsibilities and burdens they had been handed. 

Hongjoong’s foot hit the ground as he carefully stood without shifting the bed or blankets. Seonghwa slept on peacefully. 

All of them were just kids. 

No matter how many villains they put away, no matter how many fights they won, the powers they held, the burdens they carried, the horrors they had seen, the lives they had risked- 

The people he had killed… 

They were just kids. 

Hongjoong was a lot better at being quiet this time as he slipped passed Seonghwa’s sleeping form, backing out of the room carefully. He closed the door silently, hearing it gently click into place, and Hongjoong stayed for just a moment longer, staring at the wood. 

His heart was in his throat for a number of reasons, and Hongjoong tried to swallow it even as he tried to decide what the fuck he was going to do to whoever moved them into the same bed together. 

Hongjoong slowly moved away from the bedroom- briefly wondering what would happen when Seonghwa woke- but those were concerns for a different time. 

Hongjoong couldn’t say he was shocked when he saw Yeosang and Wooyoung sitting on the couch, watching a movie on his laptop. 

They looked up when he entered silently- the bright light of day making his itchy eyes ache. 

Right. He had spent a good portion of last night crying. 

“Hyung…” 

By the time Hongjoong had lifted his head, Yeosang’s arms were already around him, hugging him tightly, firmly- not allowing enough room for him to even shift. 

It was startling, but Hongjoong only stared for a moment before sighing weakly, returning the embrace firmly- the comfort of having an ally, a friend, enough to make him want to go back to bed. 

He felt Wooyoung’s arm around his back, and his quiet voice in Hongjoong’s ear. “You did good, hyung,” he assured him. 

Hongjoong nodded quickly, feeling his throat close up. 

Hongjoong was under no illusion that he was infallible to his teammates. They knew all his shortcomings and failures- and Hongjoong was not afraid of being weak in front of them. 

They had all been weak and strong together. 

He rested his head on Yeosang’s shoulder, letting the two of them take some of the weight he had been carrying alone for days now. 

Hongjoong wasn’t used to being alone. He hadn’t been alone in years- since he joined the facility. It was taxing. 

“If you’re here,” Hongjoong murmured into his shoulder, “who did you leave in charge?” 

“Mingi.” 

Exhausted or not, Hongjoong jerked back, a snap on the edge of his tongue because Mingi being left as leader- 

But Yeosang was smiling quietly at him, eyes sparkling with amusement, and Hongjoong felt the outburst die on his tongue. “Who did you actually leave?” he huffed. 

Yeosang smiled a little wider. “There’s only four of them- I told Yunho he could be in charge as long as he didn’t let San go off the deep end.” 

Really, they weren’t left with many choices, but Hongjoong nodded slowly. “I’m sorry I haven’t been there…” 

“You’ve had your plate full,” Wooyoung said quietly- surprisingly somber. “We saw last night.” 

God, last night was almost a blur to Hongjoong, but he knew that things had changed. 

“We figured out how to get audio on the cameras,” Wooyoung told him, both of them pulling away and leading Hongjoong to the couch. “We… we showed Eden.” 

Hongjoong nodded reflexively before frowning. “How did you get audio?” he asked suddenly. “The person I talked to said the microphones weren’t activated, and that I wouldn’t be able to turn them on myself.” 

Wooyoung’s mouth fell open. 

Yeosang turned to him as soon as he had finished, smacking Wooyoung hard on the arm, making him yelp, glaring darkly. 

Wooyoung looked at him apologetically, and Yeosang sighed harshly, glancing back at Hongjoong who felt his stomach sink. 

“What did you do?” he demanded- not feeling any sort of real fear, but his team could be getting into all sorts of trouble, and Hongjoong couldn’t deal with it himself. 

Yeosang glared at Wooyoung once more before gesturing for him to go on. “You ratted us out, so  _ you _ can explain it.” 

Wooyoung winced, looking at Hongjoong apologetically. “It’s nothing bad,” he assured him quickly. “But… We’ve been watching the feed a lot, keeping an eye out for you, and it’s usually all of us at once, and so… you know, it stands out a little weird when we’re all gathered around a phone-” 

Hongjoong’s stomach dropped. “Who the hell found out?” he demanded. 

“It’s not bad,” Wooyoung said firmly, shaking his head. “But… you know Sehyoon is really fucking quiet, you just never notice him when he creeps up -” 

“Team ACE found out about Seonghwa?” Hongjoong breathed, horror settling in his stomach- 

“Not all of them!” Wooyoung said quickly. “Just Sehyoon- I mean, he didn’t  _ find _ him- He saw us, and you know he’s all weird and shit with his technopath shit-” 

“So he just decided to access the microphones and turn them on?” Hongjoong demanded. 

Wooyoung winced. “Well, no… He, uh… he asked us what we were doing, and we all got startled and we hid the phone, but that doesn’t work with him. He asked if we were doing surveillance for a mission- and San tried to lie like an idiot-” 

Yeosang sighed, rubbing at his face. “Sehyoon called our bluff and asked if it had to do with why you were gone, and the favor you asked from Jun.” 

“And you  _ told him _ ?” Hongjoong hissed. 

“He already knew what the phone was doing and where it was feeding from,” Yeosang said firmly. “I think his exact words were ‘Why are you spying on Seoul Apartments?’” 

“So… if he already knew, we thought it better to include him, rather than turning him away and having him do his own digging,” Wooyoung said, staring at his hands. “And… while we were talking, we asked if he would be able to get us audio, and he said yes.” 

“He hasn’t told any of this teammates,” Yeosang assured him. “He hasn’t even acknowledged us beyond asking if anything had changed. This was a couple days ago.” 

“What are we supposed to do if he decides to participate in the kill order?” Hongjoong demanded. 

Yeosang sighed. “You know Sehyoon doesn’t fight,” he reminded Hongjoong firmly. “He disagrees morally with all kill orders- and Seonghwa didn’t deserve his- everyone thinks that. Sehyoon isn’t coming for Seonghwa.” 

Hongjoong stared, wanting to get angry. 

He didn’t want to risk Seonghwa. Not when he was so close, not when he was making progress, not when everything was so rocky- 

“Why the hell did you put us in bed together?” Hongjoong snapped, looking between the two of them. 

They looked surprised by the change in subject, but Yeosang shrugged. “We figured it was better to keep you together, since you fell asleep like that.” 

“I don’t think you should stay,” Hongjoong said heavily, lowered his eyes. “I don’t know how Seonghwa is going to react to other people- especially not after what we went through last night. He’s vulnerable right now, and he might be defensive-” 

“We’re here to help,” Yeosang said firmly. “You’re doing great on you own, hyung, but you’re going to need help at some point. You can’t do it all.” 

“I know, but if he decides he want to hurt you,” Hongjoong fought quietly. “I can’t protect the two of you-” 

“We’ll be okay,” Wooyoung assured him. 

“No, you  _ won’t _ ,” Hongjoong snapped sharply, making Wooyoung blink. “Was Yeosang fucking  _ okay  _ the last time he met with Seonghwa?” 

He saw Wooyoung glance at Yeosang quickly, and Hongjoong immediately felt guilt grab his chest. 

“Sorry,” he muttered, rubbing his eyes. “Just- I need you guys to stay gone for a little longer,” he murmured. “Not until I know where we stand. Thank you, but you need to go.” 

He needed to protect everyone. Both his team and Seonghwa. 

Hongjoong rubbed at his eyes harshly. “Just go-” 

“You.” 

Hongjoong whirled around so quickly, he cracked his neck, his eyes landing on Seonghwa who stood in the doorway. 

Cold eyes stared at Yeosang, Seonghwa’s lips curling as if remembering the anger he had felt when he first hurt Yeosang- 

Wooyoung…. 

Bless his soul, he was the most protective person you could ever find. But sometimes he was too much of a goddamn idiot. 

While Seonghwa glared at Yeosang murderously- as if he wanted nothing more than to finish what he had started- Wooyoung shifted between them, one hand on Yeosang and the other beginning to glow with the beginnings of his energy. 

Hongjoong immediately grabbed Wooyoung’s glowing hand, squeezing it sharply until the glow faded and Wooyoung glared at him. 

“Stop it,” he hissed, turning back to Seonghwa quickly- 

He saw the marks along his neck begin to creep up as he looked between the two, glare darkening- 

“Seonghwa,” Hongjoong said gently, standing slowly- hands outstretched like an animal about to charge. 

Seonghwa wasn’t looking at him. 

“Seonghwa,” he said, sharper, until Seonghwa turned his anger towards Hongjoong who stared impassively. “Stop it,” he said quietly. “You said you didn’t want to hurt people. They’re not after you- they’re not a threat to you.” 

Seonghwa scoffed, turning back to Yeosang who was only staring back. 

“Do you remember what I risked to protect you?” Hongjoong demanded, earning Seonghwa’s attention that snapped to him. “All the rules I broke? Do you remember what I offered you in exchange for Yeosang?” 

Seonghwa flinched, his body seizing for a moment- 

_ “You were screaming, and I- I didn’t- I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t-” _

“I want to protect you, Seonghwa,” he said firmly. “As desperately as I want to protect them. Do you understand?” 

Seonghwa stared at Hongjoong, glancing back at Yeosang- 

“Look at me, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong ordered sharply, earning his attention back, but Seonghwa’s eyes flooded black as he glared, hissing in warning- 

Hongjoong stared at him calmly, really fucking hoping he did not make the wrong move. 

“You’re angry,” he said gently, calmly. “Whether its because you hate Yeosang, whether you’re scared- it doesn’t matter. You’re angry.” 

“They were in my way,” Seonghwa spat. “I should have finished what I started-” 

“Do you feel it, Seonghwa?” Hongjoong asked sternly. 

“ _ What _ ?” he hissed. 

“Inside of you,” He said, touching his own chest. “There’s a part of you that’s angry… but do you feel another part of you that’s… darker? A part of you that’s telling you you’re not angry enough. Something making you even more irritated-” 

“ _ They’re _ irritating me,” Seonghwa snapped. “Them and every other Normal out there who-” 

“Who hurt you,” Hongjoong finished firmly. “I know, Seonghwa, but I need you to  _ think _ . Are you really so angry seeing Yeosang? Do you really want them dead so badly? Or is something  _ telling you  _ you do?” 

“I make my own decisions!” Seonghwa yelled, fists clenching as darkness climbed higher- 

“That’s not true,” Hongjoong murmured calmly. “You wanted to kill me, but you didn’t. Do you remember what I said last night, Seonghwa?”

“I don’t care what you said,” he spat. “All you do is fucking twist things-” 

“You’re still that kid, Seonghwa,” he whispered. 

Seonghwa flinched, something building in his chest- 

“You’re still trying to hurt people to keep them away,” Hongjoong said firmly. “You’re still lashing out because you feel robbed- And what did you tell me last night, Seonghwa? What did you say to me?” 

“ _ Lies _ , I promise you,” Seonghwa spat. 

“You said you didn’t want to hurt me,” Hongjoong reminded him gently. “You said you were sorry… for hurting…” 

“I’m not,” he hissed, eyes narrowing, his body shifting backwards. 

“You didn’t want to hurt me,” Hongjoong repeated firmly, expression hardening. “But let me tell you this, Seonghwa- if you touch them, you will be hurting me more than anything your darkness ever did.” 

Hongjoong waited for the hiss of “ _ Good _ .” 

But Seonghwa simply stared, glaring heatedly, silent. 

“They want to help you as much as I do,” Hongjoong assured him carefully. “You’re not in danger, Seonghwa. You don’t have to hurt anyone… not if you don’t want-” 

Seonghwa turned suddenly, disappearing down the hallway and the bedroom door slamming shut. 

“Why the fuck would you threaten him?” Yeosang hissed, the sound of him hitting Wooyoung’s head audible. 

“I reacted!” 

“Badly,” Yeosang hissed. 

Hongjoong stared after Seonghwa, lips pressed together. “Guys,” he said quietly. “Go ahead and go. Stay nearby if you want, but… I’ll contact you later.” 

They hesitated. Of course they would, they didn’t want to leave Hongjoong anymore than they ever did. 

But Hongjoong… 

He just had to keep making decisions and he couldn’t make them with the others present. 

“Hyung… be safe,” Yeosang said quietly. 

“Call us if you need anything,” Wooyoung said, voice a little heavy with regret. “Really anything.” 

Hongjoong nodded. 

He heard the front door open and close. 

He didn’t wait around before striding forward, down the hall and to the bedroom door. Part of him just wanted to open it, but he stopped himself. 

There was a time for distance and a time for reassurance. 

He just hopes he didn't confuse the two. 

Swallowing, Hongjoong knocked gently. “Seonghwa?” he called gently. There was silence. “I’m gonna open the door, okay?” 

There was no shout for him to go away. Nor any crash against the door. There was only silence, and Hongjoong’s stomach dropped at the thought that he might have left. 

He opened the door quietly, but swiftly, scanning the room- 

Seonghwa was there- Hongjoong not even needing to look for him. He sat on the edge of the bed. 

His head hung low, resting in his hands, his back curved and his shoulders heavy. 

Like those others scenes Hongjoong had witnessed. 

His mouth dried out as he was once again faced with his own incompetence. Helplessness. 

Hongjoong entered slowly, but Seonghwa didn’t even glance at him. Hongjoong wasn’t even entirely sure he was paying attention to around him. 

He stood before Seonghwa. The other didn’t tremble and sob like he had last night. He sat like a statue. 

Hongjoong lifted a nervous hand, slowly resting it against Seonghwa’s back. Seonghwa tensed beneath him, but Hongjoong rubbed a gentle circle against his spine. 

“Thank you,” he whispered quietly. 

That made Seonghwa tense- his head half-rising, but it quickly lowered again. 

“For what?” Seonghwa muttered darkly, but he hadn’t shoved Hongjoong away. 

“For stopping,” Hongjoong murmured, stilling his hand so that it simply rested against Seonghwa’s back. “You were angry… you felt threatened… but you didn’t hurt anyone.” 

There was a long pause, but Hongjoong didn’t move. 

“Why am I so  _ angry? _ ” Seonghwa suddenly hissed, his fingers fisting into the edges of his hair. “Why do I get so angry, I can’t even  _ think?  _ Why do I just want to hurt things  _ all the time- _ ” 

It was a little angry. A little bitter. 

A little lost. A little helpless. 

Hongjoong rolled his lips slowly (this interaction had already gone better than he expected). Slowly, he sat on the edge of the bed beside Seonghwa. 

“Seonghwa,” he whispered gently. “How does your magic feel?” 

There was a bitter scoff. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” he muttered. 

“I mean… it feels cold to you, doesn’t it? It makes you cold?” Hongjoong offered, resuming the gentle circles against his spine. 

Seonghwa lifted his eyes, burning holes into the little heater that was still going. He stared hard and long, and Hongjoong wondered if he was trying to find words, or if he was just avoiding answering. 

“It’s… cold,” he admitted, stilted. He winced. “I'm… cold…” 

Hongjoong really wished the facility had give them some sort of training on how to talk to someone without sending them into a rage. 

“Does it… make you angry?” 

Seonghwa scoffed, glaring darkly at Hongjoong. “I’m not fucking stupid- I hate those fucking Normals who walk around cursing us,” he snapped. “It’s not my fucking powers making me feel that.” 

“I know that,” Hongjoong said quickly, shaking his head. “I’m not saying that, Seonghwa, I can tell- you’re angry, and that has nothing to do with your powers and everything to do with how you were treated-” 

Seonghwa rolled his eyes, turning away. 

“But…” 

How the hell was Hongjoong was supposed to describe it, when he didn’t even know what the hell it really was?

“But do you feel… colder?” Hongjoong asked gently. “When you get angry… Do you suddenly get very cold? And then you just feel so much more angry?”

Seonghwa stiffened under Hongjoong’s hand. 

“Or… when you’re feeling that sensation… the part of you that wants to make Normals pay for what they did… do you suddenly get very cold? For no reason?” 

Slowly, Seonghwa’s head turned, distrustful, confused eyes staring at Hongjoong. 

Hongjoong held his breath for a moment, swallowing. “When you think about your pain… do you get really cold? And then it just hurts so much more?”

Seonghwa stared into Hongjoong’s eyes. 

“What are you talking about?” he whispered hoarsely, searching Hongjoong’s face. 

“When you came out… and you saw Yeosang, you were angry,” Hongjoong guided. “But when Wooyoung threatened you… Did you suddenly feel cold?” 

A shiver ran down Seonghwa’s spine. “Why?” he muttered weakly. 

Hongjoong didn’t know how the hell to explain his theory, much less in a coherent manner. 

Seonghwa felt a small bit of a negative emotion, and then suddenly his powers surged and the emotions was multiplied a thousand times. 

“Do you powers get stronger when you’re angry?” Hongjoong questioned quietly. 

Seonghwa’s jaw tightened, withdrawing the smallest bit from Hongjoong’s touch. “Why?” he asked, firmer this time. “Why are you asking all this?” 

Hongjoong tried to moisten his tongue. “Seonghwa, I have no doubt that you are angry and hurt and betrayed… but I don’t think it’s really you that wants to hurt all these people so badly.” 

“I do,” Seonghwa hissed, jerking his shoulder away from Hongjoong. 

“Do you want to hurt me?” Hongjoong challenged quietly, staring Seonghwa down. 

Seonghwa grit his teeth, the mark over his eye throbbing- 

His sneer died. His glare faded the longer he stared at Hongjoong’s quiet determination. 

“You don’t want to hurt me,” Hongjoong almost reminded him. “You don’t want to hurt people, do you, Seonghwa? You just want something back after everything you went through.” 

He just wanted  _ something-  _ justice, revenge, payback, vengeance-  _ something _ . 

Seonghwa’s fists curled in his lap. “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” He muttered as he turned away quickly, but it wasn’t harsh. 

“Seonghwa-” 

Hongjoong stared at his tense body- defensive posture, always and constantly pushing Hongjoong out, keeping him at a distance. 

“Seonghwa,” he said slowly. “I’m going to hug you, okay?” 

Seonghwa looked at him sharply, glaring. “Why the hell- What the hell are you talking about?” he snapped. 

Hongjoong held up his arms. “Are you telling me not to?” he questioned before moving. 

(It wouldn’t help to force himself completely, and then send Seonghwa off.) 

So, when Seonghwa continued to glare, lips curling but not snapping at him, not ordering him, not refusing him… 

Hongjoong slowly placed his arms around Seonghwa. 

And it was amazing how someone so much larger than himself could shrink in size in Hongjoong’s arms as he leaned into Seonghwa. 

Seonghwa stiffened, body going rigid. 

Hongjoong tucked his chin against Seonghwa’s stiff shoulder, his arms holding him gently- rather than gripping onto him as they had last night. 

Seonghwa was still warm and solid. 

“You’re a good person, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong murmured against his shoulder. He stared at the threads of his shirt. “You can be angry, you can be hurt… but you can do it without hurting the people around you.” 

“They’re all the same,” Seonghwa replied sharply. “All of them.” 

“That’s not true,” Hongjoong said firmly. “It’s not a matter of opinion, Seonghwa- it’s just a flat out lie that all Normals hate us. I said it before, they can’t understand us. Just like I can’t understand you… Do you hate me for not understanding you?” 

He felt Seonghwa take a breath, prepared to reply. 

Nothing came. 

Hongjoong counted the seconds that slowly passed the longer Seonghwa remained still and silent, like he was trying to force himself to speak but couldn’t. 

Hongjoong swallowed. “You can hug me back,” He murmured. “If you want. Only if you want…” 

Hongjoong didn’t even know if Seonghwa knew he was allowed to be tactile. If that was even an option within his mind… 

More silence where Hongjoong was scared to move. 

“Do you trust me like that?” Seonghwa whispered roughly, so quiet Hongjoong could only hear because of their proximity. 

“It’s not about trust,” Hongjoong replied, chest squeezing. “Even though I know you don’t want to hurt me, I’m not offering because I think I’m safe. I’m offering because I want to give you everything they took from you, Seonghwa.” 

And it was the truth. 

Hongjoong didn’t really care if Seonghwa would try to hurt him. He just wanted Seonghwa to know that this was an option. A reality. 

Seonghwa continued to play a statue. 

Until the moment Hongjoong felt his arm lift slowly… like he wasn’t entirely sure what action he was supposed to perform. 

A weak hand laid against Hongjoong’s back, and Hongjoong almost cried from relief. 

This wasn’t born out of a desperate breakdown that needed something to hold onto. 

This was Seonghwa, calm and coherent, choosing to awkwardly place his arms around Hongjoong. 

“You can lean against me, if you want,” Hongjoong guided quietly. “Like you did last night.” 

There was terse silence, and then Seonghwa’ heavy head dropped to Hongjoong’s shoulder, his arm tightening the slightest bit around Hongjoong. 

His eyes closed, Hongjoong remaining perfectly still as Seonghwa shook just the smallest bit, like he was trying to stay still, too. 

Hongjoong cleared his thick throat, feeling something swelling in his chest the longer Seonghwa rested against him. 

“You can always do this,” He whispered, fingers curling gently into the back of Seonghwa’s shirt. “Just… whenever you want. If you’re tired or angry or feeling lost… Or if you just feel like it, you can hug me whenever you want. I won’t mind, Seonghwa,” he murmured. “I promise…” 

There was a quiet scoff from Seonghwa, as if it were ridiculous to ever assume he would try to embrace Hongjoong of his own volition. 

He still held on, though. 

And he felt the way Seonghwa’s muscles slowly relaxed against him, his breathing turning slower and deeper… 

“I meant everything I said last night,” Hongjoong murmured, chest clenching in preparation for that to be the wrong thing to say. 

But Seonghwa simply remained silent. Hongjoong felt his fingers curl gently into the back of his shirt, and he closed his eyes. 

Seonghwa slowly pulled away, silent, and Hongjoong let him go- releasing him as Seonghwa sat up, turning away from Hongjoong. 

“I’d like it… if you left,” he muttered, hiding his face. 

Hongjoong didn’t feel despair or his soul being crushed, because Seonghwa was practically  _ asking _ , quiet and gentle- instead of shoving Hongjoong away and demanding he leave.

He would not begrudge Seonghwa his right to be overwhelmed. 

Hongjoong nodded, standing slowly and walking silently to the door. He stood, about to close it, but paused, staring at Seonghwa still seated on the edge of the bed. 

“I… I think I’m going to meet with… a couple of members from my team,” Hongjoong said very carefully. 

He was… actually risking quite a lot by telling Seonghwa, but he didn’t want to risk something more by just disappearing. 

Seonghwa looked at him quickly- but there was no glare. 

It was almost afraid again. “Why?” he demanded, voice harsher than his gaze. 

Hongjoong was startled by the reaction- expecting something a bit more violent or volatile. But he shrugged quietly. “I… I miss them,” he admitted truthfully. “And they miss me. We’re not used to… being away from each other. It’s just going to be a little while- a couple of hours, maybe.” 

Seonghwa stared at Hongjoong, as if he were speaking a language Seonghwa was trying to decipher. 

Hongjoong waited an uncomfortably long amount of time to clear his throat. “I’ll… be out in the town,” he said quietly. “Is there anything you want me to get you? Food or… I don’t know, a present?” 

It sounded so fucking dumb, but Hongjoong just shrugged once more. 

Seonghwa’s piercing eyes scanned Hongjoong, as if trying to find the part that was lying. 

“Food might be easiest,” Hongjoong offered. “There’s all kinds of restaurants around there.” 

Seonghwa suddenly turned away pointedly, staring at his knees darkly. 

Hongjoong winced. “Okay,” he said quietly. “I just… wanted to offer… I’ll be back, okay, Seonghwa?” 

The other gave no response and didn’t look like he had any intention of giving one. 

“I promise,” he said quietly. “I'll be right back, Seonghwa…”

Still no answer. 

Hongjoong left, taking nothing but his wallet and phone- calling Yeosang about where to meet up. 

It was a place with mostly street vendors- as those kinds of places couldn’t really kick them out for existing. 

The others were already waiting by the time Hongjoong arrived- gathering around a plastic table with food already purchased. 

And Hongjoong… he let himself laugh. 

Seonghwa wasn’t really brought up after the first few minutes where notes were swapped and compared. After that, it was them regaling Hongjoong with stories of their latest missions or escapades in the rec room. 

Maybe Yeosang had been right. 

Hongjoong needed to look after himself, too. 

It was mediocre food, but Hongjoong didn’t even care as he shoved Mingi off of him as he reenacted landing on someone as a beluga whale. 

It felt really fucking good after so long on his own. 

“You can’t come back for just a couple days?” Yunho asked as they cleared up after their time was running a little too long. 

“We’re close to something,” Hongjoong said firmly, dumping his trash in the can. “We’re so fucking close… I just need a couple more breakthroughs. He’s…” 

Hongjoong eyes turned heavy as shook his head. 

“There’s more of himself left than I ever thought,” Hongjoong admitted. “I think his powers may actually play a much smaller role than we thought, but… but their small influence is detrimental.” 

He hugged them all as they said goodbye (everyone holding on for a little longer than they usually might, a little tighter). 

Yeosang held him longer- practically crushing Hongjoong. “Hang in there, hyung,” he murmured, pulling away with a gentle smile. “And don’t worry, okay?” 

Easy said than done, but Hongjoong nodded as he waved them all off. 

He watched them until they were gone, sighing quietly. Even if it felt lonely again, Hongjoong felt better after seeing them. 

He was glad he came. 

He walked back towards the apartments, stopping as something spicy and salty caught his nose. Hongjoong turned towards the restaurant slowly, the menu written on the window. 

Hongjoong made one stop before heading back to the apartment- the sun beginning to go down. It wasn’t even dark by the time Hongjoong pushed open the apartment door slowly- 

He froze in the doorway as he caught sight of Seonghwa sitting on the couch. 

Seonghwa slowly lifted his eyes from where they had been staring at Hongjoong’s laptop, settling a heavy gaze on Hongjoong. 

He blinked slowly as he closed the door behind him. “Are you… watching something?” he asked quietly, walking over carefully. 

Seonghwa dropped his eyes back to the screen. “No,” he said quietly, and when Hongjoong glanced at the screen, it was still paused on the same scene Yeosang and Wooyoung had stopped on. 

“You can watch something, if you want,” Hongjoong assured them. “If I don’t have the movie on my computer, there’s online places to watch.” 

Seonghwa’s dark eyes didn’t shift as he reached forward, closing the laptop. 

Now that…  _ whatever _ had changed, Seonghwa almost seemed more lost than angry- like he didn’t know what to do with himself. 

His head suddenly perked, turning to Hongjoong with piercing eyes- his gaze falling onto the bag in his hand. “What is that?” he asked, voice a little hoarse. 

Hongjoong had forgotten what he was holding. “Oh,” he said, pushing it forward. “I grabbed it for you. I was passing a restaurant, and thought you might like it because…” 

Seonghwa lifted clear eyes to Hongjoong’s, who chuckled nervously. “Well, I guess looking back it was a stupid thing… But I just…” 

Hongjoong suddenly realized that this could go very wrong. 

He smiled warmly, as gentle as he could manage.. “I just… suddenly remembered you always… talking about eating spicy tofu stew… So I grabbed some while I was passing by.” 

He quickly set the bag in Seonghwa’s lap (the soup lukewarm by now). 

Seonghwa stared at it, like he didn’t know what to do. 

Hongjoong swallowed, heart rate picking up. If Seonghwa went off because of bringing up the past- 

Hongjoong watched a teardrop hit the little plastic bag. 

He dropped to his knees beside Seonghwa quickly as another fell, heart leaping to his throat in panic.

“Seonghwa, what?” he asked gently, not touching him. “What's wrong?” 

Seonghwa shook his head, pulling the container of soup closer, wrapping his arms around it as if to protect it. 

Hongjoong stared- a little in awe- as Seonghwa looked up, silent tears on his cheeks, staring at Hongjoong are more joined the ones already falling down his face. 

“I-” Seonghwa choked off, dropping his head again. 

Hongjoong could only remember Seonghwa raving every night that his mom said they were having spicy tofu stew…

Hongjoong had assumed it might hold good memories. 

And Seonghwa's tears were not bitter this time. 

“Do you… want me to get you a bowl?” Hongjoong offered quietly. 

Seonghwa nodded without looking up. 

Hongjoong sat beside him as Seonghwa ate it with shaking hands- the first thing Hongjoong had seen him eat since they started this- and when the bowl was finished, Seonghwa pushed it away with trembling hands. 

“Was it… good?” Hongjoong whispered, hand hovering near Seonghwa. 

Slow, jerking nods as Seonghwa curled around his stomach, a hand pressing against it. 

Like drinking a hot soup in the middle of winter and feeling it warm you to your core. 

Hongjoong didn’t hug him- too afraid of crowding him in the vulnerable state. But he laced his fingers gently through Seonghwa’s, holding his hand carefully-

Seonghwa squeezed his hand so tightly, it was almost painful, but Hongjoong was silent as Seonghwa curled around their hands, drawing their joined hands to his chest and clutching it there. 

Hongjoong could feel Seonghwa’s rapid heart beat through his chest, tears hitting his skin icily- 

Hongjoong swallowed thickly, his other hand resting on Seonghwa’s arm gently. “Seonghwa,” he whispered quietly, stomach twisting. “Are you... happy?” 

Because this wasn’t anger. 

Not frustration. 

Not fear. 

Not agony. 

Hongjoong didn’t know what else it could be. 

So when Seonghwa held his hand closer, fingers squeezing Hongjoong’s hand tight, and he nodded jerkily, head hung so low his lips brushed Hongjoong’s lips as he cried- 

Holy shit, he was happy. 

“You’re happy…” Hongjoong breathed, feeling tears spring to his own eyes. 

Hongjoong couldn’t help it- he leaned against Seonghwa, his free hand wrapping around his back- 

Seonghwa choked on a sob, leaning into Hongjoong so heavily, he almost knocked Hongjoong over. 

Hongjoong practically tried to crush him as Seonghwa buried his face in Hongjoong’s neck. 

“I’m so fucking happy for you,” Hongjoong breathed thickly, eyes shut tightly as they burned. “I’m so fucking glad, Seonghwa.” 

Seonghwa didn’t respond. 

Hongjoong couldn’t even begin to describe the sensation swelling in his chest, choking him and pressing against his ribcage. 

Hongjoong couldn’t describe his own joy at Seonghwa being happy- 

Experiencing happiness, for nothing more than a bowl of food- 

Maybe it was that simple. 

“I’m so fucking happy,” he breathed in a rush in Seonghwa’s shoulder. 

And even more than happiness… Hongjoong felt  _ hope _ spark. 

For the first time, he felt with undeniable certainty that there was a way out of this. 

When was the last time Seonghwa had experienced happiness?

Hongjoong would buy him this soup for the rest of his life, if this was what gave that back to him. 

Guilt and joy and pride swallowed Hongjoong’s heart as he squeezed Seonghwa. 

Seonghwa didn’t squeeze him back. 

He just cried as if he didn’t know what to do with the emotions that had blossomed inside himself. 

But for fucking once in his life, those emotions did not consume him. 

They warmed him straight to his core. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed!  
> Next chapter will be delayed, but a lot will happen in it to make up for it!  
> Please let me know what you thought!  
> I’ll see you guys after Christmas!  
> Thank you so much for reading!  
> -SS


	6. They Are Beaten Back by Trust and Goodness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for being so patient with me during my break!! >u<  
> I wrote this one pretty quickly and I’m not entirely satisfied with it, but I hope it makes up for the longer break!  
> The next chapter will more than likely also be late, but I’ll try not to make you wait too long, if I can help it!  
> Please let me know what you think of it, I’m always open for it!  
> Thank you so much for reading, and have an amazing day, lovelies~  
> -SS

Seonghwa was gone the entirety of the next day. 

Hongjoong spent his time alone within the apartment, staring out the window and letting his mind go blissfully blank after the days of stress and concern and frantic desperation. 

Seonghwa did not return. 

Hongjoong wasn’t concerned, especially after the emotional ride of the last few nights. Seonghwa needed time to go and clear his head, to get his raging thoughts in order, to process the major changes he had undergone that week. 

Hongjoong honestly could not be more proud. 

He didn’t even know if he had a right to feel that way, but his heart swelled regardless. 

Everytime he thought of the progress Seonghwa had made in less than weeks, his chest swelled. 

What if he had given up on him?

What if Hongjoong had listened, had agreed with the kill order, had let Seonghwa fend for himself- convinced that there was nothing left to save? 

Could all dark magic users have been saved? 

Could those rare few individuals who had been burdened with this and outcasted from every society have been brought back if someone had just taken the time to  _ speak _ ? 

To care? 

To hold on? 

It wasn’t an entirely fair question. 

Hongjoong would have died a dozen times over from Seonghwa, if not for their marks- He couldn’t expect everyone to be as willing to risk it all as him. 

No one else had the protection and reasons that he had. 

But still… 

What if he had given up on Seonghwa? 

But he  _ hadn’t _ , Hongjoong reassured himself as he tried to find a place that delivered spicy tofu stew. 

He found himself smiling crazily at his phone as he stared at the pictures of the food. 

Seonghwa had been  _ happy.  _ He had been happy to eat that food, and he had  _ admitted _ it. 

Hongjoong dropped his phone into his lap, letting himself hold that victory close to his heart- letting it warm his chest after so long of fearing what Seonghwa might do. 

It had felt indescribable to know that Seonghwa… He was happy… He could finally,  _ finally _ be happy. 

He could finally be optimis-

Hongjoong’s phone rang shrilly, and Hongjoong sighed as he leaned down to pick it up. 

The phone felt heavier in his hand. 

He wasn’t surprised to see Yeosang’s name as he answered it, rolling his eyes. “You miss me alread-” 

“Seonghwa is attacking downtown!” Yeosang practically yelled, making Hongjoong jump. 

And then choke as his blood stood still. 

“What?” he whispered, eyes widening in horror. 

“He’s downtown!” Yeosang yelled. “He’s- There are teams already dispatched to him, they might be there already- I don’t fucking know, just do something, hyung, before they kill him!” 

Hongjoong stood on shaking legs. 

Why was Seonghwa attacking? Why- He hadn’t attacked in so long- 

He had been happy- 

“Hyung, we’re being dispatched too!” Yeosang snapped. “They’re sending people in hard- they want this over with! You have to fucking do something!” 

Hongjoong dropped his phone. 

He didn’t pick it back up, he didn’t grab his wallet, he didn’t grab his mask. 

He just ran. 

Downtown was a thirty minutes walk. But a desperate hero could make it in ten if he ran hard enough. 

And Hongjoong ran so hard, it felt like his legs were going to fly out from under him. He didn’t even feel a cramp in his side or a shortness of breath or any sort of discomfort. 

Because it didn’t matter why Seonghwa was attacking- heroes were going to be aiming to kill. 

He couldn’t let Seonghwa die. 

He didn’t have time to be disoriented or fearful, his shoes slapping against the pavement as he ran for Seonghwa’s life. 

His blood pounded its way through his body that suddenly felt too weak and powerless. 

All he knew was two things: Seonghwa. And save him. 

He knew he was getting close when the people around him were running the opposite way as him, terrified and screaming. 

Hongjoong shoved people aside- not really caring if they tripped. 

They would live. 

He stumbled through a dense crowd, desperately weaving his way through people like some sickly complicated dance, coming out the other end- 

Scattered across the street, there were a dozen bodies of Normals laying- still and skin stained black. 

In the center of it all, Seonghwa stood with inky eyes and pale skin obscured with dark stains of angry marks that writhed against his skin- crawling up his face and hands. 

Viscous smoke poured off of him- like steam from a smoking engine- and Hongjoong was frozen in place for a moment until Seonghwa threw a hand out with a snarl- 

He hadn’t even seen the Normal cowering against the brick wall, but a blast of molten shadows slammed into them- 

Hongjoong heard them scream, and he raced forward. 

Every function in his body suddenly kicked into overdrive, everything sharpening and focusing like a camera finally finding its focal point. 

Hongjoong didn’t feel fear of Seonghwa. 

It was  _ for _ Seonghwa. 

For everything Seonghwa was trying and willing to become. 

For everything Hongjoong  _ knew _ he could be. 

Distantly, he heard the sound of a helicopter approaching. 

“ _ Seonghwa! _ ” 

The man whipped towards his yell, and Hongjoong didn’t flinch when a black bolt of darkness slammed into his chest- passing through as he continued to close the distance between them. 

“Seonghwa,  _ stop _ !” he yelled, chest clenching as the helicopter actually came into sight. His eyes were wide and desperate. “Seonghwa-  _ Go!  _ They’re going to kill you, you have to run!” 

This was so much more desperate than that moment in the warehouse. 

Namely, because Seonghwa’s dark abyss of his eyes stared at Hongjoong cruelly, knowingly, before turning and lifting a hand towards the crowd of Normals running away down the street, black smoke rolling- 

“ _ You’re hurting me! _ ” 

The cry was pained and desperate and a last-ditch effort and never expected to ever work, but Hongjoong was still too far away to stop him, still too helpless- 

Seonghwa froze, the smoke never blasting off of his skin. 

He froze like a machine with a clogged wheel- jerking unwillingly to a stop. 

Hongjoong stopped, too, a few feet away- too afraid to get close and make it worse. 

He stared at Seonghwa fearfully, waiting with bated breath for the moment he returned to his rage, for his hesitation to break. 

The helicopter was getting closer, and Hongjoong would drag Seonghwa out of here himself, if he had to. 

He would not let him fucking die. 

Seonghwa continued to glare after the Normals, but his hand shook where it was extended. 

Hongjoong couldn’t actually believe that had done something- but he jerked forward another step. 

“You’re hurting me,” he said, breathing too hard to speak loudly. “You said you didn’t want to- You didn’t want to hurt me, Seonghwa.” 

It wasn’t a lie. 

Slowly… Seonghwa turned molten eyes to Hongjoong. 

They weren’t glaring. They stared almost blankly. Like he didn’t know what emotion to feel. 

Hongjoong swallowed, holding out his hands. “Seonghwa- stop,” he begged. “You have to run- go back to the apartment,  _ please. _ ” 

The chopper sounds grew louder. 

Seonghwa continued to stare. 

“ _ Go!”  _ Hongjoong suddenly yelled, so loud his voice cracked. He felt his eyes begin to burn the longer Seonghwa stared. “Stop fucking staring and  _ go-  _ they’re going to  _ kill you, _ Seonghwa!” 

His brows twitched. 

Hongjoong took another step forward. “Stop hurting people- just- just go!” he begged desperately. 

He saw a hero flying out of the helicopter. 

Tears of fear and desperation leaked from Hongjoong’s eyes. 

He had no fucking time. 

“You’re hurting me!” he yelled. “If you want to stop hurting me, you need to  _ go,  _ Seonghwa! Do not make me fucking lose you- I can’t fucking let you die!” 

For the first time, Seonghwa flinched. 

And more darkness began to pour off of him. 

Hongjoong watched the darkness in his eyes flicker, though- brown peeking through for only a moment before being swallowed by inky poison again. 

With the clearing of his eyes came desperate pleading and fear. 

With the darkness came anger and hatred once more. 

“Seonghwa,” he begged, the hero coming in closer, shouting something at them. He started crying harder, watching Seonghwa’s eyes flicker again. “Seonghwa- I can’t talk you down right now- We don’t have  _ time. _ Please, just  _ go,  _ just- We can fix this later-  _ Please  _ don’t let them kill you,” he begged. 

Darkness swallowed his eyes once more, but he saw Seonghwa’s expression twist into something pained. 

They didn’t have time- 

Seonghwa doubled over, his hands leaping to cover his face, a weak cry escaping his lips- 

Hongjoong could see the dark marks covering his skin beginning to writhe- shrinking back and surging forward as dark smoke continued to pour off of Seonghwa, a discharge of emotion and turmoil- 

Seonghwa was breathing heavily, shaking his head as he fisted his hair- 

They didn’t have time- 

Seonghwa suddenly surged forward, and Hongjoong almost stumbled back a step in shock, but no darkness surrounded him. 

Seonghwa’s body slammed into his- arms wrapping around him tightly and Seonghwa’s face pressing to his neck harshly- as if he was trying to mold with Hongjoong- 

But Seonghwa ran forward and embraced Hongjoong so hard, Hongjoong nearly fell. 

Hongjoong hugged him back, staring over his shoulder in blank shock- 

_ “You can always do this.”  _

Seonghwa shook violently against Hongjoong, and from the corner of his eye, he saw the writhing black marks against Seonghwa’s skin begin to retreat. 

He watched as the smoke pouring off of Seonghwa lessened, dying down as Hongjoong finally hugged him back fiercely. 

_ “Just… whenever you want.” _

“I-I’m sorry,” Seonghwa cried weakly, fingers twisting in the back of Hongjoong’s shirt desperately. “I- I don’t know- I’m sorry, Hongjoong, I’m sorry-” 

_ “If you’re tired or angry or feeling lost…”  _

“I’ve got you,” Hongjoong breathed thickly, holding Seonghwa firmly as the darkness around them faded completely. “I’ve got you, Seonghwa- It’s okay, we’re okay-” 

_ “Or if you just feel like it, you can hug me whenever you want.” _

Seonghwa shook in Hongjoong’s arms as Hongjoong stared in shock. Something like pride and fear mingling in his chest as Seonghwa clung to him as comfort, as a grounding force, something that forced away the darkness- 

_ “ I won’t mind, Seonghwa.” _

“I’m sorry,” Seonghwa whispered, voice shaking as badly as his body that shivered like a leaf in the wind. “I’m sorry, Hongjoong- I don’t- I don’t know what happened- I don’t want to hurt-” 

_ “I promise…”  _

“You didn’t,” Hongjoong said quickly, eyes stinging. “You didn’t, Seonghwa- You did so well, you stopped, you did so fucking well. It’s oka-” 

Hongjoong shoved them both to the ground as a blast of red flew through the air. 

Seonghwa didn’t even seem to notice- still clinging to Hongjoong desperately as Hongjoong lifted his eyes to the air. 

Sunwoo from Team TBZ flew above them, his hand still glowing red from the laser. 

“Stop!” Hongjoong yelled, one arm coming away from Seonghwa- held up defensively. The other one held Seonghwa tighter. “He’s not dangerous-” 

“He just wiped out fifteen Normals,” Sunwoo snapped, his hand beginning to glow again. “We have orders, Hongjoong- Step away. Now.” 

His hand began to charge up, and Hongjoong had a split second decision. 

Sunwoo probably was not expecting the bolt of lightning that rocketed from Hongjoong’s hand- but it slammed into his chest all the same. 

The boy fell from the air, hitting the ground, but Hongjoong knew he could survive that height, his arm falling back around Seonghwa as his mind reeled with the corners he was being backed into- 

He didn’t want to fight. 

The helicopter had landed with the rest of his team. 

They had no time. 

But there was a difference between fighting for Seonghwa when he had no proof that he was at all sane, and now- when Seonghwa had proven, time and time again, that there was coherency and regret inside of him. 

“Hongjoong...” Seonghwa whispered, voice sounding exhausted, face pressed to Hongjoong’s shoulder. 

“Seonghwa,” Hongjoong hissed, pulling him closer as people leapt out of the chopper. “As soon as you fucking can, you need to leave-” 

“What the hell are you doing, Hongjoong?” Younghoon demanded, standing firm- his arms already plating in a thick metal shield- sharpening to a point at his fist. “Stand down.” 

“He’s not dangerous!” Hongjoong snapped, pulling Seonghwa tighter, something tense building in his gut. He held out a hand in warning against the ten people standing before him. “You can’t be buying this kill order-” 

“We don’t know what’s going on in the higher ups,” Hwall said sharply. “And maybe we don’t know everything. But we’re currently standing in yet  _ another  _ street that he’s decimated.” 

“Those are innocent Normals!” Kevin shouted from the back, vines beginning to break through the concrete. 

“You’re not killing him,” Hongjoong said darkly- the whole thing too complicated to explain. “You guys  _ know  _ me,” he snapped, “I wouldn’t be protecting him if I didn’t think this was wrong!” 

He felt Seonghwa shudder against him. 

“That’s not for us to decide,” New said quietly, eyes dark as his fingertips began to glow. “We don’t decide who’s guilty- we aren’t trained for that. But we do deal with the people who attack innocents.” 

“You’re not hurting him,” Hongjoong ground out through regretful teeth, fingers digging into Seonghwa’s back, his outstretched hand sparking. “You can either listen, and you’re going to have someone else to get through.” 

“Step aside, Hongjoong!” Youngjoong ordered. “Or we’ll work around you.” 

“What’s two innocent lives, if you’re going to take one?” Hongjoong snapped. 

“He isn’t  _ innocent _ !” 

“He doesn’t deserve to  _ die,  _ either!” Hongjoong yelled, something rising in the back of his throat. “If you just  _ listen- _ ” 

A vine lashed through the crowd, and Hongjoong flinched- sending a bolt directly through it that turned it into burning ash- 

Chaos was opened- a blade of metal flying through the air, a burst of white flame, a sizzling sphere of acid- 

Hongjoong hadn’t had to fight so many people on his own… maybe ever. 

His lightning could only do so much- blocking the physical attacks and killing the momentum of the others as it frantically leapt from his fingers in desperate attempts at coordination and accuracy, Seonghwa tucked firmly against his chest- 

When Youngjoon leapt at him- metal encasing his body entirely- Hongjoong shot a bolt into his chest that sent him flying backwards- 

Hongjoong regretted fighting these heroes. Because they were on the same side. But how the hell was Hongjoong supposed to reason with them when it all sounded so- 

A vine snatched his sparking wrist, shoving it to the ground- Hongjoong gritting his teeth against the thorns as his eyes flew wide at the ball of acid racing at him as he tried to let go of Seonghwa enough to block it- 

A bright white light appeared in front of Hongjoong. 

He flinched, waiting for acid to burn- 

It wasn’t a light. 

A glowing white hemisphere encased Hongjoong and Seonghwa- acid and vines and burns assaulting it-

“No, really, keep attacking it. I’m sure it’ll give out any second.” 

Hongjoong turned to his left, and almost sobbed with relief at Yeosang standing there- hands outstretched and eyes hardened. 

Behind him stood the rest of his team, arms glowing and flame flickering and eyes burning as they stared down Team TBZ. 

Part of Hongjoong wanted to order them to get not get involved, but the rest of him almost fainted with relief at their appearance. 

“Team ATZ, what the hell are you doing?” Haknyeon demanded, ice spreading up his arm- daggers of ice forming at his fingertips. “Stop interfering-”

“Yeah, no,” Wooyoung said, one hand ready with acidic green energy. “See, that’s our friend and leader right there- and  _ that’s  _ someone he’s choosing to protect. Which means you’ve got six  _ other  _ people to get through before you can get to  _ him,  _ before you can get to the kill order.” 

Hongjoong’s heart was going to fucking burst with gratitude as San’s flames ran up his arm. 

“We outnumber you,” Kevin snapped. 

“Never mattered in the rec room,” San said sharply. “So, your options are either to get your asses destroyed, or to listen for five goddamn minutes before you go around blindly killing people!” 

“You’re currently standing in the smallest amount of destruction he’s ever caused,” Eric yelled. “We’re just supposed to let him go after the deaths and chaos he’s been happily bringing?” 

“Do you honestly think all seven of us would be standing up for him, if there wasn’t something more to him?” Jongho demanded. 

“ _ He’s  _ your teammate!” Haknyeon shouted, pointing accusingly at Hongjoong. 

“We wouldn’t be backing our teammate blindly,” Yeosang said sharply. “If Hongjoong were harboring a psychopath, we’d be standing beside you- helping.” 

“So fucking  _ think _ for a minute,” Yunho added. 

“Look at him!” Wooyoung yelled, pointing harshly at the sphere Hongjoong and Seonghwa were curled in. “Does he fucking look evil right now? Are you seriously going to tell me that person deserves to die? If he did- he’d be fighting the rest of you right now!” 

“He’s killed Normals!”

“If you think that’s all it takes to mean someone has to die, I’d check your own moral card,” San said darkly, making the entirety of the other team stare. “All of us have gone too far at one point or another- be it before or after we gained control.” 

“It’s different!” New yelled, though he looked around nervously. 

“Oh, so the reason behind why you killed matters?” Yeosang demanded. “Then why the hell aren’t you listening to his?” 

Hongjoong tugged Seonghwa closer when a shiver ran down his spine. 

“I’m not going to let them hurt you,” he promised in a quiet whisper- sharp eyes slashing back and forth between his team and the others, waiting for peace talks to break down. 

Seonghwa’s hand curled weakly into the hem of Hongjoong’s shirt. 

“I’m… so tired,” Seonghwa murmured weakly. 

“It doesn’t count when your kill count is dozens!” Younghoon shouted, fists clenching. 

“Fine,” Yeosang finally snapped lowly, his other hand lifted and glowing white. “We gave you your options. Attack him, and this street will turn into a fucking battlefield.” 

“It’s your choice,” Wooyoung warned, energy bubbling darkly. “You make the first move. We’ll only follow the choice you make.” 

“We don’t want a fight,” Yunho said lowly, shifting into a defensive position. “But we will, if you guys don’t give us a choice.” 

Hongjoong’s stomach clenched. His team really was willing to risk it all for Seonghwa…

“What the hell are you expecting us to do?” Eric yelled from the back. “Just let him go? Ignore the fact that you’re harboring a kill order target?” 

“We want you to lower your fucking weapons!” San snapped. “Instead of aiming them at human beings like they were nothing more than animals to be put down!” 

Fire raced up his arms at the heated words. 

Everyone tensed, and Hongjoong finally aimed all of his attention at Team TBZ. 

“Last chance,” Yeosang warned darkly. “If you attack anyone on this team- or under their protection, we will  _ wipe you out _ .” 

“Obstruction of justice.” 

Everyone turned quickly at the new voice, watching as Grey strode out of the helicopter that had carried Team TBZ. 

“It’s not time for extraction,” Haknyeon spat, glaring at the older man who walked through them with his head held high. “Let us handle this-” 

“I think you kids have yelled back and forth enough,” Grey scoffed, standing a few feet before the shield around them. 

Hongjoong wrapped both arms around Seonghwa, almost tucking his head beneath his chin- as if he intended for his body to become a secondary shield. 

This truly could not get any worse. 

“I’m not going to let him touch you,” Hongjoong breathed in a promise. 

Seonghwa’s fingers curled weakly in the back of his shirt. 

Hongjoong didn’t know if it was fear or turmoil or exhaustion keeping Seonghwa here, but as long as he was, Hongjoong would let no one near him. 

“Let’s leave this to real professionals, okay?” Grey said with a coy smile. It faded quickly into a dark glare that pierced through the shimmering white into Hongjoong. 

He turned to Yeosang- more threatening and disgusted than he had ever aimed at them. 

“Lower this shield,” he snapped. 

Yeosang stared back fearlessly, no different than the dozen other times Grey had been pissed. “Fuck off,” he said quietly. “You’re extraction- you have no business dealing in a battle.” 

Grey’s lips curled- an almost uncanny resemblance to the bitter rage that Seonghwa had held. “Unless you want to find yourself slipping into a coma,” he snapped, lifting a threatening hand. “I suggest you drop the attitude and the shield.” 

Grey yelp, flying backwards as a blast of green molten energy struck the asphalt at his feet- burning a hole a foot deep with tar dripping. 

Wooyoung glared with the hatred of burning suns as he raised another glowing hand. “I fucking dare you to try it,” he muttered lowly, stepping beside Yeosang. 

Grey had never been one they had the patience to deal with. 

“You know what you kids are now?” Grey huffed angrily, looking down his nose at the burning hole. “Fugitives,” he hissed. “Enemies of the entire system-” 

“Maybe,” Yunho said firmly. “You think that changes where we stand?”

“You’ll stand in prison!” Grey shouted. “Right beside that criminal’s rotting corpse!” He pointed a twisted finger at Seonghwa curled in Hongjoong’s grasp. “You’re sympathizers and traitors!” 

“So fucking attack us,” San begged, eyes darkening. “But just remember that your powers need you to get close to us.” 

He casually tossed a fireball into the hole Wooyoung had created- Grey dancing away from it hurriedly. 

“Do you fucking think you can get close enough, you glorified carrier pidgeon?” 

Grey looked ready to burst, his hands curling into fists that shook as he turned all of his hatred to Hongjoong. 

Hongjoong, who had raised such a wild team.

Such a loyal team. 

“Take care of them,” Grey snapped, stepping back into Team TBZ. 

Younghoon shoved him forward, out of their circle. “I think we’ll leave it to the professionals,” he snarled bitterly. 

Grey turned to him with a face burning red with anger. 

Hongjoong swallowed, trying to figure out what the hell they were going to do. 

The only way out of this was overpowering Grey, convincing TBZ to leave them alone, and somehow hiding Seonghwa away until… 

Until what? His next breakdown he could barely control? The next team tracked them down? The heroes discovered the apartment, and they were left with nowhere to go? 

Hongjoong’s fingers dug fearfully into Seonghwa’s back as the yelling continued back and forth, but it came through like it was underwater. 

This wasn’t going to just blow over… Seonghwa was going to spend so much of his life running because the only way to end the kill order was to end the threat or turn in- 

Hongjoong choked on his breath, eyes widening. 

“Seonghwa,” he whispered, praying that no one noticed them. “Seonghwa- will you turn yourself in?” he breathed into Seonghwa’s ear, staring over his shoulder at Wooyoung taking an aggressive step towards Grey. 

Seonghwa shifted against him- his breath tangibly catching in his chest, his arms tightening fearfully around Hongjoong- 

Kill orders were supposed to be reserved for psychos and people too off the wall to ever be rehabilitated. 

Those types of people did not turn themselves over. 

Thus, the only two ways to cease a kill order was to eliminate the target or for the target to willingly turn themselves in to the rehab facility and face a real trial. 

Hongjoong didn’t know how much of a leg they had to stand on in a courtroom, but he knew it was probably better than wherever they were going to end up at the end of this battle. 

“Seonghwa,” he breathed in a hurry, “I will be with you,” he swore. “I’m not going to leave you- but this is going to end very badly for everyone, unless you willingly turn yourself in. You’ll be taken to a facility, and you’ll face trial for whether or not you can really be rehabilitated for your crimes-” 

Seonghwa tucked his head firmer against Hongjoong, like he was trying to hide. 

“-but we know that you had reasons now, Seonghwa,” he hissed fearfully. “We know that there was an outside influence, that there is a real person still left inside of you.” 

“I dare you to attack me,” Grey taunted angrily. “I’ll throw you all in cells myself!” 

“Please, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong begged in a desperate whisper, staring at the three opposing forces outside their bubble. “I know it’s scary, I know you might lose control at some point- It’s not going to be easy, but there’s a  _ chance  _ for you, Seonghwa. A real chance- I wouldn’t ask you to if I didn’t think you could make it out of this.” 

Where would this all end, if not? 

How many of his team, of the other team, would be hurt? 

Seonghwa’s body tensed against Hongjoong before he slowly… slowly pulled away enough that a pale face, exhausted, fearful eyes, and a pained expression stared at him. 

Seonghwa looked like he didn’t know what to do. 

“You have two options, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong whispered. 

“Don’t move!” Grey yelled at the two of them within the sphere. 

“You can either run now and keep running- and things might get a whole lot worse…” He swallowed. “Or you can turn yourself in. I know that it’s not just you making those decisions- something is making you that angry, isn’t it, Seonghwa?” 

Seonghwa’s lips trembled slightly, fear beginning to take over even pain.

Hongjoong didn’t want to imagine the sort of storm that was raging inside of Seonghwa’s heart right now. 

He didn’t want to imagine if it was him having to make these decisions. 

“I know you hate them,” Hongjoong hissed. “I know you’re so angry and so betrayed, and you still haven’t gotten any sort of justice from that- but  _ please,  _ Seonghwa,” he begged, gripping Seonghwa’s hands until his knuckles were white. “Please, I can’t let them kill you- I  _ will  _ be with you through the process, I won’t leave your side, I swear-” 

Seonghwa’s eyes shimmered, not an ounce of darkness in them, even when he glanced at Grey who was still yelling furiously. 

But Hongjoong had to try and save him- in whatever capacity he could. 

Running was not saving him. 

“I won’t let them hurt you,” Hongjoong breathed, eyes wide as he shook his head sternly. 

Seonghwa continued to stare at Grey until Hongjoong caught him by the face gently, turning him back to stare at Hongjoong- brown eyes locking together. 

“I will not… let them hurt you,” he said firmly, eyes hardening. “I will stay with you, Seonghwa. I will not abandon you, understand? I’m only trying to keep everyone safe, Seonghwa- including you. Please… don’t let them hurt you anymore…” 

Two tears rolled down Seonghwa’s cheeks. 

His lips pressed together, like he wanted to say something. 

There was a moment almost too long where nothing happened. 

“I’m… not a monster…” Seonghwa whispered hoarsely- almost more of a question than a statement. 

Hongjoong’s heart leapt to his throat, his own eyes burning. “No, you’re not,” he promised, squeezing his hands tightly. “You’re not a monster, Seonghwa- You stopped before, didn’t you? You stopped because you didn’t want to actually hurt anyone, remember?” 

Seonghwa nodded slowly, looking scared. “But they… they don’t believe you…” he breathed.

“We’ll make them believe me,” Hongjoong promised fiercely. “That’s why I’m not going to leave you- I’m not going to let them twist you again.” 

Another moment of pained silence before Seonghwa nodded carefully, his hand finally wrapping back around Hongjoong’s, almost too tight as he turned towards Grey. 

Hongjoong held his breath as Seonghwa’s expression flitted between confused and blank and fearful. 

The yelling was still going on between the three parties. 

“I’m… turning myself in,” Seonghwa said, too quiet but the entire street fell silent. Hongjoong’s team turned to him in shock. 

“What the hell did you say?” Grey hissed, stepping forward- 

Yeosang threw up a shield that shoved him back, glaring. 

Seonghwa’s hand was shaking inside Hongjoong’s. “I’m turning myself in,” He said, a little clearer as Hongjoong squeezed his hand back. “Willingly.” 

“Which means if any of you now attempt to kill him,” Wooyoung snapped, “It’s  _ your  _ asses we have a legal right to kick.” 

Grey glared at Seonghwa with an anger that would have rivaled his darkest eyes, but then he turned them to Hongjoong who sat calmly. “You told him to!” he accused. 

“I informed him of his options and counseled him on the best to take,” Hongjoong said fearlessly, straightening. “He’s never been within the system- he doesn’t know what he’s entitled to. I only gave him the rights that everyone else has.” 

“You-” 

“I believe you’re supposed to take him back for questioning,” New said pointedly, eyes narrowed at Grey. “That’s the law, once he turns himself in.” 

Grey snarled, turning back to the two of them with murderous rage. 

And people had the audacity to call Seonghwa a monster. 

“Fine,” he spat, turning wicked eyes to Yeosang. “Drop the fucking shield.” 

“Do it, Yeosang,” Hongjoong said calmly- getting to his feet and helping Seonghwa stand on unsteady feet. 

“I feel like I’m going to be sick,” Seonghwa whispered, leaning heavily on Hongjoong, his expression growing slightly pale. 

“It’ll be okay,” Hongjoong promised, looping their arms as Yeosang reluctantly dropped the shield, exposing them. 

Grey stepped forward quickly, reaching for Seonghwa who flinched. “And now we put you fucking under-” 

Grey cried out as a spark caught his hand- the man jerking away and dancing in pain at the shining redness on his hand. 

When he glared at Hongjoong with burning eyes, Hongjoong met him with equal rage. 

“ _ Do not touch him,”  _ he muttered darkly. “He’s not a threat right now- You’re not putting him unconscious.” 

“All prisoners are to be subdued during transport!” Grey yelled, still clutching his hand. 

“You’ve proven to be untrustworthy when transporting criminals,” Hongjoong said sharply, eyes narrowed. “Because this is such a delicate case, you aren’t fucking touching him.” 

Grey stormed forward. “You incompetent-” 

Hongjoong lifted a quick hand, making Grey halt at the ice in his eyes. “Do not… fucking touch him,” he said slowly. “Unless you want me to put  _ you  _ unconscious,” he hissed. 

Hongjoong could feel Seonghwa shrinking away from Grey, pressing closer to Hongjoong- he didn’t know what sort of outcome would come from forcing him unconscious. 

“You-” 

“I am going to escourt Seonghwa to the chopper,” Hongjoong said sharply, glaring. “One other person can accompany us, if you’re so fucking worried. But it isn’t going to be you. You have ill intent towards the target, and I’m not letting you be alone with us.” 

“I’ll go,” Haknyeon immediately said, lifting a hand, ice retreating slowly. 

“I don’t care who,” Hongjoong said shortly, glancing back at his team. “Yeosang… if you’ll make sure no one does stupid shit?”

“We’ll meet up with you,” Yeosang promised with a quick nod, glaring at Grey. “Do not make me put you in a fucking bubble. Play nice.” 

“You’re all going to be kicked out of this fucking system!” Grey snapped, glaring murderously as Hongjoong murmured for Seonghwa to walk with him- the two of them slowly making their way around the outside of the crowd. 

“It’s okay,” Hongjoong whispered comfortingly. “It’s gonna be okay.” 

He saw Seonghwa glance back at Grey. “I… do not like him,” he muttered a little too darkly. 

“Leave it, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong said quietly, squeezing his hand. “Do not- I know you’re angry, but I need you to- Just- Just focus on me, okay?” he said quickly because the last thing he needed was Seonghwa to lose control. 

His hand was crushed in Seonghwa’s for a moment as they climbed into the chopper, Haknyeon behind them- 

As they settled into seats, he felt Seonghwa stiffen beside him. 

“Hongjoong,” he breathed quietly. “H-Hongjoong, I feel-” 

Hongjoong turned to him, mouth drying as Seonghwa dropped his head, squeezing Hongjoong’s hand painfully tight- 

“Are you angry?” Hongjoong whispered quietly, reaching out with his other hand to squeeze his arm comfortingly. 

Seonghwa made a tight noise in the back of his throat as he nodded, eyes clenching shut- 

“Okay,” Hongjoong said quietly, rubbing Seonghwa’s arm as Haknyeon tensed across from them in preparation. “It’s okay, Seonghwa, you can just shove it down, just focus on me, oka-” 

“Can I hug you?” Seonghwa whispered desperately, tightly, pained- 

“Yes,” Hongjoong agreed immediately, willing to give anything so simple if it meant grounding Seonghwa- 

His body collided with Hongjoong’s once more, lithe arms crushing Hongjoong as his head tucked against Hongjoong’s neck with heaving, shaking breaths hitting his skin- 

Haknyeon moved forward at the sudden attack, and Hongjoong glared in warning, one hand thrown up, warning and sparking- 

Haknyeon froze, eyes narrowing. 

“Do not fucking touch him,” Hongjoong hissed. “Give us a fucking second.” 

“He’s volatile?” Haknyeon demanded. 

“He’s  _ trying, _ ” Hongjoong snapped sharply. “Now shut up.” 

Haknyeon was blessedly silent as Hongjoong wrapped both arms around Seonghwa. “It’s okay,” Hongjoong murmured comfortingly, running a gentle hand along Seonghwa’s spine. “You’re doing fine, Seonghwa- You’re okay.” 

He felt Seonghwa nodded slowly against his chest, his breathing deep and labored but noticeably even. 

“Are you cold?” Hongjoong asked gently, not really sure what else he could do. 

There were several moments of tense immobility before Seonghwa slowly shook his head stiffly. 

“Okay, good,” Hongjoong murmured. “Just focus on me, okay, Seonghwa? Just tell me what you need.” 

Seonghwa said nothing as he pressed closer to Hongjoong’s skin. 

Hongjoong held his breath for what felt like the entire chopper ride- Haknyeon reporting to the pilot while Hongjoong held Seonghwa tightly- afraid to loosen his grip and leave Seonghwa to fend for himself. 

The longer the silence stretched, the tighter Hongjoong’s chest felt with fear. 

Could he actually stay with Seonghwa? Would guards and facility workers tear them apart to put Seonghwa in a cell until a trial opened up?

Had Hongjoong just counseled Seonghwa into making the worst decision in his life? 

Hongjoong shook his head sharply- shaking the two of them, but he simply apologized quietly. He would not let them separate the two of them. This was no longer speculation and hoping- 

Seonghwa was not in full mental control of his actions, due to the nature of his powers, and he deserved the same treatment that anyone Different was afforded to learn to control that. 

Would Hongjoong fight people who tried to tear them apart?

Hongjoong watched the slow rise and fall of Seonghwa’s back, and realized he had synched his breathing with Hongjoong, slow and calm but shaking. 

Yes. He had hesitated before, at the warehouse and other times, but it was all relatively baseless hope. But this was concrete reasoning, concrete evidence- 

The fact that Hongjoong had proven himself to be someone who was able to calm Seonghwa- or at least redirect his attention- he could even make some sort of legal claim that it was in the best interest of everyone involved that Hongjoong stay with him. 

It also proved that Seonghwa  _ could  _ control it. 

He nodded quietly to himself, holding Seonghwa closer. That was a plan, that was something he could argue- 

“Rumor has it you knew him.” 

Hongjoong turned sharp eyes onto the man across from them who tensed, but relaxed when Hongjoong didn’t actually move. 

“I have to think it’s true, if you’re so…” He glanced over the two of them. “Attached, I guess.” 

“That isn’t why I’m doing this,” Hongjoong assured him stiffly. “Maybe that was why I knew to keep looking closer, but that isn’t why I did it in the first place.” 

Haknyeon lifted a curious eyebrow, looking uncomfortable with his position, but no longer seeming so aggressive. 

“You know as well as I do that the kill order was bullshit,” Hongjoong hissed quietly, though there was no way to really stop Seonghwa from listening. “It was way too soon, after way too few deaths.  _ Slow  _ deaths,” he hissed. “Deaths that were nothing compared to every other kill order’s type.” 

Haknyeon’s lips pressed together, silent for a moment before he nodded once, slowly. 

“We may not approve, but you can’t argue that he hasn’t done horrible things,” Haknyeon said quietly. 

“They knew he had dark magic, and they made an exception,” Hongjoong muttered darkly. “They didn’t even try to consider capture and rehabilitation- they didn’t  _ want  _ to. Dark magic has a worse stigma than anyone Different ever could. They labeled him as a lost cause the moment he appeared.” 

Seonghwa’s breathing fell out of synch with Hongjoong’s for a moment before correcting itself. 

“Everyone with dark magic is labeled from the moment they’re born,” Hongjoong hissed, glaring at the man across from them. “They’re openly told that their only destiny is to be consumed by their powers- and all of them were. But don’t you think that it doesn’t fucking help to only ever be told you’re going to die?” he demanded quietly. 

Haknyeon was quiet, staring darkly, eyes flickering from Hongjoong to Seonghwa, lingering on Seonghwa’s frame that was folded up against Hongjoong, laying over Hongjoong’s hands that held him tightly. 

Haknyeon’s lips thinned.

“You know us, Haknyeon,” Hongjoong said darkly. “You know that we wouldn’t be doing this just because we felt bad for someone. You can’t think that all of this isn’t a  _ little  _ off.” 

“He nearly killed someone on your team,” he said, as if ensuring Hongjoong remembered. “And rumor has it he tried to kill you, too.” 

Seonghwa tangibly flinched, jerking the two of them, and Hongjoong simply resumed rubbing a slow hand up and down his spine, eyes narrowing at Haknyeon who clearly took note of the movement. 

“He did,” Hongjoong said firmly, eyes hardening. “And I want you to think very carefully about what it means that me  _ and  _ my team are defending him so harshly.” 

Haknyeon did nothing, terse eyes still staring them down. 

The announcement came that they were beginning their descent. 

“It’s okay,” Hongjoong breathed before Seonghwa could even flinch. “I promise, Seonghwa, it’s going to be okay.” 

Haknyeon finally let go of a stiff breath. “Fine,” he said quietly, looking determined, making Hongjoong’s heart leap. “What’s your plan?”

“Keeping him alive,” Hongjoong said, not even joking. “We were never going to get out of there without someone getting hurt unless he turned himself in- I can explain things in more detail later, I don’t think we have time.” 

Haknyeon’s expression hardened as he glanced out the chopper at the approaching ground that held a dozen people, ready to take in the prisoner. 

“What do you need from me?” Haknyeon questioned stiffly. 

“Don’t let them separate us,” Hongjoong said quickly, heart beginning to pick up as every bad outcome flashed through his mind. “Don’t let them take him away- I can keep him calm, Haknyeon, I can keep everyone safe. I’m the only person he can’t hurt with his powers.” 

His eyes widened slightly. “He can’t-” 

“Long story, but yes, I’m immune,” Hongjoong broke in as they nearly touched the ground. “I can explain more later, but please, just don’t let them separate the two of us. Help me explain- make them listen.” 

The chopper set down, and Haknyeon nodded, looking reluctant. 

“Wait a minute,” Haknyeon ordered, already swinging to block the entrance to the chopper. 

“Why is the capture conscious?” one of the women demanded. “Where is Grey? What is going on here?” 

Her eyes sliced passed Haknyeon towards Seonghwa, and Hongjoong began to slowly loosen his grip. 

“Is that the kill order target?” 

“Seonghwa, we’re going to have to move in a bit,” he said as he heard Haknyeon speaking to them, blocking them. “It’s going to be crazy, and it’s not necessarily going to be pleasant, but I need you to promise that you’re going to try your hardest not to hurt anyone.” 

He felt Seonghwa’s throat bob as the other slowly began to pull away weakly. 

He looked at Hongjoong, once again, like he didn’t have a clue what he was supposed to do. “I- How can I promise that?” he demanded, voice stiff. 

“Just promise that you’ll try,” Hongjoong begged quietly. “These people are not on your side, but they are not your enemies,” he whispered quickly. “You need to make your best case- you need to agree to things, even if you’re scared.” 

He saw something defensive flash in his eyes. “I’m not going to just let them lock me away,” he hissed. 

“Seonghwa,” Hongjoong whispered sharply, snatching his hand again, squeezing it. “I promised that I wouldn’t let them hurt you.” 

His lips thinned, and Hongjoong’s gaze was pleading. 

“I don’t want you to get hurt, Seonghwa, but I can’t protect you if you don’t cooperate,” he breathed. “I will tell you when you should fight it, but I need you to trust me enough to listen to me, okay?”

Seonghwa still hesitated. 

“This is ridiculous!” A man yelled at Haknyeon. “Prisoners do not make their own demands!” 

He saw Seonghwa glance away at them, and Hongjoong caught his face gently, turning him back firmly. “We don’t have time, Seonghwa,” he begged. 

He felt his jaw twitch beneath his fingers- eyes flashing between nervous and angry and afraid and defensive- 

“They… want me to die,” Seonghwa said lowly, expression open and understanding. “They won’t hesitate to throw me away.” 

“That’s why I’m here, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong hissed desperately. “I’m here to make sure they don’t get to do that- I know what you’re entitled to, but there are things you need to agree to, if they’re ever going to believe a word I tell them.” 

“Stand aside, Haknyeon- Where is your leader?” 

Hongjoong held Seonghwa’s face still, locking eyes with him sternly. “No matter how threatened you feel, you can’t hurt anyone, okay? I  _ will not  _ let them hurt you, Seonghwa- I will join you in the cell before I let that happen.” 

He saw the crack appear in Seonghwa’s eyes, his throat bobbing nervously. 

“I will break you out of this place myself before I let them hurt you,” Hongjoong breathed. “I need you to believe me on this, Seonghwa. I need you to trust me- I need you to listen. It’s a lot to ask, but I’m  _ begging  _ you- Let me help keep you safe.” 

Seonghwa’s eyes flickered nervously, but his lips pressed together, as if bracing himself for an attack. 

He looked at the people yelling outside. Then at Hongjoong. Fear clung, but something hardened. 

He nodded slowly. 

Hongjoong released a breath of relief. “Anything I do, I’m doing it to help you,” Hongjoong warned him. “To keep you safe, okay?” 

“Hongjoong,” Haknyeon hissed, and Hongjoong had to tear his eyes away from Seonghwa’s hesitant expression that was slowly hardening in defense. 

A man stood- only keeping his distance for Haknyeon’s icicle hanging off of his arm, pointed out. He glared at Hongjoong. “This is highly irregular!” he snapped. “The villain is to be put unconscious to be placed within a holding cell! We will not risk the people within this facility!” 

Hongjoong glared back. “He isn’t dangerous- I can keep him calm. He won’t hurt anyone.” 

“We make no exceptions!” A woman snapped. “Even the most harmless of powered individuals are unconscious when put in their cell! The fact that you flew him with a pilot and over populated areas is already a hundred violations of protocol!”

“If he is not dangerous, he has nothing to fear,” a man said sternly. “If he allows himself to be transported peacefully, there will be no issues. But we will not bring him within the holding facility while he is able to harm people!”

“Comply now,” a woman called sharply. “Or we will have to use force.” 

Hongjoong felt fear more for them than Seonghwa- not sure what sort of result might come from that. 

His jaw tightened as he turned to Seonghwa with stern eyes that were apologetic. 

“I won’t,” Seonghwa hissed, already tearing his hand away from Hongjoong. “I’m not going to let them do something like that-” 

“Seonghwa.” 

He broke off, lips pressing together as Hongjoong’s expression softened slightly. 

“I… will not… let them hurt you,” he said slowly, deliberately. “I will be with you the entire time. And it’ll be lifted as soon as you’re in the holding cell- and I’ll still be with you, right when you wake up. Okay?”

“I don’t want to,” Seonghwa hissed, withdrawing until Hongjoong caught his hand gently. 

“Seonghwa, I need you to trust me,” he begged quietly. “These people do not have much patience- they’re going to have short fuses.  _ I need you to trust me _ . I will keep you  _ safe _ , Seonghwa, I promise- I will not let them hurt you,  _ I swear. _ ” 

Hongjoong held Seonghwa’s gaze, watching the anger turn to discomfort tinged with fear as he looked at the men and women gathered outside the chopper. 

“Hongjoong…” He turned back to Hongjoong, silently begging to not have to. 

“I’ll be beside you,” Hongjoong whispered firmly. “I won’t let them separate us. I’ll be right there, Seonghwa.” 

Hongjoong couldn’t even tell if assuring Seonghwa he wouldn’t be alone was at all comforting, but Seonghwa finally… finally, slowly nodded, bracing himself once more. 

Hongjoong was sure his head was about to explode with how many things he was trying to think of and ensure and protect. But he turned back to the crowd gathered. 

“He’ll cooperate peacefully,” Hongjoong said, eyes narrowed in warning. “On the condition that I’m allowed to stay with him.” 

“Villains do not get to make demands,” a man said firmly. 

“ _ Too bad, _ ” Hongjoong snapped, glaring. “Those aren’t his demands, they’re mine. I’m immune to his powers, I can keep him calm, and I’m the one responsible for explaining what he’s entitled to to him!” 

“We aren’t negotiating-” 

“I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to take whatever actions keep everyone safest,” Haknyeon suddenly broke in sharply. “And right now you’re wasting time on technicalities. Keep them together until the proper people can get here and explain everything- Or I’ll be reporting your asses to the higher ups.” 

“It’s not protocol-” 

“What’s it going to hurt?” Haknyeon snapped. “You’re wasting time!” 

“Fine!” a man shouted back at him, expression dark. He turned to Seonghwa. “You, do not move,” he ordered. 

Hongjoong bit back the snap on his tongue at the way he addressed him, but squeezed Seonghwa’s hand tighter, turning back to him. 

“When he touches you, it might surprise you a bit,” he explained quickly. “Don’t panic- it isn’t going to hurt, and it wears off within half an hour or so, okay? I’ll still be there when you wake up, I promise. Just don’t freak out, okay?”

Seonghwa wasn’t necessarily given a chance to respond as Haknyeon was finally forced to step aside as a man entered. 

He immediately reached for Seonghwa, like a viper strike, and Hongjoong snatched his wrist before he could grab him, glaring at the man. 

“You do not need to grab him that hard,” Hongjoong ground out. “You only need to touch him, so just touch him.” 

The man looked torn between shocked at Hongjoong’s actions and nervous at his glare. Hongjoong released his hand, locking eyes with Seonghwa who looked at him, tensing- 

“Eyes on me, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong said gently, making his eyes look back at Hongjoong. “It’s gonna be okay,” he promised quietly. 

Seonghwa’s eyes, for the first time, seemed to truly believe Hongjoong as the man wrapped a firm hand around Seonghwa’s forearm. 

Hongjoong watched the same scene of Seonghwa seizing for a moment before falling forward, both Hongjoong and the man catching him. 

“Here we go,” the man ordered, and Hongjoong hadn’t even noticed the gurney waiting behind their little crowd being rolled forward. 

“Do not hurt him!” Hongjoong snapped as he helped guide Seonghwa forward, onto the gurney. He jumped out passed Haknyeon, tossing him what he hoped came across as a grateful look as he stood beside the gurney 

He grabbed the edge of the platform tightly, glaring at the men and women who tried to stare him down, daring them to try and separate them. 

Seonghwa was limp on the cot, and Hongjoong kept one eye on him as they rushed away from the helicopter. Hongjoong needed more people here- Eden, his team, someone to help him explain because right now, he wasn’t even sure he knew what was happening anymore. 

Hongjoong didn’t bother looking around at the holding facility, keeping eyes on Seonghwa- watching his chest rise and fall- as the group of them flew through hallways and through doors. 

“Kid,” a gruff voice said roughly, making Hongjoong look up at the man standing across from him. An older man stared back at him. “You know this kid?” he asked, nodding down at Seonghwa. “They don’t usually have friends bringing them in.” 

Hongjoong’s jaw twitched as he glanced back down at Seonghwa. “He was never in the system. I’m here to make sure he knows his options- no one bothers to explain to the kill orders that they can live if they turn themselves in.” 

“And what was, uh… all the hugging?” he asked- more hesitant than distasteful. 

“He’s not dangerous,” Hongjoong said firmly, daring the man to dispute him. “The dark magic agitates him- when he’s calm, he’s not dangerous, he’s coherent. I’m here to make sure he stays that way.” 

“Why’s it gotta be you?” the man asked gruffly. 

Hongjoong glared. “Because everyone else was trying to kill him just because he had dark magic,” he spat, glaring down at Seonghwa’s hand. 

They reached a long line of metal doors with little glass windows- one of the women stepping up and swiping a key card on the reader to the left of the door. 

It slid open into the wall, and they all moved in- two of them picking Seonghwa up (mindful of Hongjoong’s watchful glare) and set Seonghwa on a cot in the corner. 

“I need somewhere to stay close by where he’ll be able to see and hear me when he wakes up,” Hongjoong said firmly, glancing around at the group of people. 

“You can wait outside the door,” one of the women said off handedly. “You’ll be able to see through the window, but it’s soundproof so he won’t hear you.” 

“There’s nowhere that he’ll be able to hear me?” Hongjoong asked, glancing around, but the people all shook their heads tersely. “Then I’ll wait in here,” he said, leaning against a wall. 

“I think not,” one woman snapped. “We’ve put up with a lot of shit from you, young man, but we are under no circumstances allowed to leave-” 

“The only reason he’s here right now is because I promised him I’d be with him the whole time,” Hongjoong said darkly, glaring at them. “If I’m not with him, there’s a risk that he’ll get anxious, angry- whatever. And I need to stay with him for now, to make sure he stays calm. If I can’t talk to him, I can’t do that.” 

“We aren’t allowed to-” 

“Then think of it as putting me in a cell, too,” Hongjoong huffed. “I helped him hide from the authorities, and I knocked out a hero to protect him. I probably should be in one of these on my own, but just fucking let me stay in this one, goddamn it!” 

He was getting sick and tired of needing to explain himself. 

A man rolled his eyes. “We can’t-” 

“Let’s all calm down, shall we?” 

Everyone turned sharply, Hongjoong straightening and nearly choking at the sight of Eden standing in the doorway, gazing around at the people calmly. 

“Eden,” he greeted, a little breathless. 

Eden turned to him, the tiniest private smile of encouragement on his lips. “You did a good job, Hongjoong. I’m sorry it took me so long to get here,” he apologized quietly before turning to the others in the room. “Ladies and gentlemen, I’ll speak with you in the hall.” He gestured for them to leave. 

“Eden,” one man snapped, hands on his hips. “We cannot just let-” 

“Then we’ll say I’m overriding your authority for the moment,” Eden broke in sternly. “The target is not going to regain consciousness for a while now- I believe that’s enough time for me to more fully explain what we’re dealing with, as I’m sure Hongjoong is sick to death of explaining it to people.” 

Hongjoong couldn’t help the way his heart clenched when Eden gave him a gentle look. “He’s been explaining it to people for a while now,” he said quietly, jerking his head at the others sternly- giving no room for arguments. 

They grumbled and glared at Hongjoong (probably angry at him for being so stubborn in his youth), and Eden gave him a single nod before stepping back outside. 

The door closed behind them, leaving Hongjoong alone with Seonghwa in the little room. 

Glancing at the door, Hongjoong could only hope Eden could convince them of all the bullshit he had gone through. 

He pushed off the wall, moving over to the other side and sitting on the end of the bed at Seonghwa’s feet- leaning against the wall to be closer. 

Hongjoong watched him silently, arms crossed. 

He didn’t know what sort of process Seonghwa would go through, what he would need to prove, what they would try and do- 

Hell, for all Hongjoong knew, the facility may become a prison for him- if they decided he would never have enough control to be allowed out. Especially when something as natural as emotions would set him off. 

God forbid these people try and turn him into a lab rat, doing tests and shit… 

Hongjoong clenched his jaw. He would not… let them hurt Seonghwa. He had promised. 

And deep in his heart, Hongjoong knew… he would fight for Seonghwa- physically, verbally, whatever he needed to make it out of here. Because this was no longer speculations and hoping. 

Hongjoong  _ knew  _ that Seonghwa’s actions were dictated in some fashion by his powers agitating his negative emotions, and he had proven that even in the middle of that rage, Seonghwa could be reasoned with with the correct methodology. 

He was as innocent as he could get, and Hongjoong would not let him suffer for that. 

He laid a gentle hand on Seonghwa’s ankle absently, staring at the door and waiting for someone to burst in and pull Hongjoong away. 

Seonghwa… had trusted Hongjoong enough to agree to all this. 

He scrubbed at his eyes that were dry, but they still stung with too many emotions. Everything- from Seonghwa to his team, all of them standing against their colleagues, their friends- 

For Hongjoong. 

For Seonghwa. 

He was going to buy them chicken or something when this shit was over. 

An unidentified amount of time later, the door slid open and Eden stepped in silently, arms behind his back. 

Hongjoong tensed, but felt his mouth go dry. “Thanks,” he said genuinely, knowing that he never would have been able to make it this far without everyone trusting his crazy judgements. 

Eden smiled wryly as he leaned against the door. “I convinced them to leave you alone. They’re not happy, but I outrank them.” His smile widened in amusement before dying. 

Hongjoong shifted on the bed. “What’s… gonna happen?” he asked quietly, glancing at Seonghwa who continued to lay there silently. 

Eden took a deep breath that he let out slowly, as if trying to find the words. “Well,” he said quietly. “The normal process would be a trial to discern whether the villain is truly capable of regret and rehabilitation… and then there would be a lengthy process with that decision until he was deemed capable of holding himself to a standard.” 

Hongjoong sat up a little straighter, expression hardened with regret. “But… that’s not going to happen to him?” 

Eden took another deep breath, not looking at Hongjoong. “Before they waste their time with a trial, they want to do a psych and powers eval on Seonghwa. First, to discern how his powers influence him and if he’s capable of subverting them, and then to determine his psyche beneath all that influence.” 

Hongjoong let go of Seonghwa to curl his fist defensively. “They want to turn him into a lab rat,” he summed. 

“No,” Eden assured him, shaking his head. “Not all the people here are like Grey and those people. This isn’t a mental hospital, Hongjoong- there are people here who only want to help those who have made the wrong decisions in their lives.”

Hongjoong didn’t trust it. 

Hongjoong didn’t know if he trusted anyone with Seonghwa. 

His nails dug into his palm. “Can I stay with him?” he whispered hoarsely, his stomach rolling. 

Eden rolled his lips. “It depends on who does the eval,” he said apologetically. “You likely won’t be allowed in while they’re speaking with him, but you will be kept close by. I’m going to officially present the evidence of you calming him in the middle of his… rages,” he said delicately. 

“That’ll help?” Hongjoong asked carefully. 

“If they accept it, it should ensure your ability to stay with Seonghwa throughout the trial process,” Eden assured him. “After the trial, depends on how the trial ends.” 

It was more than Hongjoong had thought he’d get so easily. 

“Be honest,” Hongjoong murmured, glancing at Seonghwa’s sleeping form. “What chance do you think he has?” 

“Better than I ever expected.” 

Hongjoong looked at Eden, eyes wide. Eden shrugged. “I’ve been kept up to date by your teammates. I’ve seen how you handle him and how he reacts to you. You’ve helped him tremendously, Hongjoong. More than any other person would have had the will and capacity to.” 

It caught in Hongjoong’s throat, making his eyes burn more because… 

It was fucking hard. 

It was fucking scary. 

He had spent so much of his time just begging not to make the wrong step, the wrong choice- 

Just hearing that he hadn’t fucked up was enough to almost break him. 

But he couldn’t yet. He wasn’t done. 

“It was all him,” Hongjoong said thickly. “I just told him the truth- he made all the changes on his own, by his own choice.” 

“You had to go through a lot to find those truths,” Eden said, expression pinched with sympathy. “You went through a lot to deliver those truths.” He nodded to the quiet body next to him. “I don’t think Seonghwa would have made it long without you, Hongjoong. He was too angry… too volatile.” 

Hongjoong didn’t want to think about that. 

So he didn’t. 

“My team’s okay?” Hongjoong asked quietly, sitting up. 

Eden nodded. “They’re not allowed in the holding facility as of yet, but they’ll likely be called in to speak at the trial.” He inclined his head at Hongjoong. “You do realize you’ll be a key testimony?” 

Hongjoong nodded slowly, chest tight but ready. “I’m going to make sure they understand,” he said, determined and hard. “I’m not going to let them sweep him aside just because he has dark magic.” 

“Speaking of sweeping,” Eden said gently. “Grey is not exactly happy with your team, as while you were leaving, Yeosang’s shields hit him into a wall.” 

“Why?” Hongjoong demanded, heart dropping as he straightened. 

Yeosang wasn’t one to usually lash out, so Grey must have done something- 

“Well, first, he simply blocked Grey from running after you,” Eden told him. “After that, Grey had some choice things that he decided to call you, Seonghwa, and the majority of your team. Yeosang’s claim was ‘defense against slander.’” Eden shrugged. 

“Will he get in trouble?” Hongjoong asked, fists clenching. 

“Yeosang? Not likely,” Eden assured him. “But… Grey will likely be at the trials as well, given his involvement with the capture. He may not have glowing things to say.” 

“You have all the reports we’ve made against him?” Hongjoong demanded, nearly standing from the bed. “Can’t we label him as someone with ill intent for Seonghwa and me? Based on past actions?”

Eden’s lips curled up. “I’m already three steps ahead of you, Hongjoong,” he assured him. “The trial will know every step Grey has taken, don’t worry.” 

Gratitude choked Hongjoong for a moment as he realized this was happening. 

He wasn’t alone anymore. 

He’d done all he could for Seonghwa alone. He needed help now- and it slammed into him, the realization that he had it in spades. 

“Team ACE has also volunteered to appear at the trial,” Eden said off handedly, shrugging. 

Hongjoong blinked, taken aback. “How do they know about the trial?” he asked numbly. 

“Word travels fast,” Eden chuckled. “Sehyoon has already contacted me about speaking on behalf of what he knows of the surveillance and such you had of Seonghwa. Jun, while minimally involved, is willing to speak on his involvement- as a testament to your character.” 

Hongjoong’s vision blurred with hot tears that he couldn’t bring himself to wipe away. 

He wasn’t alone anymore. 

He had help- he had more structure to help Seonghwa. More people who were willing to stand up for him- 

Eden smile gently. “None of this will be happening immediately. Likely, the evals will begin tomorrow. I’ll send over some info about them, and you can explain them to Seonghwa, to prepare him.” 

Hongjoong wasn’t entirely sure how Seonghwa would react to that. 

“This… doesn’t change anything,” Hongjoong muttered, lowering his eyes. “Seonghwa still has that anger and pain and hatred- he still won’t forgive Normals and the people who hurt him throughout his life. And… I don’t think he should have to.” 

To his shock… Eden laughed- a gentle chuckle, like he found Hongjoong amusing. 

“It isn’t a crime to hate Normals, Hongjoong,” Eden assured him gently. “It isn’t death-worthy to be hurt- or even to react negatively because of past abuse and wrongs. Seonghwa will not be penalized for that. We will make sure of it.” 

Something heavy and clunky unlocked in Hongjoong’s chest like an old lock finally giving way. 

This was what he needed to hear. 

“They will likely ensure that he’ll promise to no longer attempt to hurt anyone,” Eden explained. “His anger may make them more hesitant to declare him fit to leave the program, but it will not determine whether he gets rehabilitation or not. I will not  _ let  _ it determine that,” he said clearly, nodding. 

Yeah, Hongjoong was about to break down, relief surging through him so powerfully. 

They stood a chance. 

Because Seonghwa did not want to kill, to hurt. 

He just wanted justice, he wanted to stop feeling so angry, he wanted to feel better- 

He  _ wanted  _ that. 

The trial  _ had  _ to rule in his favor. They had to be willing to give him that rehab. 

The only question… was how involved Hongjoong might be in that process. 

“He should wake up soon,” Eden said quietly, nodding to Seonghwa. “I’ll get that information sent over, and the two of you can go through it together.” 

Eden pushed off, looking ready to leave, but he stopped, staring at the two of them. 

“Seonghwa is lucky to have found you,” Eden told him genuinely. “He was very lucky to keep you.” 

Hongjoong had to look away, staring at Seonghwa’s calm expression, trying to imagine a time when he might have always looked like that. 

“I’ve realized… he’s still that kid I knew,” Hongjoong admitted. “And… really, I’m probably still that kid, too. We haven’t really changed at all… when I think about it.” 

Still crying, still hurt. 

Still ignorantly trying to stay with him, still refusing to heed all the warning signs. 

“Well… that might have been the best outcome for the both of you.” When Hongjoong glanced back, Eden smiled quietly. “This process is going to be full of the kind of people who made Seonghwa into this,” he warned him gently. “He’s going to need someone like that five year old he knew… The first person who looked beyond what people labeled him as.” 

It made Hongjoong seem very heroic, didn’t it? 

He didn’t feel heroic. 

He felt helpless. But they were… they were going to make it.

Because even if he wasn’t heroic, he was determined. 

Like the mark on his hand, Hongjoong was not going to allow Seonghwa to be hurt. They had both promised that. 

Seonghwa needed someone to stand with him, and Hongjoong was going to make sure that Seonghwa understood exactly how many people were willing to do that. 

“I’ll be around,” Eden told him, sliding the door open. “Just remember, Hongjoong… that he will still likely have those rages.” 

“I know,” Hongjoong assured him. “And I can deal with those- so long as no one tries to put him in chains for them,” he muttered darkly. 

“I’ll do what I can,” Eden promised, nodding. “For now, just focus on ensuring that Seonghwa can get through this smoothly. I’ll task you with that monstrous responsibility once more.” 

Hongjoong nodded quickly, his hand finding Seonghwa’s ankle again, resting on it as Eden nodded once more. 

He left without looking back, leaving the two of them locked in this little room. 

It was quiet. 

Hongjoong had sent so many villains to this holding facility… he had never seen the inside, though. 

And despite his reservations now, he understood what Eden meant. It wasn’t some mental hospital with padded walls and needles and scowling nurses. 

It was a holding facility. As Hongjoong understood it, rehabs were on another floor or wing. This was just for those people being held. 

Hongjoong was examining the tiles on the ceiling when Seonghwa shifted. 

He glanced over as he half-turned in his sleep. He watched Seonghwa’s eyes open, facing the wall, heavy and hazy for a moment before they flew wide. 

Seonghwa sat up so quickly, Hongjoong jumped, but Seonghwa’s eyes landed on Hongjoong and he froze, staring frantically. 

“Hey,” Hongjoong said gently, hands held out calmingly, a quiet smile. “I’m right here,” he promised, carefully laying his hand back on his leg gingerly. “I’m right here- You’re okay. It’s just us right now. They’re not going to do anything to you right now.” 

Seonghwa finally tore his eyes away from Hongjoong, scanning the room frantically- 

“It’s not the prettiest,” Hongjoong said, more just to keep Seonghwa from freaking out. “But it’s temporary for now- it’s just a holding cell,” He explained. “I’m gonna be in here with you, until tomorrow, okay?” 

Seonghwa’s eyes snapped back to Hongjoong, his chest rising and falling a little quicker than he would have liked, but Seonghwa nodded blankly, swallowing. 

He was getting quicker to trust and agree. 

They did nothing but stare for several seconds until Hongjoong shifted. “Are you… feeling okay?” 

He meant anything from dizzy to murderous. 

It seemed to take several seconds before Seonghwa could answer. He nodded slowly, his breathing slowing down into deep breaths. 

“Do you need anything?” he asked. “Water or… like, a hug?” 

Seonghwa shook his head slowly, finally seeming to center himself in the strange environment. He scanned the room once more, ending with his eyes pressed to Hongjoong. 

“What’s going to happen to me?” he asked before anything else, a mixture of nerves and defensiveness. 

Hongjoong would never in a million years lie to Seonghwa, especially about something like this, but he didn’t know if either of them were really prepared to deal with what this whole experience would bring. 

“It’s… a little uncertain,” Hongjoong said carefully. “I don’t know everything, but Eden showed up and vouched for us- he’s going to be back later, and we can tell you everything with a little more certainty.” 

Seonghwa clearly didn’t have a clue who Eden was, but that didn’t really matter right now.

“They’re making certain exceptions for you,” he said quietly, still laying his hand gently on Seonghwa. “I’ll get to stay with you through the process, and I won’t let them do anything to you, Seonghwa- even if I’m not physically present the whole time, okay?” 

Seonghwa didn’t answer, hard, emotionless eyes staring at Hongjoong. 

He pressed his lips together for a moment. “You’re going to have a trial,” Hongjoong murmured. “Basically, to decide whether you are truly excusable and can be rehabilitated. But before that, they want to do an examination of your powers, and their influence on you.” 

Seonghwa’s expression darkened. “I’m not going to let them run tests on me like a fucking specimen-” 

“That isn’t what’s going to happen,” Hongjoong said sternly, eyes hardening. “I  _ told you _ , Seonghwa- No matter how any of this sounds, it’s going to be okay. It’s nothing dangerous to you, nothing that would hurt you- I wouldn’t let them do that.” 

“Then what the hell will it be?” he demanded, shifting away from Hongjoong in the bed. 

“I don’t know,” he said honestly, voice heavy. “Eden will explain it further when he gets here. But I think… think of it like a therapy session. Just someone talking to you.” 

“I don’t  _ want  _ to talk to anyone,” Seonghwa hissed, arms drawing into himself like a shield. 

“Seonghwa-” 

“I should never have come here,” he scoffed, drawing his legs up, moving to get up from the bed. 

Hongjoong’s hand latched around Seonghwa’s, and though sharp eyes glared at him, Hongjoong simply stared at him pleadingly. 

He was silent, even as Seonghwa looked ready to strike him. Slowly, though, the longer Hongjoong stared, Seonghwa’s hardened expression lost some its tension- still wary, but softened. 

The annoyance and anger faded. 

Hongjoong let go of a slow breath. 

“I’m going to protect you, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong said earnestly. “I promised you that. Do you believe me when I tell you that?” 

Seonghwa’s eyes were wary as they stared at Hongjoong- as if judging him, analyzing him- 

Much quicker than Hongjoong ever expected, Seonghwa nodded. 

“You’re… in trouble for siding with me,” Seonghwa said tersely. 

“I’m… not in  _ trouble, _ ” Hongjoong said, surprised but wincing at the reminder. “But… the facility isn’t going to be happy that I sort of went off on my own. That I hid a criminal, that I fought other heroes, that I involved members of my team, that I attacked a facility official-” 

Wow. Hongjoong had maybe done a bit more against the oath he took as a hero than he thought. 

Seonghwa’s jaw tightened with each item, and Hongjoong stopped speaking. “Why… did you do it?” he whispered roughly, expression twitching. “Why… did you risk all of that… before you ever had proof I wouldn’t kill you?” 

That was the age old question, wasn’t it? 

The one Hongjoong had been asked again and again. 

And it actually had very little to do with the five year old boy he had known. 

“Because… I thought that there was more to you than the anger you showed,” Hongjoong confessed quietly. “And, if there was… that meant there was a part of you that was innocent. That’s why I became a hero. Our job isn’t to protect Normals… I signed up to protect innocent people.” 

Seonghwa watched silently until he lowered his eyes quickly. “You had no evidence to support that,” he said sharply. 

“I had a gut feeling,” Hongjoong said simply. “I took a gamble.” 

“Why would you?” Seonghwa snapped, looking up sharply. “Why would you gamble on the fact I wasn’t just insane and wanting to kill?” 

Hongjoong was quiet for a moment. His heart ached a little. 

“Because I’d rather take a big risk to save someone innocent… then take the easy road and just lock them up.” 

Seonghwa scoffed, but his hands curled into tight fists in his lap. 

“You have a good chance, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong assured him gently. “Eden and I both think so. There’s enough evidence- they definitely won’t reinstate the kill order, and they’ll likely instate you into the rehab service.” 

“This doesn’t  _ change  _ anything,” Seonghwa snapped angrily, glaring at Hongjoong in warning. “Just because I’m here, just because I’ve trusted you- That doesn’t change a damn thing about what got me on that kill order to begin with.” 

The silence in the room was thick and tense. 

Hongjoong nodded slowly. “You mean, you still hate Normals? And the people who were Different who tried to stop you?” 

Seonghwa nodded his head sharply, lips curling in disgust. 

“Eden agrees,” Hongjoong said quietly. “That isn’t a crime… You can hate and curse whoever you like, Seonghwa. You, of all people, are justified in that anger.” 

The distrust in his eyes returned, glaring as if waiting for the caveat to go along with it. 

Hongjoong nodded reassuringly. “The only thing that would need to change… the thing they would want to help you change… is the part of you that wants to make those Normals and people pay… by killing them. By hurting them.” 

Seonghwa huffed bitterly, lips curling- 

“Do you want to kill them?” Hongjoong asked quickly, head tilted slightly. “Right now, Seonghwa- In this exact moment, do you want to go back to those Normals you fought before and kill them? Do you want to kill those heroes who tried to fight us?” 

“They cursed me while I was doing nothing but walking,” Seonghwa snapped. “I was standing, perfectly calm and normal, and they noticed the marks, and they jeered at me, they mocked me-” 

“Do you?” Hongjoong repeated firmly, holding Seonghwa’s eyes, refusing to let him turn away. 

And Hongjoong saw it all- the way Seonghwa tensed, defensive, and the way his eyes sharpened and his chest puffed- as if preparing to shout. 

How his eyes narrowed, as if trying to get angry, to snap- 

But Seonghwa said nothing, lips pressing together so tightly until they paled. He looked like he was almost choking on something. 

Everything inside of him wanted to say ‘yes.’ 

Hongjoong’s expression softened, and he saw Seonghwa stiffen in reaction. “You can say ‘no,’ Seonghwa,” he murmured comfortingly. “You can be angry… you can be so angry and hurt… and still not want to hurt them.” 

His jaw ticked, eyes pressing to Hongjoong icily, but he still said nothing. 

“Your crime isn’t your hatred, Seonghwa,” he assured him firmly. “It isn’t that you were hurt, that you had so much wrong done to you- Your crime was hurting those people. The people who didn’t hurt you- People who were innocent. Like you, Seonghwa.” 

“I’m not innocent,” he snapped, but it sounded like he was just trying to argue. 

Hongjoong shook his head slowly, calmly. “Do you want to kill those Normals?”   
he repeated. 

Seonghwa’s arms drew in further- as if being near Hongjoong was doing something to him. 

“You stopped yourself from hurting those Normals more, before,” Hongjoong reminded him quietly. “You hugged me, before, without any help from me- You hugged me in the helicopter because you  _ felt  _ yourself losing control, and you  _ wanted  _ to stop it- Do you not understand how  _ amazing  _ that is, Seonghwa?” 

Seonghwa’s bitter glare broke in shock at Hongjoong’s last exclamation. 

Hongjoong let go of a rough breath, lips twitching. “Seonghwa- you  _ stopped yourself _ . You made that choice to not let it take over- Do you understand what that means for you?” 

“I don’t- I-” Seonghwa glared, but it wavered. “I-” 

Hongjoong waited until Seonghwa had fallen silent, unable to form his words. Articulation seemed to be the most difficult thing for him. 

“You said, before,” Hongjoong murmured. “You said you trusted me. You trusted me enough to let yourself lose control like that- Can you trust me enough to talk to me?” he whispered. 

“I don’t want to,” Seonghwa hissed, but it wasn’t angry- just harsh. 

“I know,” Hongjoong said quickly. “I know, but… Just answer me, Seonghwa, please. Do you, right now… want to kill those Normals?” 

Seonghwa swallowed. 

Anger, even more than pride, was something that would force your tongue to stick. 

Because admitting that meant that maybe he wasn’t so angry anymore. Maybe he was starting to let it go, to forgive- 

And he didn’t want to. He couldn’t let himself do that. 

But that wasn’t what it meant. 

It just meant that he was placing a distinction between anger and vengeance. Anger could be excused. It was vengeance that needed to be addressed. 

Hard, shining eyes beat into Hongjoong’s as he waited patiently. 

Seonghwa’s fists shook. He clenched his eyes shut, dropping his head low. “ _ No, _ ” He hissed, sounding like the word was torn from his throat. “ _ No-  _ I don’t want to kill them.” 

Hongjoong lunged at Seonghwa in a lapse of judgement, hugging him tightly. 

Seonghwa tensed, hands leaping up to grab Hongjoong- but they didn’t shove him away, just holding him cautiously. 

Hongjoong felt like he was going to fucking cry. 

“I want you to remember this moment, Seonghwa,” he breathed in his ear, feeling Seonghwa slowly release his arms. 

Warm arms slowly wrapped around Hongjoong loosely. 

“I want you to remember what it feels like to feel like this,” he whispered, eyes stinging. “I want you to remember that you  _ can  _ feel like this. That feeling like this is okay.” 

There were several moments where nothing moved, save for their hearts beating against each other. 

Hongjoong had to label the sensation coursing through his veins as “pride.” 

This had to make a case for Seonghwa. He  _ could  _ feel like this. 

When Seonghwa gently pushed against Hongjoong’s arms, he released him quickly, drawing away, but smiling gently, trying not to beam as Seonghwa stared at him. 

His eyes scanned over Hongjoong’s face for a moment before looking away. “You’re insane,” he muttered, but it sounded more like he was trying to fill the silence. 

Hongjoong found himself chuckling, nodding. “Probably.” 

Seonghwa glanced at him, but quickly looked away, head lowering. 

Hongjoong sat on the bed, something warm gathering in his chest. “It’s gonna be okay, Seonghwa,” he said quietly. 

“Can you promise me that?” Seonghwa asked quietly, not looking up, but his shoulders were stiff. 

Hongjoong’s smile wavered. He pressed his lips together regretfully. “I can’t promise you that,” he admitted. “Not really…” 

Seonghwa looked up at him with tired eyes. 

“But,” Hongjoong went on before Seonghwa could speak, “I can tell you what I believe with my entire fucking heart and soul, Seonghwa.” 

His eyes shone slightly, but Seonghwa looked away.

Hongjoong’s fingers curled into tight fists. “I believe with every ounce of my being, Seonghwa, that you are going to be okay.” 

“And  _ what,  _ exactly, is your definition of  _ ‘okay’ _ ?” he muttered back, voice thick. 

Hongjoong didn’t answer immediately. 

There were a lot of things that it entailed. Seonghwa not being killed, being rehabilitated, being allowed to gain his life back- 

A lot of things Hongjoong wanted for him. 

Hongjoong hummed. “I believe… with every ounce of my being, Seonghwa… that you will be happy.” 

Seonghwa looked up sharply, something disgusted on his lips, but it died quickly as he stared at Hongjoong’s earnest expression. 

“That’s what I think,” Hongjoong reaffirmed. “I think you’ll be happy.” 

Seonghwa looked at Hongjoong as if he was crazy. And then, as if he was stupid. 

And then, as if he was offering something impossible. And then, as if he was offering something unbelievable… 

And then, as if Hongjoong had just driven a stake into his heart. 

Hongjoong smiled wryly. “I truly do believe we can get you there, Seonghwa… But I need you trust me a little longer. A little more, okay? I need you to listen to me carefully, and I need you to always know that I am never going to let them hurt you. Can I ask that of you?” 

Seonghwa’s expression was grim and tense. 

It was quiet, still. 

But he nodded at length. 

Hongjoong smiled warmly, his heart swelling with hope. “Thank you,” he breathed, resisting the urge to embrace him again. 

Seonghwa’s mouth opened suddenly as he stared at Hongjoong with slightly wide eyes. 

They closed tightly as he dropped his head, fists curling until his knuckles were white. 

Hongjoong frowned a bit. “Seonghwa?” he prompted gently, reaching for him but not touching. 

Seonghwa’s head dropped lower, something almost like a bitter, bitter laugh leaving his throat. 

“What’s going through your head right now?” Hongjoong asked curiously, frowning quietly. 

Seonghwa released another laugh that almost sounded like a sob, but he didn’t look at Hongjoong. “Nothing you’d ever believe,” he muttered bitterly, a little twisted. 

“Try me,” Hongjoong requested. 

“No,” Seonghwa said, another laugh-sob as he turned away from Hongjoong. “It’s nothing. Just…” He shook his head as he sat at the head of the bed, back resting against the wall and knees drawing up. “Just ignore me.” 

“I don’t want to ignore you,” Hongjoong assured him. 

Seonghwa glanced at him, another bitter laugh as he lowered his head until his forehead pressed to his knees. “Just… Can we be quiet for now?” 

It was a blunt question, but it wasn’t violent or sharp. Hongjoong nodded readily. 

Once again, Seonghwa deserved the right to control his environment as much as he could. 

Hongjoong curled up at the end of the bed- the entire cot between them. It wasn’t a horrible silence, but it seemed colored with something Hongjoong couldn’t decipher. 

He glanced at Seonghwa every few moments, but the other remained perfectly still. 

The door suddenly opened. 

Hongjoong’s head jerked up, but he just saw Seonghwa stiffen- not looking up. Hongjoong relaxed when it was only Eden standing in the doorway. 

“Hey,” he greeted, glancing at Seonghwa who still remained still. “How’s the process going?” he asked, standing and meeting Eden at the door. 

Eden shrugged, handing over a red folder. “He’s been the hot topic of the news for a while, so they’re at least speeding to get through everything- even if they’re thinking they’re going to lock him up and throw away the key.” 

Hongjoong glanced back at Seonghwa who wasn’t moving, but was certainly listening in. “But they’re not going to,” he said firmly. 

“Not if me, you, and half the teams in the facility have anything to say about it,” Eden assured him, nodding. “That’s the info on the evals they’ll be doing tomorrow morning-” he gestured to the folder. “It’ll be painless- Just questions, a quick hook up to a machine, and some demonstration. It’s lengthy, but not inhumane.” 

Hongjoong nodded, staring down at the folder. “We’ll look through it, thank you.” 

Eden hummed. “They should be bringing dinner for the two of you, soon,” he informed him. “After you eat, I’d get as much sleep as possible.” 

Hongjoong nodded gratefully before freezing. “Can… Can we request a dinner?” he asked quietly. 

Eden’s eyebrow flicked up. “You missing some home cooking?” he asked, lips twitching. 

He shook his head. “Could you see if you could manage to get us some spicy tofu stew?” Hongjoong requested, eyes pleading. 

Eden didn’t look surprise as he glanced back at Seonghwa. “Spicy tofu,” He murmured. “I’ll see what I can do. Might take a while.” 

“Thank you…” 

Eden left, and Hongjoong returned to the bed with the folder that he flipped open. It wasn’t long- just a few pages of procedures, with some diagrams. 

“Stop… trying to take care of me,” Seonghwa suddenly murmured quietly, making Hongjoong look up at his folded up form. 

Hongjoong’s lips turned down. “Do you really want me to stop?” he asked gently. 

Seonghwa tucked his head down further, silent. 

Hongjoong stared at his folder, running fingers across the pale pages. “I guess I’m a little too use to trying to take care of people,” he murmured. “Sometimes, I think I’m too used to playing hero… I always try and do everything for everyone.” 

He smiled wryly to himself. 

“I immediately offered myself in exchange for Yeosang, I risked everything to chase after you, I risked everything to bring you here… I guess I don’t know when to stop…” 

He glanced at Seonghwa. “But… I do it because I think those people deserve it. Yeosang deserved to live, you deserved a chance, you deserved to  _ live _ .” 

There was a long silence. 

“And you don’t?” Seonghwa questioned, head tilting enough that Hongjoong could see a sliver of his heavy expression. “You don’t deserve to live?” 

“I do,” Hongjoong said quickly. “But that’s what I mean by playing hero- I can’t bet anyone else’s lives. So I bet my own- whatever the outcome may be.” 

Seonghwa’s single visible eye stared at Hongjoong, hard and raw. “I don’t like that,” he muttered, turning his face back into his arms. 

Hongjoong blinked. 

“I-” 

His voice caught. 

Seonghwa… didn’t like the idea of Hongjoong betting his life? Granted, neither did literally anyone else, and Hongjoong was scolded often for it… But he didn’t expect to hear it so openly from  _ Seonghwa.  _

Hongjoong leaned back against the wall, staring at the folder heavily. “Okay,” he said in a quiet whisper. “I’ll… try not to… anymore.” He saw Seonghwa shift out of the corner of his eyes. “But,” he murmured. “Let me bet it this one last time, okay?” he asked. 

Seonghwa’s expression was dark when Hongjoong glanced at him. 

He tried to smile quietly. “Let me bet it on you one last time… And then I’ll stop, okay? When you’re happy… then I’ll stop, alright?” 

Seonghwa scoffed. “You’re an idiot,” he muttered, but it was not bitter. He turned his head away. 

Hongjoong felt his lips twitch as he set the folder beside Seonghwa. “You can read it when you feel like it,” he murmured. “Or, I can explain it later.” 

There was silence. 

The door opened a long time later, both of them stiffening, but a woman simply entered with a cart that she parked without a word, exiting immediately after she entered. 

On the cart were two simple bowls of steaming stew and a bowl of rice. 

Hongjoong ate. 

Seonghwa stared at his for far too long, expression stricken before he took slow bites. 

Hongjoong let him eat in peace, not grilling him with more questions. Only when Hongjoong had finished did he risk a quick glance over. 

Seonghwa stared at his bowl, lifting a shaking spoon to his mouth and taking slow bites as silent tears dripped off his cheeks. 

Hongjoong didn’t know if his heart swelled or broke. 

“Did… your mom make this...back then?” Hongjoong risked asking quietly, not fully looking at Seonghwa. 

He expected to go unanswered, but Seonghwa finished swallowing a bite, staring silently. Slowly, jerkily, he nodded. 

Hongjoong’s heart clenched. “Are… those good memories for you?”

The spoon was placed back in his bowl shakily, both hands coming to hold the bottom of his half-full bowl, staring at it. 

Another tear narrowly missed landing in his food. 

Seonghwa swallowed thickly, silent. 

And then he nodded minisculely. 

And Hongjoong didn’t know everything, but he could imagine it… At a time in Seonghwa’s life where he was leaving the house in tears every day, there being a single time when his mother wasn’t attacking him, wasn’t yelling, wasn’t angry- 

The only moment of real joy being when he was able to eat his favorite food she would make- and maybe he would think she had done it as an apology for yelling. 

Maybe, to a five year old, making this soup made everything okay again. 

Until the next moment she yelled. 

Hongjoong smiled tightly. “I’m glad,” he whispered hoarsely. 

Their empty bowls were placed back on the cart, and Seonghwa pushed the folder off the bed, not even looking at it. 

Eden had told them to go to sleep, but Hongjoong looked at the single cot that probably could fit them both, but… Well, it didn’t take a genius to think the better option was the floor. 

Hongjoong sat on the hard tile, wishing he had a jacket or something for a pillow. Maybe he should have asked for that with the soup… 

He sighed quietly, going to lay down- 

“What the hell are you doing?” 

Hongjoong froze, glancing up at Seonghwa who was glaring down at him. He glanced around himself. “Going… to sleep?”

Seonghwa stared at him, then looked at the floor, his lips curling in a sour expression. 

“I don’t want to crowd you,” Hongjoong said in explanation. “I figured it was better that I stay in the room, but that doesn’t mean I want to shove us into a tiny bed- you deserve your space, Seonghwa.” 

Seonghwa scoffed, rolling his eyes as he laid down stiffly. 

Hongjoong stared for a moment before going to lay back down- 

Seonghwa’s hand reached behind himself, tugging the blankets down, his back still turned to Hongjoong as he faced the wall. 

Hongjoong froze, staring at the little opening Seonghwa had made. 

Was that… an invitation? 

Hongjoong’s heart clenched as he smiled quietly. “Thanks, Seonghwa,” he said quietly. “But… it’s okay. You can have your space- We’ll both get claustrophobic squeezing into that little bed.” 

Seonghwa’s hand released the blankets quickly, snaking back around to the front and curling against his body stiffly. 

Hongjoong winced. “I appreciate it, Seonghwa- I just don’t want to-” 

A pillow hit Hongjoong in the face, followed by a blanket landing in his lap. Hongjoong sputtered a bit, but tore it away, staring at Seonghwa laying on the bare bed- back still turned to Hongjoong coldly. 

“Seonghwa,” he huffed. “I don’t need your-” 

Seonghwa glared over his shoulder for a brief moment before turning away again, stiff and cold as a board of ice. 

Hongjoong stared at the two things and realized that this was Seonghwa trying to be nice. 

Maybe reaching out. 

Hell, maybe even a thank you. 

Hongjoong ran a hand over the hard pillow that would still be better than the bare floor. 

“Thank you,” he said genuinely, looking back up at Seonghwa. “Thank you, Seonghwa…” 

He received no response, but he didn’t expect one. 

Hongjoong made his little bed. It wasn’t too cold in the room, and that was the only reason he hadn’t thrown at least the blanket back at Seonghwa. 

He curled around his pillow, staring in the dim lighting. He assumed the lights would automatically turn off at some point… or maybe not. 

How he wound up here within a few hours, when only hours ago he was beaming at their progress, Hongjoong didn’t really know. 

But then every moment of Seonghwa choosing not to let the darkness escalate things, every moment of Seonghwa trusting Hongjoong almost blindly… 

Things would be okay.

Seonghwa would be… happy. 

He would risk and do whatever it took to give him that. 

Hongjoong truly believed this with all his heart and soul. 

Seonghwa had so much humanity and empathy left within himself- more than any of them could ever realize. 

He was so human, so sensitive to every emotion, it was heartbreaking. 

Hongjoong stared at the lump on the bed that seemed so cold but that had done so many warm actions. 

He remembered the sensation of arms around his, desperately seeking something to ground him in his sanity. 

“Good night, Seonghwa,” he whispered gently. 

He got no response. But he didn’t need one. 

The pillow beneath his head spoke volumes. 

Louder than any curse or hate-filled cry Seonghwa had ever uttered before. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for being so kind!!  
> I’m iffy about this chapter, so please let me know what you think!  
> The next one will be up as soon as possible, but I’m not sure when work will allow me time to work on it ㅠㅠㅠ  
> But thank you so much for reading, and I hope you all have wonderful days!!  
> -SS


	7. And Shrink Under the Presence of Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A happy new year!!!  
> I’m not 100% on this chapter, but I didn’t want to hold onto it any longerㅠㅠㅠ  
> The next chapter may be late as well, sorry!! And I may need to add an extra chapter as an epilogue~  
> Thank you everyone for such amazing support and for continuing on with me! You made this year unforgettable!  
> Please enjoy, and let me know what you think of this mess of a chapter~!  
> -SS

Hongjoong woke up for an undetermined reason, staring at the floor and wondering what had drawn him from his sleep. 

And then he saw Seonghwa sitting up in the cot, his labored breathing audible as he bent over himself, like he was about to be sick. 

Hongjoong, still bleary eyed, sat up quickly- sleep clinging to his tongue and mind. 

“Seongh-” His throat caught with thickness that he tried to clear away. 

Seonghwa shoved himself up from the bed, stumbling a step before freezing. 

The room was dim (Hongjoong didn’t know when the lights had dimmed), but he saw Seonghwa freeze, his hands flexing, his expression hidden. 

There was a weak sound as Seonghwa suddenly threw himself at the door, slamming into it with his fists loud enough to knock any remnants of sleep from Hongjoong’s system as he leapt up from the floor, ignoring the aching of his bones. 

“Seonghwa,” he said quickly, rushing up behind him, but Seonghwa turned, eyes wide and scared. 

“I can’t-” 

His hands flexed again, his breathing coming quicker- 

Hongjoong stared helplessly for a moment, not even sure what the hell was going on- 

Seonghwa’s expression strained, as if he were trying to push against some invisible force, his hands flexed open and tensed- 

Hongjoong’s eyes widened. “Seonghwa- You can’t use your powers here,” he said quickly. “There’s going to be some sort of power block in place-” 

“What the hell does that mean?” Seonghwa snapped, throat catching. 

The power muting tech was effective, but still new. They could put it in large buildings, but hadn’t yet figured out how to make it mobile. 

(Hence, why they didn’t just slap all the villains in power muting handcuffs. It would be easier if the could.) 

Trying to use your powers while they were being muted was like trying to make yourself throw up when there was nothing in your stomach. 

Like a hiccup sitting in your chest that just wouldn’t fucking come. 

It was like hanging over the edge of power but unable to fall. 

Hongjoong took a step forward with his hands extended comfortingly- 

Seonghwa’s hands shoved him away, and Hongjoong stumbled back but didn’t fall- catching himself and watching Seonghwa twisting his arms, trying to summon- 

“Seonghwa,” Hongjoong said, head spinning from lack of sleep and concern. “Don’t hurt yourself- you can’t use your powers in here. That’s why it’s a holding facility, they have technology that prevents it-” 

“I don’t- I have to-” Seonghwa turned again, beating on the door with his fists. 

He was trying to get out. 

“ _ Seonghwa _ ,” Hongjoong said, taking the risk and moving forward when he ignored his vocal attempts. 

When Hongjoong touched Seonghwa’s arm gently, the other whipped around with eyes wild with panic, but no arms shoved Hongjoong away. 

“You- It’s okay,” Hongjoong said quietly, too afraid to touch him in any other way than the light hand on his arm. “Seonghwa, just breathe- you’re okay, even if you can’t use your powers. Everything’s okay-” 

Seonghwa scoffed, a little frantic and a little out of control as he tried to pull away. 

“Seonghwa,” Hongjoong said, sterner as he gently turned Seonghwa back. “You can’t get out- just take a breath, okay? You’re going to hurt yourself.” 

Seonghwa winced, expression twisting like he was about to fight back- 

His teeth bared, but no curse fell from his lips as his breathing grew heavy as his eyes flickered around the room, as if noticing how small it was for the first time- 

“Seonghwa, look at me,” he said firmly, tugging on his arm until Seonghwa’s eyes dropped to his face set in determination. “You are okay,” he said clearly. “You can’t use your powers right now, but you’re okay. Just breathe, okay? With me, if you have to.” 

Seonghwa stared into Hongjoong’s eyes intently, like he wasn’t sure if he was going to rip away or shove him off or fall closer- 

“Do you need a hug?” Hongjoong asked gently as Seonghwa’s breathing grew longer- deeper breaths that were visible efforts to gain control. 

Seonghwa shook his head quickly. 

“Okay,” Hongjoong breathed comfortingly, rubbing a thumb along his arm. “Do you want me to stop touching you?” It was clear he was feeling some sort of claustrophobia, but Hongjoong didn’t know what exactly he needed. 

Seonghwa swallowed thickly, staring at Hongjoong’s hand on his arm. “No,” he breathed, staring intently as he took in slow, deep breaths. 

“Okay, good,” Hongjoong said, glancing around the small room. All it had was a little toilet in the corner and a sink without a mirror. “Do you want to go splash your face?” 

Seonghwa shook his head, eyes falling closed. 

“Alright,” Hongjoong allowed readily. “Do you want to sit?” 

There was a short pause where Seonghwa seemed to be taking in his surroundings, eyes opening and flickering around for a moment before he nodded slowly. 

Silently, Hongjoong guided him back to the bed, helping him sit- he wasn’t shaking, but he seemed grateful, not having to hold himself up. Hongjoong grabbed the blanket and pillow from the ground and set them beside Seonghwa, in case he wanted them. 

Seonghwa simply sat on the edge of the bed, curling over his knees and taking deep breaths. 

Hongjoong stood beside him, not sure what to do as Seonghwa gained control of himself again. 

Carefully, gingerly, gently, he placed a hand on Seonghwa’s bowed back and rubbed soothing circles between his shoulder blades. 

Seonghwa’s breath stuttered a bit, but returned to its rhythm. He didn’t tell Hongjoong to remove his hand. 

Hongjoong counted the circles he made, instead of the seconds. 

After 45 circles, Seonghwa lifted his head slowly, his hair fallen in his eyes as he straightened carefully. Hongjoong removed his hand slowly as Seonghwa took a final deep breath. 

Hongjoong leaned carefully to see him. “You okay?” he asked gently. 

Seonghwa inclined his head once. 

He wet his chapped lips, noticing the fine sheen of sweat on Seonghwa’s temples, his lips pressing together. “Was…” Seonghwa glanced at him, but looked away before he finished. “Was it… a nightmare, or something?” 

Seonghwa’s arms wrapped around himself gingerly as he stared off at nothing, expression going slightly blank, but defensive, as if something was coming for him. 

He nodded slowly. 

Hongjoong winced, but his expression pinched as he realized what Seonghwa had been attempted to do. 

“Is…” He risked a light hand on Seonghwa’s shoulder once more, the man stiffening under the touch. “Is that… why you always left so early?” he murmured. “Why you left the apartment? Nightmares?” 

Seonghwa was staring at the ground, but after five breaths, he nodded slowly. 

Hongjoong’s chest twisted. Through everything, nightmares had never entered his mind. And they certainly were never the reason he would suspect for why Seonghwa kept leaving. 

Hongjoong dropped into a squat beside Seonghwa, expression softened. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “You can’t leave yet, Seonghwa. But what else do you need?” he asked gently. “I can’t do much, but I can try-” 

“I said to stop trying to take care of me,” Seonghwa said, dull but firm, eyes darker as they lifted to stare at Hongjoong. 

Hongjoong’s mouth closed as he stared at the hard expression on Seonghwa. He held his tongue for a moment before nodding slowly. 

“We already talked about that,” He said gently. 

Seonghwa scoffed, bringing his hands up to cover his eyes with his palms. 

Hongjoong glanced around, not a single clue what time it was, but he settled on the ground beside Seonghwa’s bed, not touching him anymore, but waiting for him to gather himself. 

He counted the cracks in the tile. 

“What are they about?” Hongjoong murmured, drawing his knees up to be comfortable. “The… nightmares,” he whispered. “What are they about?”

“I die.” 

Hongjoong whipped around and found Seonghwa glaring at the ground, something haunted and angry in his eyes as his arms wrapped around his stomach, like he was going to be sick. 

“What?” he scoffed when Hongjoong looked at him. “Did you forget about that part?” he hissed bitterly. 

“You aren’t going to die,” Hongjoong said hoarsely, straightening. 

“You said you couldn’t promise me that,” Seonghwa muttered. 

“I can’t promise you a lot of things,” Hongjoong fought. “It’s impossible to truly promise something- there’s always going to be that .00001%, Seonghwa- That’s not a fair question.” 

“It’s a question I deserve to be able to ask,” Seonghwa hissed, a shiver running down his spine. “If you can’t promise me that-” 

“I don’t control enough variables to promise you that-” he tried. 

“Then what the  _ hell  _ is the point of your optimistic belief?”

“Then I can at least promise you  _ this _ ,” Hongjoong snapped, making Seonghwa jump. “I am  _ not  _ going to let you die, unless I’m beside you- dying, too-  _ got it _ , Seonghwa?” he hissed. 

Seonghwa stared as if Hongjoong had just slapped him across the face. 

Hongjoong glared at him, his blood racing. 

“I don’t know how else to say it to make you understand,” Hongjoong hissed, glaring at Seonghwa’s shocked expression. “I am going to do every  _ fucking  _ thing in my power to keep you  _ safe,  _ Seonghwa- And I’m  _ not  _ going to let them kill you- I’ll break both of us out before I let that happen!” 

Seonghwa continued to stare, almost looking frightened. 

“You an  _ innocent,  _ Seonghwa,” he spat. “Which means my job as a hero is to make sure you’re kept safe- and I’ll risk my life and anything else to make sure you make it out of here,  _ got it? _ ”

Seonghwa’s eyes were a little wide. 

A little startled. 

A little misty. 

Hongjoong’s expression softened as he took a deep breath, a hesitant hand extending towards Seonghwa, touching his knee gently. “I don’t know how else to say it. I don’t know how to make you believe it, Seonghwa. I just need you to believe me… like you said you did.” 

Seonghwa’s lips pressed together, like he had been caught doing something he shouldn’t. His jaw suddenly tightened as he dropped his head, hiding his expression from Hongjoong. 

Hongjoong squeezed his knee gently. “I told you,” he murmured. “I believe with everything I am, Seonghwa, that you will be happy at the end of it all… eventually.” 

Seonghwa’s fists curled at his sides. “You-” 

The door slid open. 

Both of them jumped, and when Hongjoong turned and saw two people in lab coats enter, he stood quickly, standing before Seonghwa. 

“What?” he asked defensively, one hand held out, like it might stop them. 

They paused just within the door. “We have an appointment with the patient for his evals,” the woman said briskly. “We’ll escort him to our room.” 

Hongjoong’s stomach dropped. Was it already morning? 

“Where?” he asked. 

The woman opened her mouth disapprovingly, but the man made a noise of understanding. “You’ll be the boy Eden told us about…” 

Hongjoong glared. “Where are you taking him? What are you doing first? I’m going with him. I have to- He trusts me-” 

“That’s a lot of questions,” the man chuckled. His posture was stiff, but his expression wasn’t… unpleasant. “He’s in no danger.” 

“That wasn’t one of my questions,” Hongjoong muttered lowly. 

He felt Seonghwa stand behind him, but he didn’t risk a glance back. He could feel his body heat from how close he stood, though. He glared at the two intruders. 

The man sighed quietly. “Very well,” he allowed. “The room is just a couple of floors up. It’ll be the psych evals, so we’ll just be asking him some questions and having our own psychic take a look in his head to examine his powers and his mental abilities.” 

He could feel Seonghwa stiffen behind him, and Hongjoong knew that that experience would not be pleasant for someone like Seonghwa (or anyone, really, for the first time). 

However, overall, it wasn’t bad. 

“Can I stay with him?” Hongjoong asked, holding his breath. 

The man, however, didn’t even hesitate. “You may come to the room, but you’ll have to wait outside of it. We need him to be uninfluenced when we speak with him. You will not be allowed in the room.” 

Hongjoong cursed under his breath, mind beginning to pick up speed as it tried to think. 

“Give us a minute,” Hongjoong said darkly. “I need to talk to him. I want him to understand everything that’s happening.” 

“We just explained it,” the woman said shortly. 

“I don’t care,” Hongjoong snapped. “I need to talk to him. He doesn’t understand how any of this works- he’s never been inside the system. Give me five minutes.” 

It wasn’t a request, really. Hongjoong would shove them both out if he had to. 

The woman rolled her eyes. The man looked as if he didn’t want to, but he eventually nodded with a sigh. “Five minutes,” he said, turning the woman around and steering her out of the room. 

The door slid closed, and Hongjoong turned around- 

“They’re not digging around inside my fucking head,” Seonghwa snapped, stepping away. 

“It sounds bad,” Hongjoong agreed quickly, hands extended to calm him. “And it’s uncomfortable, a bit, but it’s nothing horrible, Seonghwa. We do them after every mission- Eden, that man you saw, he takes our mission reports the same way. All they’re doing is looking-” 

“At  _ my  _ memories,  _ my  _ brain-” 

“It’s evidence,” Hongjoong said patiently. “It’s proof that you were hurt, Seonghwa- That you have cause for the anger you have.” He swallowed thickly. “It also proves that your powers influence your emotions, in some way. That’s all they’re going to be checking.” 

“I don’t want to,” he hissed, arms drawn in to protect himself. “You won’t even be in the room- how the hell will you ensure they don’t do anything?”

“Seonghwa-” 

“You said you’d stay with me!” he snapped, the anger his face not matching the fear in his eyes. 

“What did I tell you?” Hongjoong demanded, reaching out and taking Seonghwa’s hand gently- squeezing it. “Even if I’m not in the room- I won’t let them do anything to you, Seonghwa. I wouldn’t let them, if I thought you were in danger.” 

“They’re going in my head!” Seonghwa yelled, but didn’t tear his hand away. “They’re going to be looking at everythin-” 

His voice broke off, his chest rising and falling frantically- 

Hongjoong’s expression softened even as his heart rendered in two. 

“Seonghwa,” he whispered. “When they look in your head, they can make it so it seems like you’re just sleeping. You won’t have to relive… anything,” he murmured. “You won’t have to see anything again, experience it again…” 

Seonghwa stared at him warily. Distrustful. Hesitant. 

But he didn’t pull away. 

“I will be right outside that door,” Hongjoong promised fiercely. “I’ll be with you every moment I can be- and if you yell for me, I’ll break down the fucking door to get to you, understand?”

Hongjoong hadn’t been sure that “being there” for Seonghwa would be effective at all. 

But… when you spent your life with just yourself against the world… having someone volunteer to stand with you must be a pretty good deal. 

And he saw Seonghwa swallow some of his fear. 

“They’re going to talk to you,” Hongjoong said quietly. “And they’re going to ask you questions about your powers, your past, your life- and you probably won’t fucking like it, Seonghwa,” he warned him. 

Seonghwa’s jaw tightened. 

“But it’s all to prove that you were hurt,” Hongjoong whispered. “You wanted something in return for all the hurt, didn’t you?” he prompted gently. “This is the way to get that, Seonghwa. You have to talk to them truthfully.” 

Seonghwa’s eyes begged Hongjoong to not make him do that. 

And fuck if Hongjoong wouldn’t give anything to be able to spare Seonghwa all of this. 

He took a slow breath. “You’re scared of being vulnerable,” he whispered. 

Seonghwa flinched, anger sparking in his eyes that couldn’t quite catch. 

Hongjoong rubbed soothing circles in the back of his hand. “You’re scared… because the last time you were vulnerable, you were five years old and you were hurt so badly-” 

“Stop-” Seonghwa cut himself off, lips curling in as his eyes danced with… 

Pain. Pleading. Frightened. 

Hongjoong swallowed the lump in his throat. “You don’t want to feel, you don’t want to care… because you don’t want to be vulnerable again… Because if you’re vulnerable, you can be hurt again. And you swore you’d never let them hurt you again, didn’t you?” 

“You don’t know anything,” Seonghwa said, but it lacked any amount of force. 

“I know everything that you’ve ever told and shown me,” Hongjoong assured him firmly. “Because you’ve spent a lot of time telling me to shut up, to stop- but you’ve never once told me I was wrong.” 

Seonghwa looked ready to either tear away from Hongjoong or break again. 

“Trust me,” Hongjoong begged gently, squeezing. “One step at a time, Seonghwa- trust me, that I want to keep you safe.” 

Seonghwa scoffed, lowering his eyes, but it wasn’t bitter. It was almost giving up. “What the hell can I even do?” he muttered. “I can’t even use my powers. If there was ever a time I was vulnerable…” 

Hongjoong pressed his lips together. “Speak to them honestly, Seonghwa,” he said quietly. “I’m not the only person who wants to help you. There’s an entire army of heroes waiting to speak on your behalf.” 

Seonghwa lifted sharp eyes. “Why?” he demanded. 

Hongjoong tried to smile, but it flickered out. “Because you’re an innocent, Seonghwa. Protecting you is our job.” 

~~~~~~~~~~

The man of their two scientists held onto Seonghwa’s wrist firmly. 

“Only the rooms of the facility have the power muting set up,” he explained. “I’ll mute your powers between rooms. Do not struggle, or my colleague will subdue you.” 

Hongjoong glanced at Seonghwa, making sure he understood. Seonghwa expression was a hard mask of anticipation, but he nodded. 

Seonghwa didn’t resist as his hands were drawn behind his back in handcuffs. 

Nor as the man touched him. 

Nor as Hongjoong’s hand carefully laid against his arm. 

Hongjoong was not muted (which he was semi-grateful for, in case something happened). They were lead into an elevator, Seonghwa alarmingly silent and calm as he stared off blankly. 

Hongjoong squeezed his arm gently, but it got him no reaction. 

Just outside the elevator was the room in question. It was set up with a table and three chairs- two on one side, and one on the other. It didn’t seem quite like an interrogation room, but it certainly wasn’t a therapy setting. 

Hongjoong pulled them to a halt at the door, both lab coats staring at him in disapproval. Seonghwa finally focused on him, eyes landing on him slowly. 

“I can’t go in,” Hongjoong said regretfully. “But I am going to be right out here, Seonghwa. I promise. I’ll even be looking through the door.” 

“That-” 

“Acceptable,” the man cut off, before the woman could complain. “Come, we have a schedule to keep up with.” 

Hongjoong’s fingers slowly released Seonghwa as the three of them entered the small room. The door slid shut behind them, and Hongjoong pressed himself against it. The small window was almost too thin to really see through, but he saw them all settle in- Seonghwa’s hands remaining tied behind his back. 

Hongjoong was afraid to even blink. 

He couldn’t hear a thing- just saw the backs of the heads of the scientists and Seonghwa’s hardened expression as cold as ice, lips moving stiffly. 

And Hongjoong watched. 

Every question that made Seonghwa flinch and wince and glare and stare and lock down and harden and hesitate and grit his teeth and stiffen into stone and bare his teeth and clearly snap at them and hold his tongue- 

Hongjoong watched. 

Seonghwa did not look at him. Almost pointedly, Seonghwa did not look at him. 

Until the moment that Seonghwa’s anger washed into pale horror- eyes wide and face going white and mouth falling open- 

As if they were holding some sort of threat to his neck. 

Hongjoong’s heart leapt to his throat- 

He was suddenly being shoved aside, and Eden was striding into the room angrily, and Hongjoong only caught a flash of anger in his face. 

“That question is unrelated to the investigation!” Eden snapped, showing a true anger that Hongjoong had never seen before. 

Seonghwa’s wide eyes flitted passed Eden, locking onto Hongjoong who stared in concern. 

Seonghwa quickly turned away. 

“Eden, what the hell are you doing?” the woman said sharply, standing. “You are spying on an official investigation-” 

“That is abusing its power over someone who doesn’t understand his rights,” Eden snapped. “Your question is completely unrelated to the question of whether or not he’s under full control of himself and capable of remorse!” 

“All questions about the suspects personal and emotional life are relevant,” the woman snapped. 

“Not this one,” Eden said lowly, voice dangerous. “His relationship with certain people is completely irrelevant- especially in the context you were asking. His friendships are one thing, but anything beyond that is irrelevant!”

“Eden!” the woman yelled. 

The man held his hand out, staring at Eden. “Perhaps, his more intimate relations are inconsequential. However, that does not excuse your spying on our investigation.” 

“If you’re going to be breaking the code of ethics you swore, I’m glad I did,” Eden said darkly. “If you won’t keep yourselves in line to give fair accounts, I’ll have to take matters into my own hands- and we do  _ not  _ want me to have to inconvenience myself to such a degree.” 

Hongjoong stared, holding his hands to his chest with his heart beating rapidly as Seonghwa stared at his knees. 

His expression was twisted. 

Something pained and dark and betrayed and angry- 

“Seonghwa.” 

Eden glanced back at Hongjoong’s quiet call. Seonghwa stiffened, not looking up. 

Hongjoong said nothing else. He watched Seonghwa’s shoulder bunch, and then he slowly glanced up at Hongjoong. 

He tried to smile encouragingly, nodding to show that it was okay. Seonghwa’s eyes locked on his, something inside of them shaking. Cracking. 

Hongjoong’s smile faded slightly as Seonghwa lowered his eyes. 

It was almost as if he couldn’t look at Hongjoong, avoiding his gaze. 

Eden’s lips pressed together. “I will be monitoring,” he warned the two darkly, glaring. “Do not attempt to exploit him in any way- you’re here to gather information, not spread the latest gossip.” 

Without letting them respond, Eden turned on his heel, slamming the door shut. Hongjoong had to take a step back to avoid being run into. 

Eden sent one more glare at the door. “Ridiculous,” he muttered. “I’m sorry, Hongjoong,” he said quietly. “Apparently, there are more dumbasses here than I originally suspected.” 

“What did they ask him?” Hongjoong asked, looking passed Eden to see Seonghwa through the window staring darkly. “What made him look so scared?”

Intimate relationships? Like his mother? 

“Irrelevant questions,” Eden muttered, scoffing. He shook his head. “Hongjoong, when you go under questioning, only answer relevant questions,” he warned him. “Nothing overly personal needs to be brought into this. Only answer what you’re comfortable with, and what you believe to be relevant to helping Seonghwa, understand?”

He stared at Hongjoong sternly, and Hongjoong was startled a bit, but he nodded slowly. 

Eden’s hard expression lasted another moment before he sighed quietly, the anger melting as he laid a hand on Hongjoong’s shoulder, squeezing. 

“Your team is here for questioning,” He said quietly. 

Hongjoong’s stomach swooped. “They’re okay?” he demanded. 

“Perfectly fine,” Eden assured him, nodding. “You won’t be able to see them until later, after your own questioning. But you have a busy day ahead of you, Hongjoong. I hope you’re prepared, though I’m trying to make it as painless for the two of you as possible.” 

Hongjoong was once again, endlessly hit with the fact that he would never have survived this long without so many people at his back, even if they hadn’t been directly at his side the whole time. 

They were there when he truly needed them. 

He nodded, not trusting his voice. 

Eden squeezed his shoulder once more. “I’ll be back if they step out of line, but I have a few more things to set up. Hang in there, Hongjoong,” he said gently. 

Hongjoong turned back to the window before Eden had even left, staring at Seonghwa. 

He was no longer glaring and snapping at the questioners. He simply stared at the table, something emotionless and cloudy in his eyes. 

Hongjoong continued to stare, nose pressed to the glass like a child staring at a candy shop longingly. 

At length (Hongjoong didn’t know exactly how long), the two of them stood. Hongjoong watched them gesture for Seonghwa to stand. 

Seonghwa didn’t move, staring at the table. 

Hongjoong’s stomach curled in concern as they gestured, sharper this time, and Seonghwa continued to ignore them. 

The woman rapt the table with her knuckles- 

Hongjoong knocked sharply against the window, frantic, until both of them glanced at him. He glared, gesturing to the handle. 

Something was wrong with Seonghwa, and them getting upset with him was not going to help anything. 

They looked disapproving, but the man eventually opened the door. Hongjoong practically shoved him aside as he strode inside, over to Seonghwa, ignoring the woman who scoffed. 

Hongjoong didn’t crowd him, standing a couple feet away and crouching down. “Seonghwa?” he asked quietly, afraid to touch for a moment. 

He didn’t know what Seonghwa had been asked, what he had said, how they had spoken to him- 

Seonghwa… slowly lifted his eyes to Hongjoong. 

They were tired. Something drained and exhausted. 

Hongjoong pressed his lips together. “What do you need?” he asked, practically whispering to keep the others out of their conversation. 

Seonghwa stared at him, that same emotionless pallor he had seen before. 

Hongjoong swallowed. “I’m gonna hug you, Seonghwa, okay?” 

No shift or change in Seonghwa’s expression, but Hongjoong stood slowly, stepping over carefully- giving ample time for Seonghwa to speak, for him to push away, for him to deny the touch- 

When Hongjoong placed hesitant arms around Seonghwa, the other almost melted into his arms- his head falling forward onto Hongjoong’s chest, even if his hands remained behind his back. Hongjoong blinked in surprise, tightening his hold just a touch. 

Seonghwa leaned on him heavily, once again seeming like he just couldn’t hold himself up anymore. 

Hongjoong ran a hand in circles on his back slowly, his heart beating hard. “You did well, Seonghwa,” he murmured, running a comforting hand along his back. “You did so well- It’s okay, it’s all going to be okay.”

Seonghwa shook the slightest bit, but he nodded minisculely against Hongjoong, showing his understanding. 

Hongjoong glanced at the two standing by the door. “What’s the verdict?” he asked, keeping his voice low. 

“We can’t reveal that at this time,” the woman said stiffly. “Both for a lack of completed tests, and the fact that the only time we can reveal that information is at the trial. The second test is taking place in the room next door. Come, we have a schedule.” 

“Give him a fucking minute,” Hongjoong said sternly, glaring. “You asked him clearly distressing questions- give him a second to catch his fucking breath.” 

The woman seemed infinitely more pissy than the man, who simply sighed, dragging her out of the room again, both of them standing outside the door that remained open, but giving them space. 

Hongjoong turned back to Seonghwa, staring at the top of his dark hair that was so unkempt and unruly. 

He brushed a careful hand through it to settle it back into place absently. 

“You did so well, Seonghwa,” he murmured warmly. “You kept control, you made it through the whole thing.” 

He felt Seonghwa take a deep breath, letting go of it too quickly. 

“I don’t want them inside my head,” Seonghwa croaked into Hongjoong’s chest. “I don’t- I don’t want them in there-” 

“Okay,” Hongjoong said calmly, warm hand gliding over his back gently. “I know, Seonghwa… But it won’t harm you at all,” he assured him. “I’ve done this sort of thing a million times-” 

“I don’t want them in there,” Seonghwa hissed, stiffening.

“Trust me, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong said quietly, eyes pleading. “Just trust me, I won’t-” 

“It’s  _ them  _ I don’t trust!” Seonghwa snapped, jerking away from Hongjoong to face him with strained eyes. “I know  _ you  _ wouldn’t hurt me- but how the hell can you expect me to afford them the same faith?” he demanded. 

Hongjoong stood very still, not wanting to make a wrong move. He relaxed slightly, though, his shoulders falling as Seonghwa glared. 

“I’m sorry,” Hongjoong whispered, expression falling. “I’m sorry, Seonghwa, I can’t-” 

He broke off, lips pressing together. 

Seonghwa glared. 

“I… I’m sorry,” Hongjoong said, finding all other vocabulary leaving his tongue. “I… I don’t know what to tell you- I- I just need you to trust-” 

“What proof have they given me to trust them?” he demanded darkly. “It’s bad enough when they’re in person, I’m not going to let them root around my head freely-” 

“Eden will be monitoring,” Hongjoong promised. “He stepped in before, he won’t let them do anything-” 

“Time’s up,” the man called from the doorway. “Come on, kids, we have to move on.” 

“A minute,” Hongjoong snapped at them, turning back to Seonghwa. “Seonghwa,” he whispered hurriedly. “They haven’t given you any reason to trust them, but please tell me I’ve given you enough to extend my trust a little farther…” 

Seonghwa’s jaw tightened. 

Hongjoong’s hand rested against Seonghwa’s shoulder- his arms still behind his back- locking eyes with him sternly. 

“I will  _ not…  _ let them hurt you,” he whispered fiercely. “I’m not directly involved, but I’m going to be with you, Seonghwa. I won’t leave your side- I’ll do everything in my power to make sure nothing happens- Just trust me a little more, Seonghwa…” 

Seonghwa’s shoulder twitched, his eyes flickering over to Hongjoong’s hand resting on it. 

“It’s not fair for me to keep demanding more and more blind faith,” Hongjoong breathed. “But I don’t know what else to do-” 

“It’s not…” 

Hongjoong choked off. Seonghwa stared at Hongjoong’s hand touching him, slowly pulling his shoulder away- not rejecting the touch, but allowing himself to freedom to stand slowly, wavering only slightly due to his bound hands. 

Hongjoong stared, feeling like he’d been punched in the gut as Seonghwa stared at the ground, like he couldn’t keep Hongjoong’s eyes once more. 

“It’s not… blind,” Seonghwa murmured under his breath, making Hongjoong’s heart clench. “You’ve…earned it,” he whispered like someone was tearing the words out. 

Hongjoong was still gaping at him when Seonghwa walked slowly passed Hongjoong, standing in the doorway. 

Hongjoong could only stare after him. 

He really… 

He really didn’t call it blind faith? 

Hongjoong managed to follow them when the man lead Seonghwa along a couple of rooms down, pushing open another door. 

This one was just as bare, but not as cold. 

There was a cot, a few chairs, and a machine near the cot. A man sat beside the cot, fiddling with the machine. 

Seonghwa halted in his tracks at the sight of the wires. 

“It’s a recording device,” Hongjoong said quickly, comfortingly. “All it’s going to do is record the brainwaves, so they can be reviewed later. They do the same thing during our mission reports.” 

Seonghwa glanced at him, eyes looking like an animal being backed into a corner. 

“I’m staying with him this time,” Hongjoong said sharply. “There’s no reason I can’t be present.” 

The man nodded. “I suppose so. Just don’t interfere.” 

“Don’t fuck with him, and I won’t have to,” Hongjoong muttered darkly. Seonghwa glanced at him. 

Hongjoong guided him away from the man’s touch. “It’s simple,” Hongjoong promised in a quiet voice. “Lay down, relax, and the man is going to touch your head. You’ll fall asleep.” He winced. “If you’re not used to it, it can make you panic a little- because it’s so sudden. But it’s okay- it’s normal, Seonghwa, I swear.” 

Seonghwa stared at the cot. 

Such a vulnerable position. 

“I’ll be on your other side,” Hongjoong promised. “The machine doesn’t even hook up to you- it’s for the man reading you. Just relax, and try not to panic while you fall asleep, okay?” 

Seonghwa nodded almost blindly, not looking at Hongjoong. 

“He won’t relive anything?” Hongjoong demanded of the man in the chair. 

He glared at the younger’s audacity, but nodded. 

Seonghwa’s hands were released, his shoulder rolling out their stiffness as his hands rested on his stomach, squeezing each other with white knuckles. 

Seonghwa looked marginally less panicked as Hongjoong helped him lay down. “Don’t touch him yet,” he snapped at the man who started moving forward. 

Another glare, but Hongjoong looked down at Seonghwa who looked more nervous than a child at the dentist. 

“I’ll be right here the whole time,” He promised, Seonghwa’s eyes flickering away from the machine to stare at him with wide eyes. 

Reactively, Hongjoong took Seonghwa’s hand gently. 

Seonghwa didn’t reject the touch, his hand squeezing Hongjoong’s back instantly. 

Truthfully, Hongjoong felt better with his hand holding his, as well. 

“Just focus on me,” Hongjoong coaxed when Seonghwa’s eyes began to wander to the man again. He turned away from him, zeroing in on Hongjoong’s face, locking on. 

Hongjoong smiled warmly. “Just focus on me. It’ll feel like no time passes- you’ll be okay, Seonghwa. I’ll be right here.” 

The man attached the little nodes to his own head, scooting closer to Seonghwa. 

“Can you promise me that?” Seonghwa breathed, face a little pale with fear. 

Hongjoong squeezed his hand hard enough to be painful. “As much as I humanly can, I promise,” he whispered. “Just focus on me. I’ll be the first thing you see when you wake up, okay?”

The man’s fingers touched Seonghwa’s forehead. Seonghwa flinched, but didn’t take his eyes off of Hongjoong- as if he was now afraid to look away. 

Fear shone through too powerfully. 

Hongjoong ran his thumb comfortingly across his skin, smiling warm and gentle- 

Seonghwa sucked in a sharp breath suddenly- 

And then his eyes fell closed slowly, his hand going limp in Hongjoong’s, but he only held on tighter, not letting it fall through. 

His other hand came up and wrapped around Seonghwa’s as well. 

He wouldn’t let go. It’d take a fucking apocalypse to tear them apart. 

He saw the woman roll her eyes at them, the psychic touching Seonghwa’s forehead closing his eyes, the machine’s lights blinking gently- 

Hongjoong stared at Seonghwa. 

He could feel his heartbeat pick up for a moment before falling into a gentle rhythm. 

Eden was watching. Seonghwa was okay. Eden would make sure he was okay. 

Hongjoong didn’t bother trying to count time. He simply stared at the slow rise and fall of Seonghwa’s chest, the occasional twitch of his hand clasped in both of Hongjoong’s- 

The uncommon twitch of his expression, like he was entering REM sleep- eyes flicking like he was watching a movie. 

Hongjoong’s stomach flipped and curled and churned. 

_ He’s not reliving anything, don’t worry,  _ Eden’s voice whispered in the back of his mind. 

Hongjoong didn’t respond, simply let go of a breath he didn’t realize he was holding, dropping his head until his forehead rested on their joined hands. 

He didn’t know how long they were there. But the window’s lighting changed from afternoon to evening, everything casted in a golden glow by the time the psychic sat up straight, opening his eyes. 

He hummed, turning away from Seonghwa and removing his wires. 

Seonghwa’s head fell sideways, towards Hongjoong, who stiffened in anticipation. 

His eyes fluttered open silently, half-asleep and groggy as he stared blankly at Hongjoong. 

Hongjoong smiled gently, something in his chest… clenching, but in a good way. 

Seonghwa’s dark brown eyes focused on Hongjoong, blinking slowly, but latching onto him, like he was afraid to let his eyes wander again. 

Hongjoong’s lips twitched, something relieved swelling in his throat. “Everything okay?” he asked carefully. 

Seonghwa was still out of it, but he nodded slowly, eyes falling closed again, a gentle squeeze to Hongjoong’s hands grasping his. Hongjoong smiled a little emotionally, squeezing his hand back. 

Slowly, Hongjoong helped Seonghwa sit up, his upper body swaying slightly as he came back to himself. 

“You’ll be returned to the holding cell for now,” the woman told them, a distasteful curl to her lips as he watched Seonghwa stand slowly. “Your testimony will be gathered. The trial will likely take place tomorrow.” 

“That soon?” Hongjoong asked, eyes widening. 

He wasn’t sure how long they usually took to set up, but it surely had to be longer than 48 hours, right? 

Seonghwa was still a little out of it as his hands were once again bound behind his back, and when he began to pull away, Hongjoong placed a comforting hand against his arm. 

“It’s okay,” he murmured without thinking, squeezing. “We’re just going back to the room. You can rest in there.” 

Seonghwa didn’t resist again, following with eyes that slowly cleared the more he moved along. 

Hongjoong kept a close eye on him, ensuring he didn’t stumble, watching his face for discomfort or panic. 

They made it back to their room without incident. 

The man released Seonghwa into the room, his hands unbound, and Hongjoong stepped in quickly, like they might try and shut the door between them. 

Seonghwa stood within the room, rubbing at his wrists idly. Hongjoong glanced at the door. 

The man exited and immediately walked away, shaking his head. 

Hongjoong began to turn away, back to Seonghwa. 

The woman scoffed, lips curling as she turned away. “Murdering bastard,” Hongjoong heard her mutter under her breath. 

He whipped around, expression hardening. “Excuse me?” he snapped. 

The woman stopped, glancing back at him with a bitter, disapproving expression. “I believe I spoke quietly, which implies that it isn’t your business.” 

“Don’t say it where people can hear, then,” Hongjoong said sharply. “Or better yet, don’t mutter under your breath and say it to our fucking faces.” 

She rolled her eyes. “You’re obviously convinced of some sort of misplacement of blame,” she scoffed. “Murder is murder- you don’t seem to grasp that.” 

She didn’t turn away, locking dark eyes with Hongjoong whose blood began to race. 

“And what exactly are you trying to say?” Hongjoong hissed, fingers curling. “Don’t fucking mutter behind our backs- What the hell are you trying to say about him?” he demanded. 

God, the fucking unfairness of it. Like an animal being goaded. 

“I don’t care if they do admit him to rehab- I don’t care if they pardon him completely,” she snapped, lips curling. Her eyes cut past Hongjoong, landing on Seonghwa behind him. “He’s still a gleeful murderer, and he deserves all the rotting time any other would be afforded!” 

Hongjoong jerked forward, waiting to feel the spark of anger along his skin, until he realized he couldn’t use his powers. 

His body continued rushing forward regardless, the  _ injustice  _ and  _ unfairness  _ of it all, something that soured within his blood- 

A hand caught his arm sharply, jerking it back, yanking Hongjoong to a halt. 

He turned swiftly, blazing eyes burning- 

Landing on Seonghwa’s quietly emotionless expression staring at him. 

His fingers wrapped completely around Hongjoong’s wrist, holding back his fist from striking the woman. 

Her shocked expression changed back to anger. “You both deserve to rot in these cells,” she hissed, slamming the door shut and disappearing quickly. 

Hongjoong barely heard him, staring at Seonghwa… who had stopped him. 

Had stopped him from hurting someone. 

Hongjoong’s anger faded at his blank stare, and he dropped his head as something like shame burdened his heart. He tugged his wrist free from Seonghwa, head dropping low as his face burned. 

He walked to the bed. “Sorry,” he muttered, unable to lift his eyes. “I shouldn’t have lashed out… It might have made things worse, they might have tried to use it against us-” 

“You would have gotten in trouble.” 

Hongjoong still couldn’t lift his head, rubbing at his eyes. “I know, I’m sorr-” 

“Outside of me.” 

This time, he did look up. Seonghwa stared at him and then slowly looked away. “My case is set in stone,” he murmured quietly. “I doubt something as trivial as you punching someone would change much, if they’ve already made a decision.” 

He shifted on his feet as Hongjoong stared. 

“But you… they could punish you for a lot more… for something so small,” Seonghwa said quietly. He finally looked up at Hongjoong, eyes reserved, but shimmering. “Don’t fight for me,” he murmured. “I know you want to… but don’t.” 

“How the hell can you try and tell me that, now?” he demanded, gesturing around them, shaking his head. “You think I really have another option, Seonghwa? I already told you this- why the hell wouldn’t I fight for you?”

“Because everytime you’ve tried, you’ve gotten hurt for it,” Seonghwa said, a bit sharp and a bit harsh. “Even when we were kids, you were punished by your stupid parents, and-” 

“I was a  _ kid,”  _ Hongjoong broke in. “Every kid got punished for disobeying.” Seonghwa sighed, looking away, his back turning to Hongjoong. 

The few feet between them felt like an ocean. 

Hongjoong stared at Seonghwa’s back that was stiff and cold. 

But it seemed more vulnerable than any other position Seonghwa had ever held. 

There was something bitter there. 

“Do you… regret meeting as kids?” Hongjoong asked carefully, his chest clenched, as if preparing itself for the hurt it knew would come. Everything was suddenly too quiet. “You… called me your first mistake.” 

Seonghwa’s shoulders stiffened, his head dropping as his fists curled. 

Hongjoong winced. “Do you actually… regret it?” 

Because to Hongjoong… those moments as a child… were everything. He hadn’t remembered them for half his life, but they had shaped him in ways he had never realized. 

They were irreplaceable. 

Seonghwa’s back rose in a shaking breath.

“You…” he breathed roughly. “You… were the best… and worst thing to ever happen to me.” 

Hongjoong’s heart rose and sank rapidly, giving him whiplash. He frowned. “Worst… and best?” 

“The best,” Seonghwa whispered, not turning. “Because you were the one thing that made my pitiful life worth living.” 

Hongjoong winced. 

“And the worst… because it only broke that much more of me away when you were gone.” Seonghwa turned slowly… like he didn’t want to, but something was making him. “Worst, because that was just a bigger and bigger part of me that you took when my mother moved us.” 

Hongjoong… never expected those answers. Anything, really, but those answers. 

“You were my first mistake,” Seonghwa said, voice heavy and dark with regret. “Because you were the first person I allowed myself to be vulnerable to. You were the first person I allowed near me… and it only hurt that much more when I inevitably lost it.” 

“I came back…”

“Don’t talk as if it was on purpose,” Seonghwa said darkly. “I faded from your memory as much as you faded from mine.”

“Did you forget me?” Hongjoong prompted gently, not anticipating one answer or another. 

There was a quiet chuckle. “It was easy to convince myself you were nothing more than a dream.”

Hongjoong hummed quietly, thinking that better than just allowing him to fade. 

“When I realized it was you,” Seonghwa murmured, his expression hidden as his voice spoke quietly. “... I don’t even know what I felt. Most of it was anger… In that moment, I hated you.”

And Hongjoong…suspected what the reasoning was, but he watched Seonghwa sadly and he asked anyway. 

“Why did you hate me?”

There was a terse silence. 

Seonghwa looked at him with sharp eyes that were not harsh. 

“Because you left me.”

Hongjoong’s lips pressed together tightly, his heart wrenching silently as he nodded in understanding. 

Seonghwa turned away. 

“I suppose it’s just one of many misdirected angers I’ve held onto, isn’t it?” He muttered. 

Hongjoong blinked, taken aback but the quiet stance that. 

“What?” He asked quietly. 

Seonghwa glanced at him from the corner of his eye, as if confused by Hongjoong’s confusion. 

“I placed blame on you,” he said, as if it should be obvious. “Someone who was as helpless in our situation as I was. You were the last person I should have blamed.” 

Hongjoong almost wanted to laugh. 

Most of him was marveling at Seonghwa’s realizations of who deserved his anger and who did not. However minimal it might be. 

“I won’t leave this time,” Hongjoong promised quietly, just because he could. 

“You didn’t leave last time,” Seonghwa reminded him with a roll of his eyes. 

“I know,” Hongjoong agreed quickly, holding Seonghwa’s gaze sternly. “But I won’t leave this time, either.”

He saw Seonghwa’s jaw twitch, his expression tightening slight- almost like someone had knocked the wind from him. 

Hongjoong watched Seonghwa’s eyes drop to the floor as he moved passed Hongjoong quickly, shoulders barely brushing as he moved to the bed. 

“Seonghwa,” Hongjoong said quietly, turning to follow him as Seonghwa sat heavily on the bed. “I want you to know-“

The door of the room suddenly opened, a woman Hongjoong had never seen before standing there. 

“Mr. Kim?” She asked, voice gentle but authoritative. “We need to ask you a few questions.” 

Hongjoong stared at her, glancing at Seonghwa sitting with his head down. “I- Okay…”

“Outside,” she said, gesturing. “We need to have a talk in a separate room. For questioning...”

“I’m not leaving him,” Hongjoong said firmly, glaring-

“Go.”

He turned quickly, eyes widening at Seonghwa staring up at him through his hair hanging in his face. 

“Seong-“

“It’s fine,” he said firmly, not angry but resolute. “I… I want a little… time,” he said stiltedly, dropping his eyes once more. “Alone…” 

Hongjoong pressed his lips together. 

He was absolutely on board to give Seonghwa the space he wanted. But not within a place like this. Filled with people like that woman. 

But Hongjoong didn’t really see where he had a choice. 

He nodded quietly. “Okay,” he murmured. “I’ll be back,” he swore. 

Seonghwa didn’t look at him. 

“Seonghwa.” 

The terseness of his voice made the other look up, surprised. 

Hongjoong locked eyes with him, intent on never breaking away if he could help it. “I’m going to come back,” he promised. 

Seonghwa’s throat bobbed as he swallowed silently. But he inclined his head once, which was the only statement of understanding that Hongjoong needed to look away and allow himself to be lead away by the woman. 

She walked beside him briskly. “My name is Dr. Bae, and I’ll be asking you a few questions about your story, your relationship with the target, and your opinion on some of the events that have taken place- okay?” 

She offered him a glance that wasn’t happy, wasn’t peppy- but it wasn’t the disapproval and bitterness that some of the others had. 

Hongjoong nodded obediently, his body feeling the distance between him and Seonghwa with each step they took. 

“He won’t be bothered,” Dr. Bae told him, a comforting smile on her lips. “They won’t be needing him until the trial tomorrow. The only person who may go in is the lady to bring him food.” 

It didn’t assuage his fears at all, but it at least gave him some sort of relief as he nodded. 

Dr. Bae hummed as they stepped into the elevator, pressing one floor up. “I’m not supposed to do diagnosing and analyzing outside of official context,” she said quietly, not looking at Hongjoong, even when he glanced at her. “But… you care a great deal for the target, don’t you?” 

Hongjoong felt his tongue grow heavy, something defensive curling in his mouth like a blockade- 

“Off the record,” she assured him, finally giving him a half-smile. “You’re the only person I’ve ever seen follow a villain in here- hell, the first person I’ve seen fight for the rights of a villain.” 

She didn’t say it mockingly. 

She almost sounded like she was impressed. 

“He’s not a villain,” Hongjoong said, almost reactionarily. 

Dr. Bae lifted a curious eyebrow, glancing around as the elevator opened and they stepped out. “Off record?” she prompted. 

Hongjoong’s eyes stared at the white tiles they walked on. “He’s done… horrible things. He’s killed people. But it wasn’t  _ him _ .” 

Dr. Bae made a noise of understanding as she swiped a keycard at a door. “Ah, yes, I had read something like that in the report… But you didn’t always know that, did you, Mr. Kim?” she asked, eyebrow raised curiously. 

She hadn’t ushered him in, and Hongjoong assumed that once they entered, things would be going on the record. 

He didn’t exactly care- he would say the same things on record, too. 

“Not always,” he agreed. “I… suspected, after a few encounters.” 

Her eyebrow rose higher. “Then what made you hesitate for the first few encounters, before you began to suspect?” 

Hongjoong’s lips pressed together. 

He didn’t know what these people knew. Didn’t know what they  _ needed  _ to know. 

Eden told him to just answer relevant questions that could help Seonghwa- What if something seemingly small could help him?

What if knowing their entire history together added to his credibility or something? 

Hongjoong wasn’t afraid or ashamed to admit everything he knew and felt about Seonghwa- he knew him to be a good person and he felt like everything about his life had been a misfortune that he was still suffering for. 

He looked the doctor in her sharp, curious eyes. “Can we just say on this on the record? I’d rather not have to repeat myself too many times.” 

He had been repeating a lot of stuff for a long time. 

Dr. Bae looked taken aback. “You want to have this on the record? Everything you say will be visible to the court and anyone involved in the questioning or trials,” she warned him. 

Hongjoong felt something in his stomach turn to stone- but not a heavy stone. 

A determined one. One that was grasped in a hand tightly, prepared to be thrown. 

“I’m not ashamed of anything I’ve done,” Hongjoong told her. “And I don’t regret any decision I made. I have nothing to hide because I know that every decision I made was the morally correct one. I know that where I stand is right. And I intend for everyone to agree, at the end of this.” 

There was a pause, Dr. Bae glancing him up and down slowly, as if scanning him for something. 

Hongjoong didn’t move- like even a shift would mess up the scan. 

Eventually, she nodded, the smallest upturn to her lips. “An interesting speech,” she said gently. “I’d love to hear about the events that prompted those statement.” She gestured him inside. (She didn’t quite smile, but he saw it in her eyes.) 

Hongjoong entered without hesitation, a small table and two chairs set up for them. 

“This may be lengthy,” she warned as she took her own seat that had a notepad in front of it. “You’re our prime testimony. A lot of this trial rides on what you say…” She gave him a curious look, as if ensuring he understood this. 

“Good,” Hongjoong said, sitting in the cold, hard chair with his hands in his lap. “Maybe he stands a chance, then.” 

Dr. Bae smiled quietly, flipping open her pad. “I like a person who wants to save people,” she admitted, clicking her pen like a starting gun. 

Hongjoong didn’t think it was really possible to trust the people here. 

But at the very least, he liked her. 

“Now,” she began officially. “Let’s start small. When did you first meet the target?”

Lifetimes, ago, it seemed. 

He didn’t know if this lady truly understood the story she was getting into. 

~~~~~~~~

Hongjoong was dismissed after what felt like an eternity. Three hours… 

They’d talked to Seonghwa for a fraction of that time, and it made Hongjoong nervous, but it wasn’t something he could do anything about. 

He’d told them everything, and he’d answered every question. 

Hongjoong still didn’t know what question they could have asked Seonghwa to make Eden intervene like that, but there was no one breaking into Hongjoong’s interview at any of the questions. 

“I’m afraid the next time we meet may be at the trial,” Dr. Bae said as he left. “But.. understand that I wish you and your…  _ friend, _ all the best.”

Hongjoong didn’t know what the woman thought of him, or his story, but she hadn’t scoffed or made a single sneer at him, so he had to feel hopeful. 

So maybe someone was on their side. 

Dr. Bae walked Hongjoong to the elevator and told him to get going. 

“Aren’t you supposed to escort me there?” Hongjoong asked, eyebrows raising as she pushed him in gently. 

Dr. Bae looked amused, in the gentlest way Hongjoong had ever seen as she smiled knowingly. “Mr. Kim, I highly doubt you have any intentions of going anywhere but back to Mr. Park’s side.” 

The door closed before Hongjoong could say anything in return, even if his stuck throat cooperated enough to speak. 

Well… she apparently believed most of his story, then. 

Dr. Bae had done nothing more than comment occasionally about Hongjoong’s eagerness or his choice of action. 

Mostly along the lines of “Interesting…” or “And you didn’t regret that?” or “You clearly cared for him very much…” 

Hongjoong’s mind was still racing from the questions and comments, trying to figure out if he had done well or not… He’d told her everything. 

He was ashamed of nothing. 

He wondered if Seonghwa had acted the same… 

Hongjoong exited the elevator, walking absently down the hall to Seonghwa’s room, eyes on the floor- 

“ _ Hyung! _ ” 

A body slammed into him before he could even look up, nearly breaking his neck as San’s body collided with his mercilessly. 

He got the air knocked out of him as Wooyoung’s body was suddenly added to the pile- Yunho wrapping all three of them in his arms, squeezing too, too tight- 

“What are you guys-” He tried to squeak out as he saw Yeosang and the others standing from the ground outside Seonghwa’s door. 

“We were so fucking worried, even with Eden giving us updates,” San admitted shamelessly, tearing away from Hongjoong to stare at him with stern eyes. “You’ve got to stop pulling these stupid stunts, hyung- at least, start giving us warning!” 

“What stunt?” Hongjoong demanded as he was released when Jongho started peeling arms off of him. 

“All of it!” Wooyoung said sharply, glaring in disapproval. “Getting Seonghwa to turn himself in, going with him, having the rest of us called in for questioning-” 

“It was better than having a three way battle with us caught in the middle,” Hongjoong said, perhaps a little too fiercely. “I didn’t have time to think, I was trying to keep us all alive.” 

He watched surprise flit across his team’s faces at the sharp words that Hongjoong hadn’t even intended to come out defensive. 

San’s expression softened in understanding. “Right,” he said quietly. “We… We forgot that you’ve been dealing with a lot, hyung…” 

“Sorry,” Hongjoong said quickly, taking San’s arm and squeezing. “I- I didn’t mean to snap-” 

“It was hardly a snap,” Wooyoung scoffed, losing the anger to shrug easily. “We’re just trying to give you a hard time… We forgot that you haven’t had anything but a hard time since this started.” 

“Eden has kept us mostly up to date,” Yeosang said, appearing beside them. “He told us you were going in for questioning, and once you got back, we’d finally be able to see you.” 

“They separated all of us, too,” Jongho told him. “To stop us from collaborating stories before questioning.” 

“No one will really tell me anything,” Hongjoong admitted heavily. “I don’t know if we’re making a good case, or just delaying the inevitable…” 

He had to make it out of this. 

“They won’t tell us anything, either,” Yunho informed him. “We just answer their questions. Earlier today, we saw them bringing Team ACE through. ACE were talking about Team TBZ coming in next-” 

“They’re calling in  _ everyone _ ,” San said, eyes widening to show emphasis. 

“More that everyone is demanding to come in,” Yeosang corrected, the corner of his lips quirking. “ACE heard about it and said they had relevant info, and once TBZ had time to cool off, they realized that there must be something more… We think they’re on our side.” 

“Grey was here, according to Eden,” Wooyoung warned him, making Hongjoong’s stomach plummet. “And a few other heroes who were involved on the missions for 1117.” 

Those people would not likely be as forgiving as the other teams… 

Hongjoong glanced passed them at Seonghwa’s door, lips pressing together. “Well, let me talk to-” 

“Hongjoong!” 

He turned quickly to see Dr. Bae exiting the elevator, expression grim. 

His stomach somehow dropped further. “What?” he asked, feeling his team tense behind him. 

(Despite the knot in his stomach, he felt their presence like a physical pillar to lean and brace himself against.) 

“They’ve moved up the trial time from tomorrow evening to the morning,” she told him, looking a little breathless, like she had been hurrying. 

Hongjoong frowned, hands clasping each other tightly. “I- I don’t understand- Is that bad?” he asked, not entirely sure he wanted to know. 

Dr. Bae’s lips were thin with regret as she glanced at his team. “No one is allowed with the target within twelve hours of the trial… it’s a safety precaution, to ensure everyone’s stories can’t be adjusted-” 

Hongjoong stared for a moment. 

“You mean… I can’t go in with him?” 

Dr. Bae shook her head. “Eden’s been speaking with the higher ups since he found out, trying to make arguments that you’re necessary- They’ll allow you to stay outside, but…” Her brows twitched with sympathy. “You can’t go in there…” 

“B-But I promised,” Hongjoong said, sounding like such a stupid little kid, staring up at an adult. “I told him I’d be back-” 

“We’ve made every argument we can think of,” Dr. Bae said, voice heavy. “But… you won’t be able to communicate with Seonghwa until after the trial…” 

Hongjoong wanted to push it. Wanted to press and press that he had  _ promised-  _ Dr. Bae had been there when he  _ promised- _

When he had demanded that Seonghwa believe him… that he would come back… 

“You promised to come back,” Dr. Bae said, drawing his heavy attention. “You did that, Hongjoong… you just can’t be with him.” 

“It’s not the same,” Hongjoong said, a little too sharp. 

“No,” Dr. Bae agreed. “But… if what you were saying during our session was true, then I think Seonghwa is capable and willing to understand.” 

Hongjoong felt like she had just punched him in the gut. 

She smiled, a little sad and a little hopeful. “Don’t you think Seonghwa is able to distinguish, now, the difference between lying… and trying your best?”

Hongjoong didn’t know. 

He didn’t know how steady Seonghwa felt- just this morning he was awake and trying to run from a nightmare that chased him- 

He kept looking to Hongjoong, kept trusting him- 

What was he going to do? Hongjoong didn’t know- He couldn’t read Seonghwa well enough to know- 

Well… it didn’t really matter, did it? 

Hongjoong was stuck on this side of the door… and he had no way of opening it… 

He turned pleading eyes to Dr. Bae. “Can you let me talk to him?”

Her lips pressed together regretfully. “Hongjoong, I can’t-” 

“Just a minute,” he begged, hands clasping desperately. “Just long enough to explain- I have to explain it to him-” 

“There’s a log on the door,” Dr. Bae said, looking like she was hurting for him. “It would show that someone had gone into his room within twelve hours- It could jeopardize the trial, especially for Seonghwa.” 

Hongjoong wanted to push. To just beg for a moment- 

But what was the point of excusing his broken promise, if he just got Seonghwa killed, in the end? 

His shoulder fell as he glanced to the door- 

He heard a quiet sigh from Dr. Bae, and he turned back quickly, blindly hoping for her to change her mind or find a way- 

What he saw was her reaching into her coat and pulling out a small notepad and pen. 

“Here,” she said quietly, pushing it into his palm. “It’s still technically against the rules to communicate… but if you make it quick, I can turn my back, got it?” she urged. 

Hongjoong stared at it for a moment, but Dr. Bae turned her back, suddenly finding the tiling on the wall very fascinating. 

He didn’t let shock or confusion slow him as he flipped the page open and rushed to the door- Mingi dancing out of the way as Hongjoong tapped on the small window that was barely big enough to see through. 

He began frantically scribbling an explanation on the notepad that was too small- 

By the time he looked up, Seonghwa was standing at the other side. 

His expression was reserved and confused and edging towards dark- unsure of what was happening, and not trusting anything. 

But his eyes were clear and confident where they stared at Hongjoong, once they recognized him. 

Hongjoong’s expression probably looked pathetic as he pressed the notebook to the window. 

He saw confusion take over as Seonghwa read it quickly, squinting at the messy scrawl- 

He looked up as soon as he reached the end, jaw tightening, and then loosening as something heavy settled on Seonghwa’s shoulder. 

Hongjoong quickly flipped the page, writing. 

_ I’m sorry _

It was stupid, but it was genuine. Seonghwa’s eyes stared at the words for far longer than it would take to read them, something in them shining. 

And then softening. 

His eyes looked at Hongjoong like he had spotted some squirrel running up in the trees. 

Seonghwa’s mouth moved, but Hongjoong couldn’t hear a word- and only because his hands moved, did Hongjoong understand him at all. 

Seonghwa gestured to Hongjoong, and then pointed at the ground. 

Belatedly, he read his lips-  _ “Will you stay here?”  _

Hongjoong nodded quickly, pointing just outside the door before remembering the pad in his hands. 

_ I’ll stay right outside. All night.  _

He let Seonghwa read it before scribbling once more. 

_ I’m sorry- I promised.  _

Seonghwa’s eyes laid against the words, once more, for longer than necessary. He chewed his lip for a moment before shaking his head slowly. 

Hongjoong thought it was a refusal for a moment, his stomach dropping- 

But Seonghwa… didn’t seem betrayed. He stared at Hongjoong intently before tearing his eyes away. Several seconds passed before Seonghwa looked at him again. 

_ “You’re here,”  _ he mouthed, hands pointing at Hongjoong and then down, once more. 

Hongjoong nodded quickly, scribbling. 

_ I won’t leave _

Seonghwa’s lips pressed together tightly as he read it, something almost stricken in his expression. But he inclined his head once before turning away from Hongjoong quickly, walking back towards the bed. 

It didn’t feel like a dismissal, though. Not angry or bitter or aggressive. 

Just overwhelmed. Just needing a moment. Just finished, for the time. 

“Hongjoong,” Yunho hissed, a signal that his time was up. 

Hongjoong tore the papers out of the book, shoving them in his pocket as he turned away. 

Dr. Bae turned back, smiling gently as she took the notepad back. “I hope everything works out,” was all she said before turning and walking away briskly. 

Hongjoong turned back to Seonghwa’s door, hurrying back to it, peering through the window. 

Seonghwa sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the floor. 

He didn’t look on the verge of losing control- nor did he look particularly miffed or uncomfortable. 

He almost looked sleepy. 

Hongjoong knocked on the glass once more, gentler this time, stomach twisting when Seonghwa glanced up at him. 

Hongjoong mimed sleeping on a pillow with his hands. 

Seonghwa’s expression twisted in distaste- like a child who didn’t want to observe their bedtime. 

Hongjoong repeated it. It was apparently late- and they would not have an easy day tomorrow. 

He pointed at himself and then at the floor- Seonghwa’s expression remaining stoic as Hongjoong mimed foolishly. 

Finally, he saw Seonghwa’s shoulder fall some, and he made a show of laying down on the pillow that had been replaced on the bed- flopping on it and narrowing his eyes at Hongjoong petulantly. 

Hongjoong didn’t mean to smile as wide as he did, but it came out anyway, and Seonghwa looked away quickly, turning so that his back faced Hongjoong stiffly. 

None of it was angry, though. 

Hongjoong turned around, his team sitting around the hallway (which would likely create an inconvenience- how horrible). 

Hongjoong slid down against the door, leaning his head back against it. 

He didn’t feel good… but he didn’t necessarily feel bad, either. 

“You’ve done a lot, hyung.” 

Hongjoong looked over slowly at the uncharacteristically sincere voice of Jongho. 

“Seriously,” he assured him firmly. “It’s barely been- what? A month? Since Seonghwa first showed up? Only a week since you were around him? And look where he is, hyung.” 

Locked in a cell, the bitter part of Hongjoong’s brain whispered. 

Alive, the louder part whispered. Sharing blankets, trusting, looking at him, forgiving him- 

“You’re proof that he can be changed,” Yeosang said quietly, his and Wooyoung’s arms looped as they leaned against each other. “He’s unrecognizable from the person we fought the first time.” 

“He hasn’t been exposed to any real outside stress,” Hongjoong said, his mind still stuck on everything that could go wrong. “If he loses it during the trial, if they think he’s too controlled by his powers-” 

“Don’t be stupid,” San said firmly. “There’s no way, hyung. You can believe that things will work out.” 

There was still so much, as much as Hongjoong trusted that it would work out. 

People could be cruel, as Seonghwa had proven. And they didn’t have to be evil to do that. Everyone in this system had a bias against Seonghwa- and when those existed, if might not matter how much evidence they had against it. 

Hongjoong shook his head, refusing to let himself spiral. 

“What have I missed while I was gone?” he asked instead, glancing around. “You guys said something about a sparring match with AB6? I’m sure Woojin kicked your asses again…”

Yunho took the lead on this story, offended by the “cheating” that had taken place against him (Woojin could make himself intangible, which made Yunho’s power useless.) 

Hongjoong was able to distract himself from the door behind his back, chuckling and laughing as Yeosang repeatedly hushed San when he got too heated talking about his show down with Daehwi. 

“You guys can go when you want,” Hongjoong assured them. “You don’t have to stay.” 

“Shut the fuck up,” Wooyoung yawned, rubbing at his eyes and leaning on Yeosang’s shoulder. “We’ll see you in the morning, hyung.” 

Hongjoong kept trying to breathe evenly around the lump in his throat as they all wished him a good night, reassuring him as they laid down on the hard tile floor or rested against each other. 

His team… Doing so much for someone they barely knew… 

Hongjoong knew he probably wouldn’t sleep tonight- everything still too wild inside of him. He watched his team breathing and sleeping peacefully, smiling warmly. 

He’d gotten so fucking lucky. 

Hongjoong almost let himself drift off after what felt like hours of staring in the dim hallway, his eyes beginning to droop, resting closed for just a moment before opening once more- 

There was a dull  _ thuk  _ against the door. 

Hongjoong jumped, startled back awake as he looked at the dark metal behind him. 

It hadn’t come from the outside. 

Hongjoong stood quickly, his legs aching from being on the floor, and he pressed himself against the door, peering through the window. 

Seonghwa’s bed was empty- the blankets thrown askew. 

Hongjoong’s stomach, heart, and pulse dropped in sync, leaving his head spinning as his eyes frantically scanned the room and found no trace of Seonghwa. 

He pressed closer to the door, fingers almost wanting to dent the metal they clung to as he tried to see the area closest to the door, trying to get the angle- 

What he saw was Seonghwa curled against the door, one hand pressed to the metal, his back rising and falling rapidly. 

“Seonghwa,” he breathed sharply- 

Hongjoong quickly knocked on the window, too loud for the quiet night, surely waking some of his team. 

Seonghwa jerked, looking up with a pale face and eyes that didn’t seem to register what they were looking at- 

He looked scared. 

Hongjoong gestured frantically for him to stand, the metal door between them suddenly seeming so viciously evil because Hongjoong was stuck trying to operate through nothing but a window. 

He wondered if it was another nightmare as Seonghwa got to his feet, unsteady as he clung to the door for support, knuckles whiter than his face. 

Hongjoong’s heart was in his throat as Seonghwa rose, his hand pressed against the glass between them, like a child peering through a toy shop window. 

If the child was wearing a devastated, panicked expression as it gazed inside. 

Seonghwa finally looked through the window, using the door as if it was the only thing allowing him to stand- one hand suddenly reaching up and touching the glass. 

His fingers lined up with Hongjoong’s, tense and pale, and separated by nothing more than a little window that Seonghwa’s heaving breaths fogged up as he stared at Hongjoong’s hand like he didn’t know why he was seeing it. 

Hongjoong tapped the window gently, drawing Seonghwa’s slow attention. 

Pain swam in his eyes as his shoulder rose and fell too quickly- 

“Breathe,” Hongjoong whispered, lips moving purposefully, making a show of inhaling and exhaling slowly. 

Seonghwa swallowed, his hand tensing as his nails dug into the glass between their hands- 

It looked like Seonghwa choked for a moment before he managed to breathe in enough to actually fill his lungs, letting it go slowly. 

His hands shook against the glass. 

Hongjoong could do nothing but watch helplessly as Seonghwa struggled to remain upright and slow his breathing, still shaking from the aftermath of what was certainly a nightmare. 

Hongjoong tapped the window gently hen Seonghwa dropped his head against the glass, not to gain his attention, but to remind Seonghwa that he was there. 

Hongjoong set a slow rhythm of taps, the longer Seonghwa’s face remained hidden, quiet and gentle, just to ensure Seonghwa knew he was still standing there. 

Truly, Hongjoong couldn’t do much more out here than he had done while inside, but the small distance seemed like miles when Hongjoong’s palm should be pressing against Seonghwa’s warm one, but all he felt now was cold glass. 

It almost seemed mocking. 

After some time, Seonghwa fell still, his hand relaxing against the glass. Hongjoong held his breath as Seonghwa slowly lifted his head- tired, strained eyes staring at Hongjoong who surely looked like a knife was driven between his ribs. 

Hongjoong was here. 

But he wasn’t  _ with him.  _

All he could do was stare in concern and mouth “Okay?” and hope that Seonghwa didn’t feel as alone as it seemed. 

But Seonghwa nodded, expression pinched and pale. 

Hongjoong waited for him to withdraw, to return to his bed and sit with his head down until the morning came, like before. 

He waited for Seonghwa to remove his hand and body. 

He didn’t. 

He simply stared at Hongjoong, as if watching him through the bars of a zoo. As if he was seeing a creature for the first time- as if he didn’t know if he needed to be afraid or not. 

Hongjoong swallowed, tapping the glass in that slow rhythm again. 

“I’m right here,” he promised, lips moving. 

Seonghwa stared, eyes flickering like he didn’t know what to look at. He didn’t look afraid. But he looked as if he suddenly didn’t know what to do. 

Seonghwa suddenly looked Hongjoong in the eyes, raw and asking.  _ “Stay?”  _ he mouthed, lips moving around the word three times before Hongjoong realized what he was saying. 

He nodded so hard, his head hit the glass, but he kept nodding. 

He had never left. He didn’t know how to tell Seonghwa that. 

But Seonghwa held his gaze like a firm fist until something in his eyes calmed into a lesser storm. Seonghwa nodded, almost to himself, head dropping. 

Hongjoong watched him sink slowly to the floor, still pressed to the door. 

It was a sight that was truly pitiful and heartbreaking- vulnerable and fragile, and even if there was nothing he could do, Hongjoong felt like he should be there. 

When Seonghwa didn’t move for several minutes- either asleep or something close- Hongjoong let himself sink to the floor, hand still pressed against the cold metal. 

He now sat with the knowledge that Seonghwa was curled up on the other side. 

“Hyung…” 

He turned quickly, finding Wooyoung awake (Yeosang’s head somehow in his lap while Wooyoung’s head rested on Yeosang’s back, folded over each other). 

He said nothing, his eyes shining in the dim lighting as Hongjoong stared at him. 

Somehow, he understood- even if he didn’t know- what Wooyoung was saying. His chest felt lighter as he leaned against the door, eyes falling closed. 

He didn’t feel good. But he didn’t feel bad, either. 

~~~~~~~~

Hongjoong woke to a woman saying that he and his team needed to prepare for the trial. 

Seonghwa’s door was open, and the room was empty. 

“Where is he?” Hongjoong demanded as he got to his feet unsteadily, still half-asleep. 

“Already being prepared,” the woman said coldly. “He asked us to inform you that he was alright… Follow me.” 

Hongjoong chose to believe that Seonghwa had actually passed that message, and allowed himself to be pulled away from Yunho when he didn’t immediately begin walking. 

As they all climbed into the elevator- tired and sore from sleeping on the ground- Hongjoong frowned when the woman pressed the down floor button three times quickly. 

A panel opened up beneath it, revealing three more buttons. 

She pressed the third that had nothing more than a silver dot in the middle of it. 

“Are we going beneath the facility?” Yeosang voiced the question floating in the back of Hongjoong’s hazy mind. 

“To the room the trial will be held in,” she said stiffly, not looking at them. “You’ll be invited in one by one, and then brought to a separate area to wait for the trail to be completed.” 

Hongjoong felt like he was going to be sick. 

It was really happening. 

He lost track of time, really. Everything seemed to happen in past tense- exiting the elevator, San’s hand squeezing his comfortingly, going through doors, being led to what looked like a waiting room, sitting down- 

The woman stared at them distastefully. “You will be called in when they are ready for you. Remain quiet in here, and do not attempt to leave.” 

Everyone looked at each other. And then at Hongjoong. 

“Hyung, please don’t throw up,” Yunho said helpfully. 

Hongjoong shook his head, taking a large breath that stretches his lungs. “It’ll be okay,” he whispered, more to himself than them. 

It was happening. 

Yeosang’s expression softened. “We just have to wait. It’ll be over soon.” 

Hongjoong expected them to start chatting- trying to clear away the tension of the room- but everyone sat in silence. 

Not a terrible, suffocating silence. But the kind where no one really had anything to say… and that was okay. 

It was okay not to know what to say. Sometimes there wasn’t anything to say. 

Barely minutes passed before the woman opened the door again. “Jung Yunho,” she called sharply, gesturing for him to hurry when he stared in surprise at being called first. 

He left, glancing back at his team- San smiling encouragingly as the woman slammed the door shut. 

“I thought they would have taken Hongjoong out first,” Wooyoung murmured quietly. 

Hongjoong didn’t know what to think. Didn’t know what to expect. 

But as minutes passed, turning into hours of the woman returning and calling yet another name that wasn’t Hongjoong, he began to wonder if he would be called at all. 

Sometimes, there were only minutes before she came and called the next person- but Yeosang and San were both gone for almost an hour before the next one was called. 

In the end, Hongjoong sat alone with Wooyoung in the waiting room. 

“I guess I’ll be last,” Hongjoong murmured, staring at his knees and wondering what his team was saying. What they were being asked. “I hate not knowing what’s going on…What if we’re just delaying the inevitable?” 

“Hey.” He glanced up at Wooyoung firm call. The other practically glared at him. “You know we’re not just here for you, right?” 

Hongjoong blinked, not quite understanding as Wooyoung sighed, lips quirked. 

“I’m saying- We’ve got your back for anything, hyung. But you being our friend isn’t the only reason we’re standing up for Seonghwa.” 

Hongjoong stared blankly, eyes a little wide as Wooyoung refused to glance away. “Yeah, you vouched for him- but you have to remember all the shit he did to us, hyung. Even your opinion isn’t necessarily enough for us to risk  _ everything  _ for him.” 

Hongjoong never expected them to. But he wasn’t entirely sure what Wooyoung was trying to say. 

He rolled his eyes. “I’m saying… that we saw the footage, hyung,” he said, voice softening. “We saw what you did, and how Seonghwa reacted- both in the beginning and now. He almost killed Yeosang, hyung, you know I’m not just going to forgive and forget that sort of thing.” 

Hongjoong winced minutely, tucking away that apology for later. 

“But,” Wooyoung said firmly, tilting his head. “We saw… what his powers did to him… We saw who he was without them poisoning him. We saw him feel remorse and horror- and maybe he’s not completely stable, but he’s not psychotic, either.” 

The door opened once more. 

Wooyoung grit his teeth. “We’re here because we believe him, hyung,” he said quickly. “We’re here because we know that you’re right- he’s more than that monster.” 

“Jung Wooyoung,” the woman snapped when he didn’t stand immediately. 

Wooyoung stood, eyes on Hongjoong intently. “So, if I can see that and believe him… this fucking court had better fucking believe it, too.” 

Hongjoong was still trying to remember how to breathe as Wooyoung left through the door that slammed shut, echoing in Hongjoong’s head. 

They had to believe it. 

If Hongjoong could sit there and swear to Seonghwa that he would be happy in the end of all this, why was he doubting it now? Why was it so easy to convince himself when Seonghwa was there? 

Why did he have to start doubting, when he had once been so sure? 

Hongjoong sat, alone in the waiting room, and felt part of his anxiety leave him… like pulling out a splinter centimeter by centimeter. 

If he could swear to Seonghwa that it would be okay… then he had to believe that it would be okay. There was no other option at this point. 

Hongjoong thought back to the dark figure who stood atop the warehouse. The one who poisoned his friend without remorse and laughed when he saw them fall. 

And he thought back to the shaking person who sobbed when he realized he wasn’t a monster. 

The one who stood in a raging storm, but embraced Hongjoong because he wanted it to stop. 

The one who trusted him to be vulnerable, to close his eyes, to follow his word… and trusted him to keep him safe. 

The two were incomparable. And it seemed impossible that anyone could see who Seonghwa was now… and think that he was anything like the person they first met. 

Hongjoong didn’t know how long it was, but suddenly the door was opening. 

“Kim Hongjoong,” she said sharply. “Let’s go.” 

He stood on legs that did not shake. 

He didn’t clasp his hands to keep them from trembling. 

Hongjoong hadn’t hidden anything from Dr. Bae because he knew that each and every decision he had made was the right one. 

He was not afraid of this court. Because he was right. And he knew it. 

The room for the trial was only down the hall a bit, and they reached it quickly, the woman giving no pomp or circumstance as she shoved it open and gestured sharply for him to enter. 

Hongjoong didn’t hesitate when he did so, feeling a burst of hope for the first time that day. 

It wasn’t an opinion, it was a fact: Seonghwa had grown and changed to be almost unrecognizable as the person he once was. 

If one thick-headed, panicking youth could change that much in him, what might be accomplished with real help? 

The trial room was smaller than Hongjoong thought. 

A row of twelve people sat at the front of the room, pads of paper and small electronic devices before each of them. 

Hongjoong could only assume they were the people they so fondly called “the higher ups.” 

Aside from them, only seven other people stood inside the room- on one side, Eden stood with the psychic who had gone into Seonghwa’s head before. 

On the other, Grey stood with three other people Hongjoong had never seen before. 

And in the center, two podiums had been set up. One was empty. Behind the other, stood Seonghwa with his hands cuffed in front of himself. 

“Key speaker, Kim Hongjoong,” the woman called before slamming the door shut behind him. 

Seonghwa turned quickly, and Hongjoong was almost faint with relief at the lack of tension or discomfort in his eyes. It wasn’t as if he didn’t look stressed and tense from standing in the middle of a trial… but… 

He stared at Hongjoong as if he had been told he wouldn’t see him, but he was suddenly there. 

“Approach, Kim Hongjoong,” one of the judges called. 

As he walked forward, he lifted a questioning eyebrow at Seonghwa. 

_ You okay?  _

Seonghwa nodded minutely, and Hongjoong watched his shoulders physically fall, part of that tension leaving. 

“Face forward, Mr. Park,” one of the women at the front called tersely. 

Seonghwa hesitated, but tore his eyes away from Hongjoong, who stepped up beside him at the empty podium, glancing at him from the corner of his eye. 

One of the men began speaking, but Hongjoong couldn’t really hear. Something about seeing the evidence of the two of them having known each other prior and finding each other later- 

He was staring at Seonghwa who stared up at the front. 

He looked tired. It had been hours since his team had been taken here- how long had Seonghwa just been standing here? Had they given him breaks? Were they questioning his too hard? 

He didn’t look as bad as he could, but he still looked like something sour was sitting in his mouth. 

Hongjoong knew what stress could do to a person’s mind, what if they were just making it worse-

“Is this correct, Mr. Kim?” 

He jerked back to the present, his brain lagging with what it had been hearing, but struggling to remember what the question was- 

_ You believe Park Seonghwa to be capable of rehabilitation?  _

“Yes,” Hongjoong said immediately, hands resting against the podium. “Undoubtedly.” 

One man lifted an eyebrow. “You’re so sure? After so little time in his presence, after so long a time you were separated?” 

“Yes,” he repeated, firmer this time. He saw Seonghwa looking at him from the corner of his eye. “Regardless of any action or crime Seonghwa committed in the past- even up to the present- I believe him completely capable of rehabilitation and control.” 

“Why would you say that?” a woman asked, staring down her nose. “Your team, and even you yourself have been subject to his attacks and merciless actions.” 

Seonghwa winced, his fists tightening within the cuffs. 

“You’ve heard my story,” Hongjoong said, shocked by how strong his voice came out. “You’ve seen all the evidence, haven’t you?”

He was right in his decisions. It was only a matter of explaining it to the trial. 

This was something they could win. 

They all nodded quietly. 

“Then how could you believe anything different?” Hongjoong demanded. “How could you possibly ignore the progress that he’s made in such a short time?”

“Just two days ago, he tried to wipe out a street of Normals,” one man said coldly. “Dozens were hurt.” 

“He wasn’t afforded the same benefits the rest of us were,” Hongjoong fought. “Others who are Different had knowledge about and people who cared enough to put us in the system- we were taught how to control. You don’t lock up people who lose control of their powers, do you? You train them.” 

“You believe he doesn’t have control over his powers?” the man questioned. 

Hongjoong heard a sarcastic scoff from the side. “He seemed to have plenty of control while he was putting hundreds of Normals in the hospital,” Grey’s voice sneered. 

A woman waved a hand at him dismissively. “Wait your turn, Mr. Grey-” 

“It’s not control, if you don’t have full choice to do it,” Hongjoong snapped, turning his gaze on Grey who stood with his arms crossed, eyes blazing at this stupid kid who wouldn’t leave him alone. 

“Mr. Kim-” 

“It’s not Seonghwa who has control, it’s his powers who know how to control him,” Hongjoong said sharply, sure that this was speaking out of turn, but seeing Grey- 

They stupid, bitter, evil fucking man who had been nothing but that since the moment they met- 

Seeing someone like that act as if they had a right to speak against Seonghwa, who was actively trying to be better- 

“I wasn't allowed to see the evidence,” Hongjoong said before one of the judges could interrupt him. “I don’t know the official data- but I know that Seonghwa has anger and hatred, but it’s not to the extent that he wants to kill, is it?”

His eyes were suddenly on Seonghwa, directing the question at him- Seonghwa looking startled to suddenly be staring right at Hongjoong-

“Is it?” Hongjoong prompted fiercely. 

Seonghwa could feel that way. He  _ knew  _ he could. 

Seonghwa’s eyes were slightly panicked as he shook his head. “N-No,” he said, voice a little hoarse, probably from speaking too much. “No, I- I don’t want to-to kill…” 

Hongjoong faced the judges who were staring intently. “I don’t know much, but I know that there is a part of Seonghwa- however small, however hidden- that doesn’t want to hurt or kill anyone. He just wants closure for the life he was forced to live because people like  _ you  _ labeled him as a monster from the start!” 

Suddenly Hongjoong was shouting. 

He hadn’t meant to say that last part. 

But it didn’t hit him until this moment that these men and women… these people… were the ones who had put out the kill order. 

They were the ones who had looked at Seonghwa and decided he didn’t need a second chance, that it was hopeless and pointless. 

“Mr. Kim!” a man snapped, scolding and outraged. “Watch your tongue-” 

In for a penny, in for a pound, he supposed. 

“Can you deny that you put out a kill order on Seonghwa faster and for less damage and death than any other kill order you’ve orchestrated?” Hongjoong demanded, voice continuing to rise. 

“We are not the ones under questioning,” a woman snapped. “Watch yourself, Mr. Kim-” 

“My point isn’t to call you horrible human beings,” Hongjoong pressed on, fearless even as his heart began to squeeze. “It’s to highlight the fact that we undeniably have created a box for people with dark magic, and Seonghwa is nothing but a victim to that!”

“Every dark magic user has been consumed by their own magic,” Grey yelled from the side. “And before they were, they caused havoc and chaos until their dying breath, without remorse and without hesitation!”

“Is he doing that now?” Hongjoong snapped back, eyes blazing, pointing at Seonghwa. “When he was curled up under a shield while you wanted him killed- did he fight you? Did he destroy you, like you claim he’s only capable of?”

He saw Seonghwa flinch, but Hongjoong turned to the front of the room. 

“You’ve seen the footage from the security cameras of Seoul Apartments?” Hongjoong asked, voice stiff. 

Eden had said Sehyoon was going to help. A man nodded. 

“Then you’ve  _ seen  _ him feel remorse,” Hongjoong said sharply, fists curling. “You’ve seen him live normally-” 

“We’ve also seen the aftermath of what he’s capable of.” 

“He can stop himself!” Hongjoong pressed. “In the stand off with Team TBZ- he stopped himself. He was in the middle of a blind rage, but he was able to control that!” 

“Only with outside help,” Grey snapped. “He’d never do it on his own!”

“Mr. Grey-” 

“It’s a  _ rehabilitation program _ !” Hongjoong yelled, voice echoing in the almost empty room, his nails digging into his palms as exasperation and frustration burst out. 

Grey shouldn’t even be here. 

“You’re not supposed to be able to do it on your own!” Hongjoong shouted, blood hot and racing as he stared at despicable man. “That’s the whole point of the program- hell, the whole fucking  _ system _ !” 

“Language, Mr. Kim-” 

“We  _ can’t  _ do it on our own!” Hongjoong burst, skin feeling too tight across his body. “We need people who understand us- that’s why the system was created! Normals can’t help us, they don’t understand- we needed other people who were Different to help us!” 

He pointed sharply at Seonghwa. “No one can fucking understand him as a dark magic user because no one ever  _ tried _ ! He’s not  _ supposed  _ to be able to do it on his own, and no one tried to understand to  _ help  _ him gain control!” 

Hongjoong breathed heavily, his chest feeling as if a weight was placed on top of it. 

“Do you understand him, Mr. Kim?” a woman asked- pointed but not accusational. “You claim that you can keep him calm… that’s why you were allowed to be with him within the facility.” 

Hongjoong swallowed down some of his anger, trying to keep calm as he responded- voice terse and tight, but calm. “No,” he said stiffly. “I can’t understand him,” he confessed. “I don’t think… I don’t think anyone can truly understand him. No one… in all their lives… has ever experienced the kind of things he had to experience.” 

He couldn’t look at Seonghwa. 

He didn’t want to know what he was feeling. He didn’t think he could stand it. 

“Then you’ve admitted that he’s beyond help, by your own claim that we need people who understand,” a man pointed out. 

“He’s  _ not  _ beyond help,” Hongjoong said sharply. “If a Normal mother tried hard enough, I’m sure that she could help her child that was Different- but it’s  _ hard.  _ It’s a long and difficult road where you keep trying to help, but you only make it worse…” 

He thought of all the times Seonghwa ran when Hongjoong’s attempts at comfort were the wrong thing to say. 

“It’s hard. Because you can think of all the reasons that you understand and relate… but it’s never really enough. You can only sympathize because empathy is impossible with such different lives.” 

Hongjoong had never been hated. Only rejected. 

“It seemed impossible because progress is like pulling teeth- both parties hurting and trying to hurt in return-” 

He saw Seonghwa shift, but he didn’t look, his throat closing up. 

“None of us can understand Seonghwa- his life was hard and dark in ways that no one else’s life could ever be, from such a young age… But that doesn’t make him beyond help.” 

He heard Grey scoff. Hongjoong looked up with eyes hardened with anger and frustration. 

“Only a lazy, selfish,  _ ignorant _ bastard who only cared to help the easy cases would ever call him hopeless,” Hongjoong accused, voice dripping with anger. “He  _ can  _ be helped, but he can’t be helped easily. So, if you  _ are  _ a program that’s only interested in helping those that can be  _ easily  _ fixed-” 

Hongjoong broke off, his nails finally breaking through skin that began to bleed weakly. 

“Then  _ Seonghwa  _ is not the part of our system and society that is beyond help.” 

“We aren’t going to waste resources on this-”

“ _ Mr. Grey _ , another outburst and you will be removed from the room,” a woman snapped sharply, making Grey blink in shock. 

And then glare murderously at Hongjoong. 

“We are not a program only interested in helping easy cases,” a woman on the end who had been relatively quiet finally said. “That would be… unfair and repulsive of us.” 

“Then how can you look at any of this evidence and not believe him capable of learning control?” Hongjoong demanded, voice much calmer. “You’ve been inside his head- you’ve seen how his experiences have twisted him, like any person who’s been abused.” 

“We have.” 

“You’ve seen how his powers take his emotions away from him,” he pressed. “How they elevate them to levels he doesn’t actually feel.” 

“We have,” a woman repeated stoically. 

“And you’ve been inside his head- you  _ know  _ whether or not he feels true remorse for his actions that were done outside of his intent!” He burst. 

A man’s jaw ticked. “We have.” 

“Then  _ what  _ is the point of this trial?” Hongjoong demanded, spreading his hands in frustration. “What is the point of all these questions, when the proof you’ve seen is undeniable?”

Hongjoong breathed heavily, but it felt like he was holding his breath. 

The courtroom was silent. The men and women in the front glanced at each other, murmuring things Hongjoong couldn’t hear. 

Grey shifted angrily, muttering something to the men standing around him (probably other witnesses who were against Seonghwa). 

Eden and the other man stared intently, looking like they didn’t want to breathe either. Eden glanced at Hongjoong but conveyed no emotion with the look. 

One man finally cleared his throat, straightening. “The evidence we’ve seen is rather compelling,” the man said, loud and clear. 

Hongjoong’s stomach clenched fearfully. 

“However, there is another part of the trial to decide whether or not his crimes already committed are excusable.” Hongjoong’s stomach dropped. “That, however, is a part of the trial unrelated to you, Mr. Kim. Your purpose is to help decide Mr. Park’s coherency and the validity of remorse. As well as his openness to change of behavior.” 

Hongjoong’s fingers shifted so that his nails dug into a part of his palm that wasn’t already bleeding. 

“Mr. Park,” the man said, turning to Seonghwa. “There was a question asked to you in your initial questioning that you did not answer.” 

Hongjoong saw Seonghwa tense, his already pale face growing ashen. 

“That is irrelevant!” Eden suddenly called from the side, glaring. “Aside from base relationships, the question asked gives no indication of remorse or any other gauge this trial is using to determine Mr. Park’s coherency!” 

“No,” a woman agreed. “However, it does change how we view his progress and the reactions of those around him.”

Hongjoong didn’t know what was happening. 

“His relationship with people is irrelevant to how they helped them,” Eden continued to fight, not backing down an inch. “If the initial questioning did not push for the question to be answered, you can’t-” 

“Eden, you are here on special circumstances,” one man snapped. “Like Mr. Grey, if you can’t control yourself, you will be removed.” 

“Mr. Park,” a woman said sharply, Hongjoong’s eyes snapping to her before turning back to Seonghwa who looked like a knife was being held to his throat. “We are requiring you to answer that question now.” 

Hongjoong glanced between the two of them, not sure if he should be fighting or breathing or running. 

The woman stared- not quite a glare, but something equally as disarming. “Mr. Park- have you had intimate relations with Mr. Kim?” 

A million questions had been running around Hongjoong’s head. 

Ones related to his mother. To his anger, his hurt- the private parts of trauma that no one had a right to know- 

A million different questions, but that one was not anywhere near it. 

“ _ What? _ ” Hongjoong demanded before he could stop himself. 

“Not a word, Mr. Kim,” one man threatened, and Hongjoong knew he was one misplaced word from potentially ruining something. 

Intimate relations? With Seonghwa?

What the ever loving fuck-

“ _ Mr. Park, _ ” one man prompted sharply when only silence followed. “Have you ever had intimate relations with the person beside you?”

Hongjoong was staring at the man, but he wanted to look at Seonghwa. But he couldn’t. He didn’t know why, but he couldn’t, he didn’t know what he’d see- 

“No,” Seonghwa answered, voice quiet and low. “I have not.” 

Of course they hadn’t- what the fuck did these people think they were doing? Hongjoong had been frantically trying to ensure that Seonghwa didn’t hurt anyone else or himself- when the  _ fuck  _ would he have had time to do something like that?

“We’ll make our question a little more specific, then,” a woman stated. 

“This is already irrelevant!” Eden snapped. “It’s an invasion of privacy-” 

“Eden,” a man snapped, a warning finger. 

One last chance. Eden’s lips pressed together firmly. 

“Mr. Park,” a woman said sharply. 

Hongjoong felt like he was going to be sick, but he didn’t quite know why. 

“Mr. Park, do you hold, or have you ever held, romantic interests for Mr. Kim?” 

Once again, a punch to the gut that Hongjoong never saw coming. 

He saw the way Seonghwa’s body stiffened, the way his head dropped, the way his shoulders bunched, as if someone were beating against him- 

“Don’t answer that,” Hongjoong said, voice too weak. 

Seonghwa looked over at him sharply, eyes wide. 

The rest of the room did, too. 

“Do not interfere,” A man warned. 

“What the fuck does it matter!” Hongjoong yelled. 

This… this felt like the ultimate injustice. Beyond the fact that Hongjoong’s head was spinning in a hurriance, what the fuck did it  _ matter? _

“Does it invalidate anything we’ve accomplished, if we were sleeping together?” Hongjoong yelled, something twisting uncomfortably in his chest. “Does it mean something more if I was only helping him as a friend- What the fuck kind of questions are these?”

It felt even worse. 

Seonghwa standing there, exposed before an entire room of strangers- being poked and prodded at- 

And then asked something so ludicrous and pointless, but being told his sentence depends on his answer?

“Another word, Mr. Kim, and you will be removed,” the man shouted over him. “Remain silent and still.” 

Hongjoong’s mouth opened- 

The woman narrowed her eyes at Seonghwa sternly. “ _ Mr. Park _ ,” she pressed, like a whip crack. “Answer our questions, or the court will find the answers by other resources-” 

Her hand swept towards the psychic standing beside Eden. 

“Do not attempt to impede our questions,” a man warned. “Answer, Mr. Park- have you ever held romantic interests for Mr. Kim?” 

Hongjoong turned quickly. “Don’t answer-” 

“Yes.” 

It was a whisper. Breathed into the air from Seonghwa’s hung head, his body tense, but falling loose as soon as he said it- like the last pillar that was holding up an entire structure finally giving out. 

His answer… punched Hongjoong in the stomach more cripplingly than either of the questions had. 

Hongjong felt like his body had been frozen, while the rest of time moved on. 

He stared at Seonghwa- his eyes wide and shocked at the sudden declaration. He felt like even his blood had stopped moving along his veins. 

He stood, frozen and helpless, as the people in the front of the room hummed. 

“Do you still hold those interests?” a woman asked. “Answer, or we will find it with other, less pleasant means.” 

Seonghwa swallowed, his expression hidden from Hongjoong’s almost frightened eyes. 

“Yes,” he breathed, like the last bit of air being squeezed from a balloon, leaving it limp. 

He almost said it like he was ashamed of it. Like he was afraid of it. 

“Did you ever act on those interests?” they continued to demand. 

Hongjoong wasn’t breathing as he stared at Seonghwa who didn’t move. Only spoke. 

“No.” 

“Were any of the decisions you made around Mr. Kim based on that attraction?”

“No.” 

“None of them?” they stressed. 

“I wasn’t... aware of it until recently,” he replied, as if something had sucked the life out of him- the words dull and lifeless. 

“How recently?”

No one could interject. 

“Not until we came to the holding facility,” he whispered. 

Hongjoong could only stand and stare. 

And he expected his mind to race with a hundred questions and demands, but nothing echoed around his skull but the question of  _ “Why?” _

Why Hongjoong? Why here? Why now?

Why were they asking him this?

Why was this happening? 

“Mr. Kim,” a woman said firmly. “I believe we are done with the questioning for now. You will be called back if you are needed again.” 

Hongjoong couldn’t even register the words being told to him. He could only stare at Seonghwa who didn’t move. 

It wasn’t until a hand grabbed Hongjoong’s arm firmly and began pulling him away, did he realize what they were saying. 

He was leaving. 

“Wait-” 

He struggled, but it was almost like his mind was too disoriented to control his limbs to fight properly. He barely tugged against the new man’s hold that pulled him towards the door, away from them- 

“Seonghwa- Wait-”

He tried to sound louder, but the wind was still knocked out of him- 

Seonghwa finally moved, lifted his head as Hongjoong was pulled away. 

He stared at Hongjoong with hollow eyes that held a different kind of pain than Hongjoong had ever seen Seonghwa wear. 

They called a clear message, even across the room that separated them. 

_ I’m sorry.  _

As if Seonghwa had done something wrong. As if he had ruined something. As if he had broken something. 

“ _ Seonghwa- _ ”

The door suddenly shut without Hongjoong even realizing they were through it. 

“Wait,” he snapped, finally getting his feet to try and catch on the ground. “Wait, I have to talk to him-” 

“Nothing for you to say to him right now,” the man said gruffly. “They’ll finish up, and you’ll be called back if they need you, alright, kid?”

“They can’t just ask him stuff like that!” He yelled. “That’s an invasion of privacy- it doesn’t  _ matter- _ ” 

Hongjoong was pushed through another door, stumbling into the empty waiting room from before. 

“Wait!” He snapped as he whipped back around, but the door was already slamming shut. 

Silence rang in his ears deafeningly. 

Hongjoong panted after his struggle, feeling dizzy as he stared at the cold steel door. 

His heart hurt. 

Seonghwa was alone again. And Hongjoong didn’t even know what the hell any of it had been for. 

And suddenly… he didn’t feel helpless. 

But even worse than helpless… it all felt like it had been pointless. 

Hongjoong didn’t make it to a chair- his legs gave out as he sank to the ground in front of the door, staring at it. 

Somehow, it felt like his fault. 

Would Seonghwa somehow he punished for that…  _ attraction _ ?

Hongjoong suddenly felt dirty. 

He was never meant to hear that- it wasn’t his secret to hear, it wasn’t his right to hear it in such a way- 

He felt like he had taken that from Seonghwa. Like he had forced it from his hand when he hadn’t been willing to give it. 

Hongjoong curled over his knees, waves of fear and anger and disgust and frustration washing over him again and again like the tide. 

He couldn’t tell how much time passed- hours or seconds- but he simply stared at the solidly closed door. 

And after a few moments… he cried. 

Not for himself. 

But for this- on top of everything else- that had ever been taken from Seonghwa. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> Hopefully, I can finish it up in the next chapter, but thank you for taking this journey with me!!  
> I hope you enjoyed it, and please let me know what you thought!  
> The next chapter will likely take longer to get out because work has been hopelessly insane~ (-~-)  
> Thank you again!!  
> -SS


	8. You Killed My Shadows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will have an epilogue!!  
> But this is the final chapter, and I hope that it doesn’t disappoint because I’ve tried editing it so much!  
> This has been an amazing journey I’ve gone on with this story- it’s been so much fun, and I hate to say goodbye ㅠㅠㅠ  
> But please enjoy this final installment before the epilogue, and thank you everyone who’ve read and messaged me!!  
> Please let me know what you thought!  
> -SS

Hongjoong was not called back to the trial room. 

A man in uniform entered long after Hongjoong had lifted himself from the ground and curled up on a chair, head bowed to his knees. 

“Mr. Kim,” he said gruffly. “Come with me. You’ll be placed in a holding cell until tomorrow when you will be informed of the outcome of yourself and Mr. Park from the trial.” 

Hongjoong’s eyes were scratchy and his limbs felt numb as he stood, following the man without fighting. 

“Can you tell me what they decided?” he asked, before the man pushed him into a lone holding room. 

“They haven’t decided yet,” he said roughly. “They’re still deliberating. You’ll be called in tomorrow to be informed.” 

Hongjoong nodded, entered the room, and laid down on the bed. 

He didn’t sleep. He just stared at the wall. 

Eden came, long before he ever felt sleepy- entering the room with a grim expression and tight anger in his eyes that were stained with regret. 

Hongjoong sat up, but he just stared at the man who entered, eyes dull. “Why?” he whispered hoarsely. “Why did they ask him that?” he demanded weakly. “What did it matter? Why did they-” 

“It _doesn’t_ matter,” Eden assured him, voice stiff and low. “At least, it shouldn’t. But this is a group of very prejudice people- no matter what your testimony may have convinced them of.” 

“Are they going to punish him for it?” Hongjoong asked, afraid of the answer. 

He didn’t know how, but if Seonghwa was punished, it was Hongjoong’s fault. 

“I don’t know,” Eden admitted heavily, eyes on the ground. “He shouldn’t be.” 

“ _Why_?” Hongjoong hissed again, uselessly, just trying to get his anger to spark from the dampness of numbness. “Why did they force him to say that-” 

“Maybe they think they can say he only changed because he was attracted to you,” Eden muttered, shrugging. “Maybe think the only reason he listened to you was because he liked you.” 

“He didn’t!” Hongjoong burst without any emotion to accompany it. “He admitted it- he didn’t feel anything until the facility-” 

“I’m not saying it makes sense in any way, Hongjoong,” Eden assured him firmly. “But just because they’re open to listening to you, doesn’t mean they’re on Seonghwa’s side. They probably want a leg to stand on if they choose the clearly wrong verdict.” 

Hongjoong’s lips trembled, and he turned away because he really did not want to cry in front of Eden- he shouldn’t be crying at all- but the absolute _unfairness_ of it all- 

“What… Was he okay after I left?” Hongjoong asked, once more afraid of the answer. 

“They didn’t ask him anything else,” Eden said. “They called another testimony from someone off the streets. The woman described the attack she saw, and then they dismissed the trial.” 

Hongjoong’s heart sank low and sickeningly as his eyes burned. 

“I don’t have any answers for you, Hongjoong, I’m sorry,” Eden said heavily. “I honestly can’t see which way this will turn out- Before, it seemed obvious what they would choose, but if they’re bringing Seonghwa’s personal feelings into it-” 

“It’s fine,” Hongjoong said quickly, mostly because he couldn’t bear listening to them talk about Seonghwa’s feelings. 

He had heard enough about that. 

“You’re not supposed to have all the answers,” he said thickly, rubbing at his eyes harshly to keep the moisture behind them back. “You did a lot… thanks.” 

It came out flat and ungrateful, but Eden hummed, like he understood. “I don’t know what happens next,” he admitted quietly. “But I’ll let you try and sleep until we figure it out.” 

Hongjoong just nodded, staring at the threads of the blanket he sat on as Eden left silently. He laid down, curled into a ball and wondering if Seonghwa was alone or with one of those lab coats. 

Somehow, everything felt worse as he tried to force himself to sleep. 

There was no pomp or circumstance- no tossing or turning or frustration building at his own insomnia. Just Hongjoong drifting sleeplessly, wondering if Seonghwa was having a nightmare this night too. 

And suddenly, he was being woken up by the door opening. 

A woman without a lab coat told him to follow her to the trial room. 

“The sentences have been decided,” she said without emotion or expression. Simply gesturing for him to follow. 

Hongjoong didn’t feel anxiety or hope as he dragged himself up. 

Because either way… something was still wrong. Even with a complete pardon… it wouldn’t fix everything. 

He was ushered back into that same room. The same twelve people were sat there. 

Hongjoong felt like everything was happening through a movie screen, leaving him without the ability to participate or control what happened. 

No one else was there, aside from Seonghwa standing at a podium. 

Hongjoong couldn’t look at him, his eyes on the floor. 

Not out of disgust or discomfort. He just couldn’t bring himself to look at Seonghwa- not after yesterday. Not after Seonghwa had been forced to expose himself in front of these people for nothing more than a backup plan. 

And when Hongjoong stepped up to the podium, he saw from the corner of his eye that Seonghwa didn’t look at him either- his head hung low and his bangs fallen in his eyes. Hongjoong knew it was just the twist in his gut, but Seonghwa looked smaller. Skinnier. Gaunter. 

Hongjoong felt the urge to comfort him bubble in his chest. 

To say something. To reassure him, like he had been their whole time at the holding facility- but he wasn’t sure Seonghwa would appreciate hearing anything from Hongjoong right now. 

Hongjoong would be surprised if he wanted to hear anything from him ever again. 

Still, the tightness in his chest persisted as Hongjoong opened his mouth, not sure what he was going to say to him- 

“We have reviewed all the evidence associated with this case,” a man broke in front the front, making Hongjoong jump and face forward. 

Severe, cold faces stared at him and Seonghwa as the man in the middle of the line read from a paper. 

“We have seen evidence both against and for the target. Evidence for his sanity, and evidence for his true inner desires and urges.” 

Hongjoong suddenly felt… very alone. 

Just these twelve people, Seonghwa, and him… with the fate of Seonghwa in their stupid hands. 

“We have seen evidence that Kim Hongjoong was able to convince Park Seonghwa of his wrongs, and admit that he should change. Evidence that Mr. Kim went so far as to break Mr. Park out of a rage that resulted in the injury of 19 Normals.” 

Seonghwa didn’t flinch. Hongjoong didn’t even know if he was breathing. 

“We have reviewed tapes and testimony from the time the two spent hiding within Seoul Apartments, as Mr. Kim attempted to begin rehabilitating Mr. Park himself.” 

And suddenly, it didn’t feel good, knowing they would see how Seonghwa had changed. 

Knowing that these people had seen tapes of Seonghwa fighting himself, breaking down, rediscovering emotions- They had no _right_ to see it. 

These things were _Seonghwa’s._

“We have also seen evidence from Normal testimony, as well as heroes involved in the fights and hiding of Mr. Park,” he continued firmly- giving nothing away with his voice. 

Hongjoong wanted him to hurry up before his heart gave out, his palms sweaty where they clenched around each other on the podium. 

“Mr. Grey- absent- has given very emotional testimony, denying Mr. Park’s ability to truly regain and keep control. Mr. Eden- also absent- has also provided statements to counter the legitimacy of the man’s claims against Seonghwa and Kim Hongjoong’s team, stating him as a hostile force.” 

The man glanced up, almost as if he wanted Hongjoong to comment on that. 

Hongjoong didn’t. 

“And finally, we have gathered all evidence we can from Mr. Park himself- both verbal testimony and mental tests- to gauge his remorse, his readiness to change, and his physical ability to experience both of those challenges.” 

Hongjoong’s teeth ground together as he tasted bile in the back of his throat. 

“And in conclusion with all of these testimonies and evidence,” he stated clearly, “we have deliberated and decided on the course of action we believe to have the best interest of all parties involved- Normal and Different alike. Innocent and guilty alike.”

Guilty. Hongjoong’s stomach clenched. 

“Mr. Kim,” the man said, voice raising just enough to make Hongjoong jump a little as he bore dark eyes at his podium. “In the case of yourself, you have acted against orders, harbored a known criminal, and attacked heroes that you swore to fight alongside.” 

Hongjoong swallowed thickly. 

“You have aided a man who has killed and injured multitudes of people, and you did it all without substantial evidence to back your suspicions, in the beginning. You sought the help of other heroes to help you reach these goals, and you broke almost every rule we have regarding this holding facility.” 

Disapproving stares. 

So disapproving of this man who had taken a risk that someone might be innocent and not deserve death. 

“Because of this, your sentence is as such,” he declared. “You have been placed on probation within the system.”

His hand twitched where it clenched into a tight fist- hardened eyes staring back at this man. 

“You will be removed as a leader and participant of our system, and while you will be allowed to remain in the facility, you will not be allowed to participate in any sort of missions, nor will you be allowed to be privy to information of missions going on.” 

Hongjoong didn’t fucking _care-_ his actions were never the ones with true consequences. 

“What about Seonghwa?” he demanded tightly. 

Seonghwa’s hand twitched at his side, but Hongjoong barely noticed. 

The man choked to a stop. “Excuse me, we are discussing your actions and the consequences of them-” 

“Mine were never the actions that were going to be punished,” Hongjoong said sharply, heart picking up and his throat closing. “What’s his sentence?” 

It had to be innocent. 

If they had proved Seonghwa to be a “monster,” they would have given Hongjoong something harsher for hiding and aiding him, wouldn’t they? 

The man’s eyes narrowed. “You may think your disrespect is endearing, Mr. Kim- it is not.” 

“I’m not trying to be endearing,” he assured them. “I want to know whether or not you’re going to condemn an innocent man.”

“You do not decide who is innocent,” a woman snapped. “That is the job of the trial.” 

“He’s _innocent_ ,” Hongjoong snapped, harsher and sharper- 

He shouldn’t be yelling. 

He shouldn’t be losing it like this again, he should stay cool and collected and not make it fucking worse- 

But Seonghwa was still standing beside Hongjoong. 

Not looking at him. Like a shadow of himself, and it made Hongjoong so fucking angry- after everything he had done, everything Seonghwa had managed to accomplish, he couldn’t stand the thought of these people trying to rob him of that. 

“He’s innocent, whether you say he’s guilty or not,” Hongjoong pressed like a sharpened blade. “He’s _innocent-_ and the only question that has _ever_ been associated with this trial is whether or not you condemn an innocent person!” 

There was a split moment of silence where Hongjoong could see the man reading the paper looking ready to blow at his audacity- 

“Mr. Kim,” a woman’s voice called calmly from the end. 

He glanced at her, sure that his expression was not a pleasant one- 

She gazed down on him emotionlessly. “Dr. Bae commented on your loyalty to Mr. Park,” she said calmly. “Would you indulge me for a moment… and answer us why you hold such loyalty? Do you return his romantic interests?”

“His romantic interests mean nothing in regards to his recovery!” Hongjoong shouted. “They mean nothing! And it doesn’t fucking matter, but you wanted to make this as difficult for him as possible, you-” 

“You have not seen him since you were children,” she continued, as if Hongjoong hadn’t spoken. “Where does this loyalty come from- that makes you scream at people who hold your fates in their hands?”

“It’s not _loyalty_ ,” Hongjoong finally burst, “it’s fucking _humanity_!”

The woman raised an eyebrow. 

“Innocent people… do not deserve to die-”

“But you didn’t know he was innocent,” a man challenged. 

“I knew he was more,” Hongjoong snapped. “I’ve been a hero four years- I’ve seen the eyes of the people we fight, the ones we put away- I’ve already told you this, if you’ve seen the tapes,” he ground out. 

They continued to stare, like spectators in a zoo. 

“I know what they look like when they’re crazy, I know what it looks like when they’re destroying for the sake of destroying, and when they’re killing for the sake of petty grudges- Seonghwa didn’t have that. He _never_ had that. Even at his most primitive rages- he _never_ had those eyes.” 

Hongjoong felt like his lungs were expanding, like he couldn’t breathe. 

And he was so busy glaring at the men and women before him, that he almost missed Seonghwa’s eyes on him. 

Seonghwa’s eyes that stared at him as if Hongjoong had just revealed something secret- as if he was shocked he had ever said it. 

Like he couldn’t believe what Hongjoong was saying. 

Like something inside of him was breaking. 

Hongjoong caught his eye on accident, but when his fiery ones met Seonghwa’s gaunt ones, he suddenly couldn’t look away. 

A million things surged to his tongue- I’m sorry, It’s going to be okay, I’m trying, I promise- 

None of them would come for as long as Seonghwa stared at Hongjoong in something almost like horror. 

“You seem fond of your speeches, Mr. Kim,” the same woman said monotonously. “However, you seem even more fond of Mr. Park…” 

That made Hongjoong tear his eyes away- ripping them from Seonghwa’s grasp and glaring at the woman, ready to fucking break- 

“So we’ll stop torturing you, as if seems you’ve both been tortured enough,” she said, standing. “Mr. Park is found able and cohere. He will be admitted to the rehabilitation program, and will serve his time for his past crimes while being aided in regaining control of himself.” 

Hongjoong’s breath left him, his anger being snuffed out like a candle that was suffocated. 

“Ms. Gong!” the man holding the paper snapped. “That is out of line-” 

“Oh, shut up,” she scoffed, gathering the things at her space. 

Hongjoong stared, not sure if he was dreaming or not as she glared at the man. 

“We know what we decided,” she said sharply. “Don’t torment them any longer- they’re children, for heaven’s sake, Nam.” 

“There’s a process and an order we follow!” Nam snapped back. 

Gong’s arms circled around a batch of papers and folders. “A process we reserve to intimidate criminals and hooligans,” she said, glaring. “Not children who have already seen hell.” 

Hongjoong felt like his chest was punched in as she gestured sharply for someone behind Hongjoong. “Daejoon, come bring these children out of here,” she called sharply. “Set them up a meeting somewhere and ensure they aren’t bothered-” 

“Ms. Gong!” Nam yelled, standing as well. 

“Are you threatening to change your verdict, Mr. Nam?” she demanded, already walking away from the table. 

“No-” 

“Then, this trial is adjourned,” she declared. “Daejoon,” she said, sharper. “Take Mr. Park and Mr. Kim to a Window and allow them to speak.” 

As she passed, her eyes locked onto Hongjoong’s and something in them softened minutely. 

“I believe they have a lot to discuss,” she said, softer. 

Hongjoong didn’t know what was happening- the words entering his mind, but not making any sort of impression as he stared helplessly at the lady who strode past them and out of the room, pausing before she exited to ensure Daejoon was moving to follow her order. 

Hongjoong wanted for people to stop them. 

But Daejoon simply took Seonghwa by the arms that were bound behind his back and gestured sharply for Hongjoong to follow as he began to guide Seonghwa away- shockingly gentler than he had been treated thus far. 

Hongjoong stared, allowing them to get a full five steps away from him before his body jerked in understanding, stumbling to catch up. 

He glanced back at the remaining men and women seated at the table- all with varying degrees of distaste, pity, and bitterness on their expressions- 

But not a single one called them out. Not even as Hongjoong fell in step on the other side of Daejoon and left the room completely. 

The trial doors slammed shut behind them, and it hit Hongjoong like a tidal wave the fact that it was done. 

Seonghwa would live. They were going to rehabilitate him. They were going to help him, and the possibility that at the end of it all, Seonghwa would be happy was steadily increasing. 

Hongjoong released a breath he hadn’t known he was holding, one hand coming up to press against his chest that was tightening and releasing at the same time. 

Somehow, the past weeks of Hongjoong’s life had been culminating in this, and it was _over._

He wanted to immediately burst into some sort of exclamation- wanted to look at Seonghwa and beam and tell him that he had done so fucking well, that he knew he was innocent- 

And then… Hongjoong remembered what he knew. What Seonghwa had been forced to tell. 

And all the triumph died from his eyes. He had forgotten that… even now… things weren’t fixed. They weren’t really _better…_

Seonghwa hadn’t _really_ been given back anything that had been taken from him… Not even a sympathetic word from his judges… Just a reluctant agreement that they couldn’t _prove_ that he was a complete monster, so they wouldn’t kill him. 

Hongjoong had been in the process of trying to lean and see Seonghwa, but he stopped. He didn’t want to see his expression. 

And it wasn’t until Daejoon stopped and told Hongjoong to sit in a chair he hadn’t realized they had come across, that Hongjoong realized that he was being told to sit with Seonghwa and have a discussion. 

When Hongjoong didn’t comply, staring in almost horror, Daejoon took him firmly (not roughly) by the arm and directed him into the chair, before taking Seonghwa through a separate door that he swiped a keycard to enter. 

Hongjoong sat in front of a window, blinders on either side of it, but to his right was an entire row of these- meant for family visits and conversations with the people of holding facility. 

It was empty, aside for him. 

A small button was on the desk, with a little speaker on it, and Hongjoong saw the same set up on the other side of the glass (or whatever power-proof clear substance the window was made of). 

His throat dried up as Daejoon and Seonghwa suddenly came into view, and Hongjoong had no choice but to see Seonghwa’s face as Daejoon directed him to sit as well, uncuffing his hands from behind his back and re-cuffing them in the front so he could press the button to speak. 

Seonghwa’s eyes were downcasted on the table, and he still looked just as small and gaunt as he had before. His lips were loose and emotionless, and his eyes stared as if he was purposefully not letting himself look at anything. 

His shoulders hunched, and his head hung low with his hair falling in the way. 

Hongjoong’s hand itched to tuck it away, so it would stop bothering him, but he almost felt himself recoil at the thought. 

Hongjoong had never had a crush on someone. He’d never dated anyone- the best he could think of was finding an occasional hero he met in passing that made him go “wow, that’s an attractive person,” but that was the end of it. 

Hongjoong didn’t know what to do. 

He was used to not knowing what to do (you didn’t know what to do as a leader more often than anyone lead him to believe), but he had never been so clueless like this. In such a difficult situation. 

Daejoon stepped out of view of the window, but he was probably still waiting off to the side. 

Hongjoong’s tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth as Seonghwa didn’t move, even his breathing seeming small and rough. 

There were a million things that he wanted to say to Seonghwa. He didn’t feel like he had a right to say a single one of them. 

His hand shook slightly where he lifted it, laying it over the little speaker button. 

“I’ll go,” he said, voice surprisingly rough and raspy. Seonghwa’s stiffened. “I… I know I’m probably the last person you want to hold a conversation with,” he murmured heavily, his own eyes falling to his lap because he couldn’t stand to see Seonghwa’s bent up frame any longer. 

Guilt colored his blood cold. 

“I’m… seriously happy for you,” Hongjoong allowed himself to admit, though it almost choked him. “And I’m so fucking proud of everything you accomplished… and I’m so… so sorr-” 

He choked. Hongjoong bit his tongue as his eyes burned. 

“I’m so fucking sorry about everything that happened to you here… and I’m so fucking… _sorry_ for what they… took from you.” His finger shook on the button. “But I… I’ll go ahead and leave…” 

Hongjoong was never meant to know what Seonghwa felt. 

And he wouldn’t taunt Seonghwa with that fact by sticking around when he had nothing of consequence to say. 

Hongjoong finger slipped off the button as he turned in the chair, standing- 

“Don’t…” 

He froze at the slightly mechanicy sound of Seonghwa’s voice through the speaker. 

Hongjoong held his breath as he turned back. 

Seonghwa’s cuffed hands rested on the little table, a finger pressing against the little button- though the rest of him remained bent and hollow. 

Hongjoong stared in terrified anticipation as Seonghwa’s back rose with a deep breath that shook. 

“Don’t leave,” he whispered, rough and quiet. 

And you know what? Hongjoong may know things about Seonghwa he wasn’t supposed to, but Seonghwa was asking him to stay- in that same tone that he had asked dozens of other requests that Hongjoong had been eager and willing to comply to. 

So Hongjoong turned back around completely, sitting back in his seat, expression pinched with fearful hesitation. 

There was a long moment of silence (Seonghwa asked him to stay, not to speak), and Hongjoong counted like heartbeats like they were the seconds on a clock. 

“I’m sorry,” Seonghwa whispered at length, body curling around itself further, stiffening. “I’m sorry, H-” 

“Don’t,” Hongjoong said, finger slamming on the button. 

He hadn’t meant to cut him off, but everything inside of Hongjoong rolled at the thought of him apologizing for this. 

“Do not fucking apologize for anything,” Hongjoong hissed through his teeth and eyes that burned as he stared at Seonghwa. “You did nothing wrong- there’s nothing to fucking apologize for.” 

Falling for someone… it wasn’t a crime. It wasn’t something to apologize for. Not even if that person didn’t know. 

“I don’t want you to say a fucking word about it,” Hongjoong admitted when Seonghwa remained silent, head bowed. “They forced you to admit something they had no right to demand from you- I was _never_ supposed to hear that from you, and _I’m_ the one who’s sorry, Seonghwa. Don’t you _dare_ think you have to excuse yourself- don’t think you’re being forced to reveal more of something you already had stolen from you.” 

Hongjoong didn’t want Seonghwa to have to say another fucking word. 

It just felt like taking more. 

At length, Seonghwa’s heavy voice came through. 

“You didn’t…” 

He trailed off, stopping for so long, Hongjoong almost became concerned. 

“You didn’t… take that from me,” Seonghwa murmured hoarsely. “You… were as helpless in that situation… as I was.” 

Seonghwa’s head lifted- just enough for Hongjoong to see tired eyes staring from beneath black strands of hair. 

And it wasn’t until this moment, that Hongjoong noticed the mark still present over Seonghwa’s eyes. 

And it shocked him for a moment. Because he’d been running around with Seonghwa for days now, and Hongjoong was noticing the mark for the first time in days. 

That was a passing thought as Seonghwa’s exhausted eyes met Hongjoong’s. 

“Everything… Everything you said… Did you mean it?” Seonghwa whispered. 

Hongjoong was about to ask which part he was referring to, but it didn’t really matter because _everything_ Hongjoong said was true. 

He swallowed. “Every word,” he promised. “All of it- Anything I have ever said to or about you, Seonghwa… is something that I believe with my entire fucking heart.” 

Seonghwa’s jaw tightened, his lips trembling, but he didn’t seem about to cry. He just looked overwhelmed. 

“It was when you told me… that you thought I would be happy,” Seonghwa whispered, eyes dropping, like they couldn’t hold themselves up. 

Hongjoong frowned. “What was?” he asked, confused. 

Seonghwa swallowed, taking another shaking breath. “When I realized.” 

Hongjoong’s heart skipped painfully as he shook his head sharply. “Seonghwa-” 

“I was already forced to admit it before a dozen strangers,” Seonghwa said sharply, firmly, not looking at Hongjoong. “At least give me the peace to actually say it properly, instead of that train wreck from the trial.” 

Hongjoong’s lips pressed together, and he felt shame blot his heart. It wasn’t his right to control what Seonghwa said. 

If Seonghwa chose to shove Hongjoong’s face in the fact he knew, that was Seonghwa’s _right._ And Hongjoong would sit there and listen. 

So, he nodded. 

Seonghwa swallowed audibly, one forming a loose fist. “You said I would be happy… and you asked me to trust you…” 

_“That’s what I think. I think you’ll be happy.”_

_“I need you to listen to me carefully, and I need you to always know that I am never going to let them hurt you. Can I ask that of you?”_

It had been such a large request from Hongjoong- one that was impossible to really back up. But he remembered the pride in his chest… when Seonghwa had nodded. 

“You smiled,” Seonghwa whispered. “You smiled at me… like…” 

Hongjoong saw his brow pull down, trying to find the words. 

_Hongjoong smiled warmly, his heart swelling with hope. “Thank you,” he breathed, resisting the urge to embrace him again._

_Seonghwa’s mouth opened suddenly as he stared at Hongjoong with slightly wide eyes._

“Like no one… not even you… had ever smiled at me before. I had… never seen those kinds of eyes… looking at me before.” His fist tightened. “And I couldn’t fucking believe… the audacity that I had…” 

_Seonghwa released another laugh that almost sounded like a sob, but he didn’t look at Hongjoong. “Nothing you’d ever believe,” he muttered bitterly, a little twisted._

_Seonghwa glanced at him, another bitter laugh as he lowered his head until his forehead pressed to his knees._

“That after everything I had done to you, to your teammates… everything I had put you through… everything I had done that made your life a living fucking hell,” Seonghwa hissed. “And I had the audacity to think of you like that.” 

“You didn’t,” Hongjoong blurted. 

Seonghwa stiffened, his other hand curling into a tight fist that took his finger off the button. 

“You didn’t make my life a living hell,” Hongjoong said firmly, eyes hardening. “It was never easy, Seonghwa, and I was constantly afraid of screwing something up for the both of us, but it wasn’t hell.”

Seonghwa’s chest rose in a shaking breath. 

Hongjoong shook his head numbly. “ _You_ were the one going through hell, Seonghwa- And I was the idiot who was trying to guide you out when I’ve never been anywhere _near_ it.” 

Hongjoong couldn’t hear without Seonghwa’s hand on the button, but he saw what looked like a bitter laugh escape him. 

“Seonghwa… I _wanted_ to help you,” Hongjoong said fiercely, one hand fisting. “And when you made mistakes- it only made me want to help you more. And when you took steps in the right direction, it made everything fucking worth it, Seonghwa.” 

Seonghwa’s finger was suddenly back on the button. “I had no right to feel that way about you,” he hissed darkly. 

“You had every right!” 

Hongjoong really didn’t fucking mean to snap- he hadn’t been meaning to lose his cool _a lot_ lately, but it just kept fucking breaking through. 

And Seonghwa looked up at the sharp yell, eyes wide and startled, and Hongjoong winced, almost apologizing, but it didn’t come out. 

“You have every right to feel about me however the hell you choose, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong said harshly. “You have the right to feel whatever you want- That’s the whole _point_ of feelings, Seonghwa!” 

His eyes stared at Hongjoong as if he was still scared, wide as they searched Hongjoong’s hardened expression. 

“You don’t need someone’s permission to feel something, Seonghwa,” He hissed. “If you choose to hate me, love me, befriend me- those are _your_ feelings, and you have the right to feel them whenever you want, about whomever you want!” 

Like the emotions that had been stolen from him by his powers- happiness and peace and laughter- he had a right to _feel_ these whenever he chose. 

And it wasn’t until Hongjoong began his little rant that he realized that himself. 

“I told you, you were right to hate certain people,” Hongjoong pressed. “They hurt you, and I never expected you to change how you felt about them.” 

His throat started closing up as Seonghwa’s eyes grew misty, but he cleared it roughly.

“Maybe you only started feeling for me because I was the first person who didn’t scorn you. Maybe you just did it because it’s the first emotions you felt. Maybe in a week, a month, you won’t feel it anymore- it doesn’t _matter,_ Seonghwa.”

He swallowed thickly. 

“Because _right now,_ you feel those things for me, and it’s not a crime! I won’t sit here and tell you not to feel things for me- it’s your right, and a _beautiful fucking thing_ that you feel them, Seonghwa!” 

They were positive emotions. 

Like happiness, like laughter- Seonghwa had every right to feel love or attraction or whatever he chose to label it as. 

Seonghwa did not cry. 

He stared at Hongjoong like he was waiting for the moment he disappeared. 

“But,” Seonghwa whispered hoarsely. “You don’t feel the same…” 

It was almost a question. But it most certainly was not. 

Hongjoong pressed his lips together, choosing his words very carefully. Because it was delicate- both the situation, and his feelings. 

“In truth,” he said quietly. “The likelihood of two people starting to like each other at the same time… is pretty low, Seonghwa. _But_ ,” he said quickly before Seonghwa could flinch. “But, that doesn’t mean that two people can’t feel the same, just because they don’t feel the same way _right now_.” 

“I don’t want you to change yourself for me,” Seonghwa said, recoiling slightly. 

“I wouldn’t,” Hongjoong swore- quick and sharp. “That wouldn’t be fair to either of us, Seonghwa. But I can promise you… that I’ll think about it.” 

Seonghwa kept his gaze for several seconds before dropping it. 

“It’s okay for people to test things, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong told him firmly. “Even you- just because you like me now, doesn’t mean that you have to like me tomorrow. Maybe you’ll try and hold my hand or something and find out that it doesn’t feel right.” 

Seonghwa’s expression twitched, like the idea was distasteful. 

“Or, maybe I’ll start thinking about it, and I’ll realize that… maybe I don’t feel the same way about you.” 

Because it was possible. 

Hongjoong shrugged as Seonghwa lowered his head. “Feelings are quirky and weird. And they _change,_ Seonghwa. Sometimes to be more, and sometimes to be less- but it’s never _bad,_ Seonghwa. Changing your mind isn’t _bad_. And I never want you to feel like just because you said you felt something that you can’t take that back. Because you can. At any time.” 

Hongjoong felt like he should have run out of speeches- or at least, someone should stop him from making them. 

But Seonghwa was quiet, contemplative and dark as he stared at the table intently. 

“I don’t…” He choked off, shaking his head. 

“What?” Hongjoong prompted quietly, leaning forward. 

Seonghwa shook his head again. “I don’t… want them to change.” 

Simultaneously, Hongjoong felt like sobbing and laughing his fucking heart out as something warm was injected into his chest. 

Regardless of his own emotions, hearing someone say that about you… was a pretty good feeling. 

Even if he wanted to cry because Seonghwa almost sounded scared of them changing. 

“Seonghwa…. Seonghwa, look at me,” He requested quietly. 

It took several moments, but Seonghwa looked up, reserved and hesitant. 

Hongjoong felt the urge to reach out to him. But the glass blocked him. 

“Even if they did change… Even if I decide I don’t feel the same… Even if you still feel the same… I’m still going to be beside you.” Seonghwa blinked, clearly taken aback. “I’m still going to smile at you and… and try to help you. And I’m still going to ask if you need hugs and shit-” 

“Why?” Seonghwa broke in, as if they hadn’t had this same sort of conversation over and over. 

It didn’t matter because Hongjoong would keep saying it over and over, in as many different ways as it took. He was finding that more direct methods worked best. 

“Because we’re friends, Seonghwa,” he said firmly. 

Seonghwa stared, as if this was shocking news to him. 

“We’re friends,” he repeated. “And I’ll be friends with you, no matter what our feelings are. I mean, if I didn’t go running when you tried to kill me, do you really think that liking me will make me turn tail?”

Seonghwa didn’t even flinch at the mention of his attempted killing- just stared, mouth opening as if he was trying to speak, but couldn’t bring himself to. 

“It’s going to be hard, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong told him, serious all of a sudden as he looked at where they were. “You’re going to be in here, and you’re going to fuck up royally all the fucking time.” 

Seonghwa’s hand wasn’t on the button, but Hongjoong saw his breath hitch, almost like he couldn’t believe Hongjoong would say that. 

“You’re going to,” Hongjoong assured him firmly. “And… And I’m not… I’m not going to be there with you this time, Seonghwa.” 

There was a flash of confusion across Seonghwa’s face before he glanced behind him and probably saw Daejoon standing to the side. And then realization settled on his shoulders as he looked at the glass separating them. 

And it seemed to settle on Seonghwa for the first time, the fact that he was on one side... and Hongjoong was on the other. 

“But you can do it, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong said before panic could grow in Soenghwa’s eyes. “Seonghwa- you’ve made so much fucking progress in so short a time, and you can finally get real help, not someone bumbling along and trying not to fuck up-” 

“You _were_ real help,” Seonghwa said, as if he could convince Hongjoong to stay. “How- How do you expect _them_ to help me?” He rattled his handcuffs, as if to show his point, nerves making his voice darker. 

“Those people in the court were not the people from the rehab program,” Hongjoong assured him. “There are genuinely good people here, I’ve met them, Seonghwa. They can help you-” 

“I don’t want _their_ help!” Seonghwa snapped, but it was scared, more than angry. 

“Seonghwa,” Hongjoong said sharply, enough that Seonghwa took a deep breath, eyes wide and panicked. “Seonghwa…. You need more than me,” He pressed gently. “You’ve been hurt so much… in so many different ways- I can’t heal those parts of you, Seonghwa. I could barely try and get you coherent- I can’t fix your trauma, and it would be dangerous of me to try.” 

Because maybe Hongjoong had managed to fill the part of Seonghwa that was alone and afraid. Maybe he was able to get him to trust. 

But the rejections from his childhood? The part of him that found Hongjoong, crying everyday? The part that grew up in a darkness so twisted, it barely even knew what warmth felt like anymore? The toll of being controlled and manipulated by his powers for his entire _life?_

Those were real things that were wrong with Seonghwa’s mind. Things that Hongjoong couldn’t fix. 

Things that Seonghwa needed real, professional help to overcome. Hongjoong couldn’t come anywhere close to that. 

“I’m not going to leave you,” Hongjoong promised firmly. 

His hand suddenly pressed up against the glass- the cool surface smooth underneath his palm as his eyes stared at Seonghwa in hardened determination. 

“I can’t be with you every step of the way anymore, Seonghwa,” he said gently. “But that doesn’t mean I’m gone. I’ll come visit- as often as I am allowed. And I’ll try and write to you as often as I can, when they don’t let me visit. And I’ll be waiting for you, when you’re done here.” 

Seonghwa’s expression twitched, his lips trembling, as if he was getting overwhelmed again. 

“Done?” he whispered hoarsely. 

Hongjoong nodded. “You’re in the rehabilitation program, Seonghwa. Once they deem you okay enough to go back into society… you’ll be able to get out of here.” 

Seonghwa swallowed. “And how long will that take?” he asked, something bitter in the back of his throat. 

“It depends,” Hongjoong said honestly. “On how quickly you progress. But look at how far you came under my stupid attempts at counseling- Imagine how much you can do with someone who can really help you, Seonghwa.” 

“You were really helping me.” 

“I know,” Hongjoong said quickly. “But these people will be leagues better than me.” 

“No, they won’t.” 

“Seonghwa-” 

“I don’t trust them,” Seonghwa hissed quietly, but he seemed more uncomfortable than anything else. 

“I know,” he stressed, pressing his palm flat against the glass, just wishing he could be over there. “I _know,_ Seonghwa… but you haven’t trusted them since you got here, have you? But… but you trusted me enough, didn’t you?” 

Something in Seonghwa’s expression locked down, but it didn’t shut Hongjoong out. His eyes dropped to Hongjoong’s hand pressed against the glass, staring at it for a moment. 

He nodded. 

“I won’t promise you that it won’t be hard,” Hongjoong said gently. “And I can’t promise that you won’t hate every minute of it… but I can promise that at the end of it all… and throughout it all... I will be there for you, Seonghwa.” 

Seonghwa swallowed, still staring at Hongjoong’s hand. “What about the .0001%?” he whispered, voice thick. 

“That is on the chance that you tell me to go away,” Hongjoong said lips twitching even as his eyes stung. 

Seonghwa shook his head numbly. “I wouldn’t.” 

“Then I promise.” 

Seonghwa didn’t look at him, eyes fixated on Hongjoong’s hands. 

His finger was taken off the button as he lifted his cuffed hands together- slowly pressing his palm against the glass to line up with Hongjoong’s. He stared. 

Hongjoong’s heart swelled in his chest, throat closing up as he blinked rapidly. 

“I know you trust me,” he whispered, not even sure if the mic was picking it up. “But I really… really hope that at the end of this… you learn to trust others, too. Trust yourself.” 

Seonghwa finally looked at Hongjoong, pained- but it was… a good type of pain, he thought. 

“I don’t want to be the only person in your life, Seonghwa,” he whispered. “I hope that you find friends. I hope that you can find other people that you trust enough to be beside you, when I can’t be.” 

Seonghwa’s lips pressed together, once more like the idea was distasteful. But he said nothing against it. 

“And I hope… that at the end of it all… you can say that you’re happy,” Hongjoong murmured. 

A tear streaked down Seonghwa’s cheek. But just the one. 

Hongjoong managed a weak, watery smile. “I’m so fucking proud of you, Seonghwa.” 

And he was. From when they were five years old to the moment they sat in right now- he was so fucking proud. 

Seonghwa drew his hand away, and Hongjoong saw the faintest outline of the scar that held the mark. 

He drew his own hand away, pressing his palm to his chest, just above his heart. 

Seonghwa’s eyes followed the movement, widening slightly. 

“This is our promise, isn’t it?” Hongjoong whispered. “It lasted since we were five. That’s some pretty strong stuff, don’t you think?”

Seonghwa eyes dropped to his palm, as if he had forgotten it was there. 

“Hongjoong…” 

He didn’t hear it, but he read his name on Seonghwa’s lips as he dropped his hands, pressing the button, still staring at his hands, as if he couldn’t believe what he had seen. 

“Hongjoong…” His voice was slow and low and rough. He was still and silent for a moment before he lifted his head, meeting Hongjoong’s eyes with ones that shone with strain and exhaustion. 

Hongjoong’s chest ached. 

“I’m so… _tired_ ,” he whispered, expression pinching and something in his eyes turning pained. 

Tired of a lot of things, Hongjoong was sure. None of which, he was probably ready to state aloud. But Hongjoong nodded, understanding. 

“You deserve a break, Seonghwa,” he said quietly. “You’ve done so fucking well.” 

Seonghwa looked like he wanted to say something, but he didn’t. 

“Go rest,” Hongjoong said, nodding. “Take a nap or something… you deserve it, Seonghwa. And hopefully, when you wake up… things will feel better. You’ve gone through a lot… go rest.” 

Part of Hongjoong was terrified. 

Because, what about Seonghwa’s nightmares? What about if he hurt someone? No one else was immune to his rages, like Hongjoong was. What if got too overwhelmed? 

What if he looked for Hongjoong and Hongjoong wasn’t there? 

But Hongjoong had to silence the fear. 

Because he couldn’t become Seonghwa’s coping mechanism. He couldn’t be Seonghwa’s fix-all. He couldn’t let himself become that easy out that only assuaged, but didn’t fix, the problem. 

It was better like this. Less pleasant, and certainly terrifying, but it was better for Seonghwa, in the end. 

Hongjoong needed to let go. He had defended Seonghwa in all the ways that he could. And he would keep defending when it was his turn. 

But Seonghwa needed more than him right now. 

So Hongjoong didn’t shake in fear. He smiled warmly at Seonghwa, encouraging and hopeful, and Seonghwa stared back at him, lips parted in silence. 

“I’ll be back here as soon as they let me,” Hongjoong promised. “But for now… just rest, Seonghwa.” 

Seonghwa looked reluctant, something in his eyes rising with fear, but something else stamped it down, lips pressing into a thin line. 

He nodded slowly. 

Seonghwa was learning to let go, too. 

“I’ll be back,” Hongjoong promised one more time. 

Almost without pause, Seonghwa nodded in understanding. He turned behind him. “I’m done,” he said, voice heavy, but clear. 

Daejoon came around the corner, and Seonghwa gave Hongjoong one last look that could almost be labeled as longing. 

But Hongjoong smiled- and it wasn’t forced- as Seonghwa was guided to stand. 

And as Seonghwa was lead away, he kept his head turned towards Hongjoong, as if trying to keep him in his sight for as long as possible. 

Hongjoong’s heart did something horrifically painful as Seonghwa was lead out of his sight, disappearing around a corner. 

Almost immediately, Hongjoong felt his genuine smile crack, lips trembling as he was left in lone solitude. 

So fucking afraid. 

He didn’t cry, though his vision blurred with hot tears he tried to blink back, his chest constricting painfully as he pressed a hand over the mark on his heart- 

As confident as he was… he didn’t know what was going to happen. 

Any number of things could come up- Seonghwa could prove more difficult than imagined, he could hurt someone too badly, he could be mistreated and scorned within the program- 

Hongjoong didn’t know what was going to happen. 

“Hyung.” 

He jumped at the quiet call that was followed by quiet footsteps that walked in a hurry. 

By the time he turned, he was enveloped in a slow, warm hug that was most definitely San. 

Hongjoong stared, shocked by the sudden appearance, but over San’s shoulder, he saw the rest of his team- his whole team- walking over quickly, expressions ranging from relief to nervous to sympathetic. 

Hongjoong knew that they understood. 

Hongjoong was pulled to his feet and encased in arms from every side- Jongho joining San, Yeosang and Wooyoung pressed against his back, and Mingi and Yunho encasing everyone from the outside with their stupidly long arms. 

And Hongjoong still didn’t bring himself to cry, even as his eyes continued to water and burn. But he buried his face in someone’s chest (Maybe San, maybe Jongho), and he let himself have a fucking moment for himself. 

Not a break. But a moment to realize that as much as it could be, it was over. 

“It’s okay, hyung,” San murmured quietly. “It’s gonna be okay.” 

“You did well,” Yeosang assured him. “Really, hyung, you were great.” 

Hongjong tucked the praises away, intent on revisiting them later when he was more emotionally stable. 

For now, he let himself be reminded that he wasn’t alone. And he tried so very hard not to think too hard about the fact that Seonghwa had no one with him. 

It was okay, though. He let himself believe this. 

It really was okay. 

~~~~~~~

Hongjoong remained within the facility during his first month of probation. 

He stayed in his room (aside from the occasional meeting with Eden to discuss things not related to missions) and worked at his laptop, and he waited for the others to finish their duties. They would get lunch or dinner together, and they didn’t talk about missions. 

They talked about the conversation Hongjoong had with his parents, involving Seonghwa and everything they had gone through. (His parents had finally seen Hongjoong on the news, along with the statements “harboring a criminal” and “currently on probation”.) 

It was a lengthy, draining conversation of his mother and father taking turns yelling in shock and fear at everything Hongjoong revealed to them. 

But, in the end… Seonghwa was innocent. 

Hongjoong was half-afraid that his mother would fall into her old ways, and tell him not to go to Seonghwa anymore (not that Hongjoong would listen any better the second time around). 

But, Hongjoong simply stared at his knees, the phone pressed to his ear. And all it had taken was a “I think… I think I’m good for him, Mom. And I think… he’s good for me, too.” 

Because Seonghwa had taught Hongjoong patience. He had taught him to understand and sympathize, to let go and allow someone to walk on their own. 

He taught Hongjoong that he couldn’t always be the hero. And that was okay. 

His mother had simply sighed quietly and asked Hongjoong if he was eating well enough. 

According to Eden, the holding facility had visitation days twice a month. 

That seemed like an eternity for Hongjoong- already trying to figure out how the hell he would be able to leave Seonghwa alone for that long- 

Seonghwa taught Hongjoong to let go. 

Letters were brought to the holding facility weekly. And Hongjoong had a lot more free time than he once did (Yeosang taking on his responsibilities as leader, per Hongjoong’s last order before being put on probation). 

He wrote lengthy letters- telling Seonghwa about his new free-time, asking about what sort of procedures he had undergone, asking about the people there, the food, the treatment, his powers… 

Seonghwa’s letters back to him were always shorter than Hongjoong’s, and only ever consisted of brief answers to his myriad of questions. 

Seonghwa had daily meetings with a lab coat (Dr. Bae, Eden told Hongjoong. Eden had put in that word himself at Hongjoong’s request). They talked about what he was feeling, and what had happened to him in the past. 

Seonghwa didn’t like the daily sessions. They seemed too invasive, and the first few were spent with his mouth clenched shut tightly. 

But, he assured Hongjoong, Dr. Bae was by far the nicest person he had met here. Some of the doctors were kind, some were indifferent, and some were clearly less than enthusiastic about Seonghwa’s stubbornness. 

But, Seonghwa told him, he was treated well aside from that. 

There was a boy Seonghwa met, he said. He had asked Seonghwa if he could sit beside him at lunch. A literal boy- no more than ten. 

Seonghwa had been so shocked, he had forgotten to seem angry, and the boy had smiled, sitting across from him. They didn’t talk, but Seonghwa told Hongjoong that the boy wouldn’t leave him alone during meals now, seeking him out. 

He didn’t know how he felt about it. 

Their letters continued on in these fashions. 

Hongjoong would ask with cute drawings, whether Seonghwa was lonely without him. And sometimes, he asked in more serious letters if Seonghwa was terribly lonely there… 

Seonghwa never answered those questions. 

And it wasn’t until the first time that Hongjoong was able to visit Seonghwa that he remembered that he was supposed to be thinking about his own feelings towards Seonghwa. 

And it wasn’t until Hongjoong saw him for the first time through that same Window, sitting and waiting for him, that Hongjoong realized how much he had missed him. 

Had been worried for him. Had feared for him. 

Hongjoong sat down quickly, offering a genuinely beaming smile that he couldn’t have stamped down, even if he wanted to. 

Seonghwa jumped at the sudden appearance, but his eyes locked on Hongjoong’s quickly, widening. 

Seonghwa looked… okay. It was only a few weeks since the trial, but his face seemed… fuller. His skin color seemed brighter, and his eyes weren’t so heavy as they stared at Hongjoong. 

Visitations began at 8AM and were over at 6PM. 

Hongjoong stayed there the whole day, aside from the two hours Seonghwa had to leave to go to his session with Dr. Bae. Hongjoong waited for him to get back, though. 

There wasn’t much for them to talk about, outside of what had already been said in their letters. But Hongjoong kept remembering little stories about his team he had never brought up before- just to keep them talking. 

“You don’t… have to stay,” Seonghwa said after almost a full hour of neither of them thinking of anything to say. 

Hongjoong twisted his face in distaste. “I’m not going to be able to see you for another few weeks- why wouldn’t I stay as long as possible? We don’t have to keep talking. I’m fine just sitting here. Unless you’re tired?” he asked quickly. 

Seonghwa shook his head sharply, lowering his eyes. 

Seonghwa… wasn’t much different. 

He stared at Hongjoong, or at the table while he spoke. And he only really talked when Hongjoong asked him specifically to tell a story. 

“Dr. Bae… is nice,” Seonghwa admitted quietly when their time was almost up. His hands weren’t bound this time- free to move around. “She’s… forgiving.” 

Hongjoong frowned at his tone. “Forgiving… of what?” he questioned. 

Seonghwa remained silent, something in his eyes darkening. 

Hongjoong winced. “Have you… been okay?”

Seonghwa’s lips pressed together firmly, his expression hardening, like he was trying to keep from showing something. 

“Seong-” 

“I attacked three of the nurses,” Seonghwa murmured darkly, fists clenching tightly. 

Hongjoong blinked. 

“We were… testing my reaction to my powers, and they stopped muting me, and one of them asked me a question, and I just-” He flexed his hands, staring at them, as if imagining the smoke coming off of them. 

Something strained in his eyes. 

“I just still _hate them_ so much,” Seonghwa hissed, a statement that had never found its way into their letters. “All of them- even the people here, they still _look_ at me like everyone else did. They still see me as an outsider, even if-” He swallowed thickly. 

Hongjoong watched with quiet eyes as he leaned forward. “What happened to them?” he asked gently. 

Seonghwa lowered his head further, heavy and shamed. “I… I don’t… remember exactly,” he murmured. “But Dr. Bae was there… she told me to heal them. I laughed at her.” 

Hongjoong knew exactly what kind of laugh Seonghwa was talking about- the same one that had chilled his bones and stolen hope from his chest. 

“I don’t… I don’t remember how long it took… Eventually, I calmed down enough… Dr. Bae asked me to fix them again… And I did.” 

Hongjoong released a quiet breath, a shaky smile on his lips. “That’s amazing, Seonghwa,” he breathed. 

Seonghwa looked up, eyes widening. 

“What?” Hongjoong asked, something like a laugh on his tongue. “What’s that look for? You fixed it, Seonghwa. You created a damage, but you fixed it.” 

Seonghwa continued to stare. 

Hongjoong smiled, something warming in his chest. “I knew you’d make good progress, but these are some huge steps, Seonghwa.” 

Seonghwa didn’t speak for the rest of their time left. Hongjoong would make a comment here and there as he thought of something to say, but he also remained relatively silent. 

Eventually, the guard told Seonghwa his time was up. 

And despite the fact they had spent hours sitting in silence, Seonghwa still looked slightly panicked at the statement. 

Once more, Hongjoong hid the part of him that was afraid and smiled warmly. “I’ll see you next time, okay?” he said comfortingly. “Write me longer letters, if you can,” he said, half joking, and half serious. 

Seonghwa eyes locked on Hongjoong for as long as he could as the guard guided him away, keeping him in sight until they disappeared around the corner. 

Hongjoong felt a pit appear in his gut as he continued to smile at the empty space before him. 

Even over the following months… saying goodbye never got any easier. 

~~~~~~~

Hongjoong knew something needed to change. 

He loved his team. He loved the facility. He loved seeing them everywhere and being able to to talk… but Hongjoong knew, or he was beginning to realize, that maybe… maybe he needed a step back. 

Yeosang was doing an amazing job leading the team- perfect in some areas, and gaining help in the areas he lacked. He had no end of questions for Hongjoong on leadership, but Hongjoong answered them mostly to assuage him. 

He knew that Yeosang was figuring it out, though. 

But Hongjoong also knew that… he wasn’t _doing_ very much here. He would sit at his computer and wait for his team. He would meet with Eden about Seonghwa, and then wait for his team. 

He wrote letters in his free time, and he counted down the minutes until it was time for visitation with Seonghwa. 

Hongjoong called his mom after his fourth visit with Seonghwa. 

“Sweetie?”

He smiled gently at the familiar voice. “Hey, mom,” He said quietly. “I have… a bit of a weird question.” 

“I’m sure after all the other calls I’ve gotten from you, this can’t be much worse,” she chuckled. “What is it?” 

Hongjoong stared at his bags of clothing. “I think… I think I need some distance from this place. While I’m on probation…” 

“Distance?” she asked worriedly. “I thought it was only temporary?” 

“It is,” Hongjoong assured her. “But, my file goes up for review after a year. Then they decide whether I go on probation for another year. But it’s still a long time… I think I need to take a break.” 

“Do you want to come to Busan with your father and I?” she asked. “You might be bored since we’ll be gone a lot, but-” 

“No,” Hongjoong said quickly. “No, I don’t… I don’t want to go far. I just… need a place to separate myself… if that’s okay.” 

“Of course, sweetheart,” his mother said quickly. “Whatever you need.” 

~~~~~~~

Hongjoong set his bag down in the living room of the apartment on the fourth floor of Seoul Apartments. 

“You’re seriously coming back here?” Yeosang asked, tossing his computer bag onto the couch a little too roughly, making Hongjoong yelp at him. 

“It’s under better circumstances, at least,” Jongho murmured, setting down a laundry basket beside the TV. 

“Nothing bad happened here,” Hongjoong assured them, directing Mingi to put the blankets in the bedroom. “And I think it’ll be better than just staying in my room the entire time…” 

“I understand why you’re doing it,” Yeosang assured him, flopping down on the couch. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not mad that you’re abandoning us.” 

“You don’t need me,” Hongjoong huffed, rolling his eyes as Wooyoung flopped down beside Yeosang. “Literally no one on the team has complaints about your leadership.” 

“Wooyoung does,” Yunho said quickly. 

“Wooyoung’s problem is that Yeosang doesn’t go easy on him just because they’re together,” San said, staring pointedly at Wooyoung. 

“I don’t expect special treatment,” Wooyoung assured him as if it mattered. “But you fucking know that Yeosang rides my ass harder than he does any of you guys,” He complained, lips pushing out sharply. 

“Huh,” Yunho hummed curiously. “And here I thought Wooyoung would be doing the riding.” 

“Never pegged Yeosang as a bottom,” San snickered as Wooyoung threw a pillow at them- flushed with both embarrassment and annoyance. 

“Assholes,” he huffed. 

“You’ve always needed an extra hand to corral you,” Hongjoong stated calmly. “You only notice it more because you actually like Yeosang, and now he has to be mean to you sometimes.” 

“Anyway!” Wooyoung snapped, crossing his arms so tightly, Yeosang hid a chuckle and rested a hand on his knee. “You’re leaving us, hyung, and we’re going to die without you.” 

“Thanks,” Yeosang snorted, offended. Wooyoung did not reassure him, continuing to glare forward. 

“I can’t help you anyway,” Hongjoong sighed, looking around at his few possessions. “So I need… I need to figure some stuff out.” 

“Without us.” 

“You can come visit whenever you want,” Hongjoong assured them. “I’m going to be lonely and bored out of my ass, but-” 

“Stop trying to explain,” Yeosang said firmly, eyes snapping into something more serious. “You went through some shit with Seonghwa. You put a lot of yourself out there, hyung, and if distance and time is what you need to get yourself back on track, you don’t have to explain that to us.” 

“Just make sure that if you did need something more,” Wooyoung added, his glare forgotten for a moment, “That you actually ask for it. Whether its from us… or something more professional.” 

Hongjoong didn’t think it went that far. But he didn’t know. He needed some time to sort through himself. And Seonghwa. And the both of them… potentially together. 

Which the team, of course, knew about. But bless their souls, they hadn’t brought it up- knowing that at the moment, it wasn’t a matter up for joking. 

Hongjoong didn’t want solitude by any means. He was going to miss his team fiercely. 

But, rather than moving away, he liked to think of this act as taking a step back. Away from heroes, away from the facility and the system- disregarding all of that, and just focusing on himself and what he felt. 

Or didn’t feel… 

His team hugged him as they left (after they stayed and ordered dinner together), and Hongjoong was left alone in the apartment. This time, without sitting around to wait for Seonghwa to come back. 

Hongjoong went into the spare bedroom, and found his blankets missing. He frowned, knowing that he had told Mingi to put them in his room. 

Turning, Hongjoong gazed across the hall of the master bedroom door that stood slightly ajar. 

Mouth dry, he stepped down the hall quietly, pushing it open gently, like there might still be a dark figure sleeping in the bed. Sure enough, his blankets sat on the slightly unmade bed. 

His folded pajamas also sat at the end. 

Hongjoong probably had a right to be in this room- it was bigger, and it had a bathroom attached. But he didn’t even consider it as he gathered his blankets and went to the spare room. 

Despite the fact he no longer occupied this space, nor would ever occupy this space again, that was Seonghwa’s room. 

For the first time, Hongjoong slept in the spare room. Alone in this big apartment. But maybe that was better. It gave him room to think. 

To stare at the ceiling and think about his next letter, his next visit, his next move… 

His thoughts didn’t cloud his mind, like they used to. It felt like they had room to breathe there. 

And that, more than anything, allowed Hongjoong to finally fall asleep as the first rays of daylight began to shine. 

~~~~~~~~

Hongjoong’s meetings with Seonghwa… never really changed. 

They never had more or less to talk about. And they often times just wound up sitting in silence for a good portion of time. Which was okay, because even before this, they spent a lot of their time in silence. 

Hongjoong could never stop himself from beaming with joy each time he saw Seonghwa, and he couldn’t stop the first words out of his mouth being- “I missed you. How’s it been?” 

Seonghwa neither accepted nor rejected the smile. 

Sometimes, Seonghwa stared at Hongjoong, like he was trying to win a contest, and sometimes, he stared at the table- unable to even hold Hongjoong’s gaze for longer than a moment. 

He told him immediately about living in Seoul Apartments, thanks to his parents. 

Seonghwa frowned, something deeply confused in his eyes. “You… left the facility?” he asked, as if he wasn’t sure he heard correctly. 

Hongjoong nodded, smiling gently. “I decided I wanted some space.” 

“Just… like that?” 

His smile turned a little sad. “I told you it wasn’t a prison, Seonghwa,” he said quietly, almost afraid to bring up that part of the past. “We can leave whenever we want to. I never wanted to before. Now I do, so I did.” 

Seonghwa still stared like he couldn’t believe it. And he lowered his eyes, and thought about it some more, until they changed the subject to facility food. 

Hongjoong lived for their visits. They were proof that Seonghwa was being helped- regardless of how receptive he was to that help. 

Seonghwa described- both in his letters and during visits- that there was a lot of yelling on his part. Some of the doctors were scared of him. Dr. Bae wasn’t, he said. And a few others who he liked best… 

As much as he could like anyone here… 

But Hongjoong always beamed, regardless of how horrible Seonghwa thought he was doing. Because it was _something_. 

And when it was time for them to go, Seonghwa would always try and keep Hongjoong in his sight for as long as possible. Hongjoong would always be the one to smile encouragingly- and tell Seonghwa that he would write to him soon. 

Seonghwa never brought up his feelings towards Hongjoong. 

And Hongjoong had yet to formulate an answer for Seonghwa. 

Because he truly didn’t know. He knew only a handful of things about Seonghwa and himself. 

He liked Seonghwa. He was proud of Seonghwa. He wanted Seonghwa to do well, and he wanted Seonghwa to receive every good thing in life, always. He was afraid for Seonghwa. He missed Seonghwa. He was happy when he could see Seonghwa. 

But did all of this equate to being able to return those feelings? 

Hongjoong always went on long walks after his visits with Seonghwa. His hands in his pockets (of a hoodie that hid his scarred arms), and staring at his sneakers as his mind moved- not racing like a hurricane, but sluggish and slow, like it was afraid of where it might wander to. 

Hongjoong had considered telling Seonghwa that they could just try it out. You didn’t have to love someone to date them- maybe Hongjoong could learn to love him. 

But maybe he couldn’t… 

And with someone as fragile and inexperienced in emotions as Seonghwa… Hongjoong didn’t want to play that game. At least not yet. He didn’t want to go along and indulge Seonghwa- potentially building up a role he couldn’t end up filling. 

He didn’t want to hurt Seonghwa like that. 

So, at the very least, Hongjoong wanted to know that there was a good chance for things to work out. Because Hongjoong cared for Seonghwa so very deeply. 

But he also cared equally as deep for the people on his team, and Hongjoong knew he could never really see any of them that way. 

So, Hongjoong kept thinking. 

He went on walks almost daily- sometimes with his arms exposed and sometimes with them covered. Sometimes with people keeping their distance with burning eyes, and sometimes with people walking beside him without a care in the world. 

One woman screamed at him for walking too close to her flowers outside her shop. 

A man shook his fist when Hongjoong tripped on a portion of sidewalk and bumped into a table that didn’t even have anything on it. 

And one girl...probably almost younger than Hongjoong… bumped into him as she was walking. And Hongjoong apologized quickly, waiting for her to threaten to call the police- 

But she stumbled, apologizing until her eyes locked onto Hongjoong’s face. 

And then flickered down to his arms. Before going back to his face. 

Hongjoong turned to leave, not really in the mood for a fight- 

“You’re that hero, aren’t you?” she asked, voice hesitant… not but afraid. Not angry. 

Hongjoong froze, glancing at her. She stared at him with wide eyes. “Um… what?”

“That hero,” she repeated. “From the news. With the- the guy whose been terrorizing the Normals.” 

Hongjoong almost turned on his heel and walked away before another word got out. 

“The one… They said you… stopped him.” 

Hongjoong froze, his heart stopping as he looked back at her quickly. “How did you…” His tongue, mind, and heart refused to work properly- still startled at the fact she wasn’t yelling at him. 

“There’s videos everywhere of it,” she said, nodding vigorously. “But they said… you stopped him. Convinced him to change- according to the news.” 

Hongjoong knew he had shown up briefly on the news- mostly just a still shot along with his name dropped alongside Seonghwa’s. He didn’t know how the hell this girl had recognized him. 

“My dad almost got hurt by him,” she said, but it wasn’t accusing. She smiled hesitantly. “You stopped him that time- right before he got taken in.” 

Hongjoong could only try and unstick his tongue from his mouth. 

The girl smiled wider. “Thanks. That was pretty cool.” 

And then she was gone. Leaving Hongjoong with a spinning head and a heart that seemed heavier than he started with. 

Sure enough, Hongjoong found dozens of videos- particularly about the fight right before he convinced Seonghwa to turn himself in. They were taken through windows of the apartments lining the street. 

And Hongjoong watched from an outside perspective, Seonghwa dropped his storming rage and embracing Hongjoong so hard, Hongjoong had to stop the video, closing out of it. It had been hard enough to see the first time. 

He watched (in short bursts, which was all he could stand) as his team arrived. He saw himself and Seonghwa curled around each other in the shield, looking so small and scared. 

He wrote about the girl in his next letter to Seonghwa. Hongjoong almost didn’t. He didn’t want to bring up Normals or their opinions of those who were Different, but he wrote about her anyway. 

Seonghwa wrote back that he couldn’t quite believe it… but that Hongjoong deserved that recognition. 

~~~~~~~~~

Time moved on- with or without them. 

And suddenly, it was over six months since Seonghwa had joined the rehabilitation program. 

It was also the first visitation that Seonghwa missed. 

Hongjoong arrived, walking down the line of windows and trying to find Seonghwa. 

He wasn’t there. Hongjoong’s hopeful smile faded as he asked one of the men standing on the sides where he was. 

The man pulled out something that looked like a phone, scrolling through it a moment before humming. “Yeah, Park Seonghwa,” he read off. “Visitations are cancelled for him for the next month.” 

“ _Why?_ ” Hongjoong demanded, frowning as something cold grabbed his heart. 

“Volitability,” he replied simply. “His doctors are saying his emotional state isn’t stable enough for visits. It’s a point a lot of these people reach in rehab. It’s usually a good thing, kid, don’t worry,” he said when Hongjoong’s face paled. “It’s usually a breaking point, which means things can start changing from there.” 

Hongjoong’s fists clenched, and he resisted the urge to demand to talk to someone else, his heart clenching as he walked away quickly. 

He had already seen Seonghwa’s breaking points. 

When they first arrived at the apartment. When Hongjoong pressed and pressed. When he brought Seonghwa soup. When he told him to trust him. 

It felt unfair that he be denied because of things he had already seen- 

Hongjoong stopped his bitterness, shaking his head. Just because he had seen those breakdowns, didn’t mean he had a right to see them all. 

He went home that night, and he prayed that Seonghwa was okay. 

He still wrote him letters, but he got none in response. He detailed how hopeful he was for Seonghwa, and now much he hoped Seonghwa knew he missed him. 

And after a full month of not seeing or communicating with him at all, Hongjoong did truly realize how much he missed him. 

“Don’t you think you’re being a little too careful?” Yeosang asked as he, Wooyoung, and Jongho sat around Hongjoong’s living room- visiting after a mission. “I mean- it’s pretty obvious you care for him a lot.” 

“But I don’t know if it’s _that way_ or not,” Hongjoong fought where he laid down on the couch. “I don’t want to set up expectations I can’t meet- not when Seonghwa barely knows about emotions and how they develop to begin with!” 

“Hyung, it’s pretty clear he’s someone special,” Wooyoung said as he folded a piece of paper mindlessly. “I know you said you care for him like you do us, but I think we all know it’s different.” 

“No, I _don’t_ know,” Hongjoong fought. “That’s the problem.” 

“Okay, then, from an outside perspective, we’ll tell you,” Yeosang assured him. “It’s different.” 

“What if it’s just because I invested in him emotionally?” Hongjoong demanded. “What if it’s not true feelings, and once he doesn’t need me to help him anymore, they fade? I don’t want to hurt him, but I-” 

He broke off, lips pressing together. 

He felt the others staring. 

“I don’t want to get hurt, either… If he changes his mind…” 

The silence that followed made Hongjoong only stare harder at the ceiling, not wanting to see whatever pity or exasperation might be in his friends’ eyes. 

“Hyung,” Jongho’s voice said, sharp but heartfelt. “That’s not unique to your situation. Every relationship- romantic or otherwise- has the chance of losing those emotions as time passes. It’s not because Seonghwa is experiencing emotions for the first time. His feelings can change as easily as yours can- sometimes for no reason.” 

“Then why would I take that risk?” Hongjoong demanded, finally sitting up and running rough fingers through his hair. “Why would I offer him something that he or I may not want later- and only wind up hurting us both?” 

He laced his fingers through his hair, bowing it to his knees as his mind raced in tandem with his aching heart. 

He just didn’t want anyone to get hurt. 

“Hyung… that’s what love is,” Wooyoung’s voice said firmly. “It’s a chance. And maybe you make it together, and maybe you don’t. Are you going to part ways if it doesn’t work out?”

“No,” Hongjoong said quickly, lifting his head to look at them sharply. “No, I promised him I would stay with him, no matter what.” 

“What if those feelings change?” Jongho asked, pulling up fibers from the carpet, head tilted. “What if later, you decide you don’t want to stay with him?”

“I wouldn’t do that,” Hongjoong said, a bit too sharp. “I promised- those aren’t the feelings I’m conflicted about.” 

“But they could change,” Yeosang pressed. 

“No,” Hongjoong repeated, firmer. “No, he’s my friend- I wouldn’t leave him any sooner than I would leave one of you.” 

“But you’ve never even considered us in that light,” Wooyoung asked without actually asking. 

“None of you have ever liked me first,” Hongjoong groaned, scrubbing at his eyes. “I don’t know what’s real and what’s a product of Seonghwa’s feelings!” 

“What if I told you Yunho really liked you?” Jongho asked. 

Hongjoong looked up so sharply, it hurt his neck, but his expression must have shown the utter… bomb that went off in his chest. 

Jongho gave him a pointed look. “It feels wrong, doesn’t it?” he prompted. “You didn’t even really think about it, but you _know_ that you wouldn’t return those feelings.” 

“Given time-” 

“No,” Jongho said firmly. “You didn’t even consider it- you know, in your heart, that even if Yunho legitimately liked you, you wouldn’t be able to return those feelings.” 

Hongjoong’s lips pressed together, chest clenching. “Yes, but-” 

“So, if you’re considering Seonghwa- jumping back and forth with your only reasoning being that you _might_ get hurt,” Yeosang said, waving a hand like he wanted Hongjoong to catch up with the conversation. 

“It’s not the same thing!” Hongjoong fought. “They’re different-” 

“Imagine Seonghwa kissed you,” Wooyoung broke in, so sudden that Hongjoong audibly choked. “The next time you see him, he asked if he could kiss you. What would you say?” 

First of all, Hongjoong was still reeling and couldn’t even think properly, much less formulate a response. 

He pointedly did not imagine it happening- that felt wrong. 

Not the kiss. 

Imagining it. Because he hadn’t told Seonghwa an answer yet, and he wouldn’t use his imagination as a tool for self-discovery. 

“Would you let him?” Wooyoung prompted, eyebrows raised. 

“I- I don’t know- Maybe?” Hongjoong sputtered, staring at the cushions with fearful eyes. “I don’t know-” 

“If he kissed you anyway,” Yeosang pressed. “Does the thought of that feel bad?”

“It’s just imagination!” Hongjoong burst. “It’s not something real-” 

“Now, imagine if San did it,” Wooyoung said. 

Hongjoong couldn’t stop the way his expression twitched at the thought. 

“Maybe you don’t love him,” Wooyoung said firmly, glaring at Hongjoong in determination, ensuring that he was listening. “Maybe you don’t like him back yet. But you know that there’s a damn good chance that this works out.” 

“Damn good isn’t good enough-” 

“You can’t ensure anything 100%, hyung,” Yeosang snapped gently. “It’s not possible. Hell, there’s every chance that Wooyoung and I will no longer feel anything in a week-” 

“Not really,” Wooyoung broke in, scrunching his face, “But the point stands.” 

“- But that doesn’t stop us from trying our best to make it last,” Yeosang finished like he hadn’t been interrupted. “It’s not about everything going smoothly, it’s about _trying,_ hyung.” 

Hongjoong’s heart was slowly being crushed through a press, his expression stricken as he stared at his friends who knew him so well… even better than he knew himself, it seemed. 

“I… I don’t want to hurt him,” Hongjoong said weakly. “I don’t want to get hurt, either…” 

“That’s natural,” Jongho said firmly. “But that’s not something to go under the list of why you might not feel something for him.” 

Hongjoong knew he felt a million things for Seonghwa. 

He just didn’t know if even one thing Seonghwa felt for him overlapped with those. 

~~~~~~~

Hongjoong was terrified the next time he met up with Seonghwa- both for his own discoveries and for fear that he might not be there. 

But he was. And he looked exhausted. 

Until the moment he saw Hongjoong, eyes lifting when Hongjoong sat heavily- And for the first time, Hongjoong saw something brighten in Seonghwa’s face when he saw him. 

It wasn’t a smile or anything so bold. But it was a visible, physical reaction to him- like Hongjoong’s helpless smiles each time he saw Seonghwa. 

“Hey,” Hongjoong breathed, despite the fact his breath had been punched out of him. 

Seonghwa’s mouth worked as he swallowed, staring at Hongjoong like he wasn’t sure he was real. “I missed you.” 

Hongjoong visibly balked. 

That was the first time Seonghwa ever admitted to missing Hongjoong. 

And a black hole promptly opened itself in Hongjoong’s chest. “I- I missed you, too,” he stammered, leaning forward, barely believing it. “I- I was scared, when they said you couldn’t visit…” 

Seonghwa’s head fell, but the mood did not fall with it. “I… lost it, for a while,” He admitted, voice heavy and low. “And… I honestly didn’t know… if I was going to be able to get it back.” 

A month. Seonghwa had been fighting through that for a month. 

“Does it feel… better, now?” he asked hesitantly, hopeful in his chest but prepared for the reality. 

Seonghwa was quiet, before looking up, locking eyes with Hongjoong as he slowly scanned his face. “Yeah,” he whispered, and it felt like he was looking straight through Hongjoong. “Yeah, it’s better.” 

And Hongjoong suddenly didn’t know what he was referring to. 

“I missed you,” Seonghwa said again, his hand coming up to press against the glass. 

There was something almost longing in his eyes again. And Hongjoong comforted himself by saying it was longing for the outside, for freedom as he pressed his hand to line up with Seonghwa’s. 

“I missed you, too,” Hongjoong assured him, as confident and earnest as he could be as his eyes stung. “I’m still waiting for you.” 

Hongjoong didn’t know why he said that last part, but Seonghwa looked at him, eyes sharp but scared as he searched Hongjoong’s face for an emotion that Hongjoong… was sure he would never see. 

He waited for Seonghwa’s face to fall. 

But Seonghwa simply nodded firmly, as if he had been reassured. “You… were right,” he whispered. “It was… necessary for me to be here.” 

Hongjoong smiled waterily. 

“I still hate them,” Seonghwa whispered, staring at their hands. “Maybe even more… as I realize everything they did to me… everything that never should have happened… everything that wasn’t my fault… I still hate them.” 

Hongjoong nodded slowly, voice thick. “I know.” 

And that was okay. 

~~~~~~~

Time… is a funny thing. 

Because if you asked Hongjoong, he’d say he’d been a hero forever. Longer than forever. Four years suddenly seemed to be the only thing he could remember about his life. 

But when he looked back, it all seemed so short. So fast. 

And if you asked him, Hongjoong would say that it had been forever- an eternity- that Seonghwa and he had been separated. A million years of only seeing each other twice a month (save for those months where Seonghwa was not deemed emotionally stable enough). 

But then, Hongjoong blinked and suddenly a year was gone. 

And he only knew that it was, in fact, a year, because he received an email and an official letter from the facility saying that his probation had been lifted. 

It seemed too fast. Too quick. It couldn’t already be a year- it felt like nothing had _happened._

Hongjoong had spent his time thinking, walking, spending time with his team, writing letters, visiting, worrying, celebrating- 

How had so little happened in so long a time? How had so much happened so quickly? 

Hongjoong stepped foot in the facility for the first time in months to show off his letter to his team. 

“You’re coming back?” San practically screamed before throwing himself at Hongjoong, arms wrapping around him tight enough to squeeze the air out. Jongho hugged him, too, shockingly- and Mingi added himself to the pile with a scream of joy. 

Hongjoong stared over their shoulders, his eyes meeting Yeosang’s quiet ones. 

His team hadn’t changed much in only a year. But Hongjoong saw the differences in Yeosang- the way that leading had shifted and morphed him. His eyes were sharper in a different way. 

The way he held himself was stronger. And the stare that he leveled Hongjoong with was piercing and painful as it saw straight through him. 

“You’re not,” Yeosang said quietly. No one would have heard him. 

But his team had gotten used to listening to Yeosang, even when he spoke in near silence, and the three embracing him pulled away slowly, confused. 

“Are you?” Yeosang asked as Hongjoong stared at him. It wasn’t disappointment in the now-leader’s eyes. It was acceptance… and _maybe_ just a bit of disappointment. 

Hongjoong’s arms fell to his sides as San pulled away. He stared at the letter in his fist. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I… I never thought I wouldn’t. But then, I got the letter… and suddenly I’m unsure.” 

“You’re… leaving the system?” Wooyoung asked carefully, eyes reserved. 

Hongjoong pressed his lips together. “I don’t… know. I don’t want to leave you guys… but I don’t… it’s not that I don’t want this life- I just can’t- I don’t know-” 

“You don’t have to know,” San assured him quietly- clearly disappointed, but none of them would ever try to sway his mind. “Just… let us know when you do?” he asked. 

Hongjoong nodded. 

His team hugged him, and Hongjoong tried not to feel disappointed in himself as he buried his face in Yeosang’s chest. 

He didn’t know why he was hesitating. 

“Feelings change, hyung,” Wooyoung murmured in his ear, squeezing his arm. “And that’s okay.” 

Hongjoong clenched his eyes shut against the suddenly blur that clouded them. 

~~~~~~~

“You’re… not going back?” 

Hongjoong’s next visit to Seonghwa was two weeks after he got his letter. He hadn’t mentioned it when he wrote to him, and Seonghwa stared at Hongjoong with wide, reserved eyes. 

“Maybe,” Hongjoong admitted, staring at his hands. “I don’t know… It’s not that I don’t want to, but it feels… strange.” 

A year, he had lived almost like a Normal. 

“Is it… because of me?”

Hongjoong was expecting the question before it ever came, but he still waited several moments before speaking. “Didn’t I tell you I’d stop betting my life?” He joked, though it fell flat. “I don’t know,” he admitted quietly. “But even if it was… that’s not a bad thing, Seonghwa.” 

“It is, if you’re changing your life just to accommodate me, or whatever reasoning you’re giving.” 

Seonghwa had gotten… bolder. 

He hadn’t really _changed-_ not at his base personality and reactions. But when he _chose_ to speak, when he _wanted_ to be heard… he did it with more confidence than he used to. 

Hongjoong loved hearing him speak, he had found. 

He looked up, and Seonghwa stared at him expectantly- wanting an answer. But there was still fear there. 

Fear that Hongjoong would agree. Or leave. 

“If it was because of you,” Hongjoong said slowly. “It wouldn’t be because I want to stay away from hero work because of what you did, or what I think you would need. It would be because-” 

Hongjoong wasn’t even sure what he had been planning on saying, but the real answer chopped him in the fucking throat as he realized it. 

“Because… you taught me to let go.” 

Seonghwa’s expression went through the five stages of grief in an instant- ending in confusion, and then something almost disbelieving. 

“You did,” Hongjoong realized, as he stared at Seonghwa through a glass panel. “You… you taught me to let go- that I couldn’t, and didn’t _need to,_ save everyone. That… being a hero doesn’t make me right. It doesn’t make me good.” 

“You are good,” Seonghwa said quickly, like he was scared that Hongjoong was disagreeing. 

“But not because I was hero,” he said firmly. “I didn’t- I didn’t start helping you because I wanted to play hero- I did it because you made me feel helpless like I had never felt before.” 

Hongjoong hadn’t even realized all of this… until it was spilling from his lips onto a wide-eyed Seonghwa. 

“You taught me that I couldn’t save everyone. That sometimes, I need to let someone who can help _better_ step in.” 

Seonghwa looked as if Hongjoong were speaking a foreign language. “You did save me. More than these people are- you saved me from a much darker, deeper place, Hongjoong.” 

“I know,” He agreed quickly, pressing his hand against the glass almost frantically. “But that’s just it, Seonghwa. I can still do hero work… but I’m not the only one. There are others who can help- some better than me.” 

He frowned. “So, you don’t want... to do hero work anymore?”

Hongjoong shook his head. “It’s not that I don’t want to,” He admitted. “It’s that I don’t feel… so desperate.” 

Hongjoong had never been under the illusion that he was anywhere near one of the best heroes. But in his own mind, he was one with responsibility. 

Between his team and villains and civilians- Hongjoong had always placed whatever he could on his own shoulders. 

That had shone through brightest with Seonghwa- broadcasting something Hongjoong hadn’t even been aware of himself. 

But… removing himself from the facility, giving leadership over to Yeosang, admitting his own helplessness to really help Seonghwa… it was freeing. 

And it was _right._

It was giving Hongjoong the opportunity to look at himself, to figure himself out, to put himself first for the first time in years, really. 

Hongjoong had to laugh, maybe a little too openly- as Seonghwa frowned in concern as he chuckled. 

He supposed Yeosang had been right about taking time for himself. 

(Of course, Hongjoong had never doubted him.) 

~~~~~~~~

“Hongjoong.” 

Seonghwa didn’t smile, but it was that Thing he had begun to do when Hongjoong would arrive- something in his face brightening, his shoulders appearing less burdened. 

It made Hongjoong feel on top of the world. Like he was doing something right. Like things were maybe, really getting better. 

Hongjoong beamed at him, his chest clenching as he looked through the little glass. “Hey,” he greeted. “How’s it been going?” 

Seonghwa paused, like he always did when Hongjoong would ask a question. At first, it seemed like he was trying to figure out how to answer, but the more Hongjoong noticed, the more it seemed as if Seonghwa just stared at Hongjoong- as if he just wanted to keep looking for a moment. 

“Hard,” Seonghwa admitted quietly when he finally tore his eyes away from Hongjoong. “This week was… rough.” 

Seonghwa stopped, but the edge on his words made Hongjoong lean forward. “Hard how?” he questioned gently. 

“The topics we’re covering, some of the… things they want me to try… It seems impossible.” Seonghwa gave a wry, bitter laugh that wasn’t nearly as dark as it used to be. “Sometimes, it feels like I’ve become a completely different person… and sometimes it feels like I’m not more than that shadow I always was…” 

“You’ve grown so much,” Hongjoong said quickly, hand pressing against the glass. 

His body physically rejected the thought that Seonghwa was at all the same as he had been a year ago. 

“I can see it everytime we visit, Seonghwa- you have grown so fucking much, and it shows so clearly.” 

Seonghwa chuckled wryly, giving Hongjoong an almost knowing smile before shaking his head. “They’ve started unmuting my powers for longer, trying to get me used to feeling around them… the results haven’t been… overly positive.” 

“Do you heal the people you hurt?” Hongjoong questioned quietly. And when Seonghwa nodded, he shrugged. “Then I think there’s only room to grow.” 

The corner of Seonghwa’s lips twitched, but he still did not smile. 

Conversation was slow, until a couple of hours before their time would be up. Seonghwa suddenly looked up at Hongjoong, his eyes startlingly focused and intent- making Hongjoong go still beneath their gaze. 

“I-” 

Seonghwa’s eyes scanned Hongjoong’s face, as he was so fond of doing, his mouth open without speaking. 

There wasn’t fear in his eyes. But something tense and anticipating. 

“It’s been… over a year,” Seonghwa whispered, tongue darting out to wet his lips. 

Hongjoong nodded slowly. It still seemed like so long, and yet too short. 

Seonghwa swallowed, almost like he was afraid to look away. “Over a year… and I know that you… haven’t figured out an answer yet.” Hongjoong frowned. “But I… I wanted you to know… for me, nothing has changed.” 

And for another moment, Hongjoong still didn’t understand, until Seonghwa’s fists curled loosely, and Hongjoong’s brain snapped into a connection. 

Oh. 

“Seonghwa-” 

“I’m not demanding an answer,” Seonghwa said quickly, still not tearing his eyes away. “But… you had said things might change… I wanted you to know that for me... They haven’t, yet.” 

“Seonghwa, I-” 

“Don’t answer, if you’re not ready,” Seonghwa broke in sharply. “That’s not what I want, Hongjoong. That’s not what you deserve.” 

“You deserve a lot more than I’ve been giving you,” Hongjoong whispered harshly, something sharp piercing his chest. 

Seonghwa hadn’t changed much. 

And yet, somethow, Hongjoong felt like he was staring at an entirely new person- someone bright and shining and brilliant, despite the fact that Seonghwa didn’t smile and rarely looked anything but apathetic or upset. 

Hongjoong missed Seonghwa. 

He cared for Seonghwa. He wanted the best for Seonghwa, and he really wanted to be someone who could give that to him. He wanted Seonghwa to smile, and he wanted to be the reason Seonghwa smiled. 

He wanted Seonghwa to be happy… and maybe be the reason he was. 

“Seonghwa-” 

“Hongjoong-” 

“I’m not rushing my answer,” Hongjoong said firmly. “I-” 

Hongjoong suddenly felt guilt strike his chest, like a swift punch. 

“I think… I’ve always known my answer,” He murmured heavily, regret turning his voice sour. “From the very beginning, I think I knew. And _definitely_ much sooner than this, I knew.” 

“I didn’t say it to guilt you,” Seonghwa said, as if Hongjoong might misunderstand him. 

“You didn’t,” Hongjoong assured him, eyes bright and a little desperate. “But… I think I forgot while I was overthinking and trying so hard not to hurt you… that you were still waiting on me to figure myself out.” 

“You waited for me to figure myself out,” Seonghwa reminded him. “I don’t mind waiting. There’s not much else for me to do around here.” 

“It’s been over a year,” Hongjoong said, the weight of it hitting him. “I should have said something by now.” 

“What’s the hurry?” Seonghwa questioned, expression a little wistful. “Even if you said yes or no, what exactly are you eager to do? I’m still in here, Hongjoong. The only thing your response does is answer a question.” 

“You deserve that closure,” Hongjoong fought firmly. “You deserve that answer from me.” 

He deserved it a long time ago. Hongjoong would never again call himself brave for waiting so long, for running in circles and calling it “thinking.”

“Do you?” Seonghwa asked quietly, carefully- like he was afraid that lump in the dirt might be a mine he was about to step on. “Have an answer?” 

Hongjoong pictured this event with a lot more build up, more explanation on his part, more reading Seonghwa, more time for him to figure out what to say- 

“I think the answer… has always been yes.” 

He breathed it out, not quite sure if he trusted his voice to hold out, and he waited for something to change in Seonghwa’s eyes, something to shift in his posture. 

“I’m waiting for you, Seonghwa,” Hongjong pressed firmly. “I’ll keep waiting.” 

Seonghwa’s expression was oddly blank- 

No. It was calm. Almost peaceful as he gazed at Hongjoong. 

The corner of his lip twitched as he lowered his eyes. “I’ll try and hurry up for you,” Seonghwa whispered, something light in his voice, something hopeful- 

Seonghwa suddenly stood, making Hongjoong panic for a moment- 

Seonghwa smiled at Hongjoong. 

Not in so many words, but his lips were not turned down, and his eyes shone as if he was staring at something that sparkled and flickered- 

It was the closest to a real smile Hongjoong had ever seen, and it knocked the breath out of Hongjoong’s lungs, and he suddenly wondered how the hell he hadn’t realized Seonghwa had been doing that to him _a lot_. 

It was the first time they ended their visit early, but Hongjoong left feeling lighter than he had felt in a long fucking time. He felt grounded. Down to earth. 

Relieved, as if he had finally admitted a secret he had been carrying. 

He spent the night on the phone with Yeosang (with the rest of his team listening to him cry and rant and breathe heavily in a panic). 

He expected more teasing and berating, but all he got was a knowing chuckle from Yeosang and a “It took you long enough.” 

Hongjoong felt good. 

He hadn’t realized he hadn’t been feeling good until he was feeling that. He had been unhappy by no means, but he felt like he was fucking flying. 

And his team was esatic for him. 

~~~~~~~~

“I wrote a letter… to your team.” 

Hongjoong wasn’t drinking, but he choked, eyes widening. “You did?” 

Seonghwa nodded slowly. “It’s part of… the doctors kept going on about closure, having me write letters to people. I thought it was stupid, but they told me I didn’t have to be nice in them. I could rant or accuse however I pleased… so that made it a bit better.” 

Hongjoong hummed interestedly, leaning forward. 

“I wrote one to my mom,” Seonghwa admitted, not looking at Hongjoong. “One to just… Normals in general… To that Grey asshole, to other people I could remember… They don’t get sent,” Seonghwa assured him. “They’re just a way for me to say what I want.” 

“That sounds really nice,” Hongjoong said earnestly, wondering if that had been a freeing experience. 

“I was horrible in most of them, despite that they encouraged me to be forgiving.” Seonghwa shook his head at the thought. “But… when I wrote one to your team… I asked them to send it to them.” 

“You mailed it?” Hongjoong clarified, something clenching in his stomach in anticipation. 

Seonghwa hummed, fingers twisting around each other. “It was the only letter… I apologized in. The only one that showed any sort of regret for what I did to them… When I read through it… I realized I meant it. I regretted the things I did to them. And I felt guilty that even after everything I did, they still stood up for me…” 

He trailed off, eyes stricken. 

“I apologized to all of them,” he whispered. “And I meant it.” 

Hongjoong’s team had mentioned nothing of this to him, but he supposed the letter wasn’t _meant_ for him. 

“They’re good people, I realized,” Seonghwa murmured heavily. “And you cared about them… so much… to the point you let me take advantage of that affection… I mocked you, and tried to take them from you- I apologized for what I did to them... And what I put you through.”

Hongjoong stared, his heart slowly twisting around a metal skewer that was shoved into his lungs. 

Hope and relief and pride and something else entirely too warm swelled into his throat, blocking it as he stared at Seonghwa’s grief stricken expression- 

“They… forgave me,” he laughed weakly, something disbelieving and fragile there. “They said they forgave me for what I did. I, of all people, found it inexcusably, but they forgave me for those things-” 

Seonghwa finally looked up, and his eyes shimmered with unshed tears that Hongjoong hoped didn’t fall. 

The mark over his eye was damp with clinging tears, but the rest of his skin was clear of the dark veins that usually wrapped around it. 

“I didn’t know how they could forgive me… I thought it must be a fucking joke… But I reread the letter over and over… and I think they really did.” 

Seonghwa blinked, a few tears cascading as he looked at Hongjoong like he might have the answer. 

“They’re good people,” Hongjoong rasped thickly. “And they know why you did what you did… It wasn’t your fault, Seonghwa,” he breathed. “They know that. We’ve always known that.”

“Not my fault,” Seonghwa laughed- not bitter, but disbelieving. He hung his head, shaking it lowly. “Not my fault,” he repeated. 

He laughed wetly, and this time, it almost came out giddy, like he had just realized something. 

“Not my fault,” he whispered weakly. 

~~~~~~~

Two years. Five months. 

At nearly two years and six months, Seonghwa managed to let his lips twitch into something almost like a smile. 

“They think… within the next few months,” he whispered, as if speaking louder might ruin it. “They think I can be released.” 

Hongjoong’s stomach flipped as he stared, gaping with an open mouth. 

Seonghwa swallowed nervously. “It might change,” he said quickly. “But- But- I can’t- Being… out of here… What the hell do I _do_ after that?” he demanded, staring at Hongjoong with eyes that were fearful of the unknown and the outside. “I don’t- What the hell is there for me, Hongjoong?”

And that was the first moment… that the real insecurity poked its head out. Something deeper than fear, but stronger than nerves. 

Seonghwa had spent his life in darkness and anger. The very first sensation of positive emotion had practically broken him. 

He had spent a life fueled by revenge and hatred and doing everything he could to hurt as many people as he possibly could… 

And once that was gone… and once the journey of leaving it behind was over… What was left? 

A new person, a new area, a new purpose… He was lost. Adrift, trying to figure out his new course. 

Like a soldier returned from war, trying to find their way back into civilian life. 

“There’s an entire _world_ out there for you, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong whispered thickly, eyes stinging. “An entire set of discovery and new purpose and new things you never thought you could find. It’s there for you, Seonghwa. _We’re t_ here for you.” 

Hongjoong pressed a hand to his chest firmly. “My team and I- we’re waiting for you, Seonghwa. We’ll be anything you need, and we’ll help with anything you can possibly think of- You may not know where you’re going yet, but you won’t get there alone, I promise.” 

Seonghwa’s lip trembled, that overwhelmed glaze in his eyes. “Can you promise me that?” he asked, voice shaking. 

“Yes,” Hongjoong said, fingertips pressing against the glass. “This one, I can promise you. Like I promised I’d be here, like I promised to wait for you… I’ll be beside you- my team, too.” 

Seonghwa still looked like a spooked prey, poking its head out to see if it was safe. 

“I’m staying in those apartments,” Hongjoong said gently. “I don’t want to pressure you into anything… but there’s an open bedroom for you, if you want it.” 

Seonghwa ducked his head, his hands coming up to press against his eyes harshly, spreading tears that slicked the skin between his hands and face- quiet cries that never grew loud in volume. 

It was times like these that Hongjoong felt the distance between them. 

And it was times like these that made his chest ache in a way that made Hongjoong wonder how he ever thought he could feel anything but this for Seonghwa. 

~~~~~~~

Two years. Eleven months. 

Hongjoong was sitting on the sofa, his laptop open and an email to Eden pulled up. Just a small thing about complaints Yeosang had been having that he wanted to make sure Eden knew about. 

He was so focused, he didn’t really hear the first knock- looking up, but figuring it must have been his imagination because no one was supposed to be coming by. Yeosang and the others had plans in the cafeteria with Team ACE, so Hongjoong had the evening to himself. 

The half-written letter to Seonghwa sat beside his computer, waiting to be finished, but Hongjoong was sort of all over the place today- bouncing from one thing to another. 

His next visit to Seonghwa was in a week- pointed out by the star on his calendar on the fridge- but Hongjoong needed to finish these job applications before then. 

(Getting hired among Normals was not going to be easy or pleasant, but since the itch to return to hero life had never come up, Hongjoong thought it best to start putting down some roots, maybe… maybe.) 

It wasn’t until the second, louder knock, that Hongjoong realized there really was someone at the door. 

He frowned, though, even as he stood. No one should be here… and maintenance had already come to fix the sink earlier in the week. 

He stepped up, socked feet sticking out of his sweatpants. He ran a hand through his unkempt hair that had not been combed that day, hoping it wasn’t anyone important because he was sure he looked a mess. 

Maybe his neighbor needed some soy sauce again… 

Hongjoong unlocked the door, pulling it open and already preparing his ‘I’m a nice neighbor, please don’t make a big fucking deal over the fact I’m Different’ smile. 

And it promptly melted like an ice cube under a blowtorch as he looked up at who stood in the doorway. 

Hongjoong’s face paled as he stared up at Seonghwa’s face. 

A face he wasn’t seeing through a window. One that wasn’t pale or gaunt. It was warm and smooth, with eyes that were a little nervous, a little hopeful, a little amused- 

Hongjoong must have swallowed his tongue, his entire body receiving a shock the likes of which he had never experienced in his life. 

Seonghwa was _here._

He swallowed. “Hi,” Seonghwa managed quietly, a duffle bag hanging over his shoulder. 

Hongjoong attacked him. 

“Attack” being his aggressive word for flinging his arms around Seonghwa’s neck and hugging him so tightly, he was shocked he could feel Seonghwa breathing as he buried his face in Seonghwa’s neck. 

Hongjoong had imagined his first meeting after the rehabilitation program was over to be calm. Easing Seonghwa into normal life and ensuring he was comfortable through every process. 

But last Hongjoong knew, Seonghwa wasn’t supposed to be out for another few months, but he was _here_. 

So Hongjoong let caution fly away in the wind as he barely breathed enough to stay conscious as his arms wrapped around Seonghwa’s neck tight enough to break it. 

He breathed in the scent of the holding facility in his skin, but Hongjoong immediately felt himself crying. 

It didn’t help when Seonghwa’s arms found Hongjoong’s waist, wrapping around it tightly, and practically lifting Hongjoong from the ground as they found themselves in each other’s arms. 

It was maybe their first embrace that was for no other purpose than each other. 

“What the hell,” Hongjoong hissed as his tears hit Seonghwa’s skin where his face was pressed to him. “W-What are you doing- When did you-” 

Seonghwa’s arms were strong and unrelenting around Hongjoong’s body, holding them together tightly, a little desperately. 

Seonghwa was _warm._ And solid and real, and Hongjoong could feel his own tears wetting the shoulder of his t-shirt. 

“Early release,” Seonghwa rasped weakly. “Dr. Bae moved up the examination, and I took the psych and physical, and she- she just said I was free to go.” 

Hongjoong gasped in a breath, heart swelling and threatening to burst as he squeezed Seonghwa harder. 

He was out. 

He was okay. 

They fucking _made it._

“I’m so fucking proud of you,” Hongjoong cried, burying his face once more. “So fucking proud, Seonghwa, you’ve done so much-” 

“I talked about you,” Seonghwa murmured, his chest rumbling against Hongjoong’s as he spoke. “Everyday- to Dr. Bae and the others. It was almost always about you.” He swallowed, his throat bobbing tangibly. “I don’t know why I couldn’t tell you, before. But I wanted to say it now.” 

Hongjoong laughed weakly, not sure if his feet were even touching the ground because his head was in the clouds. 

“I thought of you everyday,” Hongjoong promised. “Those letters were probably the only reason I didn’t go crazy-” 

“You waited for me,” Seonghwa rasped. “For nearly three years-” 

“You had the hard job,” Hongjoong laughed wetly, fingertips digging into Seonghwa’s skin. “You- I can’t beleive you’re _here,_ Seonghwa, I fucking missed you.” 

They were still in the doorway. And still very much visible to anyone who might happen down the hall. 

But Hongjoong didn’t give a fuck, his body practically melting against Seonghwa’s. 

It was actually pretty strange. The last time he and Seonghwa had touched, it was firm hugs that carried other meanings entirely. Hesitant hands and careful embraces that were always backed by the fear of breaking something. 

And maybe Seonghwa wasn’t 100% cured. Maybe that was something he’d never fully achieve.

But he held Hongjoong like he was something precious and fragile- a way that Hongjoong had never been held by anyone- and there was something wholly addictive and heartbreaking about it. 

Hours could have passed, and Hongjoong wouldn’t know. 

“Should we go in?” Seonghwa asked against his shoulder. 

Hongjoong hugged him tighter just once more, burying his face for another moment. “Yeah,” he murmured. 

Hongjoong went to release his grip but Seonghwa didn’t- simply shuffling them backwards and kicking the door shut without letting go of Hongjoong even an inch. 

“I missed you,” Seonghwa breathed weakly, arms trembling a little where they held Hongjoong. 

Hongjoong’s heart couldn’t take this right now as he tried not to let his sobs get too audible. 

Holy shit, he felt like he was in another reality as it hit him that Seonghwa was no longer being held. No longer guilty of anything. 

He was free. To do and be and feel whatever he wanted to. 

Finally, he was actually free. 

That night, they shared a bed, at Seonghwa’s request. 

(And no, nothing happened no matter what Wooyoung like to tease.) 

But Seonghwa had spent the past nearly three years with minimal human contact- and no contact from the person he wanted most. 

So, Hongjoong agreed (after several minutes of repeatedly asking if Seonghwa was sure), and thus began the process of Seonghwa and Hongjoong laying down in the bed, trying to figure out how to operate around each other. 

They knew they felt things for each other- mutual, real things. And they knew that both of them were new to this. 

So, they laid side by side, with only their arms brushing, until Seonghwa rolled towards Hongjoong slightly. 

“Can I hold you?” Seonghwa whispered into the darkness, nearly taking Hongjoong’s poor heart out for good as he nodded silently (not trusting his stupid, weak voice). He rolled closer, and Seonghwa’s arms came around him again. 

Seonghwa was _warm._

“I’ve… never loved someone before,” Seonghwa breathed into Hongjoong’s hair as Hongjoong rest his head on his chest. 

It was new and foreign and terrifying position, but Hongjoong never wanted to move. 

Hongjoong hummed. “Me, neither,” he admitted quietly. He shifted slightly against his chest. “Do you… love me?” he asked. 

Because no title had ever been given to it. 

But Seonghwa took a slow breath that shook. “Yeah,” he whispered. “I think I do.” 

Hongjoong could only hum as he buried his face in Seonghwa’s chest, fingers curling in his sleeping shirt that the facility had provided to him. 

(A duffle bag of clothing and basic toiletries was given when he was released.) 

Hongjoong’s hand shifted around under the blankets, trailing along Seonghwa’s arm before his fingers laced through Seonghwa’s- their palms resting over each other. Their hands touched for the first time, after so many times of only having glass to feel beneath his skin. 

The slightest scar on Seonghwa’s palm was like a glaring red sign to Hongjoong. 

A promise. 

His heart rate jumped when Seonghwa’s hand came and laid over his chest- just above his heart. 

A promise. 

“You’re fucking amazing, Seonghwa,” he breathed, tears pooling as emotions ran amok inside of him. “I can’t believe how far you’ve come… how much you’ve gotten back…” 

There was a long silence. So long, Hongjoong thought Seonghwa might have fallen asleep. 

“I wanted you back,” Seonghwa murmured. “I… At first, I thought I’d never be able to do anything… without you. It felt like everything was useless…” 

“I didn’t do anything,” Hongjoong fought quietly. “Everything you accomplished was you, Seonghwa.” 

“You did _everything,_ ” Seonghwa breathed. “You gave me back _everything-_ you let me find myself again. I never would have lasted a week in that facility without you.” 

Hongjoong took a sharp breath. “Do you feel… better? Good?” 

“I have to go back for monthly progress sessions,” Seonghwa murmured into Hongjoong’s hair. “But I feel…”

Hongjoong felt his chest stutter.

“Human,” he whispered brokenly. “I feel _human,_ Hongjoong.” 

And for someone who had lived their life believing themselves to be a monster… 

That was unbelievable. 

Hongjoong and Seonghwa cried themselves to sleep- arms still wrapped like shields around each other. 

But they slept with each other in their arms, and a world of possibilities and futures before them. 

They slept… and they hoped for a future they thought they might share together. 

A future Hongjoong was eager to give someone who had so much of their past stolen by those who could only hurt and destroy. 

A future they silently promised each other. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more chapter!  
> Thank you so much for reading, you guys are incredible!!  
> I hope this wasn’t disappointing- please let me know your thoughts!!  
> I hope you all have an amazing day, and I’ll try to have the epilogue up soon!  
> (I also have the next fic I’m planning to upload already in the works~)  
> Thank you!!  
> -SS


	9. And Allowed Me To Live In Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ending!!  
> This was honestly way longer and more successful than I ever thought it would be (I got over 30 comments on the last chapter alone- that’s insane!!)  
> Thank you sincerely to everyone who followed and enjoyed this story!! You guys are seriously so amazing, and I hope that this is some good closure for you!  
> Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you have an amazing day!  
> -SS

Seonghwa… had never been a hyung before… 

He had never had people looking up to him. 

He had never been the target of warm hugs and playful smiles and childish nudges and even more childish pranks… 

But somehow… he blinked… and he wasn’t dreaming anymore. 

Somehow… somewhere… the darkness around him had grown less dense… less cold… less consuming… And something warm began to take root instead. 

But that warmth never got enough love and care to grow. Not until Seonghwa left the holding facility and entered into a life that somehow felt like it wasn’t his own… 

And yet was everything he didn’t know he wanted. 

And suddenly, warmth bloomed like a flower in fast-forward, rooting and sprouting and shooting up and blooming into something wild and red and vibrant- 

And it practically danced under the added warmth of Hongjoong’s smiles that never seemed to lessen in number. 

Seonghwa had come to the conclusion that he was not a monster. He was not alone. He was not solely to blame for the events of his life. 

The program  _ had  _ made things better. It had calmed Seonghwa, it had reassured him, and it had taught him how to feel angry and upset without losing himself to his past rage. 

Things were better. 

But it wasn’t until he was setting up a hesitantly permanent nest in Hongjoong’s apartment that he realized that his life could be  _ good.  _

Seonghwa kept waiting to wake up. 

But when Hongjoong would smile at him… when he would take Seonghwa’s hand absentmindedly while speaking to him… when he would gravitate towards Seonghwa when there were six other people in the room he could choose to be close to… 

He never wanted to, even if this was a dream. Which Hongjoong assured him every morning and night that it was not. 

Seonghwa  _ knew  _ it wasn’t a dream. 

Because he could probably dream waking up with Hongjoong in his arms, and he could maybe dream up the warmth in his chest and the vibrant excitement that Hongjoong wore like a badge of honor whenever Seonghwa was involved… 

But there was  _ nothing  _ inside of Seonghwa that in a million years could ever dream up a loud-mouthed, previously-enemy balancing skittles on his face when he had accidentally fallen asleep on the couch to Hongjoong humming while messing around on his laptop. 

Wooyoung would grin at Seonghwa (now, without any sort of hesitancy, though he never really had any hesitation to begin with) and whisper for him to just go back to sleep until he was finished, as he placed another purple one on Seonghwa’s cheek. 

Seonghwa, never in a million years, in his wildest dreams, would see Yunho offering him a controller when Seonghwa came back from a walk and they had set up Yunho’s consoles in Hongjoong’s living room because they had a free weekend. 

He could never imagine anything  _ close  _ to San asking about his time in the South- something the younger had missed, and eagerly asked Seonghwa about. 

(The first time he had asked, Hongjoong had slapped him and dragged him away, because they weren’t really sure about Seonghwa, yet. Hongjoong and he hadn’t tested what might upset him and what didn’t.) 

Seonghwa didn’t go into rages anymore… but that didn’t mean he didn’t fall into Moods. 

Those were more common in the beginning, when he kept waiting for Yeosang’s patiently blank stare to turn into a glare. For his hands offering a donut to turn into a slap aimed in revenge… 

Despite the letter that claimed forgiveness, Seonghwa half-waited for it to be retracted. 

Even if, on paper, Seonghwa was better… things were never perfect. Especially with people who weren’t Hongjoong. 

But over time... And with careful supervision from both Seonghwa and Hongjoong… things settled into place. 

Seonghwa no longer flinched when Yeosang sat down on the couch beside him. 

He no longer shied away when Mingi would stretch out on the couch, his feet coming too close to touching Seonghwa… 

His reactions were never for his own discomfort… he was waiting for the others to recoil at his presence. 

They didn’t. 

He waited for them to watch him from the corner of their eyes, to hesitate to turn their backs, to whisper behind their hands about him… 

They didn’t. 

He waited for his own dark Moods that came without warning and without end to drive them away… 

It didn’t. 

They simply looked at Hongjoong for direction on what to do. And most of the time, the solution was Hongjoong quietly guiding Seonghwa to their room- 

(He wasn’t entirely sure when it had become  _ their  _ room, even though Hongjoong’s things were in the spare room, and they only ever slept in it together, but it was still  _ their  _ room.) 

-and letting him sit on the bed with a quiet question of whether he wanted Hongjoong to stay or not. The answer was ‘yes’ half the time, and ‘no’ half the time. 

When it was no, Hongjoong would leave and resume talking with the others while Seonghwa gathered himself. Sometimes, he spent the rest of the evening away- never really calming himself enough to want to go back out there. 

And when it was yes, Hongjoong would sit beside him, waiting for Seonghwa’s first move. Sometimes, only his company was given… and others, Seonghwa would cling to him like a lifeboat- nothing being said, but a closer presence giving him something to latch onto to ground himself. 

With time, these lessened. But all of them knew they would likely never truly go away. 

And Seonghwa had learned that everything always had to get worse before it got better. 

The nightmares had gotten so much worse before they got better. His moods got worse before they lessened. The fear in his chest that he was going to wake up, back before Hongjoong had ever re-entered his life nearly swallowed him whole before he beat it back with Hongjoong’s steady breathing as he slept on in ignorance. 

Seonghwa would roll closer to him, a hand placed over his heart- feeling the beating there and imagining the little black mark that resided there… 

Seonghwa got so much worse before he got better. 

But, like he had been forced to realize within the facility,  _ it did get better _ . 

The days when Wooyoung greeted him with a grin as he entered, and Seonghwa found the peace to smile quietly and greet him back. The days when San offered him a bite of whatever food they had grabbed on the way over, and Soenghwa found the courage to accept it (it was just  _ food,  _ but it was terrifying). 

The days when Mingi clapped him on the back (gently, and then, with time, more playfully), and he didn’t flinch. The days when Jongho asked him what he did that day, and he had enough presence of mind to answer coherently and… almost with enjoyment. 

The days when Yeosang would laugh at something on his phone, flashing it to Seonghwa who would smile or chuckle- even if he didn’t really understand the joke. The days when Yunho described the rec battles between them and Team AB6 with loud noises and screaming sound effects… and Seonghwa listening on with interest, rather than wincing at his volume. 

The days… when Hongjoong would watch the people he cared most for… interacting and accepting each other… being kind and understanding… The days he got to watch Seonghwa almost-smile with eyes that were lightening by interest instead of hiding anxietities he couldn’t express… 

The days when even Seonghwa could see that Hongjoong was about to burst with happiness… 

And the days when Seonghwa felt like he might, too. 

Wooyoung was the first one to hug Seonghwa, aside from Hongjoong. It happened when they said goodbye, and Wooyoung opened his arms to Seonghwa, a clear invitation. 

And it wasn’t like Seonghwa only wanted to hug Hongjoong, or only trusted Hongjoong to get that close, but Seonghwa had to stare in shock that  _ Wooyoung  _ wanted to hug  _ Seonghwa.  _

He had glanced around- as if someone would offer him insight on what to do. But no one did anything but smile and shrug. 

Seonghwa hugged him- something quick, but Wooyoung’s embrace was firm before he let go, smiling as he wished Seonghwa a good night. 

“I love watching you with the team,” Hongjoong admitted when Seonghwa was just on the cusp of sleeping. “I’m so… fucking happy, Seonghwa,” he whispered, fingers curling against Seonghwa’s chest. “I can’t even say it.” 

Seonghwa buried Hongjoong in his arms, and thought that he couldn’t, either. 

~~~~~~~~

Seonghwa became well acquainted with Hongjoong’s team that came and went from his apartment without care or courtesy call. 

With time, he gained enough familiarity to be comfortable around them. 

The people he wasn’t so familiar with, were the occasional (much less frequent) other visitors that Seonghwa did not know beyond anything more than Hongjoong telling him their place in his trial. 

Seonghwa had remained silent the entire time Sehyoon sat down for nothing more than a coffee and a chat with Hongjoong. 

It wasn't that he feared these people or felt threatened by them, but Seonghwa was still learning. Still changing. Still telling himself that he didn't have to trust someone like he trusted Hongjoong for him to feel unthreatened. 

Sehyoon brought Jun with him at times, and Jun was much louder than Sehyoon, which didn’t comfort Seonghwa very well, but Hongjoong was good at keeping Jun distracted so he didn’t make Seonghwa flinch with every loud word. 

“I’m glad that things worked out for you,” were the first words Sehyoon spoke directly to Seonghwa, for Seonghwa only. “You seem like a good guy.” 

A good guy. 

That was the first time Seonghwa had ever been told that, and Hongjoong had practically gushed that night- “See? Other people see it too! Sehyoon’s really good at reading characters, I told you they would like you-” 

Seonghwa got used to having them around, but he still liked it better when they were gone. 

(“Dude,” Yunho laughed. “That’s not the trauma, you’re just an introvert.” 

The doctors and nurses had called Seonghwa that, too. He felt like it was a good explanation. Or at least good enough.) 

The one person Seonghwa didn’t really feel that sort of immediate discomfort from… was Eden. 

He only came over to the apartment once. But it was without warning- surprising Hongjoong as much as it did Seonghwa, who had been sitting on the couch and reading. 

“Eden,” Hongjoong said, stepping aside and letting him in. “What are you doing here?”

“Just checking up,” he assured them, a polite smile aimed at Seonghwa, and then diverted to Hongjoong to continue speaking about what had been going on at the facility lately. 

It didn’t feel like a snub. It felt like Eden entering into Seonghwa’s space, acknowledging him, and then getting down to business that he could tell Seonghwa had no real connection to. 

Seonghwa listened, without having to worry about being drawn into the conversation, because it didn’t pertain to him. And that… was comfortable. 

Until it did pertain to him, Eden glancing his way. “And the last thing I wanted to talk about was Grey’s removal.” 

Seonghwa knew that man. The bitter, angry one that he had never seen but once- but who somehow made it seem like they were lifelong enemies. 

“They’re firing him?” Hongjoong asked, looking both shocked and overjoyed. 

“During your trial,” He said- now speaking to both Hongjoong and Seonghwa, “I was able to provide enough evidence to label him as a hostile force against both Hongjoong and you. And that took away a lot of his weight and credibility within the trial.” 

Seonghwa… was grateful to a lot of people. It occurred to him that he should thank them- ACE and TBZ and Eden- all those people who had no reason to help him, but did. 

(Seonghwa knew he would never find the words, though.) 

“After things settled down, I started trying to get him removed from the facility,” Eden informed them. “And it looks like all the work is going through- he’s gonna be gone by the end of the month.” 

Hongjoong breathed a sigh of relief, smiling brightly. “Does my team know?” 

Even if he wasn’t their leader, they were still his team. 

“I told them first,” Eden assured him. “Hopefully, with him gone, our heroes will be a lot less bitter about who comes to transport their villains.” 

Eden seemed like a man of few words, who came and performed business before leaving- minimal pleasantries and fluff to go with him. 

Or, at least, he was during that meeting. Maybe he could sense Seonghwa’s slight nerves- maybe he just had other things to attend to. 

Hongjoong thanked Eden- earnestly, beaming and giving him a tight hug that last only a moment before he pulled away. “This is going to make their lives so much easier,” He pressed. 

Eden grinned, patting Hongjoong’s head. “I’ve got a meeting. You two take care, alright?” 

He nodded to Hongjoong, glancing back at Seonghwa… 

Seonghwa knew that Eden had helped him beyond measure- defending him with a power Hongjoong couldn’t possess, but just as fiercely. 

Seonghwa likely was only here because of him. 

“Thank you.” 

It tumbled out of his mouth, a little clumsy, but Eden didn’t seem to mind as he grinned at Seonghwa, his hand twitched like he wanted to ruffle his hair, too. 

They were both a little glad he didn’t. 

“You’ve come a long way,” Eden told him firmly. “And you’ve got a good team at your back. Treat ‘em right, okay?” 

“He does,” Hongjoong said- not defensively, knowing Eden hadn’t meant it like that, but he said it firm- as if daring even Seonghwa to disagree. 

Eden chuckled. “I know- your team has all the stories in the world to tell about how well he treats them.” He grabbed the doorknob to leave, throwing a small smirk over his shoulder. “And you.” 

Hongjoong flushed, snapping for Eden to get out of here- turning to Seonghwa and muttering something about how he should never listen to Eden, ever. 

But Seonghwa was still caught on the fact that he had thanked Eden and meant it. 

Maybe… Maybe the words were easier to find than he thought. 

~~~~~~~~

Surprisingly- or not so surprisingly- Seonghwa’s favorite time was during the night. 

When the sun had gone down, and there were no more things to occupy them, and Hongjoong would tap away until he got too tired and asked if Seonghwa was ready to go to bed.

Seonghwa loved when they went to bed. 

Things were calmer. Peaceful. Relaxed and without pressure as they climbed into the bed in the master bedroom- not even settling against the sheets before Hongjoong would be rolling closer to Seonghwa, tucking himself in beside him. 

Seonghwa would never be able to describe the fireworks in his chest every time Hongjoong laid against him- burrowing himself into Seonghwa’s side until it seemed like he just wanted Seonghwa to lay over him completely. 

Hongjoong wasn’t tiny, but he always seemed able to compact himself into something small enough to fit within Seonghwa’s arms so easily. 

Seonghwa loved having Hongjoong in his arms. 

He loved that he was able to hold Hongjong now- to embrace him without needing to use him as the sole thing keeping Seonghwa’s sanity grounded. 

He could hold Hongjoong- for no other reason than to feel him breathe- and Hongjoong sought out that contact even more than Seonghwa could bring himself to. 

It did dangerous things to Seonghwa’s heart and wonderful things to his chest when Hongjooong yawned against his chest, fingers curled in Seonghwa’s shirt and eyes already closed, even if he wasn’t sleeping yet. 

It was so easy to be with Hongjoong like this. Peaceful, and without the almost-pressure that came with daytime and needing to be coherent and aware. 

In the night, Seonghwa could block out everything but Hongjoong against him, who didn’t complain when Seonghwa pulled him closer gently, tucking Hongjoong beneath his chin and burying his nose in his hair that smelled of shampoo and perfume. 

It was during the night when things were darknest. 

But it was when things were darkest that Seonghwa felt Hongjoong the brightest. 

~~~~~~~~

Whether it was because of his real personality underneath the years of torment and trauma, or if it was just a result of the darkness that he had lived so long with… Seonghwa just wasn't a very loud or expressive person. 

(Seonghwa’s powers had fed off of his negative emotions. With the vast majority of those quelled… his powers was weaker. And Seonghwa had used his powers, within the holding facility, and knew that he could use them without hurting, without vengeance fueling them. 

However, out here… he didn’t want to use them. He allowed himself the occasional grabbing of a soda can with dark tendrils when Hongjoong was asleep across his lap, and Seonghwa would rather die than wake him. 

He never did much beyond that. Not out of fear… but why did he need to use them, when he could just… not use them?) 

Seonghwa just couldn’t bring himself to show the vibrant emotions the others wore. 

He felt so many things in his chest, warming his stomach and bursting in his blood… but it came out as a quiet half-smile and warm eyes. A quiet chuckle and a little nod. 

The others were surprisingly, shockingly understanding of this. 

“Yeosang didn’t smile for the first, like, three years we knew him,” Hongjoong told Seonghwa as they all ate pizza together. “It wasn’t until well after Wooyoung joined that he did anything more than stare at us… judging us…” 

Yeosang swatted his foot. “Maybe if you didn’t have so many things worth judging,” He muttered around a mouthful of pizza. 

“I cracked open his shell like a clam dinner,” Wooyoung declared proudly. 

“The shell was always open around  _ you,”  _ Yeosang huffed. “You didn’t  _ crack  _ shit- I just got used to being around everyone.” 

And Seonghwa… filed that away. 

San once tripped and fell entirely in Seonghwa’s lap. Rather than shrieking in fear or embarrassment and removing himself, he simply stared at Seonghwa with wide eyes. 

“Holy shit, you’re  _ comfortable, _ ” he gasped. 

Seonghwa flushed from his neck to his ears as San got up, yelling for Hongjoong. “Hyung! Your boyfriend is comfortable as shit!”

And then there was that word… 

Seonghwa didn’t hate that word…  _ boyfriend.  _ It was just something that made him feel a lot of things that to this day, he never understood. Maybe they were a little nice, though… 

“Isn’t he?” Hongjoong called back from the kitchen. “You never get to yell at me for falling asleep so quickly ever again.” 

“He looks like he’s all skin and bone and muscle!” San fought, staring back at Seonghwa, as if he were hiding something soft and plushy. 

“He’s warm,” Hongjoong called. “He’s like a heating pad.” 

And Seonghwa was already a little too weak in his heart when Hongjoong and he would watch movies (Seonghwa was never  _ really  _ into them, but they were an excuse to spend time with Hongjoong without effort but also without boring Hongjoong). 

And every single time, Hongjoong would fall asleep against Seonghwa’s side. Sometimes, in his lap, if Hongjoong felt the sleep approaching. 

Hongjoong would lay on the couch in the afternoons, his feet in Seonghwa’s lap, and just that much seemed enough to put him straight to sleep, regardless of what he was doing. 

And Seonghwa knew, long before he was coherent and sane enough to warrant it, that Hongjoong had trusted him enough to sleep around him, to lower his guard… 

It still made something in his chest constrict like a vice. 

Hongjoong’s comfort level with Seonghwa was leagues above anyone else’s, and that was astonishing, considering how high the others’ comfort levels got. 

Seonghwa… didn’t find it burdensome. 

They knew when Seonghwa wasn't in the mood to play or be touched, and they knew when it was okay to throw stuffed animals at him with the declaration that they got it at some fair. 

Seonghwa was comfortable around them, with time. 

He let San practically sit on his feet as he leaned against Seonghwa’s legs from the ground, when Seonghwa sat on the sofa. 

When Wooyoung whispered for him to go back to sleep so he could finish painting Seonghwa’s pinky nails, Seonghwa just closed his eyes again. 

And when Hongjoong would whisper throughout the day how proud he was of Seonghwa, how amazing Seonghwa was, how brave he was… 

Seonghwa suppressed the parts of him that wanted to spill out everything he thought back at Hongjoong. 

How Seonghwa never would have gotten anywhere without him. How Seonghwa never thought- even in the throes of recovery- that he could ever find a time when he would be anything more than basically-content and not-insane. 

When Seonghwa changed his shirt, he had been used to seeing the physical manifestation of his power’s control over him- written across his skin like tattoos, and staining the paleness of his skin black in a spider web of darkness… 

He didn’t see that anymore. 

He stared across his torso where he had grown used to seeing only criss crossing stains of evil… and he just saw pale skin. 

Most of the time, the only evidence of the darkness that once covered his body was the little diamond across his eye that had shown up shortly after he had given the same mark to Hongjoong. 

The veins of blackness would wax and wane with his moods- rising back up on darker days, but retreating under the sunlight of Hongjoong’s warm smile, assuring him that he didn’t have to go meet the others, if he didn’t feel up to it. 

Seonghwa wanted to tell Hongjoong how he had given even that part of himself back to Seonghwa. 

How he had cleared away the parts of Seonghwa he thought would always be a stain on his life. 

How much absolute freedom Hongjoong had given him… kept giving him… 

How, when Seonghwa saw Hongjoong’s face- sleeping, smiling, awake, warm- it made him want to do things he had no idea how to do. Nor how to begin executing… 

But they only grew more insistent when Yeosang would win a round in a video game and Wooyoung would tug him over, pecking him mouth while also simultaneously mocking Yunho for losing. 

When Yeosang sat on the ground for movie night, and didn’t think twice before grabbing Wooyoung’s arm and tugging him down into his lap- placing subtle kisses behind his ear throughout the movie. 

Seonghwa knew that he felt things for Hongjoong… and he knew that he had really,  _ always  _ felt those things. The very first real emotion Seonghwa felt towards Hongjoong was the same one that made his chest feel ready to explode right now 

And the first time Seonghwa glanced over while Hongjoong was reading something on his laptop- lips pushed out in a quiet frown of concentration… and Seonghwa idly wondered what it might be like to try and kiss Hongjoong… 

It felt wrong. Like he was trying to take something from him. 

Seonghwa spent the next three days in a sour mood that made him feel dirty. Hongjoong said nothing about it, simply smiling as he held Seonghwa’s hand lightly, playing with his fingers. 

Everything with Hongjoong was so new and foreign to Seonghwa, but… but when Seonghwa saw how Wooyoung smirked after Yeosang pecked him, or how Yeosang let his hand linger on Wooyoung’s back after a quick kiss on the cheek… 

It made him wonder. 

Seonghwa was shit with words- he always had been, from the moment he thought to try and speak as if someone cared what he had to say. 

He could get some things out, but every compliment and deepest, sincerest part of his heart that he let show… was a battle that took everything out of Seonghwa. He couldn’t sing praises like Hongjoong could. He couldn’t bring himself to look Hongjoong in the eyes when he wanted to tell him he had saved literally everything Seonghwa was. 

It was too much. Too overwhelming. And too likely that Seonghwa would do something wrong. 

Seonghwa had been out of the facility for nearly an entire year… 

(He didn’t reflect on time. Each day was its own battle, and he didn’t have the courage to think about how many he had gone through.) 

Hongjoong excused himself to the bathroom. Wooyoung and Yeosang were the only two who had decided to come over… 

And Seonghwa cleared his throat as the question burned at the back of it, like bile. 

He meant to just clear it, but both other people in the room looked back at him, thinking him trying to gain their attention. 

And as much as Seonghwa wanted to tell them he was just clearing his throat, the opportunity burned itself into his skin. 

He stared at them, and Wooyoung and Yeosang’s curious stares turned into concerned frowns. “Are you okay?” Wooyoung asked, voice dropping with genuine worry that Seonghwa still wasn’t really used to hearing outside of Hongjoong. 

“Do you want me to get Hongjoong?” Yeosang offered quietly. 

Seonghwa shook his head quickly. “No,” he burst firmly, glancing at the hallway to ensure he was still gone. 

It felt like sneaking. Like going behind his back. 

“No,” he repeated, calmer. “No, I just… I had...I-I mean, I wanted-” 

They didn’t urge him on. Simply tilted their heads curiously, silently and patiently waiting on him. 

Seonghwa glanced back at the hallway. “How… How do you… When is it- When do you… know it’s okay… to kiss someone?” 

Seonghwa was shocked by the lack of burning in his face… until he glanced back at the two boys on the ground, and both of them practically glowed with unbridled jow, Wooyoung rising up onto his knees. 

“You’re serious?” he demanded quietly, making Seonghwa feel the prickle of heat on his cheeks. 

He almost took it back. 

But Hongjoong might be back soon… Maybe Seonghwa needed to be brave for just a moment. 

“Yes,” he said quietly. 

“For Hongjoong?” Yeosang asked, a stupid clarification that made Seonghwa’s mouth twist at the thought that it might be for someone else. “You want to kiss him?” 

And now, Seonghwa knew his face was on fire- something dark  _ almost  _ threatening to overtake to try and shove away the embarrassment, but he shoved it back harder. “Yes…” 

“Okay, this is happening,” Wooyoung said in a whisper, rubbing his hands together with eyes that sparkled brighter than any prank had ever made them. “We’ve got this all planned out-” 

“ _ He  _ has it all planned out- I had nothing to do with this,” Yeosang clarified, getting to his feet. “I’ll go keep Hongjoong busy.” 

Seonghwa stared in a panic because while he had nothing against Wooyoung, he was hoping for someone a bit more level headed for such a tense issue. “Why are you leaving?” he demanded, stomach dropping. 

Yeosang gave him an amused, pitying look. “Because I’m useless to you,” He assured Seonghwa. “I was like you- awkward, terrified, and convinced that no one would ever actually want anything I had to offer.” 

Seonghwa wanted to flinch at the truth and stare at the insight at the same time. 

Yeosang smiled lopsidedly. “If you want to know about gathering courage, you’re looking at the biggest coward on this team. Wooyoung’s the one with the balls to say what needs to be said. If you want courage, he’s the one who’ll give it to you. He’s good at that.” 

Yeosang disappeared down the hall to distract Hongjoong while Wooyoung would guide Seonghwa through how the hell to go about advancing a relationship he was already almost drowning in. 

“The first night Hongjoong was really gone… when he officially handed the title of leader to Yeosang,” Wooyoung said as he stood, sitting beside Seonghwa on the couch, “He cried himself to sleep with me because of how terrified he was to mess something up and get someone hurt.” 

Seongwha frowned, not sure what that had to do with kissing. “Why… are you telling me that?” Aside from that, it seemed like a rather personal thing to reveal. 

“Because Yeosang thinks he’s a coward,” Wooyoung said quietly, expression severe. “But he’s not. Being brave doesn’t mean not being afraid… it means taking a leap, even if it might fail.” 

Seonghwa still didn’t know what that meant to do with kissing… but it did give him a new perspective on Yeosang. 

“You’re lucky, Seonghwa,” Wooyoung said quietly, eyes shining with glee. “Like,  _ really  _ lucky. You’ve got a guarantee that most of us would  _ kill  _ for.” 

Seonghwa frowned. “A guarantee of what?”

“That Hongjoong reciprocates your feelings,” Wooyoung said, chuckling. “All the hard work is officially done. All you have to do is figure out when you want to ask him.” 

“Ask him  _ what? _ ” Seonghwa demanded, because he hadn’t intended on there being a real conversation where he might need to  _ say something.  _

Wooyoung snickered. “Well, usually, I might be all for the grabbing him by the waist and kissing him in the rain route, but…” He shrugged. “Given your… hesitancies,” he said carefully, “And Hongjoong’s utter fear of potentially doing something you don’t want or pressuring you into something, it might be best to at least ask if you can kiss him, first.” 

Oh. Okay, that wasn’t too hard. Just like… four words. Seonghwa could do four, prewritten words. 

“This is a pretty loose plan,” Wooyoung assured him. “There’s not really formula to this, but really… All you have to do is pick when you would want it to happen, ask Hongjoong if you can kiss him, Hongjoong will obviously say yes, and then you plant one on him.” 

Wooyoung threw his hands in the air, as if that was that. 

Seonghwa was now suddenly aware of the more glaring issue, than what he should ask Hongjoong. 

“I’ve never kissed anybody,” he hissed, stomach curling around a block of ice that dropped into it. 

“Neither has Hongjoong.” 

“That doesn’t help me,” Seonghwa pressed, fingers curling into fists. “What the hell do I do?” 

Wooyoung’s expression curled a bit in disgust. “Listen, I’m all for advice, and I like you a lot, but I’m not showing you how to kiss.” 

Seonghwa was courageous enough to slap Wooyoung’s thigh harshly, glaring as he yelped. “ _ I’m serious. _ ” 

Wooyoung pouted as he rubbed his smarting thigh. “ _ Listen _ ,” he huffed. “No matter what the movies and books tell you, no one’s first kiss is going to be magical. But it’s not about skill and shit, it’s about showing what you feel without having to find the words.” 

Seonghwa’s face must have still been distressed because Wooyoung sighed, losing some sarcasm. 

“Look,” He sighed. “Don’t stress out about it. You could accidentally bite Hongjoong’s tongue, and he’d still probably swoon.” 

“That can happen?” Seonghwa demanded, stomach twisting into knots. 

“The point is,” Wooyoung hissed. “That if Hongjoong agrees to kissing you, it’s not because he’s expecting some magical tongue action-” 

(Seonghwa recoiled slightly at the vulgar image.)

“-It’s because he’s been head over heels for you for fucking years now, and he’s so hopelessly lost in you, he makes Yeosang and I look like an old married couple.” 

Seonghwa really only caught “head over heels” and “hopelessly lost in you.” 

And his heart clenched with that same emotion he had been calling Love. 

“Would you be weirded out if Hongjoong couldn’t kiss properly?” Wooyoung asked. 

“No,” Seonghwa said without even really hearing the question, but he heard ‘weirded out’ beside Hongjoong’s name, and that wasn’t possible. 

“Then you have nothing to need courage for,” Wooyoung said, shrugging as he stood. “It’s simple- just go with your gut, okay? You’ll figure it out a lot faster than you think.” 

Seongwha was left with a lot more information, but so much less confidence as Wooyoung went to signal to Yeosang they were done. 

(When he and Hongjoong fell asleep beside each other- Hongjoong wiggling his way into Seonghwa’s arms, sighing in contentment as he melted into his chest- Seonghwa couldn’t sleep for a long time. 

He didn’t know when the right time was. He didn’t know if he should try and do something along with the question… Should he just go for it? Should it be special?) 

Seonghwa had so many questions and no answers. 

But it didn’t create the same black hole it once did. 

It just made him tug Hongjoong a little closer and let the proximity soothe the storm that had begun to build. 

~~~~~~~

Seonghwa was out of the apartment for once- all of them gathered at a food truck with little tables set up- passing around three different boats of junk food. 

They got looks as Normals passed them by- eyes drifting over Hongjoong’s exposed arms, the single little horn peeking through Mingi’s hair, and the dark mark over Seonghwa’s eye. 

At one time in his life… maybe sooner than Seonghwa would want to admit, he had felt a rage like no other consume him anytime he saw a Normal staring at them. It’s why he stayed in the apartment most of the time. 

Wooyoung had offered to cover the mark over his eye with makeup, since it didn’t seem like it was ever going to go away. 

Seonghwa refused. He wouldn’t hide himself anymore. He wouldn’t be ashamed of what he was- even if he regretted what he had done. 

That didn't stop him from wanting to recoil from some of the lingering looks that dragged across him like sandpaper. 

Seonghwa… never lost that rage inside of him. The bitter, angry, hurting part of himself that still looked at everything their prejudice and hatred had done to him. 

But, after the facility and after Hongjoong continuing to calm the storm inside of him, Seonghwa found himself merely staring at them in distaste- that dark feeling inside of him, but nowhere near as strong as he had once felt. 

And he realized…  _ this  _ is what he truly felt. 

Not the explosive rage that had sent him into darkness covered hazes. Not the murderous hatred that had burned worse than any fire or ice could hope. 

That had been the other part of him. The shadows inside of him that took every horrible emotion and turned it unbearable, until Seonghwa lost of sense of where he ended and his darkness began. 

He didn’t have that now. 

He had Hongjoong’s hand linked in his own, and San holding out a fry on a fork with an obnoxious “Say ahhhh~” as he fed Seonghwa like a child. 

He had Yunho offering him a sip of his watermelon juice and Jongho passing him a napkin. 

And this… was infinitely better. 

They parted ways- everyone saying heartfelt goodbyes to Seonghwa and Hongjoong, explaining how they would stop by that weekend, if they had time. 

Hongjoong and Seonghwa returned to the apartment in quiet company, their fingers remaining linked as they walked- the only words passed between them, Hongjoong pointing out a flower growing through the cracks of a sidewalk. 

They sat on the couch when they got home- 

(Home. Seonghwa had never had a home before.) 

-both of them full and content from good conversation and an outing without incident. 

Hongjoong smiled warmly- the kind that made Soenghwa’s heart flip- as he played with Seonghwa’s fingers absently. 

“I really am so fucking proud of you,” he murmured fondly. “You’ve gotten so much better about being out… I was worried all the stares might ruin your time out… But you’ve gotten so good at letting it go.” 

He smiled at Seonghwa full in the face, and he wanted to warn Hongjoong to be careful where he pointed that. 

Hongjoong squeezed his hands in a way that said a million things that Hongjoong had already articulated. Seonghwa heard them all through his skin that tingled beneath his touch. 

They sat in silence, and Seonghwa laid gentle hands against Hongjoong’s forearm. 

Hongjoong never chose an outfit that either hid or showed off the scars along his arms that looked like polar opposites of Seonghwa’s marks- pale lightning, compared to dark spider webs. 

But Seonghwa never really noticed them when they were visible, and never thought about them when they were hidden. They just… weren’t really a part of Hongjoong, very much. 

They were a part of him, but not a part that was large enough to really matter. 

“Do they hurt?” Seonghwa asked, a sudden confidence to speak in quiet whispers as he traced a careful finger along the pale lines across his skin. 

“Nah,” Hongjoong replied easily. “They didn’t even hurt when I first got them- the electricity hit my body wrong, but it still got absorbed. It didn’t hurt, just scarred.” 

Seonghwa stared at them… and wondered at the fact that Hongjoong could show something like this to people so easily. So unbothered by it… 

It was just another thing in the list that Seonghwa could never bring himself to say. 

Seonghwa’s finger paused over the last stretch of scar that stopped at Hongjoong’s wrist, resting there for a moment before looking up at him. 

They were closer than Seonghwa thought- barely a few inches between their faces, and Hongjoong’s smile was warm and wry as he gazed at Seonghwa gently. “Not all of our scars are visible,” he said quietly. “And yours hurt a lot more than mine.” 

Did Hongjoong not realize how many of Seonghwa’s scars he had erased? 

“Can I kiss you?” 

Just  _ once  _ Seonghwa would like to say what he meant when he actually meant to say it. Because this moment was  _ not  _ when Seonghwa was planning on dropping such a precarious question. 

It was a quiet whisper, and Seonghwa ignorantly hoped that Hongjoong might not have caught it. But Hongjong listened to Seonghwa so carefully and so intently that he heard everything. 

And Seonghwa watched Hongjoong’s expression fall in complete shock as his lips parted, something in his face going pale as he stared at Seonghwa like he had just demanded something unimaginable. 

_ You have nothing to need courage for.  _

A guarantee, Wooyoung had said. 

Seonghwa suddenly felt like he had been lied to. 

His hands quickly released Hongjoong- going to withdraw and hold close to Seonghwa’s body as something cold rushing through his veins- 

Hongjoong’s hands caught Seonghwa’s quickly, holding them tightly in fingers that trembled. 

Seonghwa looked up quickly, into Hongjoong’s eyes that, for once, were not warm and fond, but wide and scared. 

“Do you want to?” Hongjoong croaked, as if waiting for Seonghwa to take it back. “I mean- Outside of me, outside of everything but your own feelings, Seonghwa… do you want that?” 

He stared as if Seonghwa might not truly understand what he was asking. 

And maybe Seonghwa didn’t. But he was fairly sure he did. 

And it hit Seonghwa with the force of a physical blow that the fear in Hongjoong’s eyes was not for Seonghwa’s insecurities. 

They were for Hongjoong’s. 

_ I was like you- awkward, terrified, and convinced that no one would ever actually want anything I had to offer. _

Hongjoong didn’t want to make sure Seonghwa wanted to kiss. He wanted to make sure Seonghwa wanted to kiss  _ him.  _

As if there could ever be anyone else who understood Seonghwa like he did. Who believed in him like Hongjoong did. Who supported and relied on and  _ loved him-  _

Seonghwa’s expression dropped into tight regret. 

“You have no idea what you mean to me,” he whispered heavily. “Do you?” 

Hongjoong’s eyes widened- as if he had just realized. 

Because Hongjoong didn’t seem to understand. Didn’t seem to grasp the fact that there was no one else on his stupid earth who came close to anything Hongjoong was to Seonghwa. 

Hongjoong, who thought he was ordinary. Who placed every accomplishment solely on Seonghwa’s shoulders. Who looked at Seonghwa every day and saw someone worth marveling at- 

And it wasn’t that Seonghwa discounted his own accomplishments- he had gone through hell and back. 

But Hongjoong had gone with him. 

And Seonghwa knew that Wooyoung had said it was better to ask, but his hand moved of its own accord, sliding against Hongjoong’s cheek until it rested in the palm of his hand. 

And Hongjoong still stared like he didn’t know what Seonghwa wanted. 

As if he was waiting for the punchline. For the footnote. For the condition… 

And Seonghwa… Seonghwa couldn’t stand it. 

Couldn’t stand the look in Hongjoong’s eyes, as if he didn’t know why Seonghwa would want that. As if he was questioning whether Seonghwa really wanted him. 

As if, somehow, Seonghwa was going to be lowering himself by kissing him. 

And maybe it was Seonghwa’s fault. Maybe he should have been more vocal. More expressive. Maybe he should have held Hongjoong more or whispered more painful truths during the night. 

Maybe he should have asked Hongjoong sooner, instead of waiting over a year to gain the courage to advance a relationship that felt like trying to direct a hurricane. 

Maybe it was Seonghwa’s fault that Hongjoong doubted his place in Seonghwa’s life. 

But Seonghwa couldn’t stand the nervousness in his eyes. 

Like Seonghwa was going to regret it. Like he wasn’t serious. 

“You,” Seonghwa whispered, drawing Hongjoong’s face closer- cutting himself on the fear in his eyes. 

His voice didn’t come out choked. His words didn’t stutter. 

It was like his body knew that this was important. That this could not afford to be messed up. 

Because Hongjoong… Hongjoong was doubting himself. 

“You… are  _ everything  _ to me,” Seonghwa breathed, Hongjoong eyes so close to his, he could see his own earnest, fearful expression in his eyes. 

Hongjoong’s eyes shimmered. 

Like he hadn’t already known that. And Seonghwa blamed himself. 

“You… are everything to me. And you have given me… _ everything.  _ Everything I once lost, you gave back to me,” he whispered, throat burning and closing shut with emotions he had felt too strongly. 

“No,” Hongjoong said, a hand coming and resting over Seonghwa’s that cupped his cheek. His eyes were pleading. “No, Seonghwa, you gained those back yourself.” 

“I was never strong enough to help myself,” Seonghwa murmured thickly. “You gave me courage to change, Hongjoong. I never could have helped myself- you gave me courage to let others in, to get the help I couldn’t give myself-” 

His other hand caught the other side of Hongjoong’s face, his soft cheeks between his palms. 

Hongjoong… searched Seonghwa’s face, as if he might find something to misalign with his words. 

“Do you not understand the darkness I was in?” Seonghwa breathed, his chest aching at the thought of a time he thought would be his reality until he died. “How lost in my own bitterness and hatred I was?” 

Hongjoong’s expression pinched, the hand over Seonghwa’s curling tighter. 

Seonghwa’s eyes traced over his helpless expression- one that he had seen twisted in fear and shining with warmth… 

“Do you not understand how much you were sunlight to me, in those times?” 

The fear in his expression broke- cracking like pottery as something shocked took over his expression, Hongjoong’s lips parting as his eyes widened- 

“Do you not realize that you were the only warmth I had felt in  _ years? _ ” Seonghwa breathed, expression pinching. “From the beginning, you were so warm, I thought I was going to burn-” 

His eyes began to shine. 

“Do you not understand, Hongjoong… that I was only able to help myself… because of how much you sacrificed for me? How much you risked and gave up and  _ cared  _ for me?” 

Hongjoong’s lips shook as if he were trying to make them form words, but couldn’t manage it. 

“I spent my entire life welcoming the darkness I lived in- do you think I ever would have been selfless enough to change myself, Hongjoong? Do you not understand how much I hate myself for everything I did to you, to the people you cared for-” 

“That’s the past,” Hongjoong said quickly, thought his voice was nothing more than a weak whisper. “Those mistakes aren't held against you, Seonghwa-” 

“They’re in the past,” Seonghwa breathed, “but they’re actions that shaped my future into something that could have this-” He briefly took a hand away to gesture around their small living room. 

He placed it back against Hongjoong’s cheek quickly, caressing it gently. 

“Into something that could have you,” he breathed. 

“Seonghwa-” Hongjoong almost seemed to plead, but he didn’t know what he was begging for. 

“I want this,” Seonghwa whispered into the space between them, his eyes unable to remove themselves from Hongjoong’s. 

His thumbs brushed over Hongjoong’s cheek. It was an… intimate action that Seonghwa had never performed before. 

“And I have wanted it for as long as I was coherent enough to realize what I had become, thanks to you,” Seonghwa whispered. “So if you’re hesitating on my behalf… understand that this is the one thing in my trainwreck of a life that I  _ know  _ that I want.” 

Hongjoong swallowed, lips closing tightly. Hesitating. 

“I won’t take anything from you,” Seonghwa assured him, the thought of it making his stomach twist. “But I haven’t… told you everything that I feel. I’ve left you to stumble around, worried about making a wrong step, when I should have told you that it was clear of traps.” 

Seonghwa should have said more. He should have swallowed the fear and just talked to Hongjoong. 

“So, I’m telling you this, Hongjoong. And you can do with it what you like… but whenever you have an answer… I’ll be waiting for it.” 

This was not what Wooyoung promised him. 

But if Seonghwa had waited nearly a year for a response to his feelings… and waited another almost two to confess a desire for more… he could wait another lifetime for this answer, too. 

After a moment, Seonghwa went to remove his hands- having said what he wanted, and no longer wanting to hold Hongjoong in place, if he needed to separate himself- 

Hongjoong’s hands jumped up and caught Seonghwa’s wrists, holding them in place, and Seonghwa’s heart jumped with them. 

“I’m sorry,” Hongjoong said quickly, staring at Seonghwa wide eyed. “I’m sorry, if I made you think I didn’t want it too-” 

“You didn’t-” 

“Have I ever told you how amazing you are?” Hongjoong asked breathlessly. “Like… how unreal and unbelievably amazing you are?”

Seonghwa nodded, his brain beginning to sound a bit like static. 

“Listen, as sad as it sounds, I just want to make sure you picked the right person,” Hongjoong said, words almost tripping over themselves in his haste. “I- Even after all this time, it still feels like I might be- I don’t fucking know, taking advantage or leading you places you don’t want to go-” 

“If it’s with you, I’d want to go anywhere.” 

Seonghwa was at least grateful that his tongue seemed to have untied itself enough to make Hongjoong flush under his palms. 

“I’m not doubting what you know you want,” Hongjoong said firmly. “I just want to make extra sure-” 

“Check as many times as you need to,” Seonghwa said honestly. “I told you, I’ll wait for your answer-” 

“I’m  _ tired  _ of making you wait,” Hongjoong confessed, shifting forward until their knees pressed together. “I’m tired of scaring myself into questioning things I  _ also  _ know I want- just because I’m scared to hurt one of us.” 

Seonghwa had already hurt Hongjoong so much more horribly than Hongjoong could ever dream to hurt Seonghwa, but that wasn’t the point, at the moment. 

“So, I’m sorry,” Hongjoong said quietly, eyes apologetic. “Can you ask me again? So I can actually give you a proper answer?” 

Seonghwa’s brain seemed to have derailed itself somewhere between “again” and “so” but he only stared dumbly for a few seconds before a surge of electricity that had nothing to do with Hongjoong leapt up his spine. 

Maybe Hongjoong’s expression was a little stricken, a little scared. But his eyes were warm and fond and hopeful and made Seonghwa’s heart constrict into its own personal black hole. 

“Hongjoong… Can I kiss you?” he whispered hoarsely. 

He didn’t expect for the shine in Hongjoong’s eyes to actually streak down his cheek, but the fear faded as he smiled wetly, shifting forward. 

“Whenever the hell you want,” he breathed before their lips connected. 

And Seonghwa knew he was going to have to have a serious talk with Wooyoung. 

Because aside from the fact that “magical” may not be the proper word, Seonghwa felt another strike of lightning down his spine (that he was pretty sure was not from Hongjoong). 

Also, Wooyoung did not warn him that Hongjoong’s lips would be warm and soft, and he also didn’t warn Seonghwa that he would suddenly lose all control over the functions of his body as he gasped into Hongjoong’s mouth, right before a rush of breath left him as Seonghwa pressed against him- 

Seonghwa had held Hongjoong while they slept almost every night since he had been released. 

He had never held Hongjoong like this. Had never had Hongjoong holding him like this. 

Hongjoong pressed against him like a magnet was drawing him in, almost desperate- rising onto his knees slightly, Seonghwa helpless to do anything but make sure they stayed touching through it. 

Suddenly, Hongjoong was slightly above Seonghwa, hands bracing against his chest, the angle of the kiss changing- 

And even if Seonghwa didn’t know what he was doing or what would happen, his head spun as warmth flooded his blood, his hands dropping from Hongjoong’s cheeks to hold his hips (because it felt right). 

The sensory overload that surged through Seonghwa was like nothing he had ever felt before, and only after seconds of experiencing it, Seonghwa knew he already addicted to the feeling of it. 

Hongjoong’s fingers curled in the hairs at the base of Seonghwa’s neck, sending a shiver down Seonghwa’s spine, making him squeeze Hongjoong’s hips gently- 

Despite how restless their hands seemed, their lips moved slowly- gentle as they dragged against each other in slow, testing movements. Each movement accompanied with a short pause, a waiting period, a hesitation- 

Kissing Hongjoong was like nothing Seonghwa had ever imagined (mostly because he hadn’t really imagined it), but he never prepared himself for the way his fingers tingled where they held Hongjoong, how his skin burned beneath Hongjoong’s touch- 

Seonghwa was used to being overwhelmed by Hongjoong- his look, his embraces, his eyes- 

He had never been overwhelmed like this. 

Seonghwa had forgotten about maybe needing to breathe, but Hongjoong didn’t- their lips breaking apart as Hongjoong leaned his forehead against Seonghwa’s- their heavy breaths mingling on each other’s lips. 

Hongjoong’s eyes… the warmth there, the happiness there, the brightness there… it was a million times more powerful than anything Seonghwa had seen from him before. 

Instinctively, he let his hand tangle in the back of Hongjoong’s hair, kissing him again- chasing that sensation from before- his eyes slipping closed as Hongjoong made a gentle, quiet noise in the back of his throat, sending another arc of electricity through Seonghwa. 

He tugged on Hongjoong, wanting him closer- 

You never really realized how starved for touch you were… until you really touched someone and were touched by them. 

At his gentle tug, Hongjoong moved forward- 

Seonghwa sucked in a sharp breath as Hongjoong’s legs straddled him on the couch, Seonghwa pressed into the back of the couch and Hongjoong in his lap. 

He breathed unevenly, his cheeks pink and his lips brighter than usual as he stared down at Seonghwa. “Is this okay?” he asked, swallowing to control his breathing.

Seonghwa’s heart was stopped in his chest, but he nodded. 

This was already way more than Seonghwa had ever seen Wooyoung and Yeosang do, but every part of him still knew what he wanted. 

On the third kiss, it was deeper, stealing Seonghwa’s breath once more, and he could feel every shift and movement from Hongjoong on his lap, under his hands- 

“Do you understand me now?” Seonghwa breathed against Hongjoong’s lips, and he imagined that this is what it felt like to be drunk- everything warm and hazy and almost giddy. 

Hongjoong’s forehead pressed to his, eyes only inches from each other. “I understand that I love you more than I ever thought fucking possible,” he managed weakly. “And I don’t want to be presumptuous, but I think you might just return those feelings.” 

“Then you’re starting to get it,” Seonghwa breathed. 

Seonghwa kissed the part of Hongjoong’s neck that was easy to reach, and Hongjoong sucked in a sharp breath- 

An arc of lightning leapt from his skin, striking the couch- 

Seonghwa was disappointed when Hongjoong cursed, almost crawling out of Seonghwa’s lap to pat out the smouldering cushion once more- 

Seonghwa stared at Hongjoong’s face- the one that held expressions that Seonghwa would never tire seeing aimed at him- 

When Hongjoong straightened, cheeks flushed and lips swollen, he huffed quietly. “We might need to invest in some lightning proof stuff, I can’t keep setting shit on fire,” he sighed. 

Seonghwa hummed, hands finding their way onto Hongjoong’s hips again. 

And despite the rush it had given him, Seonghwa found no urge inside of himself to return immediately to their previous activities. He stared at Hongjoong- observing the curve of his nose and the line of his cheeks and jaw- 

Love had bloomed so fervently in Seonghwa’s life, he didn’t even remember what it felt like to look at Hongjoong and not feel it. 

“You gave me everything I couldn’t give myself,” Seonghwa whispered, earning Hongjoong’s pleasantly surprised expression. “And you saw in me, things I never thought would ever be true… and I have never been happier in my life to be wrong.” 

Everything seemed like the dream. And the only part more terrifying than that, was the fact that it was real. 

“Are you?” Hongjoong whispered- small, gentle hands touching Seonghwa’s cheeks gingerly. “Happy?” he clarified quietly. “Are you happy here? With all this?” 

A vague hand gestured around the apartment they had occupied for years now. 

The life they had built together without even really meaning to. 

Seonghwa’s mind flashed through his entire life- from the moment he first produced a whisp of black smoke, to this moment here- with Hongjoong cradling his jaw and quiet, loving, adoring eyes staring at him… 

There was no fear here. There was no hatred. 

There was only Seonghwa and the person who had always been the one to give him what he never thought he could have. 

“I’m not happy here,” he breathed, laying his hand over Hongjoong’s smaller one. “I’m happy with you.” 

Hongjoong’s breath stuttered. 

“Wherever,” Seonghwa whispered, squeezing his hand. “However. Anyway you want- It doesn't matter. You’re the thing that makes me so fucking happy, I can’t breathe, Hongjoong.” 

This life, the group of friendships he had gained, the support and joy he had felt- 

It was all because of Hongjoong. 

And it was all leading back to Hongjoong. 

“But you are happy?” Hongjoong whispered, voice shaking with emotion. “Actually happy?” 

Seonghwa kissed Hongjoong’s wrist that was close enough to reach. “The kind of happy I never thought I would deserve or experience.”

Hongjoong was everything Seonghwa thought he would never have.

“Are you?” Seonghwa murmured against Hongjoong’s skin. “Happy, that is? With me?”

“Seonghwa, the list of things I feel for and with you is endless,” Hongjoong assured him, laughing wetly as he leaned forward. “You make years feel like days- And you have no idea how much it fucking burns me to watch you smile and laugh and be free here-” 

It wasn’t… a yes. And maybe something in Seonghwa’s expression showed it, because Hongjoong laughed, leaning in and kissing the corner of his lips. 

“From the first moment you hesitated with your darkness, I’ve been happy with you,” Hongjoong assured him. “Everytime I think about you, everytime I see you, I’m so fucking happy and proud and I can’t believe you’re  _ real- _ ” 

Maybe Seonghwa’s luck had run out because his tongue promptly curled up silently in his mouth, leaving him unable to respond. 

Or maybe he just glanced down at Hongjoong’s lips a few too many times. 

But his response was to kiss Hongjoong again, that warmth shooting through him once more, like a dull pulse of an electric current keeping his poor heart pumping. 

It was Hongjoong who was unreal. 

How someone so pure and good and patient and beautiful and kind could ever be real- much less choose  _ Seonghwa-  _

Seonghwa knew what he wanted. 

He wanted this to never end. 

And it made something well in his eyes as he realized, Hongjoong had been right. In the end, he could be happy. He would be happy. 

And part of Seonghwa wished he could go back to the him that was once four years old and experiencing his mother’s sharp tongue for the first time. 

He wished he could tell him… to just hold on. To wait, that someone was coming. 

He wished he could find the him that was holed up in darkness and hatred… and tell him that it would change. That someone was coming to tear it all down and rebuild it back up. 

He wished he could stand behind himself at that trial podium and whisper in his own ear… that it would be okay. That there was an end, and not the kind he had always believed he would see. 

He suddenly wished he could spread the word throughout his entire life that there was going to be a time when he would look back… and see how far he’d come. 

He wished he could convince his past self that there was going to be someone who wasn’t afraid to touch him, who would smile like the sun, who would take his hand and drag him to more people who smiled at him- 

And he wished that the him that was five and staring out the back of the car as they left behind the only person he had ever found comfort in… 

He wished he could tell him to remember him. To preserve that memory, because it was going to be important. 

Seonghwa had a life full of regrets- he as under no illusion there. A list a mile long of things he wished had been different, that he mourned to this very day. 

But those regrets did not follow him here- with Hongjoong falling asleep beside him, lips still pressed against Seonghwa’s skin. They didn’t stain his skin black, and they didn’t taint Hongjoong’s peaceful expression that clearly tried to stay awake, but failed. 

They didn’t stop him from smiling- gentle and quiet and hidden- as he kissed Hongjoong’s forehead- a broadcast of everything his tongue was still too numb to say. 

They didn’t keep Hongjoong from smiling sleepily at him, warm in a way that made Seonghwa’s toes curl as he realized this was his. 

Seonghwa wished he could tell himself that one day he would be happy. 

But, he supposed, it was enough to have this. 

Despite what it had taken to get here… it was enough to cradle the warmth of his heart in gentle hands and fan it carefully. 

It was enough to have Hongjoong press closer when he gave up on trying to stay awake, lulled to sleep by Seonghwa’s presence. 

And it was enough… to lay there, and allow the shadows of his past and the regrets of his action be sent away by the sunlight that poured off of Hongjoong. 

Hongjoong chased away the darkness that still followed Seonghwa, that he still battled to keep at bay, though the battles got easier. 

Like sunlight casted so brightly, it gave the shadows nowhere to form and plant their darkness. 

And for the first time… Seonghwa lived in sunshine and light. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!  
> This was so much fun to write, and I’m so grateful to all of you! 
> 
> As I mentioned in my CC, I will be writing a Hala Hala!AU after this! It’s not necessarily based around Answer, but the comeback inspired me to take up a prompt I got from Twitter!  
> Thank you so much for reading this, and please let me know what you think! 
> 
> I will see you in my next work!  
> -SS

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, and let me know what you thought!  
> My twitter and CC are @_SinisterSound_  
> If you have any questions or just want to chat!  
> Have an amazing day, lovelies!  
> -SS


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